Twopcharts
Favorite Tweets on TwitterYou can check up to the last 200 tweets that are favorited by any unprotected Twitter user.
@
You can also check out this feature on our mobile website
ImageNameLocationTwitter sinceLinks
Lauren DddddPortland, OR2008-02-19
@laurenddddd2,252 days
idk man i just like all time low
FollowersFollowingTweetsListsFavorites
4285373,607154,185
We found 195 favorite tweets.
Adam Schafer @ajds
@Samuel_Hansen @craxy @BenjaminAhr @theDoug

@the DOUG
1d in reply to Samuel_Hansen               
3
Jon Wurster @jonwurster
In a Portland park listening as a woman calls out repeatedly to her dog, Barnacle. The woman is not @Carrie_Rachel.
1d               
26
5
Jake Fogelnest @jakefogelnest
♫ Because I'm Barksy ♫
1d               
73
9
Jon Daly @jondaly
I'm a basic bitch with a LASIK itch.
2d               
57
18
Control Top @thepantyhose
Re. finding a boyfriend, I'm awfully picky for a girl who forgot to remove her shower cap for at least 20 mins.
2d               
1
Patricia Lockwood @TriciaLockwood
I am a milf without a child ... I am the Impossible MILF
2d               
169
24
Dave Shumka @daveshumka
It's Adam and Stone Cold Eve Austin, not Adam and Stone Cold Steve Austin.
3d               
59
40
sean oconnor @seanoconnz
It's a shame that Mad Men ends because it would have been fun to see Don pitch on Super Soaker. "Every kid wants to be shot in the face."
3d               
22
3
Control Top @thepantyhose
I'm really feeling my Ohio fantasy this week, by which I mean overeating, dressing like IDGAF, and hanging with my nephews until bedtime.
4d               
1
Jessica Charlton @mrsjesscharlton
Sometimes I feel bad for schlubby middle aged white guys. It's not their fault they look creepy putting together Easter baskets.
4d               
6
Control Top @thepantyhose
i have more class in just one of my split ends than you have in all of your wait shit
4d               
2
Jon Wurster @jonwurster
I'm so going to use "Blood Moon" as my excuse for acting like a total c tonight.
4d               
45
4
scharpling @scharpling
I’ve watched 20+ hours of Doctor Who now. Does he ever actually fight anyone or does he just kind of show up, be annoying and leave?
6d               
89
24
Aaron Gulliford @Snijglau
I'm really worried about this Heartbeeps bug thing. I do a lot of anticomedy on the Internet.
6d               
1
Neil Campbell @neilerdude
@timheidecker Or "Ad People" -- there are several female characters.
7d in reply to timheidecker               
17
1
timheidecker @timheidecker
still don't get why it's called "Mad Men" - wouldn't "Ad Men" make more sense?
7d               
408
185
bobbrewski @Naterude
Norm core is for real. #lineworknw
7d               
2
Gabe Delahaye @gabedelahaye
Sometimes I worry you guys aren't even thinking every day of your lives about the Buzz Bissinger cross-dressing shopping addict article.
8d               
41
15
Dan Sai @dansai
I’m glad @potpies and @nickdakoulas had fun on their Icelandic vacation, but I’m happy they’re back because I NEEDED to talk about Godzilla.
8d               
4
bad tweets barrett @pissrifle
im a wet hot american bummer
8d               
12
2
Jessica Charlton @mrsjesscharlton
The only fashion rule is this: if you can leave your home wearing it, you can pull it off.
8d               
7
1
Chris Fairbanks @chrisfairbanks
Either I just got mugged, or that guy was a terrible gun salesman.
8d               
15
3
DJ Dirty Chai @whathappened
Keith!
@laurenddddd: @whathappened happy friday! a stripey cat?” pic.twitter.com/XN4qF7WaHL
8d               
2
Geneva! @badgrammer
#FF Neat Ladies @CocoCommotion @craxy @endemictoearth @appleshaker @eehouls @TheRealTavie @theygotemma @MelissaGuion @RoxyLange @SaedisRos
9d               
12
1
DJ Dirty Chai @whathappened
I respect my brothers too much for this sibling day bullshit. I'll tell them to their dumb faces how much I hate their stupid guts.
9d               
7
Prince @PrinceTweets2U
i will help u 2 create a scandalous atmosphere
9d               
763
948
Dan Sai @dansai
Are we sure that the ancient papyrus they found about Jesus mentioning a wife wasn't just a super early draft of Borat?
10d               
1
Dave Shumka @daveshumka
"If I Had a Million Dollars" isn't cool. You know what's cool? "One Week."
10d               
35
16
Skeleton Lord @GaryBuh
Would you rather have $1,000 or one penny doubled every day for a month? It may surprise you to hear that I won't give you either one.
10d               
8
2
rob delaney @robdelaney
Coachella? More like Cloaca!
10d               
321
112
Jake Fogelnest @jakefogelnest
Hardwick And The Angry Inch. #GeekyPorn @midnight

This is a slam dunk and you know it. It better get a ton of favorites.
10d               
248
13
Control Top @thepantyhose
Diet Coke before bed, feel no dread, Diet Coke in the morning, cool breakfast.
10d               
5
4
Warren Bates @warrenhbates
My porn name would be Jon Listens Well.
10d               
6
DJ Dirty Chai @whathappened
I paid $50 for my therapist to recommend a TED talk and $1 for a shark puppet at the Goodwill
guess which one increased my will to live
10d               
11
6
Steve Spillman @spillman
The thirst is real…. for CONTENT!

My TED talk about millennials is coming along great
11d               
3
Normal Guy @NormalTweetGuy
@johnmoe @jakefogelnest That's Garfield the cat!
11d in reply to johnmoe               
7
Bryan Donaldson @TheNardvark
I finally managed to see the season premiere of Game of Thrones. I guessed Hodor’s HBO Go password on the first try.
11d               
618
467
Skeleton Lord @GaryBuh
This is disgusting. Via @vogon. Stop seeking to optimize your life before this happens to you. businessinsider.com/why-i-rank-my-…
11d               
1
Alice Bolin @alicebolin
I used to have a crush on pharrell until he came out in favor of being happy
12d               
9
bobby finger @bobbyfinger
Microsoft Word is the Microsoft Worst!!
12d               
19
5
Lindsay Katai @zeekatai
Two self-help books I came close to checking out at the library today: "Life Coaching for Dummies" and "You Already Know What to Do."
12d               
6
billy eichner @billyeichner
48 hours from now Paul Rudd runs wild with me on the streets of NYC! New #BillyOnTheStreet Weds nite 11/10c on @fusetv!!!
12d               
119
18
Yung ℳℯℓanin @HE_VALENCIA
I'm gonna buy some property in Detroit and then rent it out to some trust fund hipster gentrifiers 10 years from now. $$$$$$$
12d               
3
Lauren Devine @LaurenDevine
Burner Herzog.
12d               
4
Dave Shumka @daveshumka
My favorite Blizzard flavor is Various Pills.
12d               
26
10
Rebecca O'Neal @becca_oneal
My dog's treats are in the uncanny valley of bacon smells. It's like if aliens tried to approximate bacon from only a written description.
13d               
4
1
Jake Fogelnest @jakefogelnest
If I ever get a flirty direct message on here, I am going to print it out and put it up on my bulletin board next to a Garfield comic!!!!
15d               
75
8
Julie Klausner @julieklausner
In the BATMAN movie, Adam West calls an egg "nature's perfect container." Have a great evening.
15d               
111
34
Control Top @thepantyhose
Penis Euphemism Log (Scottish Edition) Entry #45: "Bagpipe"
15d               
2
Jon Wurster @jonwurster
Now the student has become the T-shirt.
15d               
66
22
Steve Spillman @spillman
Jon Hamm at my wine store; I have definitely found the perfect life. Hashtag this is my LA
16d               
7
Dan Sai @dansai
I think the people most excited about a new Black Keys album are the fine folks at Subaru's ad agency.
16d               
3
Dan Sai @dansai
I really miss The Best Sh ♫THAT'S WHY THEY CALL ME BAAAAAAD COMPANY♫ #BringBackTheBestShow
16d               
15
2
Dylan Todd @bigredrobot
I've finally hit rock bottom with my Emerald Nightmare addiction. Only The Best Show can bring me back. #BringBackTheBestShow
16d               
4
Barton Cambridge @LordCornsyrup
My diet has been Elf-meat free for too long #BringBackTheBestShow
16d               
1
Control Top @thepantyhose
Be EXTRA sure to follow @laurenddddd, because everyone should be as up on my BFF's nuts as I am.
16d               
3
Jordan_Morris @Jordan_Morris
Annoying people don't need OK Cupid. They just walk around in public going ˝Babe... babe... babe...˝ until someone responds.
16d               
29
3
Jenny Lewis @craxy
Guys, I'm really excited for kohlrabi to come back in season.
17d               
2
DJ Dirty Chai @whathappened
“Isadora and I split the mixed green salad; the contents were delish.” - some incredible toolbag reviewing a pizza restaurant on yelp
18d               
5
Greg Aytch @plusgreg
I wanted an energy drink, and I just told the clerk to get me "whatever looks the most like Brawndo." pic.twitter.com/taIsli9tCG
18d               
3
Dan Sai @dansai
To be sure he's protected from telepathy, does Magneto wear that helmet when he's in the bathroom, or is his bathroom made of helmet stuff?
18d               
3
Jonathan Niederer @FreshBananasHea
I am relinquishing the title of Bananaman. (Who am i kidding?) APRIL FOOLS
19d               
2
Jason @electricjason
Please, no April Fool's jokes on Twitter today. We're THIS CLOSE to solving everything & you'll just get in the way #namaste
19d               
2
cyber @retnacaiam
swimsuits these days !!! how could u possibly be expected to swim in that ??
19d               
6
Control Top @thepantyhose
"I don't like coffee, but I *LOVE* coffee-related baked goods, you know what I mean? Ha ha. Anyway, um, 'better.'" -Me at the eye doctor
19d               
2
Control Top @thepantyhose
cutting my hair at my desk bc its tuesday & who gives a rip
19d               
2
Julie Klausner @julieklausner
Listening to #BestShow archives with #JimmyJazz in my freshly painted apt. Acknowledging how lucky I am to be listened to & loved. ❤️
19d               
47
2
Amy Miller @amymiller
I know this progressive all-women's Portland gym is supposed to be a safe space but srsly wtf are u wearin right now
19d               
10
DJ Dirty Chai @whathappened
Is it ok if Superchunk is my new favorite band in 2014
19d               
8
grahamclark @grahamclark
jughead but for cocaine.
19d               
12
2
Casey Kolderup @ckolderup
No one else seems to want to say it so I will: there are too many fake Tupac holograms out there and it’s hard to identify the real one
20d               
6
1
Adam Schafer @ajds
I'm gonna go ahead & get the kids to bed early. It's a school night & I want to eat some candy.
20d               
1
Control Top @thepantyhose
s/o to my brothers for being standup dudes who treat women with respect & kindness
20d               
1
DJ Dirty Chai @whathappened
I'm a Damon Wayans in the streets and a Damon Wayans, Jr. in the sheets.
20d               
8
1
Emily Heller @MrEmilyHeller
Stop arresting people for smoking marijuana and start arresting boring people for referring to themselves as "raconteurs"
21d               
82
23
Holly Rowland @hey_friend
Conventions should offer workshops where drag queens teach cosplayers proper posture and how to walk in heels
21d               
34
17
Aaron Gulliford @Snijglau
"Sounds awful," says area wife. pic.twitter.com/2czIKZs3lk
22d               
1
Jake Fogelnest @jakefogelnest
Yes, that was an Earthquake and now that I have your attention, I have some thoughts I'd like to share with you about Scientology.
22d               
320
102
Alison Agosti @AlisonAgosti
Weird that the lyrics to the Mad Men opening song are just, "faaaacebook, faaaaacebook, email, emaaaaaail."
22d               
31
2
Adam Schafer @ajds
Mike's Chris Hardwick Lemonade

@midnight

@nerdist
#BadBooze
23d               
1
Adam Schafer @ajds
Jizzy Navel

#BadBooze

@midnight
23d               
2
stefan @boring_as_heck
Scientists "Still Not 100%" On Where Killer Whale's Eyes Are. "We Think They Might Be The Big White Patches," Said Lead Researcher.
24d               
541
232
Jake Fogelnest @jakefogelnest
Hey, if you can find a bigger cutie than me online, more power to ya!!!
24d               
87
9
Anthony @nedroid
♪Frasier Babies/ they'll make your dreams come truuuue/ Frasier Babies/ tossed salad and scrambled eggs ♩
24d               
127
80
Mike W @perfumed_chain
"Who'da thunk it"
24d               
3
grahamclark @grahamclark
guys i bought that one wu tang album, and there's no one to discuss it with :(
24d               
19
2
DJ Dirty Chai @whathappened
At the vegan bakery, a table of Reed students argue loudly about which of them is whiter. "That's pinteresting," one of them says.
#PORTLAND
24d               
9
2
Control Top @thepantyhose
Having a rough skin day? Remember: zits too shall pass. Or not, whatever.
25d               
2
Steve Spillman @spillman
How am I doing? I'm goop. I mean goop. I mean GOOP. I MEAN GOOP. I mean good.
25d               
4
Dan Sai @dansai
My Game of Thrones house sigil would be a guy rearranging furniture in his living room so he can have extra space to do a big puzzle.
25d               
1
Ian Karmel @IanKarmel
You guy, I almost tweeted "Poop Tarts" for that #CrappySnacks @midnight game. I didn't though. I didn't.
25d               
23
stefan @boring_as_heck
For Sale: Baby shoes, never worn. I held them really close to my face at the shoe store and they seemed way bigger. I don't have a kid.
25d               
550
184
Jake Fogelnest @jakefogelnest
I am dating Chris Martin from Coldplay now.
25d               
164
28
DJ Dirty Chai @whathappened
"One of the main reasons I wanted to buy a farm was so I could fire a gun. [long pause] I have a ragged thumbnail."
#KARL
27d               
7
DJ Dirty Chai @whathappened
Apparently it's actually Sunday but who cares it's like the great singer Chuck Morrissey says, "Every Day (with pets) is Like Saturday."
27d               
6
DJ Dirty Chai @whathappened
Sunny day, wearin' my Be Bit necklace
(@laurenddddd has the st ches) pic.twitter.com/29JcCIuakr
28d               
5
Lauren Pettapiece @potpies
forgot it was Anime Boston weekend. Sitting next to Ash Ketchum on the T.
29d               
2
Skeleton Lord @GaryBuh
Bop it, Ok, I got it so far. Spin it? Sure, sounds reasonable. Twist it? Well, when in Rome I suppose. Pull it? Haha, well, you're the boss.
30d               
12
3
Dave Shumka @daveshumka
If you look very closely at the FedEx logo, you can see a delivery man kicking your package off a bridge.
30d               
29
11
turnaround girl @harinef
my mom remodeled the kitchen and it looks like a panera
30d               
26
2
Jon Wurster @jonwurster
"I'm going to buy a really nice dust pan." #thingsIactuallysaidtomyself
30d               
22
4
''Steve'' @extranapkins
You can find me in the club / pocket full of clubs / tiny versions of me in each club with pockets full of clubs / and so on / infinitely
31d               
214
83
Erin Gibson @gibblertron
Instead of wearing Beats by Dre headphones, I tape two fifty dollar bills to my Apple earbuds.
31d               
63
37
DJ Dirty Chai @whathappened
I stopped crying and spring cleaned my head pic.twitter.com/NIsBl3oVS1
31d               
12
DJ Dirty Chai @whathappened
by that logic, I'm also surprised "the best vegetarian hot dog" and "Vincent D'Onofrio on a boat" haven't called me
32d               
5
Steve Spillman @spillman
A FREE recommendation from me to you: see the comedian Kate Berlant when she’s in your town. I laughed so much it was kind of scary!
32d               
2
Jake Fogelnest @jakefogelnest
My album drops at Midnight. pic.twitter.com/wRnHPqBfuQ
33d               
248
33
Steve Spillman @spillman
Baeball (n.) A baseball player who is also your bae.

Cc @Trouty20
33d               
3
J. Escobedo Shepherd @jawnita
Here is my brief meditation on the progression of the athletic slide, which is going nowheresville. SPRING style.mtv.com/2014/03/17/ath…
33d               
2
Dan Sai @dansai
@jalex Okay, maybe it doesn't actually work, because there's no way that's true.
33d in reply to jalex               
2
Dan Sai @dansai
You can say nearly anything you want and people will believe you if you preface it with, "I heard on Radiolab..."
33d               
5
1
Steve Spillman @spillman
loving this new version of gchat pic.twitter.com/1bKnW4XXQC
34d               
15
5
Control Top @thepantyhose
"The office ws silent, save 4 the sounds of a fidgety freelancer wearing a leather skirt." excerpt frm my 4thcoming novel, basd on tru story
34d               
2
Control Top @thepantyhose
I like to think my shrink is such a jerk because he's mad about how he'll never get wit dis.
34d               
1
Control Top @thepantyhose
My tea tastes like soap! Prayers appreciated.
34d               
1
DJ Dirty Chai @whathappened
hey guys did you see this cool pic of Bette Midler's feet?

@BetteMidler: Spring is nearly here! pic.twitter.com/D44AahH2BV
34d               
3
Tom Costello @tcostello
#FredPhelpsLastWords “Not great, Bob!”
34d               
4
Brandon Leedy @brandonleedy
Watching Ken Burns' "The West." Love that the first person to reach yellowstone plateau's smoking geysers thought they maybe found hell.
34d               
3
Gregory Cat-Holder @cat_beltane
in the new veronica mars movie she tries to get a cat killed. its what the fans wanted
34d               
11
Don Nichols @TheDairylandDon
Actually, this is an Emotional Needs Meatball Sub. I have doctor's permission to take it anywhere. Please continue your sermon. (chewing)
35d               
199
38
Dan Sai @dansai
“Remember, remember the fifteenth of Marchvember” - The Soothsayer to Caesar probably
35d               
5
DJ Dirty Chai @whathappened
YO WHAT ARE YOUR PETS UP TO MINE ARE BEIN P. CHILL #saturdaypetcheck pic.twitter.com/szKSivcDib
35d               
5
Scott Simpson @scottsimpson
Yeah baby that's a canvas tote full of kale—you gonna drop your Lulu's now or should I whisper to you about Radiolab for a little bit first
36d               
125
44
Gwen Feminism @nowah
It's a crime that "I saw your mom at Home Depot last night, 99 cents" is so hard to use with any real frequency. #BestShow2014
36d               
16
3
Ian Thomas Day @Chet_Friendly
Yeah but Pi doesn't give a fuck about you you know.
37d               
2
drewtoothpaste @drewtoothpaste
It's pi day, which means millions of white internet people will consider themselves smart for knowing 1 fact about a circle
37d               
167
191
Brandon Leedy @brandonleedy
@laurenddddd I wake up, see this tweet, flawless.
37d in reply to laurenddddd               
1
erin whitehead @girlwithatail
What I lack in the breast department I make up for with hairy arms and self deprecation.
37d               
41
11
Dan Sai @dansai
EXCLUSIVE SCENE from that alternate (and better?) version of House of Cards: youtube.com/watch?v=pmLpSY…
37d               
1
Dan Sai @dansai
Imagine if in House of Cards Kevin Spacey was into hot dogs instead of ribs. Just looking at the camera talking about hot dogs all the time.
37d               
3
1
Jesse Thorn @JesseThorn
Sometimes I feel like nobody's even trying to make movies in my favorite genre, Out of Sight Starring Mr. George Clooney.
37d               
17
4
LW @lindseyweber
i'm not completely sure Iggy Azalea ISN'T actually Chelsea Peretti's 'Farley' from Kroll Show
37d               
5
Yung ℳℯℓanin @HE_VALENCIA
YESSS!!! FINALLY GOT A NEW PHONE pic.twitter.com/BcaOjTEsB1
38d               
2
1
rob delaney @robdelaney
.@ZacEfron Pretty obviously a few loads of human semen in my cat's litter box this morning. Know anything about this?
38d               
1,059
328
Jake Fogelnest @jakefogelnest
.@BarackObama saw u on zach's webseries, want to come on my podcast, we can watch some old Blondie videos or w/e
38d               
136
14
DJ Dirty Chai @whathappened
I recommend playing @sextexchange and listening to @CatapultReads and eating frozen yogurt.

Those are my
#WednesdayWecommendations.
38d               
8
3
Jeannetto @jeannetto
I've always wondered where hamsters came from in the wild medium.com/the-nib/dd2b66…
39d               
1
Sarah Thyre @SarahThyre
"I heard there was a 'special place' down here and I DEMAND to see it!" - assholes in Hell
39d               
96
31
Andy Pressman @andypressman
Ah, the city's saddest fountain. An arc of dull metal tubing with poor water pressure. Just a frown drooling between the gaps in its teeth
39d               
4
1
Ted Travelstead @trumpetcake
THINGS I'M WONDERING:

If I was born with a bugle for a hand would it grow as I grow?
Would I be more attractive with a bugle for a hand?
39d               
88
16
J Alexander Briggs @jalex
Is anyone else shipping Milk and Courtney Act suuuuuper hard? #rupaulsdragrace
39d               
3
Moshe Kasher @moshekasher
I was excited about The Grand Budapest until I realized Tilda Swinton would be doing oldface. Agephobia. Disgraceful.
39d               
52
5
Control Top @thepantyhose
Few things would make my dad happier than me settling down with a nice Jewish boy and/or Tim Gunn.
40d               
1
DJ Dirty Chai @whathappened
Gonna try real hard to have a positive attitude and do my best work today.
It’s what Philomena would have wanted.
40d               
3
Paula Pell @perlapell
When I do a naked cartwheel it sounds like someone is playing the jug.
40d               
152
43
Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo
People who eat cold pizza - what's wrong w/ u? The cheese has the same consistency as my natural deodorant, which I never stop talking about
40d               
54
4
Control Top @thepantyhose
EAT LIKE A KING! RIDE IN A CAR! GET SMOOCHED BY A TODDLER! #ohio
40d               
1
Control Top @thepantyhose
I really overdid it on the frosting this weekend; can't wait for the hallucinations to subside.
40d               
1
Dave Shumka @daveshumka
Fun fact: True Detective was almost called Deuce Betective: Male Detective.
41d               
60
15
Control Top @thepantyhose
My weekend was very "mama gorilla w/ clinging babies," except with nephews and slightly less body hair.
41d               
1
Dave Shumka @daveshumka
Cosmos? I've been calling it "Cobsmos."
41d               
26
3
rob delaney @robdelaney
The Grand Budapest Hotel is easily my favorite Kevin Smith film since Spy Kids.
42d               
815
317
Warren Bates @warrenhbates
I can't start my day of occupying my time with frivolous nonsense, thus wasting the gift of life without my coffee. I just can't.
42d               
4
Rob Huebel @robhuebel
my dog looks just like a giant, pink mustache so you can see why I get so upset when I see those cars
42d               
56
17
Ayesha A. Siddiqi @pushinghoops
had a dream I could tweet my way to heaven, when I woke up I spent it on thinkpiece
42d               
93
19
scharpling @scharpling
I saw an advance screening of MUPPETS MOST WANTED. It's dark and twisted. No spoilers, but four Muppets do not survive the film.
43d               
124
53
sreegs @ahuj9
"Are these bitcoins??"
*dad holds up pepperoni*
Dad no ugh stop
43d               
32
14
Dan Sai @dansai
Does the Macklemore match the Ryan Lewis?
43d               
5
Mike Lisk @APMike
I like to keep a straight pin in the medicine cabinet just in case I have to puncture something in my face.
43d               
8
4
Brandon Leedy @brandonleedy
@laurenddddd Congrats on your 50★ Tweet! Cause I just gave you 50 stars for this.
43d in reply to laurenddddd               
1
Jake Fogelnest @jakefogelnest
Katy Perry and Miley Cyrus are fighting. I'm a #KatyCat and also #TeamMiley. I refuse to comment. Please respect my privacy. #Ukraine
44d               
189
46
Control Top @thepantyhose
@laurenddddd sexually transmitted design
45d in reply to laurenddddd               
1
Control Top @thepantyhose
Would love to have a stern chat w/ the mothers of all the puds who work here. Tell 'em they need to go back in time and DO A BETTER JOB.
45d               
2
Control Top @thepantyhose
"I dunno, just re-sketch it and make it a little more... whatever." #constructive #freelance #blankstare
45d               
1
Emma @theygotemma
I think God could be anything. Like, God could be a podcast.
45d               
10
JulieFromCincinnati @JulieFromCinci
You can wear green with any floral print because flowers have green leaves. Also, brown tights are okay because dirt is brown.
46d               
19
7
Greg Aytch @plusgreg
"I keep getting older, and ten-years-in-the-future-me...shit..also keeps getting older. Whoa. Fuck I'm high." -McConaughey
48d               
5
1
Rich Fulcher @Rich_Fulcher
Bongo party at McConaughy's. #oscars
48d               
84
59
Jake Fogelnest @jakefogelnest
And the Oscar goes to... If Banksy was a dog he would be called Barksy.
48d               
440
86
''Steve'' @extranapkins
Yourself in the future is the one goal you fucking necessarily attain jesus christ
48d               
25
1
jackie k @itsakawskything
Alright alright alright
48d               
3
Steve Spillman @spillman
Is this a good time to say that 1995 Woody Harrelson in True Detective can get it? Help what is going on
48d               
2
Greg Aytch @plusgreg
I was going to audition for a musical this week, but then the Let It Go acceptance speech reminded me to not like musical theater people.
48d               
6
LW @lindseyweber
shouts to The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel 2
48d               
11
3
Jake Fogelnest @jakefogelnest
I prefer his earlier, funnier molestations.
48d               
342
114
Michael Kupperman @MKupperman
I like kimchi that hisses and snarls when you open the jar
49d               
16
6
PJ Vogt @PJVogt
It would be helpful to know which parts of your life are just monster of the week episodes and which have significance to the larger arc.
49d               
106
116
Michael Kupperman @MKupperman
I thought the Captain Phillips theme sounded familiar- it's 'Rock Me Amadeus' with the words changed. ( "Rock Me, Captain Phillips")
49d               
18
7
Dan Sai @dansai
Ate so much ramen that I’ll either live forever or not survive the night.
50d               
7
bad tweets barrett @pissrifle
how come when beyonce says it she's sexy & fierce but when i say "i woke up like this" people look concerned & give me a hug
51d               
14
4
Paul Rust @paulrust
To everyone who keeps asking --- yes, Matthew McConaughey's character Rust in "True Detective" is based entirely on me.
51d               
56
8
Rob Huebel @robhuebel
Update: found my Visa card the last place I used it...your mom's house FUUUUCKKKK YEAAAAHHHHH ZINNGGG
51d               
151
49
kurt braunohler @kurtbraunohler
A random number generator and a cheerleader sit in a room with no doors or windows. "59" "'so random!" "1,386" "'so random!" "i"... FOREVER
51d               
49
17
Mike Lisk @APMike
After my haircut, my barber told me, "You look like a movie star" (he always tells me this). But what if I don't FEEL like a movie star?
51d               
9
4
Jeannetto @jeannetto
Just scrolling through instagram commenting "normcore" on all #tbt pics.
51d               
4
DJ Dirty Chai @whathappened
Boys, this here is Easy Upsell Elisabeth. Been singlehandedly keepin' this Jiffy Lube in business for years.
52d               
5
Alice Lee @aliceandstuff
I have hated myself since before I was cool.
52d               
6
1
DJ Dirty Chai @whathappened
And lastly, a cat who expresses my innermost desires (to curl up and go to sleep): Salome.
#requestacatpicmonday pic.twitter.com/oj39hhMJaX
52d               
6
DJ Dirty Chai @whathappened
Leda is Wilford Brimley-ish in stature if not in 'stache, @relaxatorium
#requestacatpicmonday pic.twitter.com/1sRDGz05H3
52d in reply to relaxatorium               
5
Jeannetto @jeannetto
Nothing a little iced coffee and shopping can't cure. Oh except chronic depression.
52d               
9
Dan Sai @dansai
What I wouldn't give for a movie where Bryan Cranston is yelling his head off about Mothra.
53d               
4
Dan Sai @dansai
She's a total MILF (Mothra I'd Like to Fly).
53d               
4
''Steve'' @extranapkins
My dearest Elizabeth, I hope this letter finds you well. The Civil War is actually really good. I love too get bayoneted in the battles.
54d               
412
102
Nick White @npwhite
"I love the Euro!" -guy in this coffee shop
55d               
3
Adam Koford @apelad
The eyes of Bob Costas are now jet black and smoking.
56d               
10
For remarks, suggestions and complaints, you can contact us at: info@twopcharts.com. On Twitter you can find us here: @gl_twop_1000