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Favorite Tweets on TwitterWhile we are making some adjustments, we expect to be back online soon!

Unfortunately, after 5 years of providing you with Twitter data, we were now informed by Twitter that Twopcharts is suspended from interacting with the Twitter API for violating the Twitter Terms of Service. At this moment we do not know if and when this situation will be remedied, but for the moment we cannot provide you with data and analytics from Twitter.

We are very sorry about this situation and the inconvenience it is causing. We hope the situation can be resolved soon.

You can check up to the last 200 tweets that are favorited by any unprotected Twitter user.
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ImageNameLocationTwitter sinceLinks
Anthony MMy house derp2009-03-25
@AnthonyMustache2,005 days
Why does this get 160 characters and tweets only get 140 what the fuck is this bullshit
FollowersFollowingTweetsListsFavorites
2327548,27205,363
We found 199 favorite tweets.
Neil deGrasse Tyson @neiltyson
Just an FYI: Earth’s South Magnetic Pole is actually in the North. That’s why the North tip of a compass needle points there.
2h               
982
748
Simpsons Quotes @Simpsons_tweets
What's the point of all this cleaning? Are we so vain?! pic.twitter.com/is6DUQjtV5
2h               
123
109
Gary Janetti @GaryJanetti
Sesame Street celebrates 45 years on the air. And Bert and Ernie celebrate 26 years living with HIV.
5h               
144
57
Matt MyAnnoyances @MyAnnoyances
The guys who discontinued Oreo O's were Cereal Killers
5h               
2
1
Every.Simpsons.Ever @EverySimpsons
Look out! He is a Spider-Pig. #EverySimpsonsEver pic.twitter.com/tGRL6ZvQYB
5h               
124
85
Drunk@Disney @DrunkAtdisney
Looks like this is happening... finishing up then it's time to....... pic.twitter.com/ZQ7LGstCpe
5h               
16
2
Ed Lee @smedlee
She's a fireman! He's an arsonist! And they're married! Only on FOX!
6h               
15
1
Darth Vader @DepressedDarth
New Star Wars movie pic.twitter.com/YXW4QhYkSW
6h               
410
284
Every.Simpsons.Ever @EverySimpsons
A movie AND six hours of Simpsons? Oh, we spoil you. Here's a peek at today's schedule! #EverySimpsonsEver pic.twitter.com/8pgHlTZ6am
7h               
49
27
Ralph Garman @RalphGarman
It's spelled "you're". You need a good English class. RT @DZA36: Your a bitch, you need a good ass whipping
9h               
88
14
Neil deGrasse Tyson @neiltyson
Sundials designed for the North won't work in the Southern Hemisphere. If ported there, they would reckon time backwards.
9h               
1,085
641
God @TheTweetOfGod
To accept evolution is to believe it took four billion years to create a species whose current top trend is #NationalSitOnMyFaceDay.
9h               
3,264
3,713
Neil deGrasse Tyson @neiltyson
In the North, the shadow of a sundial’s gnomon sweeps clockwise. That’s, in fact, what defined clockwise in the first place.
9h               
1,135
682
God @TheGoodGodAbove
Damn...that is one fine-ass day I just made. Hope they enjoy it, the bastards.
9h               
161
79
Mark Marusich @NoticablyBacon
Cops : have you found jesus

* jesus makes the cut throat motion*

Uh no officer
10h               
68
23
ReAnimations @AhReAnimate
woke up this morning and the first words i said were"I need to go see TUSK again!" @ThatKevinSmith @tuskthemovie #WalrusYes #TGITusk
10h               
38
3
Walt Disney World @WaltDisneyWorld
What's your favorite scene from Pirates of the Caribbean at Magic Kingdom Park? pic.twitter.com/CGtMbj4Zjd
10h               
334
112
Men's Humor @MensHumor
FINALLY! A book that describes my entire life... pic.twitter.com/ZFG7G2Gvsa
22h               
1,651
1,692
Dustin @DiscoveryBayLog
After all, with Universal removing their JAWS area, Orlando theme parks are now lacking a version of AN ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE.
22h               
2
no @tbhnoonecares
*ends every piece of advice with “idk though” so that its not my fault if i ruin ur life*
22h               
907
709
God @TheGoodGodAbove
I created bacon. You're welcome.
22h               
259
133
Danny Zuker @DannyZuker
Black is the New Beard #PirateTVShows @midnight
22h               
64
3
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
We stare at our phones, downloading every terabyte of info in the world. The only price we pay is missing the world around us. #deep
22h               
5,253
4,837
Keating Thomas @keatingthomas
E Arrr! #PirateTVShows @midnight
22h               
17
1
Futurama Quotes @FuturamaQs
"Woohoo, time to go clubbin'! Baby seals here I come!" -Bender
22h               
19
13
jason alexander @IJasonAlexander
Ok, some wise guy put a piece of uncooked fusilli on my chair and yes, I sat on it. Some fans are to be wary of. At least no ASSMAN for me.
22h               
662
370
Michele DeJulio @Mishleyley
@AnthonyMustache Masan the love for pizza is so strong, it turned me into a part-time vegan 🙊
1d in reply to AnthonyMustache               
1
John Fugelsang @JohnFugelsang
She tried to find a savior on Christian Mingle but Jesus was over on J-Date.
1d               
83
56
BRANDON WARDELL @BRANDONWARDELL
only Judy can judge me
1d               
139
86
EPCOT Explorer @EPCOTExplorer
Ugh. RT @TheDailyDisney: #tbt Fans of Mr. Toad protest the closing of the popular attraction on Sept. 8, 1998. pic.twitter.com/UGZuC19if2
1d               
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6
The Daily Disney @TheDailyDisney
#tbt Fans of Mr. Toad's Wild Ride protest the closing of the popular attraction on Sept. 8, 1998. pic.twitter.com/WhLJgf0Nbf
1d               
8
6
Megan Amram @meganamram
So weird that hot dogs come in packs of ten but my butthole can only fit eight so far
1d               
1,722
553
John Fugelsang @JohnFugelsang
So if we start a rumor that ISIS is hiding in the US Public School system will Congress find a few billion
1d               
137
124
Disney World Facts @wdwfacts
#throwbackthursday Empty tank at The Living Seas. pic.twitter.com/xLaiMoISnV
1d               
32
19
Trygve @triggernel
You can take Norway out of the park, but you can't take the Norwegian out of Norway! Not without a fight at least. pic.twitter.com/GHkySjzZXw
1d               
90
36
32BJ SEIU @32BJ_SEIU
From striking at #JFK to choosing a union at #BOS to demanding raises at #PHL, today airport workers are rising up! pic.twitter.com/TbiHfSyIl4
2d               
13
21
KevinSmith @ThatKevinSmith
IN 2 DAYS! The walrus will wail! @justinlong, @HaleyJoelOsment, @genirodriguez, and Michael Parks ARE @tuskthemovie! pic.twitter.com/fKj4BPvxr4
2d               
338
189
Will Rodgers @WilliamRodgers
HOW TO KEEP YOUR MOM OFF TWITTER pic.twitter.com/dndMLJ6P2M
2d               
1,711
1,229
Neil deGrasse Tyson @neiltyson
For survival in this world, it’s to an animal's great advantage if Humans think you're cute.
3d               
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5,065
Keating Thomas @keatingthomas
New York City is the city that never sleeps. Las Vegas is the city that never sleeps with the same person more than once.
3d               
33
9
Alec Sulkin @thesulk
I love a fire. I can sit in front of a nice fire for literally almost 6 minutes.
3d               
514
195
EPCOT Explorer @EPCOTExplorer
Just realized that I had this little guy lurking over my European history books on my shelf.

Brb, crying loudly. pic.twitter.com/VM9krdMsD9
3d               
11
College Student @ColIegeStudent
The accuracy of this is pretty sad... pic.twitter.com/p5g8oc1lix
3d               
10,373
11,078
Drunk@Disney @DrunkAtdisney
It was a good run Maelstrom. Almost my whole life. Take care my friend... and goodnight. #ADrunkFarewelltoMaelstrom pic.twitter.com/bQxK43IjQm
3d               
35
6
Darth Vader @DepressedDarth
Bad feelings in Star Wars pic.twitter.com/IVYjxunmQt
3d               
521
381
Drunk@Disney @DrunkAtdisney
Drumming! !!!! #ASaluteToAllPavillionsButMostlyNorway #ADrunkFarewelltoMaelstrom pic.twitter.com/KoClgODn4S
3d               
9
3
John Fugelsang @JohnFugelsang
Rush Limbaugh assures you he's not sexist & misogynist and anyone who says he is is probably on the rag.
3d               
124
98
OhNoSheTwitnt @OhNoSheTwitnt
My defense mechanism is sleep.
3d               
94
50
Mearnk Diba @mearn
pic.twitter.com/9a738DQt3R
3d               
14
1
Mark Marusich @NoticablyBacon
Sometimes I find myself hopelessly thinking about pancakes even though pancakes probably isnt thinking of me love is tough like that
3d               
72
41
Men's Humor @MensHumor
I don't understand either. pic.twitter.com/o5r6SyetCt
3d               
1,825
1,351
Keating Thomas @keatingthomas
I hope people who say "perf" and "redic" totally get "murd."
3d               
34
17
Ian Maxtone-Graham @ianhmg
ME:My raisin bran has like, zero raisins.
GIRLFRIEND:I’ll alert the media.

1 hr later, nothing on CNN. So what ELSE is she lying about??!
3d               
35
6
Chris Regan @ChrisRRegan
Apple offers instructions for deleting U2 album. [Punchline cancelled cause "How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb" not strong enough reference.]
3d               
28
8
SimpsonsQOTD @SimpsonsQOTD
"Who are you to resist it, huh? Come on, my last paycheck bounced! My children need wine!" pic.twitter.com/r05bxOoNyH
3d               
656
530
Carrot Facts @RealCarrotFacts
FACT: bunies like caronts pic.twitter.com/GuZo63ynov
3d               
1,967
1,351
Simpsons Quotes @QuotesSimpson
My demo tape! pic.twitter.com/7AyqlN268u
3d               
81
72
Hari Kondabolu @harikondabolu
"They already live off the government and now they're having another kid?" -MY REACTION TO WILLIAM & KATE ANNOUNCING THAT SHE IS PREGNANT
4d               
233
120
John Fugelsang @JohnFugelsang
At some point "Old Time Rock-and-Roll" became what it beheld.
4d               
14
5
OhNoSheTwitnt @OhNoSheTwitnt
Urban Outfitters apologizes for bloody Kent State sweatshirt: "We assumed our clientele was far too vacuous to read anything into it."
4d               
147
57
OhNoSheTwitnt @OhNoSheTwitnt
🎶 Take me down to the cubicle city where the boss is mean and the pay is shitty 🎶
4d               
560
198
Patton Oswalt @pattonoswalt
I love @iamjohnoliver and want him to never go off the air, ever. Crucial, profane, brilliant & hilarious.
4d               
1,477
569
Bill Mc7 @BillMc7
`@nativeminnow In my defense, I estimated the average Twitter user to be reading at a 3rd grade level
4d in reply to nativeminnow               
7
Neil deGrasse Tyson @neiltyson
If your belief system is not founded in an objective reality, you should not be making decisions that affect other people.
4d               
21,780
21,391
Allyson @allysonmarie81
Me and Alicia have the same exact phone background and we didn't even plan it 🙈
4d               
1
Brian Essbe @SortaBad
[Bruce Wayne on a date]
"This was fun. Here, watch your step as you're getting into the Brucemobile"
The what?
"ummmm let's get some gelato"
4d               
205
54
no plz @tbhplzdont
your tattoo says ‘only god can judge me’ yet here i am
4d               
482
376
Raymond Noodles @thesearesongs
My favorite Led Zeppelin song is definitely "Everybody Have Fun Tonight" #LedZeppelin
4d               
2
1
Cecelia @ceceliamcc
If I have to draw 1 more piece of popcorn I'm going to lose my shit.
4d               
1
Gabrielle Bender @_gabbss
Some dance to remember, some dance to forget
4d               
1
Bill Mc7 @BillMc7
*takes out glass eye and tosses it to girl*
Hey girl, you really caught my eye.
4d               
54
5
chris @BassoonJokes
do you think the song monster mash was a true story
4d               
1,315
691
Kyle Lippert @Kyle_Lippert
By week 7 every current NFL player will be declared inactive due to criminal activity & Air Bud will be the frontrunner for the MVP award.
5d               
252
160
OhNoSheTwitnt @OhNoSheTwitnt
"They're gonna have to outrun and outscore the other guys if they wanna win." -Captain Obvious and football announcers
5d in reply to OhNoSheTwitnt               
115
38
Pizza @tweetIikeapizza
pizza will never lead you on
5d               
342
421
Untold Mysteries @UntoldMysteries
Floyd Mayweather made over $30million tonight while you work your ass off everyday and make $50k in a year.
5d               
697
827
erin mallory long @erinmallorylong
NBD JUST WATCHING @mxedtr CONDUCT AT THE HOLLYWOOD BOWL!!!!! pic.twitter.com/x7tiuotTdz
5d               
2
Joe Clarf Disney @djphob
RT if you're Joe Disney
5d in reply to djphob               
6
5
90s Years @90syears
Best movie line ever 😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/ep94lj5BrO
5d               
715
602
erin mallory long @erinmallorylong
Thanks @ConanOBrien for making me burst into tears at you mentioning Phil Hartman and singing the Monorail Song. I love you.
5d               
11
2
Mearnk Diba @mearn
but are we really sure they aren't going to start replacing area bgms with kids singing along to songs from frozen?
5d               
5
1
Simpsons Quotes @Simpsons_tweets
Do we know them?
- No.
- Isn't he the guy I bowl with? The black guy!
- That’s Carl.
- So, you worked for Carl, eh? pic.twitter.com/zcuR9QYtRI
6d               
109
58
OhNoSheTwitnt @OhNoSheTwitnt
Beyoncé is pregnant again which means Blue Ivy is going to be a big sister to Blue Ivy 2 Furious.
6d               
213
84
Tim S @BigTime_TimJim
At times I really, really, really hate this island.
6d               
1
Lorenzo @LorenzoTremaine
If recent Disney patterns have told us anything, the last night to ride Maelstrom will be a $70 hard ticket event hosted by Hades.
6d               
77
35
Mind Blowing Facts @urmindblown
If you sneeze while driving at 70mph, you will have traveled about 300 feet with your eyes closed.
6d               
307
165
Simpsons Quotes @Simpsons_tweets
...Two!
- Actually Homer, that's just one. See, each pushup includes both an up part, and a down part. pic.twitter.com/wSgKFd6MY7
6d               
124
115
Lorde @lordemusic
back in new york
6d               
6,392
1,488
Julius Sharpe @juliussharpe
"I'm not a SuperMoon, I'm a regular moon just doing its job, ma'am."
6d               
327
117
The Mickey Wiki @TheMickeyWiki
ICYMI Maelstrom's last day of operation will be October 5, 2014
6d               
4
4
Dave D (Not a warlok @davedittell
*pours something already cold into a glass full of ice* this is good and makes sense. I want less of the thing I like and more water cubes
6d               
98
28
Mark Marusich @NoticablyBacon
Senior year of highschool I was invited to go to Harvard, they said come to Harvard our toilets are a mess howd you like to be our janitor
6d               
51
8
REGINA GEORGE @ItsReginaG
have a great day everyone 😊☺️ pic.twitter.com/Dy1gtyetcV
6d               
4,721
1,864
The Simpsons TV Show @TheSimpsons_TV
#couchgag #TheSimpsons pic.twitter.com/Tn1e62ZSvg
6d               
13
7
Last Week Tonight @LastWeekTonight
Last Week Tonight is proudly sponsored by old school rap!
Old School Rap! Telling you our name and what we’re here to say since 1979!
6d               
174
89
OhNoSheTwitnt @OhNoSheTwitnt
I'm like Batman except my utility belt is just a really huge purse I use to sneak snacks into movie theaters.
6d               
214
96
Mearnk Diba @mearn
blood on the saddle
6d               
9
Mearnk Diba @mearn
was
6d               
8
Mearnk Diba @mearn
There
6d               
8
OhNoSheTwitnt @OhNoSheTwitnt
It's getting to the point where pretty soon you're going to have to register as an NFL player.
6d               
180
75
EPCOT Explorer @EPCOTExplorer
Had a horrible dream where EPCOT was replacing a unique cultural ride with a synergistic tie-in to something barely related.

Wait. DAMNIT.
6d               
30
15
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
When you think about it, every cake has the potential to be a crumb cake.
6d               
2,448
1,083
Michele DeJulio @Mishleyley
I wish I could 💍🍕
7d               
1
Lady @ladybroseph
When it rains fountains are all I'M GONNA GET SO FAT
7d               
210
38
Disney Hipsters @DisneyHipsters
Please email wdw.guest.communications@disneyworld.com and let them know how you feel about the Maelstrom overlay. #savemaelstrom
7d               
61
83
Seth MacFarlane @SethMacFarlane
@neiltyson Coincidentally, my grade school nickname was 70713.
7d in reply to neiltyson               
380
71
Brent @murrman5
[yelling at mailman]
"YOURE COMING HERE EVERYDAY ANYWAY, JUST FEED THE CAT UNTIL WE GET BACK FROM VACATION"
7d               
1,205
487
Eduardo Paulo @EduardoPaulo
Eduardo walks warily down the street/His brim pulled way down low
7d               
1
Whitney Cummings @WhitneyCummings
She pretends to be asleep so I won't get up. Busted. pic.twitter.com/SfCoklJKoq
7d               
661
74
Melissa Broder @melissabroder
fuck the future marry the present kill the past
7d               
432
205
OhNoSheTwitnt @OhNoSheTwitnt
"I'll sleep when I'm dead" makes no sense. I'll sleep when my phone is dead.
7d               
193
88
Garfunkel and Oates @garfunkeloates
West coast! 10 minutes until a new episode of Garfunkel and Oates w/ @alyankovic @Janina @AGraynor & @moshekasher!! On @IFC!
7d               
43
11
God @TheGoodGodAbove
Yes, there is intelligent life in outer space. The rest of the universe is just avoiding you.
7d               
305
237
Mark Marusich @NoticablyBacon
If you have swag I imagine your parents never introduced you to Mr. Belt or his friend Mr. unusually large wooden spoon
7d               
60
14
God @TheGoodGodAbove
I've had bigots put words into My Mouth for so long, it feels great to finally speak for Myself.
7d               
193
54
Mark Marusich @NoticablyBacon
If I was a millionaire id become a scientist and research if a dog from a different country speaks the same language as my dog #experiments
7d               
28
9
Wil Wheaton @wilw
We’re no strangers to love.
You know the rules, and so do I.
#NeverGonnaGiveYouUp
7d               
738
320
Jenny Johnson @JennyJohnsonHi5
Most people don't realize this, but you can quietly remember September 11, 2001.
7d               
1,731
598
Jessica Rabbit @Franciechan
i don't think i'm ever going to be a good adult. i just wanna eat snacks and watch netflix
8d               
4
2
Anonymous @YourAnonNews
We are not affiliated with either wing of the two-party oligarchy.
8d               
264
164
Matthew Gottula @DLthings
I wish I loved anything as much as Jafar loves dat balloon 🎈 pic.twitter.com/cOjWacR8W6
8d               
111
85
Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien
I still think the third “Hobbit” film could be stretched to 5 movies.
8d               
4,835
2,675
Simpsons Quotes @QuotesSimpson
Marge, get me your address book, four beers, and my conversation hat. pic.twitter.com/E9LhTnvxN4
8d               
91
59
Jeff Ross @realjeffreyross
Oh shit I almost forgot it's 9/11! #NeverForget
8d               
308
135
Makena Wolcott @makattack98
Me and Stitch <3 pic.twitter.com/I5kTBK1Cm7
8d               
5
Neil deGrasse Tyson @neiltyson
There are surely problems in the universe so advanced that our human brain cannot see them as problems in need of solution.
8d               
5,262
3,824
Eric Wolfson @EricWolfson
#ISupportMyPresident because he's shaping up to be the greatest president of my lifetime -->

(via @TheDailyEdge) #p2 pic.twitter.com/b1TnACy40C
8d               
125
161
Rolling Stone @RollingStone
#TheSimpsons will meet their counterparts from 'The Tracy Ullman Show' in the "Treehouse of Horror" episode: rol.st/1nNSSAx
8d               
92
67
Super Mario Facts @SuperMarioFact
Pirate World is inhabited by a variety of pirates, some of which, like Captain Clump, are actually good instead of criminals.
8d               
6
3
Keating Thomas @keatingthomas
Weird how The Who's "The Song Is Over" really lingers.
8d               
10
2
SpongeBob @SpongeBob
Mr. Krabs added a drive-through window! Our fast food just got a little faster.
8d               
373
213
Mara Wilson @MaraWritesStuff
Push me aside, but I will come back. Hide me, but I will always emerge.
I AM POWER.
I AM RESILIENCE.
I AM A BRA STRAP.
8d               
1,538
1,111
Stronger Together @UniteBlue
We must fight even harder to #GetMoneyOut. The longer we wait, the more it will cost to buy back America. pic.twitter.com/doUZqexBvx #UniteBlue
8d               
90
231
Rolling Stone @RollingStone
Watch Siskel and Ebert argue over 'Back to the Future Part II' (we're with Roger on this one, btw): rol.st/1uoQ3vA
8d               
52
34
Keating Thomas @keatingthomas
I'm bigger than Jesus. I assume he was pretty short.
8d               
23
6
Doge @DogeTheDog
So WOWtermelon
Very fruit pic.twitter.com/twnTCDh3Z5
8d               
1,144
850
Kyle Lippert @Kyle_Lippert
Scientists have found that the reason wolves howl at the moon is because they're sick of its bullshit. "Fuck the moon" said one researcher.
8d               
2,271
1,393
Jake Weisman @weismanjake
I only listen to my girlfriend's favorite music when we hang out so that when we break up she can never enjoy her favorite music again
8d               
458
94
Victoria Elisabetta @labellavita017
Crazy.... 13 years... Still hear the planes going over, smell the toxic air, and remember every detail. Tough #NYCStrong #USA
8d               
4
Victoria Elisabetta @labellavita017
😩 pic.twitter.com/UW04hcmUo0
8d               
5
1
Chris Regan @ChrisRRegan
Kind of wish Obama's foreign policy strategy would be, "From here on in, we're just gonna act like Canada."
8d               
41
15
Judah Friedlander @JudahWorldChamp
My Presidential speech would've been 5 seconds tonight. "Isis doesn't know karate."
8d               
52
18
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
If I become Dalai Lama, expect lots of changes to Buddhism. First and foremost, more jesus.
8d               
4,290
2,014
Vital Vegas @VitalVegas
Next year's Rock in Rio music festival has booked Bruce Springsteen. Rolling Stones are close to a deal. Monster event, as advertised.
9d               
20
43
Adie @TheBlessMess
Find something you love to do. Now find a totally unrelated job to survive and pay the bills.
9d               
591
326
OhNoSheTwitnt @OhNoSheTwitnt
Apple Watch would be a good name for Gwyneth Paltrow's nanny.
9d               
1,202
568
Every.Simpsons.Ever @EverySimpsons
"Up and AT THEM!" -Rainer Wolfcastle #RadioactiveMan
9d               
75
41
90s Years @90syears
Thug life pic.twitter.com/LhsoDQ9VOt
9d               
559
491
EPCOT Explorer @EPCOTExplorer
WDW’s long lost Tiki Room pond… look at how far the staging was for the steps! And those benches! Epic. pic.twitter.com/G585oGWW6B
9d               
11
6
EPCOT Explorer @EPCOTExplorer
I miss the days when you could go to hell in Fantasyland. pic.twitter.com/aJKg4YHiO0
9d               
20
7
God @TheTweetOfGod
The great thing about sarcasm is, no one ever misunderstands it.
10d               
2,715
2,194
Homer J. Simpson @HomerJSimpson
Show's not til Friday but the Simpsons refuse to leave! We hid under a bench in the last row. #SimpsonsTakeTheBowl pic.twitter.com/lEWL8pdN2b
10d               
112
24
OhNoSheTwitnt @OhNoSheTwitnt
Boom, look at that, a tweet about white girls that doesn't mention pumpkin spice lattes. Aim high, kids.
10d in reply to OhNoSheTwitnt               
141
6
erin mallory long @erinmallorylong
Wake me up when Apple brings back Tamagotchi technology.
10d               
1,550
1,039
OhNoSheTwitnt @OhNoSheTwitnt
If Apple wants people to buy watches then why do iPhones tell time?
10d               
68
21
Aladdin @aladdin
We ain't never had a friend like Joan! @DisneyOnStage is proud to dim the New Am marquee tonight in honor of the late, great Joan Rivers.
10d               
207
101
OhNoSheTwitnt @OhNoSheTwitnt
I want to pet your dog in the streets and sleep next to your dog in the sheets.
10d               
82
20
Nils Lofgren @nilslofgren
There Is Only One Issue In America huff.to/urJQci yeah, what he said !
10d               
55
32
90s Years @90syears
Who else loved these?? pic.twitter.com/7EAKzVhCz8
10d               
723
494
Jacob @becausehumor
Writing for season 6 started today and everything is just--just really great. #Community
11d               
5
1
Joel Ingersoll @FlyoverJoel
Cremation is so much more appealing once you realized graves are just cubicles for the afterlife.
11d               
119
41
John Fugelsang @JohnFugelsang
It's with Liam Neeson. Y'know, he's older but still beats up lots of young guys. It opened one January. That one. #ExplainAFilmPlotBadly
11d               
30
19
Keating Thomas @keatingthomas
New report says Colorado is least obese state in the country. This is weird because weed is legal there and it's the birthplace of Chipotle.
11d               
30
13
Speaking Springsteen @EstreetCalling
Jole blon live 2012-- classic night m.youtube.com/watch?v=bmEXIR…
12d               
4
1
Alec Sulkin @thesulk
Instead of a will, I'm gonna leave behind a won't listing all those who won't be getting anything.
12d               
362
162
Scar @GrumpyScar
what do u mean u cant hang out i showered for this
i shaved for this
im wearing pants
i went outside
i killed mufasa
i got out of bed
12d               
328
219
Man On the Moon @That_Kid_Andrew
Overtime hours and time and a half cause it's Sunday 💰💰💰💰
12d               
2
John Fugelsang @JohnFugelsang
When i go i want to be cremated and have my ashes put into an etch-a-sketch.
12d               
140
84
John Fugelsang @JohnFugelsang
Dr. Kent- you're cured of Ebola? That's great! Oh, you don't wanna shake my hand; just washed 'em. Still wet. But congrats, man. Awesome.
12d               
30
13
Tusk @tuskthemovie
Michael Parks gives the performance of a lifetime as Howard Howe, the most twisted man in the world. #WalrusYes pic.twitter.com/WJoPWq6PFa
12d               
40
26
Robert Punchur @RobertPunchur
Now would be an appropriate time to switch it over to the Boiling Hot Water Challenge. Then we'll see who's committed to the cause.
12d               
4
2
90s Years @90syears
😭😭😭😭 pic.twitter.com/2x1OTrUdJL
12d               
380
207
Carrot Facts @RealCarrotFacts
🎵 are you ready for some carrot?🎵
12d               
1,142
924
Danny Zuker @DannyZuker
I don't need football to ignore my family.
12d               
219
87
Edge of NickVerse @NickWayMania
Is today the day @DrunkAtdisney declares he is never returning to Seaworld?
12d               
3
1
Bernie Sanders @SenSanders
RELEASE: Senate Poised to Vote on Constitutional Amendment to Undo Citizens United: sanders.senate.gov/newsroom/press… #CitizensUnited
12d               
130
231
OhNoSheTwitnt @OhNoSheTwitnt
Just found a dollar and hesitated before picking it up in case those kids who made fun of me for being Jewish in kindergarten were looking.
12d               
146
12
OhNoSheTwitnt @OhNoSheTwitnt
Imagine "are you ready for some football?" sung to the tune of "Do You Want To Build A Snowman?" Yes I'm trying to ruin this for everyone.
12d               
683
439
Makena Wolcott @makattack98
Ignore my face but I just finished my first training run wearing my outfit for the Tower of Terror 10 Miler! pic.twitter.com/VHw7J4YXIx
12d               
8
Brian McNichols @YesThatBrian
Football teams are gonna start footballing today. I hope your favorite team makes the best football.
12d               
11
5
stefan @boring_as_heck
The KKK was started by some dork who wanted to wear robes and call himself a wizard and his dad was like "Ok but only if you're racist too."
12d               
1,004
353
Tusk @tuskthemovie
Did someone in Toronto order 1500 Walrus masks? pic.twitter.com/aylJ2Isjg4
12d               
174
136
RetroDisneyWorld @RetroWDW
Mundane zigzag procession to anticlimactic encounter with alleged Norwegian princesses. Wait Time: 1 Astronomical Day #ExplainAParkRideBadly
12d               
4
3
Bo Burnham @boburnham
Dear very successful people accepting awards, you're using the word "humbled" incorrectly.
13d               
6,124
2,090
Mearnk Diba @mearn
#MyChaseNation pic.twitter.com/D9xlHEAg7I
13d               
4
SpongeBob @SpongeBob
How did they catch the criminal mastermind jellyfish? With a police sting, of course! Oh, that one’s so funny it hurts.
13d               
298
232
The Simpsons TV Show @TheSimpsons_TV
Abe after dark. #thesimpsons pic.twitter.com/emAjo6BhMF
13d               
5
2
The Simpsons TV Show @TheSimpsons_TV
Life would just not be the same without #TheSimpsons 😜
13d               
6
3
no plz @tbhplzdont
Finally someone said it 👏 pic.twitter.com/V0K16naj9Q
13d               
761
606
Oscar Wilde @BestOscarWilde
Nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.
13d               
38
37
Gary Janetti @GaryJanetti
Ugly people, stop breeding, we have enough of you. Wait till this batch dies off.
13d               
352
172
Doge @WowSuchDoge
Wow
Such banana
So potassium
Much yellow pic.twitter.com/PmTIATnYpu
13d               
725
1,007
Michele DeJulio @Mishleyley
Medieval times here we comeeeee
13d               
1
Be Nimble Be Quick @JackCobb3
@goodnoiseband but how is this a contest, all I'm doing is answering a question
13d in reply to goodnoiseband               
1
[adult swim] @adultswim
Guy leaves small town life after meeting a hermit, kisses his sister and then his dad cuts off his hand #ExplainAFilmPlotBadly
13d               
267
206
The Daily Show @TheDailyShow
#TDSBreakingNews Asteroid flying very close to earth. Annoyingly, yells "I'm not touching you, I'm not touching you" as it passes.
13d               
810
627
Simpsons Quotes @SimpsonsGreats
Attention Marge Simpson. We've also arrested your older, balder, fatter son. pic.twitter.com/Buhu68274E
13d               
29
33
Keating Thomas @keatingthomas
Now that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are married, I think it's high time Johnny Depp and Tim Burton officially tied the knot.
13d               
58
25
Doge @OhDoges
Doge is going on a follow spree, who wants a follow?
14d               
256
50
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