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VinoKelowna/Edmonton2011-02-12
@bamvion1,160 days
Qu'es-ce le fuck?
FollowersFollowingTweetsListsFavorites
7827742,7563403
We found 194 favorite tweets.
Janice @YEGlifer
This morning I thought to myself, "Tonight I'll go for a walk." But then it rained, then snowed, and I lost my will to live. #yegwx
1d               
15
5
@sshole In Charge @heavyoilcountry
We built this Smytty on greasy goals
4d               
11
2
Jeff McKenzie @jrock71
A goal for #BabyNuge on his 21st Birthday. Chucky E Cheese is gonna be rowdie tonite!
4d               
1
Jazmasta @jazmasta
Hey I just met you, this is crazy, but here's my bus fare, thanks for being my bus driver.
4d               
251
67
The Heat @heatlebjorn
Coffee is my best friend
17d               
17
5
Meatplow @mrjohntofu
I can't wait to get freaky tonight, whatever the hell that means.
20d               
7
4
Dave Michaels @djdavemichaels
If I had to call it, Nicki Minaj is probably my favorite Power Rangers villain.
20d               
74
39
Dave Michaels @djdavemichaels
In all honesty the only thing I’m really good for is freaking out several times a day because I’ve moved my cellphone to a different place.
21d               
20
9
Meatplow @mrjohntofu
Slow down, it's a parking lot, bitch bag.

~ Daily driving comments
22d               
5
4
some chick @stacia_leblanc
Today can already shut up.
22d               
38
15
shark dick @megasharkpenis
Retweet this, and receive a box of crabs in the mail
22d               
47
31
some chick @stacia_leblanc
Ketchup on CHINESE FOOD!??

What a sick fuck.
22d               
29
5
some chick @stacia_leblanc
"You're literally a spoiled cunt."
22d               
11
2
shark dick @megasharkpenis
Table for 2 please.

Waiter: Yes sir. But... you are alone.

Me: TABLE FOR 2!

Waiter: Certainly sir.??!?

Me: *pulls hamster from pants*
23d               
87
52
Dave Michaels @djdavemichaels
I once knew a Brock. Senior year of high school. He was literally everything you'd expect from a dude named Brock.
23d               
27
8
some chick @stacia_leblanc
If you're going to be an an asshole you better be fucking funny.
25d               
112
57
pakalu papito @pakalupapito
i do no lift bro i own gas station
27d               
776
1,032
some chick @stacia_leblanc
Weather. What an idiot.
28d               
19
4
Squirrel Army @Mikecanrant
Money saving tip: Get that ripped jean look naturally by repeatedly wiping Dorito dust on your knees over a 5 year period.
29d               
95
33
Kris @_AGuyNamedKris
YOU GOTTA FIGHT! FOR YOUR RIGHT! TO SQUEEEEEEEEE-EEEEE!
29d               
4
2
James Fischer @jfish96
Just booked yeg to phx return cheaper than a flight to kelowna or van. Canada in serious need of competition other than @AirCanada @WestJet
30d               
1
1
The Fake ESPN @TheFakeESPN
Jim Irsay arrested on suspicion of DWI. Cops say they first noticed he seemed drunk after he traded a 1st round pick for Trent Richardson.
31d               
612
1,101
bibowinebar @bibowinebar
gold star!!!
32d               
2
1
Mable Gertrude @Abfablee
It's really rude to stab people if they don't deserve it.
33d               
134
73
Mable Gertrude @Abfablee
Do you hear that?

That's the chicken dance song, calling...yearning...challenging you to throw down and get funky.
33d               
81
30
Kim @saysyrahsirah
Pimm's for noon hour .... why yes thank you! @NextActPub
33d               
2
1
Kris @_AGuyNamedKris
These Dairy Milk Oreo chocolate bars are majestic.. Like a unicorn made from bacon.
33d               
1
1
Abita Beer @TheAbitaBeer
Happy Pi Day. Let's get mathematical with it and see how many beers we can consume on this wonderful Friday evening.
34d               
21
18
Karl Welzein @DadBoner
Really lookin' forward to the St. Paddy's celebraish, you guys.
34d               
88
244
Pint Edmonton @pintedmonton
The weekend approaches... Time for "coffee" #Open
34d               
3
1
Tony P. @Steelers1972
There should be an iPhone app that makes caller ID more detailed like "John needs help moving" or "Your bitch ex-wife needs to complain."
34d               
196
154
Sugar & Spice @nice_sugar_girl
My ADHD drank a shit load of coffee.

*runs wild with the squirrels*
34d               
11
5
Jeanshorts #94 @JSBMrevolution
DP! DP! DP! DP! #DP4EVERYBODY
34d               
2
1
Ginny Jenny @ginny_jenny
YAAAAAAAY! Fuckin eh Perron!!!!
34d               
7
2
Inppropriate Charm @LackOfShame
Nothing freaks me out like realizing it's not a fart, and it's too late to change course
34d               
67
35
Dazzledginger @dazzledginger
*finally drinking a beer
35d               
52
9
Guy Incognito @ShutUpThatsWho
A family in Oregon had to call 911 after being held captive in their apartment by their pet cat. Now THAT'S being pussy whipped.
35d               
6
4
Dazzledginger @dazzledginger
VICTORY IS MINE!!!

*folds fitted sheet
36d               
162
64
Tequila Sunshine @tequilasaltlife
Guilty until proven innocent

*But I have a VERY innocent face
37d               
19
12
The Heat @heatlebjorn
And I wasn't even wearing my lucky jumpsuit
38d               
4
1
Парведж @TwoAbysses
it's definitely time for new ink.
38d               
2
1
Mrs.Lethal @MrsLethal
You guys are the best. All hoping I feel better and shit. Gives me the warm n fuzzies! 💜
41d               
9
Mrs.Lethal @MrsLethal
Fuck off. 3 on 1? I quit.
41d               
2
Mrs.Lethal @MrsLethal
Half way through the second, 6 seats ($1500) empty next to us. They were full in first... Wonder why??
41d               
5
3
Mrs.Lethal @MrsLethal
5 whole shots on goal? Wow!! #accomplishment
41d               
4
2
Josh @DamnitJosh
Evacuation plan:

Dunk head in toilet.
Flush repeatedly.
41d               
10
5
Captain's Log @howe007
Let's give up alcohol for Lent and see if we actually like each other.
41d               
40
18
Josh @DamnitJosh
ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWNNNN
42d               
6
1
keels @_keels_
Don't forget to prove to your family how important religion is to you by giving up Facebook for Lent.
42d               
60
29
Captain's Log @howe007
If Russia prepares for war the way it prepares for the Olympics then we have nothing to worry about.
43d               
120
84
Captain's Log @howe007
Something's rising and it ain't Jesus.
43d               
24
12
sassy @greeklsassy
I'd just like to interrupt your afternoon to inform y'all that I just spelled "restaurant" without Google for the first time in my life.
43d               
25
6
Dennis King @DKingBH
Just how big is the bag of heroin that John Garret and Jim Hughson will eventually share? #DeathOfANeverWasDynasty
43d               
4
4
Elaine L. @LaineyGossip
Tim Thomas and Roberto Luongo are on the same team now. Is that like Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie being in the same movie?
43d               
84
148
Rascal Gas @rascalgas
I just traded my lunch for a 5th-round draft pick!
44d               
1
2
Ali Courtney @TnucTew
Mardi Gras should be a Cdn holiday...It IS French...We'd spend the day drinking beer, eating bacon & ANYTHING with maple syrop... Oh... wait
44d               
5
2
laur @LittleeLauraaa
Hello, Mother Nature, yes I know something awful must have happened to turn you into a cold hearted bitch but it's about time you move on.
44d               
6
1
Ali Courtney @TnucTew
This rum tastes suspiciously like Coke
44d               
4
1
Ali Courtney @TnucTew
Okay ppl... I've taken all I can and I CAN'T takes no more!!!

YOUR=belonging to
YOU'RE=you are
YORE=old timey days

YOU'RE welcome!!
44d               
79
32
Trevor? @trevorwatt
Hey, guy doing bicep curls with his backpack on the train: calm down.
44d               
1
1
Sir Strange @Sir_Strange
Where's the app that takes Nickelback and Bieber away, and gives us Bradley and Kurt back?
44d               
89
61
J€®M§ Fø ®ęäł @jergarl
She was like, you know I faked my orgasm last night to make you feel better and I was like really? Cuz I fake everything. Your move.
45d               
135
94
Sugar & Spice @nice_sugar_girl
Here I go again on my OWN!

*Air guitar*

What are you looking at?

(Me, drunk and slurring at my reflection in the mirror.)
45d               
5
2
Rizz @InnocentMarina6
The fluoride in the water is giving my son bitch Tittays...
45d               
16
5
Sugar & Spice @nice_sugar_girl
Yeah. I'm listening to Puff the Dragon alone in my office and crying if anyone wants to hang with a super fun person.
46d               
21
11
Rizz @InnocentMarina6
Why do all clothes from old navy look like I want to go sailing off the coast of cape cod?
46d               
17
12
Sir Strange @Sir_Strange
So, what happens when both Waffle Houses in town are slammed pack?

You get into an argument with your wife and go home with nothing.
46d               
89
41
Rizz @InnocentMarina6
Hakuna MaTa-Ta's is just a nice way of saying calm your tits
46d               
21
13
Rascal Gas @rascalgas
Tomorrow's Heritage Classic proves that the NHL isn't interested in the authentic atmosphere of outdoor games. They want to sell 50K tickets
46d               
3
3
Dean Murdoch @Dean_Murdoch
Just drinkin outside the Tim Horton's here, tellin chicks they can roll up my rim to win for free. So far no takers. #nightisyoung
46d               
391
379
Chef Paul Shufelt @ChefPaulShufelt
Go Habs Go! Did you see that beauty @chefcowan? Watch the highlights later #gohabsgo
46d               
2
Juddy @iAmJuddy
Go to a restaurant on a Saturday at 7pm and act mad when you don’t get a table right away so the world knows you’re a spoiled cunt. Fuck you
46d               
166
41
baggedmilk @jsbmbaggedmilk
Went to check the temperature and my weather app said "fuck it, just go back to bed" #yeg
47d               
1
1
Meatplow @mrjohntofu
I can tell you like me, by the way you threw that brick at my head.
47d               
12
9
kristi @kristiisrad
anyway, BEER CLUB TIME
47d               
1
1
Stats Canada @stats_canada
82% of Canada is indistinguishable from the ice planet Hoth
48d               
821
1,551
laur @LittleeLauraaa
Next time I throw up I hope it's all over someone I hate.
48d               
22
9
Sugar & Spice @nice_sugar_girl
Cotton candy. Sweet and low. Let me see that tootsie roll.

*Takes bite of Cheerios*

My breakfast routines are interesting.
48d               
2
1
Elly Notiar @xxEllyNxx
I'll watch Clash of the Titans just to hear Liam Neeson say "Release the Kraken!" IDGAF
49d               
10
5
Camden's finest @anbrll00
Is it my Buick or the Marlboro reds that attracted you to me ?
49d               
42
23
Matt Frey @CyclesFrey
I hate Kessler, but if he came to the oilers... Id love him
49d               
2
2
Jamie_Jay! @PopSlapFunk
Calm down, guy parked across four spots. Or do you and your Dodge Avenger require that much space for all the pussy you're attracting?
51d               
157
80
My Next Idea @leswhitmore
All I want my headstone to read:

Well..............shit.
52d               
56
33
IIya Bryzgalov @bryzgalov80
Bozak happy Kessel back from Russia. He excited to take Phil to Lego Movie.
52d               
27
29
Mickey Mt. Vernon @WhatevaConc
You are like the house that gives out raisins on Halloween of people.
53d               
211
131
Wake @Wakenbake77
I want to drink coffee in Australia, so I can say, will you pass the COFFEE-MATE.
53d               
566
341
Mickey Mt. Vernon @WhatevaConc
She had dandruff but not "shake her hair onto her picture during detention with a criminal, an athlete, a princess, and a brain" dandruff.
54d               
135
73
GoodRickHunting @Rick_IZ
No YOU cried watching figure skating!

I was watching Rocky while doing pushups, eating rare steak & shooting guns
55d               
59
21
My Next Idea @leswhitmore
I call this hairstyle, 'I didn't put on deodorant either.'
57d               
97
45
Karl Welzein @DadBoner
Had such a blast for 'Tine's Day weekend. Had a few real fine convos with some lonely 'Bee's babes. Nothin' carnal. My choice of course.
58d               
67
35
Meatplow @mrjohntofu
My life coach benched me.
59d               
22
15
Jon Sails @Sailsman777
Hey, I forgot... how long did the groundhog say it would be before these become the spring Olympics?
59d               
22
2
Sugar & Spice @nice_sugar_girl
*Rides into Whole Foods on a horse*
*Asks for carrots*
*Takes bite of carrot. Tips hat*
*Rides off into sunset*
59d               
16
8
Sugar & Spice @nice_sugar_girl
I can't honestly be expected to be mature in this situation, can I? pic.twitter.com/0lGWVSWDqr
60d               
66
14
nowaynope @funk62out
I am now dating my bartender's AM playlist.
60d               
5
1
Devin Skrumbellos @SKRUMBOOO
Snowing again!!!! Wow this shit is getting old!!!
60d               
8
4
Sugar & Spice @nice_sugar_girl
The scenery out my window includes my backyard's lovely shade of dog piss yellow.
60d               
9
4
Steve Suckington @SteveSuckington
I'll take your moms vagina for $100 Alex.

I'm sorry that's not a category Steve.

Category? What are you talking about Alex?
60d               
228
114
Josh @DamnitJosh
I have entirely too much shit to get done.. That's usually how I know it's the weekend.
60d               
12
3
Hudsons Canada's Pub @HudsonsPub
Shout out to the #Hudsons twitter followers today. You guys are seriously awesome, we love chit-chatting with you! Happy Saturday, ya'll.
60d               
6
1
sara @SomthinBoutSara
One man's trash is my new couch
60d               
488
194
nowaynope @funk62out
It's weathering outside again. Always with the weathering.
61d               
14
4
Cecily MacLeod @cecilymacleod
This morning thing just isn't working out for me. Time for a nap before I get cranky.
See you all at a more respectable hour, like 2pm-ish
61d               
36
7
Cecily MacLeod @cecilymacleod
*deletes drunk tweets*
Apparently I had a little too much fun last night. Been on for 20min & I'm out of stars.
Good morning twitterverse.
61d               
48
6
Nuclear Bavarian @NuclearBavarian
Thank God that day is over. Now I can get back to hating my wife.
61d               
20
5
Only Fast Eddie @OnlyFastEddie
*makes out with water fountain*
61d               
50
16
MaggieWilk @maggiewilk
Hey massive cockroach, how did you climb three stories and get into my bathtub? Not cool bro
61d               
2
1
Roc-NBC Sports Radio @NBCSportsRoc
Come on NBC you are better than that. At least our flag wasn't Russian. pic.twitter.com/yTcPGL6uZr
61d               
34
98
J€®M§ Fø ®ęäł @jergarl
"The PEN IS mightier than the sword" is my favorite metaphor to use the wrong emphasis on the wrong syllables.

No YOU'RE thirteen.
61d               
126
74
sara @SomthinBoutSara
The pot and the kettle are really racist
61d               
373
195
Devin Skrumbellos @SKRUMBOOO
Should be against the law to work on weekends!!
61d               
7
5
sara @SomthinBoutSara
I'm sorry I couldn't stop sniffing your baby
61d               
168
55
Cecily MacLeod @cecilymacleod
Only about a month till St. Patrick's Day. Don't let the Irish have all the fun, start practicing now
*pours rum, adds green food colouring*
61d               
34
8
Krista G @Kage_99
Done and done people!

My grand total for @HairMassacureNA was $1665.00 raised!!! Thank you!

#NoHairDontCare pic.twitter.com/XadPhSRJ9U
61d               
277
47
m.o.o.y.a.i.n.i. @mooyaini
She believed me when I said I'd been selected for the Mars One mission.
61d               
35
17
Only Fast Eddie @OnlyFastEddie
Where there's a will... there's someone who insists on calling him william.
61d               
104
50
Dennis King @DKingBH
I'd like to believe that anything wrong with Team Canada is Lowe's fault because, after all, Lowe does fuck up a lot of stuff
61d               
4
1
m.o.o.y.a.i.n.i. @mooyaini
Fuck yes. pic.twitter.com/9vI7EFEVzW
62d               
7
1
CockFlavoredSoupMix @EricDumbTweets
You clean up the liquidy dog shits from the carpet & you get on with your day, that's just what you gotta do.

I think the Buddha said that.
62d               
7
2
nowaynope @funk62out
I am not day drunk.
These boots really are that slippery.
62d               
9
3
Only Fast Eddie @OnlyFastEddie
Love conquers all... except for herpes.
62d               
99
51
J€®M§ Fø ®ęäł @jergarl
No YOU look like you slept on the pavement at a Denny's last night, Carol. Your hair looks stupid too, fuck you.
62d               
110
58
J€®M§ Fø ®ęäł @jergarl
Last year for valentines day I pretended to give a fuck, this year I'm pretending not to.
62d               
72
34
Krista G @Kage_99
Water? No, no! pic.twitter.com/IJdOc84S9Z
62d               
13
3
Krista G @Kage_99
I am proud to say 'eh'!

Go Can-eh-da Go! 🍁
63d               
20
8
Queen RanDumb @InVisiHole
Unless that's a double shot of sleep in, dump it on your fucking lap.

That kind of morning.
63d               
18
3
Phoenix Ascends @Feniex17
I'm already sick of hearing Phil Kessel on my TV. #makeitstop
63d               
2
1
Gone Quixote @PaulGibson1963
My promotion in the family chain of command means I can now give orders to the thermostat. I still report to the dog though. For now.
63d               
158
71
cquinnelly @cquinnelly73
I'm pretty sure most of us would not speak to each other in RL.
63d               
58
22
cquinnelly @cquinnelly73
Wine...it's what's for dinner.
63d               
44
19
nowaynope @funk62out
Brb, gotta go finish choking on this crouton.
63d               
9
3
Bob Cole @BobColeBaby
A good. Strong. Start. For Canada. In these Olympic Games. In Sochi. And they'll try to keep it goin. Tomorrow. Of course. In mens hockey.
63d               
12
20
cquinnelly @cquinnelly73
I tried a new "no drinking wine during the week" rule. This is bullshit.
63d               
71
27
nowaynope @funk62out
Not to brag but I got out of bed today. Not saying I'm not writing this in bed right now, but I did get out.
63d               
110
72
m.o.o.y.a.i.n.i. @mooyaini
Apparently putting a note in the company suggestion box asking if the hot european babe can wear more mini skirts gets you a meeting with HR
64d               
28
8
CuntSmith @csmith5050
Guys, please listen closely to women on here about how to perform sexually, because you shouldn't turn down advice from a cat whisperer.
64d               
96
50
JD @JackieDee16
Anyone else wish that the Canadian women would just crush a USA player at centre ice? #BOOM
#IsItJustMe
64d               
9
3
Camden's finest @anbrll00
Dr: You have shingles
Me: You mean hot local shingles *winks*
Dr. This isn't twitter and you need a life
64d               
59
33
Mr Paul @ROTTYpc
I'm not saying you're a nerd but your sword collection says otherwise.
64d               
3
3
Mr Paul @ROTTYpc
Russia might hate gays but Vladimir Putin loves beef stroganoff on his face.
64d               
4
5
Princess Buttercup @GoldenSpirals
You pulled out in front of me.
Now you're going slow.
I don't like my car.
I will win this one.
64d               
255
143
ŠHØTŠKI MćGĘĘ @Shellsterca
Men are from the Death Star and women are from Endor.
64d               
67
38
Marley @mamamarlz
so happy that penguins exist
64d               
3
ŠHØTŠKI MćGĘĘ @Shellsterca
I'll blast Yanni in my drop top Caddie. IDGAF!
65d               
26
13
Vinny McSugarSchlong @vinfury
I don't mean to brag but I'm a member of a Nickelback cover band. We don't use instruments. Just hand farts. Sound just like them.
65d               
211
123
Marley @mamamarlz
Any guys like quiet girls? I'm physically not capable of talking today.
65d               
15
6
Mr. H. @MrHExperience
Canadian skier Justin Wadsworth gives a ski to Russian Anton Gafarov, allowing him to finish the race. #TeamCanada pic.twitter.com/kT98O1Rx11
65d               
739
1,390
Fuckin Bob @gwatts77
You: Intelligent people tend to talk to themselves more often.

You: I know right!
65d               
530
355
ŠHØTŠKI MćGĘĘ @Shellsterca
I logged into Facebook.

Karen had sushi for dinner
Josh is in a complicated relationship
Sara poked me
Ryan needs a cow for his farm
FML
65d               
45
21
Fake Nombre @Fake_Nombre
Relationship Status: Single

...Also, I don't get this joke format...
65d               
29
13
Joel Danger @joeldanger
Jim locked the store door for the final time. Apparently the world just wasn't ready for Big Jimbo's All Things Velcro Ninja Accessories.
65d               
64
25
nowaynope @funk62out
The added indignity of five non-working pens in a row.
65d               
12
3
Devin Skrumbellos @SKRUMBOOO
Need a beer or ten!!!
65d               
4
2
m.o.o.y.a.i.n.i. @mooyaini
NASA is doing research into the effects of zero gravity by getting test subjects to lie in bed for 70 days.

HOW WAS I NOT CHOSEN FOR THIS??
65d               
45
18
Gone Quixote @PaulGibson1963
I've given up hiding my identity on-line and avoiding people at parties. I'll soon be getting my six month chip from Anonymous Anonymous.
65d               
34
9
Saralynn Rose @JustUnstableMe
I like to do this cute thing where I doodle your name & draw pictures of your face in my diary

Then stab it 900 times

Super cute, right?
66d               
420
172
Vinny McSugarSchlong @vinfury
Bio written in 3rd person? Sounds like my kind of crazy.

*FOLLOWED*
66d               
223
117
m.o.o.y.a.i.n.i. @mooyaini
You have a stable, well paid job that requires minimum effort and enables you to spend most of your working day on twitter?

*BLOCKED
66d               
41
11
Camden's finest @anbrll00
Some of these Russian women look like they could rip your dick clean off with their bare hands.
66d               
25
7
nowaynope @funk62out
If only I could punch this paperwork in the face.
66d               
8
2
Saralynn Rose @JustUnstableMe
I wish my on-again/off-again boyfriend knew when we were back on

Or that he was my boyfriend

Or that I exist

Fake relationships are hard
66d               
211
84
YUKON 3:16 @TheeYukonJack
Wife and son gone for 3 days and I'm lost. New respect for you boys working in the patch. You earn every dollar you brag about making.
67d               
10
3
Marley @mamamarlz
You can't convince me that Vladimir Putin isn't a super villain
67d               
16
7
Not Me @NotMe48649513
Throat punches...

Throat punches are ALWAYS the answer...
67d               
41
23
Queen RanDumb @InVisiHole
To the guy who was just my waiter; you were stoned out of your mind, you hid it for shit, and we loved you.
68d               
26
2
Adam Proteau @Proteautype
Swiss goalie Florence Schelling stops 69 shots in 5-0 loss to Canada. She'll back up Jonathan Bernier in Toronto once James Reimer is dealt.
68d               
144
236
Ink @Duke1173
You're like the tofu bacon of people.
68d               
263
155
Saralynn Rose @JustUnstableMe
Oh, you think you're lonely?

I just sent a Valentine's Day card to a cat. Yes, a cat.

Get on my level.
68d               
290
89
Try The Veal @TylerLinkin
I wonder if Sarah Palin can see the Olympics from her house.
68d               
706
577
H @hTX78
If you're gonna call me a cunt at least call me a sarcastic cunt, it's more realistic.
68d               
115
59
Bruce Arthur @bruce_arthur
And now comes the part of the Opening Ceremony where Vladimir Putin removes his shirt and wrestles a bear
69d               
713
874
H @hTX78
Your stupidity knows no bounds.

Sorry, I'm not good at giving compliments.
69d               
128
95
H @hTX78
If I bend over and you don't automatically slap my ass...fuck you
69d               
437
164
Nuclear Bavarian @NuclearBavarian
Can I have some?
Please?
Pretty please with bacon, a pair of boobs and a martini on top?
69d               
8
2
UncleDave's Mustache @DavePrimeau
I'm more of a
"Fuck No"
type of guy.
69d               
19
10
UncleDave's Mustache @DavePrimeau
I nap before I go to sleep,
Cuz I don't like to rush into things.
69d               
17
13
Greg Clark @GregClark4AB
Alison Redford's $45k travel bill would buy groceries for 60 Alberta families of four for a month. #PayItBack #ableg #abparty
70d               
9
16
IIya Bryzgalov @bryzgalov80
We have this sign in Oilers locker room now too after Taylor try bring GT Snowracer inside. pic.twitter.com/xTbgGLf7hi
70d               
9
8
The Fake ESPN @TheFakeESPN
Plaid-wearing attendees of Seattle Super Bowl parade claiming they were into Seahawks way before they went mainstream.
71d               
156
212
Boobarella @BakedElle
Hey guys who are obsessed with bacon... You've tried pussy, right?!
71d               
220
100
Kris @_AGuyNamedKris
Eat a dick windchill. pic.twitter.com/nuF5Hjm6a1
71d               
2
1
Ink @Duke1173
Calm the fuck down lady! I didn't hold the door open for you cause I want to fuck you. Although. If given the opportunity, I probably would.
72d               
381
153
PrettyUnstable @CubanB1987
Pro tip: if you tell a woman to calm down she's gonna do the complete opposite of calming down.
73d               
16
9
JD @JackieDee16
TRAFFIC BEING STOPPED IN THE CITY BECAUSE OF A TRAIN IS COMPLETE BULLSHIT!! #YEGtraffic #99Street
73d               
4
1
Amanda @Mandoline79
There should be rules for Sunday mornings that no one is allowed to be up this early. ...ugh...
74d               
4
1
Melvin of York @MelvinofYork
Honey, it’s a beautiful thing when Mommy and Daddy make love. Or in the case of what you saw, Mommy, Daddy, the lawn guy, and your hamster.
74d               
82
19
Oobrey @Oobrey
Yeah beards are cool and all, but what I really want to see are your tattoos.
76d               
23
4
Matt Henderson @Archaeologuy
Hey @scrivens_30

That was the best performance I have ever seen a Goalie give in my life.

#WeAreAllScrivens
77d               
11
9
Kris @_AGuyNamedKris
If I ever see ScrivNasty at the Brewhouse in Scriv Grove, I will buy him booze all night.
77d               
3
2
Nuclear Bavarian @NuclearBavarian
Dear The South,
We are sorry the snow has you stuck in traffic, but we can't help but laugh at least a little.
Stay safe.
Love, The North
78d               
20
5
J€®M§ Fø ®ęäł @jergarl
Give a man a fish and he'll eat it. Teach said man to fish and he'll get blackout drunk and pee on himself at a lake.

Metaphors at hard.
78d               
94
71
Chef Paul Shufelt @ChefPaulShufelt
Oh. What's that? You have nowhere to be....ever? Must be nice! #yegtraffic
79d               
2
2
Meatplow @mrjohntofu
When I get really drunk i only ask that you call me Goose.
79d               
5
2
Clustafunk @clustafunkband
Who decided cutting off NIN, QOTSA, and Lindsey Buckingham was a good idea? The same dude who invented Coke 2? Or hired Affleck for Batman?
79d               
1
1
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