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Woody Martin678-837-56122010-05-05
@iamwjent1,449 days
CEO of WJ Enterprises. An Atlanta, GA based marketing firm that caters to small-mid size businesses, music artist, and non-profits. DM for custom quotes!
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41,97620,69546,792791,865
We found 196 favorite tweets.
Couple Facts @CoupleFact
I can't stop smiling when I'm around you.
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Faith In God @PrayInFaith
When you have doubts and questions, choose to say Lord, "I believe. I may not always understand, but I trust you."
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Relatable @ReIateThings
I wish I could mute people in real life.
158d               
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Meek Mill @itsMeekMill
Stay strong and be positive. We all struggle sometimes.
158d               
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Faith In God @PrayInFaith
Some people are hurting so bad you have to do more than preach a message to them. You have to BE a message to them.
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Meek Mill @itsMeekMill
Loyalty is everything ✊..
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Relatable @ReIateThings
Teacher: You failed the test.

Me: You failed to educate me.
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I Follow Back 100% @LifeAndHumor
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╚════════════════════╝ RT IF U HATE THIS
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Meek Mill @itsMeekMill
A year ago I would've never guessed life would be the way it is now.
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Ghetto Translations @TheGhettoTerms
"WHAT CHU EATING?" = I see that you are eating something that looks delicious and I would love for you to share.
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Motivational Quotes @motivational
Think twice before U speak, because your words & influence will plant the seed of success or failure in the mind of another. -N Hill
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Relatable @ReIateThings
Time shows us who really matters.
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Faith In God @PrayInFaith
Pray until your situation changes. Miracles happen every day, so never stop believing. God can change things very quickly in your life.
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Relatable @ReIateThings
My feelings confuse me sometimes.
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Faith In God @PrayInFaith
You ask [in prayer] but don’t receive it because you ask wrongly, wanting to squander it on pleasure -James 4:3
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Meek Mill @itsMeekMill
Don't roll the dice if you can't pay the price. 💯
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Because We're Humor @CauseWereHumor
do you ever have so much to do that you just decide to take a nap
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Will Ferrell @WillyFerrell
I just stepped on a Cheerio, I'm officially a cereal killer
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Guy Codes @Guys_Codes
Dear little girl sluts.. if your age is on the clock, you're too young for the cock.
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Relatable @ReIateThings
"K." is the shortest way to spell "Fuck you."
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I Follow Back 100% @LifeAndHumor
No matter how “busy” a person’s day may be. If they “really care”, they’ll always find time for you
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Relatable @ReIateThings
You think I'm not online. But I'm always here. Even if I'm not tweeting. I'm here. Scrolling. Judging.
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Meek Mill @itsMeekMill
My past is my past, I've made mistakes but I have learned from them too.
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Will Ferrell @WillyFerrell
Here, take my advice, I don’t use it anyway.
160d               
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Meek Mill @itsMeekMill
What happens between us, stays between us. Simple as that.
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Will Ferrell @WillyFerrell
One of my goals in life? To finish a tube of chapstick without losing it.
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Will Ferrell @WillyFerrell
My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy... So I came back drunk.
160d               
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Will Ferrell @WillyFerrell
Hey cool story bro. Here's mine: Once upon a time, nobody cared. The end.
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Will Ferrell @WillyFerrell
M.A.T.H: Mental Abuse To Humans.
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Relatable @ReIateThings
You're my baby, my headache, my love, my smile, my frown, my wrong, my right, my pain, my happiness, my everything. You're MINE.
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Meek Mill @itsMeekMill
Part of life is about learning from the past and realizing people change.
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Ghetto Translations @TheGhettoTerms
"I feel you" = I'm aware of your problem, but deep inside I really don't care.
160d               
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I Follow Back 100% @LifeAndHumor
When a girl says "Do whatever you want" Do NOT do whatever you want
161d               
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Relatable @ReIateThings
eat → eat
↑ ↓
eat ← eat
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Because We're Humor @CauseWereHumor
Shut up, my showers last longer than your relationships.
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Guy Codes @Guys_Codes
It's crazy how: Monday is so far from Friday, but Friday is so close to Monday.
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Will Ferrell @WillyFerrell
I may eat animals, but at least I wait until they're DEAD. Plants are ALIVE! Vegetarians, you disgust me.
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Kevin Hart @ItsKevinHart
M.A.T.H: Mental Abuse To Humans.
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Will Ferrell @WillyFerrell
I'm sorry, I don't have the energy to walk a mile in your shoes. I'm just going to go ahead and judge you.
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Kevin Hart @ItsKevinHart
McDonald's actually does serve breakfast after 10:30 if you have a gun.
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Ghetto Translations @TheGhettoTerms
"Just kiss the head" = I really want you to perform oral sex on me but I'm not going to pressure you too much.
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Motivational Quotes @motivational
If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment. -Henry David Thoreau
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Meek Mill @itsMeekMill
It’s funny how the people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.
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Relatable @ReIateThings
A relationship should be between two people, not the whole world..
161d               
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Guy Codes @Guys_Codes
When you are right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
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Meek Mill @itsMeekMill
If it's meant to be, it will be. 💯
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Because We're Humor @CauseWereHumor
I tried to log in on my iPad. Turns out it was an Etch A Sketch and I don't own an iPad. Also, I'm out of vodka.
162d               
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Relatable @ReIateThings
I miss the old you.
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Will Ferrell @WillyFerrell
Jesus could jump on Twitter and be like "Fear not, child. I know for a fact that your going to heaven!" and someone would be like, "you're
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Relatable @ReIateThings
I'm not popular, but I have nice friends. I'm not rich but I have what I need. I may not be liked but I know I'm loved.
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Guy Codes @Guys_Codes
Where the big ballers reside plctwitter.com/1fRL8NAD
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Kevin Hart @ItsKevinHart
Jesus could jump on Twitter and be like "Fear not, child. I know for a fact that your going to heaven!" and someone would be like, "you're
162d               
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Will Ferrell @WillyFerrell
It's so sad America ranks 25th in the world in math. But at least we're still in the top 10.
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Will Ferrell @WillyFerrell
Want to know the secret to getting a girlfriend? Check out my last tweet!
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Kevin Hart @ItsKevinHart
"I'm never drinking again." -Someone who will definitely be drinking again.
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Stewie Griffin @TopLadStew
They don't miss you when you're gone, they miss you when you're doing better.
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I Follow Back 100% @LifeAndHumor
I am me. I am not willing to change for you, or anyone else. Take me as I am, or watch me as I go
163d               
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Relatable @ReIateThings
For me, there is only you.
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Will Ferrell @WillyFerrell
"I'm almost there" = I haven't even left the house yet..
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Will Ferrell @WillyFerrell
If one more day goes by without a Matthew, Mark, Luke and John forming a boyband called New Testament, I'm giving up on life.
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Because We're Humor @CauseWereHumor
Not having to set an alarm for the next day is one of the best feelings in the world.
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Will Ferrell @WillyFerrell
Sure, a good education is pretty important, but I think that being good looking might be more importanter.
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Ghetto Translations @TheGhettoTerms
"I feel some type uh way" = Highly upset, Annoyed, Sad etc. These feelings are usually cause by someones actions.
163d               
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Will Ferrell @WillyFerrell
Women are just Nature's version of the Rubik's Cube.
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Relatable @ReIateThings
I wish we talked to each other like we used to.
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Will Ferrell @WillyFerrell
Rappers seem to have an unhealthy interest in female dogs.
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Because We're Humor @CauseWereHumor
Do I regret it?

Yes.

Would I do it again?

Probably.
163d               
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Kevin Hart @ItsKevinHart
Your neck tattoo says, "only god can judge me" and yet, here I am, judging you and your tattoo.
163d               
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Relatable @ReIateThings
Maybe I just expect too much.
164d               
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Will Ferrell @WillyFerrell
It still amazes me that you need a license to catch a fish but any asshole can be a parent.
164d               
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I Follow Back 100% @LifeAndHumor
Be strong enough to let go, and patient enough to wait for what you deserve
164d               
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Will Ferrell @WillyFerrell
My ex has a tattoo of a shell on her inner thigh. If you put your ear to it, you can smell the ocean.
164d               
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Guy Codes @Guys_Codes
Behind every great woman is a man.. Looking at her ass.
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Motivational Quotes @motivational
A wise man can learn more from a foolish question than a fool can learn from a wise answer. -Bruce Lee
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Relatable @ReIateThings
You live, you learn, and you move on.
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Guy Codes @Guys_Codes
I don't have a type. If I like you, I like you.
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Relatable @ReIateThings
me: i want to lose weight
me: i want skinny legs
me: i want a flat stomach
me: i want to be thin
me: *sees mcdonalds*
me: yolo
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Will Ferrell @WillyFerrell
Look, all I'm saying is, you've never seen Nicki Minaj and E.T. in the same place at the same time
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Kevin Hart @ItsKevinHart
Look, all I'm saying is, you've never seen Nicki Minaj and E.T. in the same place at the same time
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Motivational Quotes @motivational
One must live the way one thinks or end up thinking the way one has lived. -Paul Bourget #quote
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Ghetto Translations @TheGhettoTerms
"LEGGOO" = Not to be confused with child's building blocks; commonly used to excite ones peers into a night of partying or venture.
165d               
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Will Ferrell @WillyFerrell
The person sleeping next to you is statistically more likely to murder you than any other person on the entire planet. Do the dishes.
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I Follow Back 100% @LifeAndHumor
My attitude is based on how you treat me
166d               
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Relatable @ReIateThings
I am who I am.
I like what I like.
I love who I love.
I do what I want.

Get off my back and deal with it.

It's my life not yours.
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Guy Codes @Guys_Codes
Before sex: you help each other to get naked, after sex you only dress yourself. Moral of the story; In life no one helps you once you're fu
166d               
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Will Ferrell @WillyFerrell
The "L" in Samuel L. Jackson stands for "Motherf*ckin".
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Motivational Quotes @motivational
If you talk about it, it's a dream, if you envision it, it's possible, but if you schedule it, it's real. -Anthony Robbins
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Will Ferrell @WillyFerrell
What's black and never works?

Decaffeinated coffee you racist bastard.
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Relatable @ReIateThings
A relationship with no arguments, is a relationship with a lot of secrets.
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Kevin Hart @ItsKevinHart
So, curling irons have a warning tag that says "For External Use Only." Which one of you sick bastards made that necessary?
167d               
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Guy Codes @Guys_Codes
If you ask me a stupid question expect a sarcastic answer.
167d               
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Relatable @ReIateThings
Rules for texting a girl:
1. Don't take 40 minutes to reply.
2. Use good grammar.
3. Ask Questions.
4. Use the :) face.
167d               
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Will Ferrell @WillyFerrell
Look at it this way, if there were no bad parents, there would be no good strip clubs.
167d               
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Will Ferrell @WillyFerrell
There's a moron in every office, and they usually get paid more than you.
167d               
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Kevin Hart @ItsKevinHart
$250 dollars for a Drake ticket? Just hold on we're staying home.
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Stewie Griffin @TopLadStew
hearing my own voice on recording makes me want to apologize to every single person ive talked to like im really sorry
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Relatable @ReIateThings
do you ever get a weird crush on someone that’s not even attractive but you’re just attracted to them and you don’t know why
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Stewie Griffin @TopLadStew
People who create drama deserve the shit that comes with it.
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Relatable @ReIateThings
When I'm quiet:
1) Tired
2) Don't have anything to talk about
3) Over-thinking
4) Upset
5) Falling apart
6) All of the above
168d               
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Relatable @ReIateThings
Don't bother lying to me, I find everything out.
168d               
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Relatable @ReIateThings
Don't waste your life thinking about people you don't like or situations you can't control.
168d               
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Relatable @ReIateThings
If I delete your number, you're basically deleted from my life.
168d               
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Jesus in Olivia @O_OOGLE
Luke 12:5 But I will forewarn you whom ye shall fear:
168d               
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Relatable @ReIateThings
Smile. Your enemies hate it.
168d               
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Meek Mill @itsMeekMill
They told me I couldn't. That's why I did.
168d               
129
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Relatable @ReIateThings
Everyone hears what you say.
Friends listen to what you say.

Best friends listen to what you don't say.
168d               
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Meek Mill @itsMeekMill
Life is easier when you're not complaining, worrying, or stressing about bullshit
168d               
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Relatable @ReIateThings
A best friend is someone that came into your life, sticked with you through ups and downs and never left.
168d               
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Meek Mill @itsMeekMill
Never let anyone define who you are.
168d               
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Meek Mill @itsMeekMill
I notice everything, but I keep my mouth shut.
168d               
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Meek Mill @itsMeekMill
To be honest, you're the only one i've ever spent this much time and effort on.
168d               
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Relatable @ReIateThings
Don't make a promise that you're not willing to stand by.
168d               
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Meek Mill @itsMeekMill
If it's meant to be, it will be. 💯
168d               
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Meek Mill @itsMeekMill
Yes, I've changed. Pain does that to people.
168d               
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Meek Mill @itsMeekMill
A year ago I would've never guessed life would be the way it is now.
168d               
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Relatable @ReIateThings
I miss you, but fuck you.
168d               
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Stewie Griffin @TopLadStew
Kanye West can say "I love pizza" and people will be like "he said I which means eye , and pizza is triangle .. ILLUMINATI.
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Relatable @ReIateThings
Every time you ignore me, I regret every text message that I've ever sent you.
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Faith In God @PrayInFaith
God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do. -Regina Brett
168d               
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Relatable @ReIateThings
Sometimes, all I need to make me feel better is just a HUG.
168d               
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Stewie Griffin @TopLadStew
blanket on, too hot blanket off, too cold one leg out, perfect till the demon of Paranormal Activity grabs it and drags you down the hall
168d               
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Ghetto Translations @TheGhettoTerms
"Going swimming" = Sitting by the water.
168d               
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15
Will Ferrell @WillyFerrell
Running up the stairs like a gorilla because it's easier that way.
168d               
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Stewie Griffin @TopLadStew
Retweet if you don't look your age.
168d               
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Relatable @ReIateThings
Yes, I've made mistakes. Life doesn't come with instructions.
168d               
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Relatable @ReIateThings
Never give up on the things you really want..
168d               
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Relatable @ReIateThings
Parents notice your fake friends before you do.
169d               
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Relatable @ReIateThings
Who else is lying down in bed just scrolling through Twitter
169d               
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Relatable @ReIateThings
I hate when good songs are ruined by bad memories.
169d               
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Faith In God @PrayInFaith
God’s love is not restricted to when you think you’ve performed well. He loves you even when you make mistakes and fail.
169d               
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I Follow Back 100% @LifeAndHumor
Why can't I just have an unlimited supply of money
169d               
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18
Will Ferrell @WillyFerrell
"Moo bitch, get out the hay!" - Cow
169d               
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Stewie Griffin @TopLadStew
Dating is like buying a scratch off lottery ticket. So full of hope and promise until you scratch beneath the surface and reveal a loser.
169d               
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443
Guy Codes @Guys_Codes
Girl language: Go away = Come back. I hate you = I love you. I'm fine = I'm not okay.
169d               
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Stewie Griffin @TopLadStew
Every female knows that one annoying boy constantly asking “so when we gone chill”.
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Relatable @ReIateThings
I don't care if it's 4 A.M. I don't consider it "tomorrow" until I wake up.
169d               
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Ghetto Translations @TheGhettoTerms
"Break yoself!" = Surrender immediately and relinquish all of your valuables into my possession. Sidenote: Usually said by a robber.
169d               
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14
Will Ferrell @WillyFerrell
Nowadays kids have iPods, iPhones and iPads... When I was in 6th grade I felt cool with my new markers.
169d               
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Ram Bahadur @ram_bahadur
“The two most powerful warriors are patience and time.”Leo Tolstoy
169d               
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OolaLife @OolaLife
Don't compare yourself to others, you are you. No one could come close to being you even if they tried. #Oola
169d               
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29
Orange Swarm @CamSutton23
Dear God, THANK YOU
169d               
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25
Guy Codes @Guys_Codes
Is she hot? - A guy's reply to any story that starts with "This girl I know.."
170d               
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236
Guy Codes @Guys_Codes
Sometimes I wish i could just fast forward through time just to see if it's all worth it in the end.
170d               
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235
Kevin Hart @ItsKevinHart
Drake the type of nigga that would walk in on his girl cheating on him and say "Sorry I Came At The Wrong Time"
170d               
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83
Relatable @ReIateThings
Dear Girls, your face is not a coloring book. Chill with the make up twitpic.tf/1hfpuls
170d               
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22
Fact @Fact
Sometimes you have to go through the worst in order to get to the best.
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383
Rude Comedy @TheRudePosts
My life? Has been, is now and always will be non of your damn business.
170d               
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261
Kevin Hart @ItsKevinHart
If a female calls you"Sweet Or Adorable" my nigga just pack some clothes cause u just moved straight into the VIP section of the friendzone.
170d               
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120
Fact @Fact
Single people tend to overlook the flaws within the relationships of others. When you're single, all you see is happy couples.
170d               
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Fact @Fact
Buy one, get one free. Then get a refund and keep the free one.
170d               
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212
Will Ferrell @WillyFerrell
When I die, I want to be thrown out of a plane wearing a Superman costume.
170d               
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Fact @Fact
85% of people reading this will not find the the mistake in this A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y,Z. R-T if you find it
170d               
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438
Adam Sandler @ItsSandler
Does the S in iPhone 5s stand for 'Same fucking phone'?
170d               
39
80
Kevin Hart @ItsKevinHart
HD porn is so clear. I watched a white girl fuck a black guy and i could see Martin Luther King fist pumping in the background.
170d               
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57
Fact @Fact
Hitler was scared of the dentist, loved to eat sweets, had feminine handwriting and was suspected of being gay. He also loved cheerleading.
170d               
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Fact @Fact
it snows metal on Venus
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Motivational Quotes @motivational
People who cannot find time for recreation are obliged sooner or later to find time for illness. -John Wanamaker
170d               
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Top Tweets ♕ @HumorOrTruth
I don't insult people, I describe them.
170d               
24
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Fact @Fact
Internet spammers cost society $20 billion per year yet only make $200 million in revenue.
170d               
14
51
Will Ferrell @WillyFerrell
On a scale of one to Lord of the Rings, how much did you walk today?
170d               
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108
Fact @Fact
Our brains have a negativity bias and will remember negative memories more than good ones - This helps us to better protect ourselves.
170d               
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GuyCodes @GuyCodes
That mood where you're just like: Fuck the fuck off, you annoying fucking fucker.
170d               
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Because We're Humor @CauseWereHumor
Teenagers have time + energy but no money.

Middle age people have money + energy but no time.

Old people have time + money but no energy.
170d               
34
43
Because I'm a Guy @CauseWereGuys
Does anyone else get in a crowded elevator & look at the max weight allowed and start mentally calculating everyone's weight?
170d               
1,373
1,361
Adam Sandler @ItsSandler
Girls are 17 looking 23, You can never tell their age nowadays. Bitch smile real quick, lemme check for baby teeth.
170d               
15
21
Relatable @ReIateThings
*closes twitter* *opens up instagram* *scrolls* *scrolls* *closes instagram* *opens up twitter*
170d               
154
205
Rude Comedy @TheRudePosts
Oh shit its the cops! Everybody look as white as you can!........NIGGA HIDE THE FUCKING CHICKEN!!
170d               
98
100
Guy Codes @Guys_Codes
You'll see me fall.. I guarantee it. But you'll never see me fucking quit.
170d               
241
337
Will Ferrell @WillyFerrell
best way to burn fat fast! This actually works like a charm bit.ly/Hp3FCl - sp
170d               
7
6
I Follow Back 100% @LifeAndHumor
That awkward moment when your friend is talking on the phone and you're standing there beside him/her like an idiot
170d               
6
10
Guy Codes @Guys_Codes
pickup line: My friend over there really wants your number so they know where to get a hold of me in the morning.
170d               
223
157
Faith In God @PrayInFaith
God brings men into deep waters, not to drown them, but to cleanse them. -John Aughey
170d               
212
235
Will Ferrell @WillyFerrell
After Monday and Tuesday, even your calendar says WTF!
170d               
74
78
I Follow Back 100% @LifeAndHumor
Have you ever pretended you didn’t see something so the other person doesn’t feel embarrassed
170d               
7
8
Because I'm a Guy @CauseWereGuys
If there's one thing I've learned from Xbox live it's that a lot of 12 year old's have "slept with my mom."
170d               
1,509
1,590
Meek Mill @itsMeekMill
People let you down, God never does.
170d               
106
324
Meek Mill @itsMeekMill
Always be thankful... life could be worse.
170d               
127
452
Russell Simmons @UncleRUSH
No matter where ur from or what you've done, ur never stuck in a particular circumstance, relationship, or cycle unless you say you are.
170d               
175
421
Meek Mill @itsMeekMill
Chase dreams💭, not people👥.
170d               
184
625
Guy Codes @Guys_Codes
Parents have no idea what it's like to be a teenager in our generation..
170d               
166
184
Because I'm a Guy @CauseWereGuys
Seeing a relationship status and thinking "I'll give it a week."
170d               
1,106
999
Sarcasm @TheComedyHumor
Things that are enjoyable:
-showers

Things that are not enjoyable:
-getting in the shower
-getting out of the shower
170d               
371
514
Because I'm a Guy @CauseWereGuys
Every single person on the planet has a story. Don't judge people before you truly know them.
171d               
764
1,217
Rude Comedy @TheRudePosts
if watermelon exists why dont airmelon, firemelon and earthmelon exist?

......the elemelons
171d               
378
515
Because I'm a Guy @CauseWereGuys
Yelling "Whore!" in a public place and watching 15 girls turn.
171d               
1,050
1,046
Relatable @ReIateThings
people who bite ice cream scare the shit outta me
171d               
79
100
Because I'm a Guy @CauseWereGuys
There's nothing homo about a bromance
171d               
1,119
1,472
Kevin Hart @ItsKevinHart
Why T.I. still rap like he single? That nigga got a wife and more kids than he do twitter followers.
171d               
123
191
Relatable @ReIateThings
Overthinking everything, right before you go to bed.
171d               
127
195
Guy Codes @Guys_Codes
I never text you anymore? You know the phone works both ways right?
171d               
175
313
Will Ferrell @WillyFerrell
That was actually quite funny, but I do not like you, therefore, I shall not laugh.
171d               
101
112
Motivational Quotes @motivational
Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. -Will Rogers
171d               
64
101
Russell Simmons @UncleRUSH
The practice of yoga has one goal ..to end our " neediness" needing nothing is Christ consciousness
171d               
60
56
Rude Comedy @TheRudePosts
1 text📲
1 tweet
1 song🎧
1 mistake
1 phone call📞
1 word
1 place🏢
1 person🚶
1 movie📺
could change your mood in 1 second.
171d               
269
722
Russell Simmons @UncleRUSH
A fresh opportunity to move away from our desires is a way to get closer to our higher selves.
171d               
95
154
Russell Simmons @UncleRUSH
Try to stay open 24/7. It would be disappointing if someone brought a new idea, but you were closed to it.
171d               
76
161
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