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ImageNameLocationTwitter sinceLinks
AishaUnfortunately, not in bed.2008-12-23
@auntu2,079 days
Public librarian, private dancer.
FollowersFollowingTweetsListsFavorites
6471280933,462
We found 200 favorite tweets.
Chris Scott @iamchrisscott
I'm at a coffee shop watching a couple very tensely begin the exciting next chapter in each of their respective lives.
14h               
19
Roxane Bey @rgay
Exhibitionism and having your personal data hacked are two different things. Don't conflate the two. @Zestryon @virginia713
14h in reply to Zestryon               
50
16
Sara Schaefer @saraschaefer1
#IfMyPhoneGotHacked Oh hahaha it would be such a goofy benign pic! So funny and not horrifying at all to have someone violate me!! Haha #fun
16h               
55
12
keply ☁️ @keplyq
❓🐔❓ pic.twitter.com/gZh4Da66c1
16h in reply to keplyq               
101
6
keply ☁️ @keplyq
I have never behaved more like a noir lady more than I did just now, smoking on my front porch & thinking that I heard a mysterious chicken
16h               
99
9
Aidy Bryant @aidybryant
My catchphrase is REALLY catching on! Say it with me guys, "I just ate a cookie and now I feel sick!"
17h               
451
95
Simon Pegg @simonpegg
@CHIMPSINSOCKS You actually make me slightly worse but it’s swings and roundabouts innit.
18h in reply to CHIMPSINSOCKS               
502
58
Andy Kindler @AndyKindler
You're listening to gas radio.com. Hey. Oil is the lifeblood of your car. Pick up a quart. Have you thought about the lottery?
18h               
9
3
Tim Sniffen @MisterSniffen
Let's call the guy next to me on the train Sir Coughly Coughington, Lord of Coughers Manor, Heir to the Coughing Empire
18h               
7
SimonNRicketts @SimonNRicketts
This sign is supposed to show you which things are forbidden. But it actually creates the coolest dog ever. pic.twitter.com/kCL9RYnDWx
18h               
19,844
24,149
Saeed Jones @theferocity
"...something akin to magic." A starred review for PRELUDE TO BRUISE in @PublishersWkly!! publishersweekly.com/978-1-56689-37…
21h               
58
33
Joseph Scrimshaw @JosephScrimshaw
Looking forward to watching that classic Peanuts cartoon So You're Working At Wal-Mart On Labor Day, Charlie Brown.
21h               
18
12
AmberTozer @AmberTozer
Good Mornin! Or as my mom used to say "We gotta go I'm leaving your father" I was like ok can I have some cereal she said eat it in the car
21h               
175
26
Jesse Myerson @JAMyerson
Or start calling Stalin "Joey" and Pinochet "Gus-Gus."
22h in reply to JAMyerson               
5
2
Simon Pegg @simonpegg
There seems to have been a spasm of boorish misogyny on Twitter of late. The women in my life, without question, make me a better man.
1d               
4,712
2,089
John Niven @NivenJ1
This whole leaked naked photos/phones hacked thing only strengthens my terrible fear of THE CLOUD.
1d               
41
19
Evghenia is on Mars @OnMarsFirst
benefits of being first on mars? i can be naked in rocketship or space igloo at any hour and no one know it or care
1d               
43
10
Pony Starwars @tigersgoroooar
Whose idea was the internet anyway this is terrible
1d               
99
35
Andy Richter @AndyRichter
When I first moved to LA somebody broke into my apt and leaked a bunch of cash and my stereo
1d               
503
200
Helena Bottom-Farter @solikebasically
The time has come. The dust has finally settled enough for me to get it off my chest: I like Lyle Lovett way more than I like Julia Roberts
1d               
41
6
AmberTozer @AmberTozer
Hi hackers please use your smarts for something cool like draining Koch Industries' bank account & use the $ for free education/health care
1d               
348
188
Anna Kendrick @AnnaKendrick47
Don't worry bro, it would just be photos of food and other people's dogs anyway. pic.twitter.com/Ol1RChRM9S
1d               
19,113
8,288
Mallory Ortberg @mallelis
it's so easy to criticize
so be sure to do it as often as you like
1d               
133
59
Roxane Bey @rgay
I am studying her closely for a power source.
1d               
25
Samantha Bee @iamsambee
Not recommended while watching Deathly Hallows in the dark with your kids: discovering a flying squirrel in the house.
Nope.
1d               
180
54
jenny slate @jennyslate
I like how fellas r always like "turn up the bass" so that they can really be like "Don't worry, ladies,I'm not frightened by loud noises"
1d               
246
91
Mallory Ortberg @mallelis
don't try to make them immortal too, don't offer to give up your gift of eternal life to spite the gods, just close their eyes and smile
1d               
34
8
Mallory Ortberg @mallelis
everyone knows the best way to honor your mortal lover as an immortal is to remember them fondly after they die and KEEP LIVING FOREVER
1d               
117
33
Danielle @knottyyarn
EDICT: Benedict Cumberbatch is the only man who gets laid in 2015.

All other men: YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID.
1d               
42
10
Nicole Cliffe @Nicole_Cliffe
never give up your immortality bc you want to ride some mortal dude's dick u are a higher being than he
1d               
181
51
Sara Benincasa @SaraJBenincasa
Well we're about to take off in what the pilot just called "this big thing" so um I hope we don't go boom boom?
1d               
11
2
Sara Benincasa @SaraJBenincasa
Our pilot just referred to our plane as "this big thing" so I'm feeling super confident we all won't die.
1d               
23
5
Jesse Berney @jesseberney
Reminder that the guy who can't find someone competent to run his social media presence would like us to hand him the nuclear launch codes.
1d               
17
20
Shrill @ShrillCosby
@Nicole_Cliffe mmmm no it's not you have like 5 more endings left
1d in reply to Nicole_Cliffe               
9
Laura Silverman @LauraJSilverman
Had to decline the ice bucket challenge & just donate 'cuz none of my friends worth name dropping are on social media alsa.org
1d               
24
7
Roxane Bey @rgay
I am right about The Hunger Games. pic.twitter.com/GVPPEoWCDr
1d               
57
5
Sophia Benoit @1followernodad
It's funny because there really isn't a huge market for male nude pics cause we see you shirtless already & everything else is gross ok
1d               
23
3
pourmecoffee @pourmecoffee
This Obama character has some kind of nerve acting like he was elected twice to be cautious about US military involvement in the Mideast.
1d               
428
441
Pony Starwars @tigersgoroooar
I am awfully judgmental for a girl who sniffs her own panties.
1d               
81
11
Bridger Winegar @bridger_w
Plenty of meaningful human interaction today, from telling someone what I wanted on my sandwich, to thanking a cashier for my sandwich
1d               
710
176
Jesse Berney @jesseberney
Maybe @GovernorPerry is just playing a super fucked-up game of Battleship.
1d in reply to jesseberney               
8
3
Sarah Guzzardo @thesaltman
FBI/Cop TV shows made me think maybe I wanted a similar career, but no. I just want(ed) a workplace w/impractical, flattering mood lighting.
1d               
7
3
Melissa Gira Grant @melissagira
The world is ripe for an anthology by sex workers talking about labor. (Not just because I need something to recommend & hand to journos.)
1d               
39
9
Roxane Bey @rgay
Announcers, calm down. Federer is 33 not 93.
1d               
28
3
Saeed Jones @theferocity
I think male celebs should leak their own nude photos in solidarity. Idris Elba, Tom Hardy, Jeff Goldblum, I nominate you.
1d               
117
60
ErinEph @ErinEph
I like how Coke tells me to share it with people like my friends and I don't need alcohol to hang out with each other.
1d               
5
Anne T. Donahue @annetdonahue
What do you want, ASPCA? For me to adopt every animal? Because FYI that is EXACTLY how I found out owning so many cats is against the law
1d               
12
2
Mallory Ortberg @mallelis
3. The Perishables Are Gone. Christ, The Perishables Are Gone. That Happened So Quickly
1d               
56
12
Chelsea Peretti @ChelseaVPeretti
@UberFacts: About 56 million years ago, horses the size of ducks roamed North America.” AND WE CAN NEVER HAVE THAT BACK THX 2 "PROGRESS"
1d in reply to UberFacts               
380
136
jenny slate @jennyslate
WHAAAAT? The oldest person alive is SO OLD. She led an all female group of fighters in the Mexican revolution. So. LETS GET OUR SHIT 2GETHER
1d               
285
69
Bastard Keith @BastardKeith
Misogyny has excused rape & abuse. Misandry has...well, it's made more people laugh at dudes. Which strikes me as mildly more productive.
1d               
50
24
James Rhodes @JRhodesPianist
Punching my own face
Or watching the #XFactor
It's all the same thing

#haiku
1d               
160
97
a real lady™ @eehouls
now my only task is to eat my weight in cereal which might be difficult because obviously it's gonna change along the way.
1d in reply to eehouls               
7
Tara Ariano @TaraAriano
#marriage pic.twitter.com/3RoOFZiAxf
1d               
22
5
Jessica Valenti @JessicaValenti
My knee hurts when it rains, I yell at litterers, and I like to watch "my stories." So no, I will not make your party that starts at 11pm.
1d               
180
62
cia/isis boarding @onekade
My super cool friend @susie_c made this, isn't she awesome pic.twitter.com/DBRng25wUF
1d               
8
2
Jesse Berney @jesseberney
miniberney totally invading the personal space of the guy she's sitting next to on the train #juniormisandryrangers
1d               
6
3
Katha Pollitt @KathaPollitt
I know but I keep forgetting to eat them RT@Factsionary Blueberries can improve your memory.
1d in reply to Factsionary               
5
3
John Moe @johnmoe
A little surprised by all the love for Joan Rivers. I always thought her comedy was very cruel and mean-spirited. Am I missing something?
1d               
67
18
Simon Pegg @simonpegg
God, I love Tangled.
1d               
5,602
2,220
WomanAgainstFeminism @NoToFeminism
i don’t need feisin look at these men ‘women against femisin’ & their great & solid & fact based opinions about rape pic.twitter.com/3Gu2MHVF2c
2d               
702
739
emilynussbaum @emilynussbaum
"A million ancient bees/began to sting our knees" may be the weirdest Regina Spektor lyric & it has some competition.
2d               
33
5
Greg Poehler @GregPoehler
Find your porn name! Use the name of ur first pet and the name of ur street! Alternatively, use the name you used when you made porn films.
2d               
23
5
WomanAgainstFeminism @NoToFeminism
I don’t need fimini it is exciting to discover where men will come onto you throughout the day! an elevator? a library? a funeral? suspense!
2d               
612
289
Tara Ariano @TaraAriano
When you have kids, I stop buying souvenirs for you and get them for your children instead. Parenthood: worth losing gifts? Think about it.
2d               
28
13
Paige @PeachCoffin
Anti-rape nail polish: because women need more of the burden & it should be wrapped up in our looks
2d               
165
46
Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo
"Just don't chip paint off the walls and eat it," said my landlord & we laughed, downplaying the dangers of lead poisoning for diff reasons
2d               
51
3
John Moe @johnmoe
My kids formed a 3-person rap band in the minivan today. "Let's name it after ZZ Top and our terrible father," says the 6yo. "ZZ FATHER!"
2d               
25
1
Jesse Berney @jesseberney
The cool part of all the weeping over Derek Jeter's retirement is pretending that he died.
2d               
5
3
Keith Olbermann @KeithOlbermann
Because he shouldn't have to pretend otherwise RT @oakfan1108 Why did Sam need to announce to the world that… tl.gd/nfv3ou
2d               
55
14
jenny slate @jennyslate
Oh so both @gabeliedman &my therapist are out of town?No prob.Just scaling down my expectations&focusing on one main one which is STAY CHILL
2d               
95
3
Louise Brealey @louisebrealey
This will be a tweet involving the use of emojis.

DON'T NEED 💷
DON'T NEED 🌟
DON'T NEED NO 💳
TO RIDE THIS 🚂

Thank-you.
2d               
829
318
Aaron Bady @zunguzungu
WHERE IS THE RAIN SOUND COMING FROM IN THE HOUSE, I'VE CHECKED EVERY ROOM
3d               
5
Jesse Berney @jesseberney
@jbouie @jesseltaylor WELL I DO THAT ALL THE TIME mostly to @mallelis tho
3d in reply to jbouie               
3
DC Public Library @dcpl
ok, that last one was Beck lyrics; just making sure you all are paying attention
3d               
14
3
Jamison Foser @jamisonfoser
@anamariecox Where the hell have you been / never leave us again
3d in reply to anamariecox               
2
3
Ana Marie Cox @anamariecox
PEOPLE OF TWITTER: I have returned from hiatus and will be on your TVs tonight on @allinwithchris. That is all.
3d               
41
10
Jesse Berney @jesseberney
Arthur T. Demoulas for president and I am only half-kidding esquire.com/blogs/news/mar…
3d               
10
12
Dull Ass Will Weldon @oldmanweldon
His Facebook photos would only be relevant if they showed him practicing shooting himself in the chest with his hands behind his back.
4d               
16
1
i don't care @moscaddie
dudes are like "women aren't funny" and also like *chuckles at this for a full minute with crumbs in my beard* twitter.com/MensHumor/stat…
4d               
135
35
sarah jeong @sarahjeong
Best not make me mad lest my feminine frailties get the better of me
4d in reply to sarahjeong               
10
Tim Carmody @tcarmody
Not really though RT @voxdotcom: The Obama suit backlash is a promising sign of gender equality
4d               
3
2
Andy Richter @AndyRichter
"First I build the park, and second I knock it the fuck out of it" - my Twitter philosophy
4d               
320
82
Sarah @yowhatsthehaps
And then I'll sing Boyz II Men songs to the pie to make things romantical and then I'll eat the pie while I watch E! News.
4d               
3
audrey farnsworth @audipenny
How to leave a conversation:
-hold their face & say, "we don't have to do this"
-turn into an actual tree & CHASE THEM with your branch arms
4d               
146
66
Sarah @yowhatsthehaps
If I wanna take a pie home with me tonight IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS
4d               
4
Liana Maeby @lianamaeby
Sure, you can be big spoon. And I'll be the wooden spoon that doesn't quite fit into any of the partitions so it goes & sleeps on the couch.
4d               
57
9
keply ☁️ @keplyq
(locked safely inside the lisa frank notebook where I list the women I wanna kiss on the cheek)
4d in reply to keplyq               
22
1
Squirrel Army @Mikecanrant
*spends 47 dollars driving to the closest Sonic to get a 50 cent corndog*
4d               
40
8
Eve @lovemydogduck
My nephew had his first day of kindergarten yesterday. I told him he gets to go back tomorrow. He said No thank you. I won't be going back.
4d               
145
53
Steve Olivas @steveolivas
Starbucks needs to hand me coffee at the door so I can tolerate the people ahead of me in line.
5d               
47
16
Will Edmondson @willedmondson
guys. c'mon, stop. RT @nytimes Usually when corn gets stolen, the victims are left saying "Aw shucks" nyti.ms/1opDkSt
5d               
1
Nerf Herder @TrueTorontoGirl
I wish I could answer my office phone with "what the fuck do you want from me?" without getting fired.
5d               
59
20
Marie Roker-Jones @RaisingGreatMen
@democracynow Can't wait to start listening on our morning school commute. My son loves ur show #discussDN
5d in reply to democracynow               
7
4
Bim Adewunmi @bimadew
NOT TODAY, SATAN. NOT TODAY.
6d               
20
8
Mallory Ortberg @mallelis
man just once i went to click on a headline about the oceans that ends with "they're fine, the oceans are doing great, good job"
6d               
245
123
Brianna Wu @Spacekatgal
I got a harassing email today, and decided to respond with this letter. Feel free to RT. pic.twitter.com/ut96HqxkCJ
6d               
7,189
7,058
CatSmuggler @NyAdas
Adult women who wear Hello Kitty accessories. Y'all need to sort your shit out.
6d               
101
40
Gaby Dunn @gabydunn
"This bitch needs to stop complaining" is a hilarious way to get me to stop talking about feminism. GOD IS IT FUNNY
6d               
23
6
John Donoghue @JohnDonoghue64
Move along, nothing to see here... just a cardboard box out shopping for some meat... pic.twitter.com/83kDngyjn8
6d               
91
53
Jesse Berney @jesseberney
Heaven Is For Real says Jesus rides a rainbow horse (not kidding) so if you believe Colton Burpo then yes you are pro marriage equality now.
6d in reply to jesseberney               
5
1
Pia Glenn @PiaGlenn
I wrote about Michelle Cusseaux, killed two weeks ago by Phoenix police, because her life matters too. We all matter. allvalid.com/michelle-cusse…
6d               
35
138
Andrea Grimes @andreagrimes
.@politifactme I didn’t realize that donating to abortion funds and voting for pro-choice candidates are mutually exclusive.
6d in reply to politifactme               
4
Jesse Berney @jesseberney
(I would like to meet someone who didn't believe heaven was for real then read Heaven Is for Real and was like well if this 3yo says so.)
6d in reply to jesseberney               
19
11
Emily Gould @EmilyGould
why has it taken the usps a week to deliver stamps that I ordered. did they not have them handy? could they not find a way to deliver them?
6d               
18
2
Sady Doyle @sadydoyle
We still operate under the assumption that a woman who's overtly sexual CAN'T be smart, powerful, good: That she's dirty & abnormal & used.
6d in reply to sadydoyle               
12
11
Nicole Cliffe @Nicole_Cliffe
Then have them slowly discover that one is the other's long-lost son, and then just type out the lyrics to Solsbury Hill.
6d in reply to Nicole_Cliffe               
15
Rock @TheMichaelRock
It's like my coworkers don't realize that I only talk to them because I'm paid to.
6d               
323
199
Andrea Grimes @andreagrimes
Rape prevention nail polish sounds like a great idea but I’m not sure how you’re going to get men to wear it
6d               
12,609
11,991
Pratt Library @prattlibrary
Good morning! The weather forecast today is gorgeous.
If you play hooky stop by the library. Don't worry we won't tell. ;)
6d               
2
Emily V Gordon @thegynomite
I danced next to Laverne Cox and then ate tacos. Best night ever.
7d               
104
6
Kate Hendricks @katethewasp
The horrible things in the news are making it like, super hard to stay self-centered and oblivious
7d               
41
5
FreeLibrary @FreeLibrary
QUIZ: Shakespearean insult or animal on display at Harvard's Museum of Natural History? ow.ly/AGzMx #YearoftheBard
7d               
1
1
tina @tinatbh
Things I Should Be Doing
• so many

Things I Am Not Currently Doing
• any of that
7d               
2,089
2,151
The Root @TheRoot
The @nytimes faces backlash after saying #MichaelBrown was "no angel." bit.ly/1pyC6tz pic.twitter.com/iekTljzPwv
7d               
40
107
audrey farnsworth @audipenny
Sorry I'm late, funny story, this wasn't that important to me
7d               
528
255
John DeVore @JohnDeVore
new crimes that carry death penalty: shoplifting, rap, marijuana, bad attitudes, non-celtic themed tattoos, questions, the hairy eyeball
7d               
22
15
Mallory Ortberg @mallelis
KRISTEN STEWART IS JOHN WAYNE BEING FORCED TO PLAY MAUREEN O'HARA. KRISTEN STEWART IS A GODDAMN COWBOY AND YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HER.
7d               
201
88
Sean McElwee @SeanMcElwee
Here's the NYT description of #Michael Brown compared with John Wayne Gacy. John. Wayne. Gacy. #Ferguson pic.twitter.com/6g45PraGW1
7d               
533
1,630
Roxane Bey @rgay
Okay @nytimes, we need a rewrite on that shameful article about Mike Brown because his parents are burying him today. Shame. On. You.
7d               
207
236
Emily Faye @emilyfaye2
"Did you see that Criminal Minds is on Netflix streaming now??" -Your mom and me
8d               
24
2
Michelle Beadle @MichelleDBeadle
Beyoncé just danced her sexy ass off. I made brownies. #twinsies
8d               
352
68
Bim Adewunmi @bimadew
*gets out of bed, is knocked over by avalanche of 'feminist' opinions re Beyoncé*
8d               
22
12
Felicity Morse @FelicityMorse
Standing in front of this sign shouldn't be controversial but it is, and that's why I'm glad Beyoncé did it #VMA2014 pic.twitter.com/HAxL4UsMUv
8d               
9
11
Magda Michalowicz @MagdaAnnegrete
That was a spiritual/sexual experience and then I started crying when dad brought Blue to see mom after she did WORK.
8d               
3
Sara Benincasa @SaraJBenincasa
Sometimes I think folks think I'm being sarcastic when I talk about how much I love Beyonce or Bruce Springsteen or Dolly Parton...
8d               
8
John DeVore @JohnDeVore
beyonce will make a beautiful 200 foot tall golden statue one day in the future, after we've rebuilt civilization
8d               
16
2
S. Bear Bergman @sbearbergman
Beyoncé on the #VMAs, and @rgay on the NYT bestseller list. This is a damn good week for #Feminism.
8d               
69
25
Richard Lawson @rilaws
"Babe, you wanna take the limo home?" "No, Jay, I'm gonna walk," she says, striding up into the night sky
8d               
133
59
Side-Eye (Harder) @prisonculture
Good night everyone. May tomorrow bring us more justice, some peace & a swift end to capitalism by critiquing the reign of Beyonce. LOL!!
8d               
82
36
Charles Clymer @cmclymer
Taylor Swift: "I'm not a feminist."

Beyonce: "Not only am I a feminist, but I'm gonna sing about it while Jay-Z holds our baby." <3

#VMAs
8d               
612
408
Young 8'cho @JZFan
Beyonce: This next song is for my fans... Sing along with me!

Every other artist: *Sings along*
8d               
40
72
TracieEganMorrissey @TracieMorrissey
Beyonce put feminism on MTV. instagram.com/p/sGxNsGCLH0/
8d               
30
20
Ashley Ford @iSmashFizzle
Tomorrow I'm calling my gynecologist and we gonna get this tilted uterus together. It's time.
8d               
14
5
Roxane Bey @rgay
"Talk shit about my marriage now, haters."
8d               
60
23
Sara Benincasa @SaraJBenincasa
When Beyonce tells you to get on your feet you get the fuck UP #VMAs
8d               
11
3
John DeVore @JohnDeVore
each of these Beyonce songs will make an amazing iPhone 6 commercial
8d               
7
1
▵ Jenna Wortham ▵ @jennydeluxe
Beyonce doesn't have to sing Heaven bc we're in it rn
8d               
77
70
Sam Stein @samsteinhp
“Girlhood" will be just clips of Blue Ivy from her appearance at the next 12 VMAs
8d               
99
44
John DeVore @JohnDeVore
guys I think beyonce and jay are going to be okay
8d               
9
3
Anne T. Donahue @annetdonahue
This performance is teaching us that we were right to love Bey, Jay, and Blue Ivy more than our own families. #VMAs
8d               
25
11
Ayesha A. Siddiqi @pushinghoops
Blue Ivy vibing to her mom like the rest of America #historic
8d               
138
51
Saeed Jones @theferocity
LMAO. RT @rgay: Jay Z just in the audience like, "Yeah, for whatever reason, she married me."
8d               
24
14
The Root @TheRoot
What is the point of air if it is not directly being supplied by Beyonce #VMAs
8d               
32
34
Roxane Bey @rgay
Jay Z just in the audience like, "Yeah, for whatever reason, she married me."
8d               
74
22
Roxane Bey @rgay
Someone please put my book in Bey's hand.
8d               
73
15
Josh Gondelman @joshgondelman
"I don't know...something something something Beyoncé." - VMA planning committee
8d               
117
60
Roxane Bey @rgay
BEYONCE PUTTING FEMINIST ON THE VMAS. QUEEN. QUEEN. QUEEN.
8d               
209
122
Sara Benincasa @SaraJBenincasa
It takes a real mother to get on the pole with her baby in the front row. #BeyonceonVMA #VMAs #surfbort
8d               
22
13
billy eichner @billyeichner
Not watching the awards but as far as I can tell if ur not a black woman in glittery spandex or a white girl who wishes she was, ur nothing.
8d               
1,003
456
Ashley Ford @iSmashFizzle
How do we sleep knowing Beyonce is out there?
8d               
95
51
David T. Cole @Glark
How about a show about the guy who has to collect all those guns from the “put down your gun” scenes? #theguncollector
8d               
1
Daniel Kibblesmith @kibblesmith
Kinda feels like everything before Beyonce could've just been done over e-mail. #VMAs
8d               
38
17
Ashley Ford @iSmashFizzle
@rgay I wouldn't deign to think myself worthy
8d in reply to rgay               
4
Roxane Bey @rgay
Bey isn;t even on my celebrity list. I just want to like, look at her and worship properly.
8d               
24
2
tina @tinatbh
YES B SLAY US SLAY THIS WORLD QUEEN B I LOVE YOU
8d               
1,524
1,302
tina @tinatbh
You have the same number of hours in the day as Beyoncé, just keep that in mind.
8d               
1,870
1,276
Roxane Bey @rgay
I hope this lasts forever and ever and ever because it's so great and maybe god is real.
8d               
40
26
Sara Benincasa @SaraJBenincasa
Please let her start crying about why did God give her all this talent #VMAs
8d               
5
2
Rachel Syme @rachsyme
goddess mother gaia is here I feel safe
8d               
4
Anne T. Donahue @annetdonahue
We are legitimately not worthy of being in Beyonce's world. #VMAs
8d               
10
7
Hazel Cills @hazelcills
we're scared pic.twitter.com/VVyct3bNg8
8d               
64
7
Joe Reid @joereid
Just gonna issue a blanket "Calm Down."
8d               
8
1
Anne T. Donahue @annetdonahue
SHUT UP FIVES A TEN IS SINGING #VMAs
8d               
11
6
Roxane Bey @rgay
SHHHH OUR QUEEN IS READY
8d               
28
19
Brian Lynch @BrianLynch
I'm sorry to be so political but if you're racist maybe you should stop being that. RT if you love your mom.
8d               
39
29
John Moe @johnmoe
We're a company family. pic.twitter.com/z44tMY0JuL
8d               
22
2
shut up, mike @shutupmikeginn
When I asked for a bag at Trader Joe's the cashier sighed like there was a bag shortage and she had a baby that could only eat bags
8d               
1,218
423
Gabe Liedman @gabeliedman
HI UR CAR IS NOT COMPACT AND U DO KNOW THAT SEND
8d               
49
9
Jami Attenberg @jamiattenberg
Books I haven't read that I "need to read" is like a giant jar of jellybeans, too many to count, all those pretty colors.
8d               
17
11
Bim Adewunmi @bimadew
Quick reminder that Short Term 12 is available in Netflix, should you wish to be quietly eviscerated by a movie.
8d               
10
7
Sara Schaefer @saraschaefer1
The more times Suge Knight gets into trouble, the more amazing his name becomes
8d               
13
2
i don't care @moscaddie
a lot of dudes get tired of reading feminist tweets and i really feel for them it must be comparable to experiencing actual sexism daily
8d               
458
256
Elizabeth Hackett @LizHackett
Imagine being sad enough to cut out a Celestial Seasonings recipe.
8d               
72
7
Shrill @ShrillCosby
@rgay @elleeenel @esmewang Bad Feminist II: Electric Boogaloo
8d in reply to rgay               
22
5
Tim Carmody @tcarmody
@rgay 2 Bad 2 Feminist
8d in reply to rgay               
23
5
Sara Benincasa @SaraJBenincasa
And another generation of white reporters tries to figure out how to pronounce "Suge" on air. #groundhogday
8d               
17
5
so sad today @sosadtoday
shhhh listen it's the sound of no one loving me
8d               
820
564
keply ☁️ @keplyq
#subtweetstomydad
8d in reply to keplyq               
20
1
rob delaney @robdelaney
Obama should finally call off his vacation to do press conference only about Suge Knight shooting to make Fox News' head literally supernova
8d               
1,226
725
Tara Ariano @TaraAriano
We're in Waimea for two weeks and just learned a rooster lives on this street! And we found out when it was still fully dark out! GUESS HOW!
8d               
11
Shira @shiraselko
I will walk 5-10 blocks out of my way to stay in the shade
8d               
22
1
John Hodgman @hodgman
"@D_Nye_Griffiths The easiest way to do it is probably a UK proxy and BBC iPlayer..." I LOVE YOUR DEFINITION OF EASIEST
8d in reply to D_Nye_Griffiths               
61
10
Tim Carmody @tcarmody
I think Clickhole is getting better, which is kind of scary
8d               
12
2
Anna Lekas Miller @agoodcuppa
Developing Story: #ISIS behind #earthquake in #Napa, trying to take #wine off the shelves to push Islamic fundamentalism in California
8d               
10
7
Nick Offerman @Nick_Offerman
#LeeBuild and #Mike looking aces with two 18-footers. #BearMtBoats @CanoerootsMag #OWS
#Nomad #Huckleberry #Redbird pic.twitter.com/WVmSNfxgRB
8d               
120
20
Yassir Lester @Yassir_Lester
"Have you always wanted to talk like a black girl, but were afraid to in Public? Well have I got news for you"-original pitch for Twitter
8d               
76
22
Don Gomez @dongomezjr
War is America’s war game. RT @DavidMaxwell161: Football is America's war game conta.cc/1qDajnP
8d               
3
4
Maureen Johnson @maureenjohnson
*throws open windows* Good morning, Edinbur.... *is hit by cold wind* *screams* *collapses*
9d               
207
37
Elon James White @elonjames
Amy & Rorie. I want Rose to fall down. RT @stevelecoui: @elonjames @acronymWTF Favorite companion?
9d in reply to stevelecoui               
17
3
Evghenia is on Mars @OnMarsFirst
i, evghenia, give new name for day of week on mars:
1) marsday
2) grandmaday
3) proteinday
4) rockday
5) onitfirstday
6) alienday

that all
9d               
68
25
andy levy @andylevy
.@TWC_Help can u give me contact info for fios
9d               
65
20
Mallory Ortberg @mallelis
With room for breathing and food! I'm not a monster. But not for escape.
Never for escape.
9d               
50
3
Shrill @ShrillCosby
@mallelis scorn power is the clean, renewable energy that will finally solve global warming
9d in reply to mallelis               
22
1
Sophia Benoit @1followernodad
Soph.
9d in reply to 1followernodad               
7
Sophia Benoit @1followernodad
Massages are nice cause it's just someone telling you you're tight.
9d               
19
2
Tim Carmody @tcarmody
REDHEAD FACTS
5. Redheads in general are simply more fun to look at than the rest of you normbos. (So are interracial children, by the way.)
9d               
14
5
Tim Carmody @tcarmody
REDHEAD FACTS
4. Redheads are overrepresented in popular media like television commercials & in chosen hair color because we are gorgeous.
9d               
27
14
Jamelle Bouie @jbouie
Darren Wilson supporters sound like tolerant, good-hearted Americans who don’t hold any animus toward black people. twitter.com/WesleyLowery/s…
9d               
82
129
Katie A Colip, M.Ed. @studentaffairsy
"Writing a book is already hard. You may as well write the best fucking book you can." @iSmashFizzle #ashleyspeaks
9d               
13
3
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