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Favorite Tweets on TwitterWhile we are making some adjustments, we expect to be back online soon!

Unfortunately, after 5 years of providing you with Twitter data, we were now informed by Twitter that Twopcharts is suspended from interacting with the Twitter API for violating the Twitter Terms of Service. At this moment we do not know if and when this situation will be remedied, but for the moment we cannot provide you with data and analytics from Twitter.

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You can check up to the last 200 tweets that are favorited by any unprotected Twitter user.
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ImageNameLocationTwitter sinceLinks
VinoKelowna/Edmonton2011-02-12
@bamvion1,316 days
Workin on my short game.
FollowersFollowingTweetsListsFavorites
7847652,9473452
We found 197 favorite tweets.
Alannah Davis @alannahdavis
@Darbys_In_Kits don't encourage people to come to your patio to wait for an HOUR for their food. #yourkitchensucks
5d in reply to Darbys_In_Kits               
3
Nicole Detling, PhD @HeadStrongDoc
In the end, u won't remember the time u spent working in the office or mowing the lawn. Climb that damn mountain! pic.twitter.com/YDGYKkWqUP
35d               
6
2
AmishPornStar @AmishPornStar1
Remember back in the day when we used to take Polaroids of our food and mail them to all of our friends?
35d               
191
139
SportsCenter @SportsCenter
When asked to compare herself to major leaguers, Mo'Ne Davis shows she has style all her own. es.pn/1pRJf6S pic.twitter.com/FmGaSOGnDJ
35d               
17,571
13,957
ShitMySommelierSays @ShitMySommSays
Q. What is short, round with lots of tannin?
A. Snooki from the Jersey Shore.
37d               
11
7
@sshole In Charge @heavyoilcountry
Stats so fancy
U dont even know
Im trackin Corsi
From LA to Toronto
Stats so fancy
U dont understand them so
Remember Jims name
Bout to blow
37d               
1
Парведж @TwoAbysses
Drove behind a slow, crappy old truck with the license plate "HOE HOE" today. Caught myself muttering "move it, hoe." I was set up :(
52d               
3
Jerry Aulenbach @ZoomJer
Fender bender, tripped the alarm off during a showing, and just got fired. I think I need some ice cream.
52d               
3
1
Cecily MacLeod @cecilymacleod
Funny thing happened on my way to South Sask yesterday.
Yadda, yadda yadda...
Aaand now I'm still in Toon Town, pouring another rum.
55d               
31
6
Chef Paul Shufelt @ChefPaulShufelt
Lady I don't care what you think, it's never appropriate to go to Walmart in your Superman pj's
55d               
4
3
Krista G @Kage_99
Tonight is my wine night

Cheers friends! 🍷
56d               
17
1
Kim Grant @Kimmm_G
I know I'm not as popular as most of the #yeg twitter folks, but one day I hope to be cool enough to hang out with you all! 😊
57d               
5
NatHan Solo @UrMommysHouse
Playing 50/50 in the #CFL is currently more profitable than playing football in the CFL.
#Eskimos
57d               
4
4
Bing Bing @smurfetteB
I'll stare you back down until you look away
59d               
11
4
Tony P. @Tbone7219
I love when my boss is on vacation because I can drive the forklift to the bar for lunch instead of driving my car.
60d               
149
81
Bing Bing @smurfetteB
Goodnight world. Goodnight moon.
60d               
3
kristi @kristiisrad
will be crushin' some sushi tonight. it's been far too long.
62d               
2
1
Dan Bilzerian @DanBilzerian
My PR asshole will not ruin our fun pic.twitter.com/71S7akopEz
65d               
22,587
18,321
Chris @onume_
Iggy Azalea sounds like a white alien trying to sound black.
65d               
68
38
@sshole In Charge @heavyoilcountry
I don't fuckin get this team. 2013, 89 gets his face smashed in while RNH on the mend, stop-gap? Hall/Arco. 2014, 89 traded & ZERO stop-gaps
66d               
1
Kim @saysyrahsirah
hahahaha!! my co workers are hilarious!! pic.twitter.com/9BBujE8CRT
67d               
2
Danika @neekers_92
Just want some poutine.
68d               
6
Darth Vader @DepressedDarth
Star Wars lightsabers pic.twitter.com/mCXOcM7s8g
74d               
1,120
755
Rusty @ZombieRusty
"I will listen to you before I jump to conclusions and get pissed off."

Said no woman ever.
77d               
7
8
Sue Miller @RicardosMed
My home. My sanctuary. Kalamalka Lake in the Okanagan is pure beauty and it will transform you the moment you enter. pic.twitter.com/wJgBbfqzXJ
77d               
4
2
Pretty @Pretty__G
@_AGuyNamedKris AND SHE SHOWED ME HER BOOBIES AND I LIKE THEM TOO
77d in reply to _AGuyNamedKris               
2
Kris @_AGuyNamedKris
Foosball is the devil
77d               
3
1
The Andy Babic @TheAndyBabic
Take that stupid @DamoSpin
77d               
1
1
Jerry Aulenbach @ZoomJer
July the 4th be with you. #failedstarwarsjokes
78d               
2
2
Shane Palmer @shaney_palmzzz
Claude grabbed the sheriff, but he did not grab the deputy!
79d               
12
13
Josh @iwearaonesie
I'm just a boy, standing in the shower, trying to eat his ice cream before it melts
wife: seriously why would you bring that in here?
79d               
113
44
Chris Robison @randomhero79
STOP FUCKING YELLING
80d               
1
1
Josh @iwearaonesie
"you're such an asshole."

- my wife when I throw stuff out of the car, like the cup of coffee she asked me to hold
80d               
125
60
Josh @iwearaonesie
CAN SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN THE DEFINITION OF "EASY OPEN" TO THE PEOPLE WHO PACKAGE STRING CHEESE?
80d               
153
77
Ryan Dittrick @ryandittrick
Once a Bolt, always a Bolt.
82d               
45
40
Calm Like a Bomb @stilettophile
Cheech: Hey man, Am I driving okay
Chong: I think we're parked
84d               
14
5
Bob o Rama™ @Flinstone777
Dear overhanded fork guy at the restaurant. Really?
84d               
2
1
Karl Welzein @DadBoner
Woke up on the kitchen floor 'round 3am. Pitch dark. Smashed my guy veggies into an open drawer Dave musta left open. Lazy idiot.
84d               
85
44
Heather Middleton @midsart
Just picked up my badge for the Whyte Ave Art Walk...16 days left until the fun begins! #yegartwalk @oldstrathcona @ThePaintSpot @YEGArtWalk
86d               
2
3
Peter Stark @StarksWeek
If there isn't a porn star named Dildo Baggins I don't want to live in this world anymore.
89d               
280
166
Natasa M @Natasa84
Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the Fandango?
95d               
3
1
Chris Donnan @donnan18
@bamvion self proclaimed #1 son
96d in reply to bamvion               
1
Chef Paul Shufelt @ChefPaulShufelt
I just got a $250 fine for jaywalking. Jaywalking. Are you f*cking kidding me @CityofEdmonton ? My mom taught me to look both ways. Thanks.
98d               
3
2
Calm Like a Bomb @stilettophile
I'm really not sure what your tweet meant but it did make me want falafel
104d               
20
2
TURN DOWN FOR WATT @trevorwatt
MAJOR LEAGUE IS ON NETFLIX AHHH
110d               
1
Kris @_AGuyNamedKris
LA, don't be Saad.
110d               
1
1
Pint Edmonton @pintedmonton
You want the Hawks and Kings? We've got the Hawks and Kings. #BobColeRules #yeg
112d               
1
2
@sshole In Charge @heavyoilcountry
THEY WON! WE WON SOMETHING HOCKEY RELATED THATS IMPORTANT EDMONTON
117d               
7
4
Kris @_AGuyNamedKris
YOU GET AN OVERTIME AND YOU GET AN OVERTIME AND YOU GET AN OVERTIME AND EVERYBODY GETS AN OVERTIME!
119d               
4
3
Hayl @haykshan
Some girls should be forbidden to wear yoga pants.
I just saw a camel toe that looked like a Queen sized mattress folded in half.
123d               
566
326
Heather Middleton @midsart
Just finished another painting! #onaroll pic.twitter.com/r38Pay9885
130d               
2
1
The Fake ESPN @TheFakeESPN
Vince Young apologizes to Costco manager for quitting by driving forklift through Charmin Ultra display, asks if he can have his job back.
131d               
173
214
Kim @saysyrahsirah
when some one says " for me, personally" ... #bugsme seems redundant somehow?
142d               
2
Summer Rials @SummerRials1028
Sooooo excited about the @Saints schedule!! 👍❤️🏈bit.ly/1igH4Cs #geauxsaints
148d               
104
46
TURN DOWN FOR WATT @trevorwatt
@bamvion he’s just the regular ambassador, you’re adding the word rap hahha. Besides, it would obviously be the used
150d in reply to bamvion               
1
Garrett Faylor @G_Faylor
@bamvion: Like who would be the rap ambassador for the Utah Jazz?” Easy. Deez gurlz. pic.twitter.com/xRVun0NmuY
150d               
2
2
Squirrel Thug Gang @Mikecanrant
You know, you can just buy eggs at the store. Idiot kids.
152d               
57
13
RaDaR (Sex God) @seanmoriartyMV
A mustache ride so intense it starts hipster mating season a month early.
153d               
22
7
Hollapeño @MiniiG
Curiosity killed the cat is an expression that always left me with so many queries

How did it die?
Did anyone love it?
HOW much curiosity?
154d               
16
11
Hollapeño @MiniiG
Maybe one day I'll have a love strong enough for The Maury Show
154d               
22
8
Hollapeño @MiniiG
I thought Coachella was a new app for fitness trainers to get clients
157d               
10
5
Hollapeño @MiniiG
Nothing makes me want to jump off a cliff like working for 10 minutes straight
157d               
17
8
@sshole In Charge @heavyoilcountry
We built this Smytty on greasy goals
160d               
12
2
Jeff M @jrock71
A goal for #BabyNuge on his 21st Birthday. Chucky E Cheese is gonna be rowdie tonite!
160d               
1
Jazmasta @jazmasta
Hey I just met you, this is crazy, but here's my bus fare, thanks for being my bus driver.
160d               
297
78
Abe Yospe @Cheeseboy22
Sometimes, during the movie previews, I'll turn to the stranger sitting next to me and whisper, "We should really go see that together."
165d               
1,933
1,270
Engelbert Humpmydick @SpankMeIm0ty
FINALLY!! A plausible fucking answer to MH370 pic.twitter.com/BTvYwxrj9I
173d               
32
21
Lounge Fly @mrjohntofu
I can't wait to get freaky tonight, whatever the hell that means.
176d               
7
4
Dave @VodkaShorebird
If I had to call it, Nicki Minaj is probably my favorite Power Rangers villain.
176d               
100
55
Dave @VodkaShorebird
In all honesty the only thing I’m really good for is freaking out several times a day because I’ve moved my cellphone to a different place.
177d               
19
8
Lounge Fly @mrjohntofu
Slow down, it's a parking lot, bitch bag.

~ Daily driving comments
178d               
5
3
some chick @1aicats
Today can already shut up.
178d               
35
13
Shark Dick @megasharkpenis
Retweet this, and receive a box of crabs in the mail
178d               
48
31
some chick @1aicats
Ketchup on CHINESE FOOD!??

What a sick fuck.
178d               
29
5
some chick @1aicats
"You're literally a spoiled cunt."
178d               
9
2
Shark Dick @megasharkpenis
Table for 2 please.

Waiter: Yes sir. But... you are alone.

Me: TABLE FOR 2!

Waiter: Certainly sir.??!?

Me: *pulls hamster from pants*
179d               
90
54
Dave @VodkaShorebird
I once knew a Brock. Senior year of high school. He was literally everything you'd expect from a dude named Brock.
179d               
27
8
some chick @1aicats
If you're going to be an an asshole you better be fucking funny.
181d               
102
53
Lt. L.T. Deer @tinydinosaurs
my dog started wagging its tail when i started changing in front of him, so i am going to go to the other room to change. I don't need this
182d               
292
120
pakalu papito @pakalupapito
i do no lift bro i own gas station
183d               
939
1,237
The Drummy Abides... @CrashTestDrummy
Saw someone on Craigslist selling a s'mores maker.

Where I come from, we call that a fire.
184d               
326
167
some chick @1aicats
Weather. What an idiot.
184d               
19
4
Mindy @SubliminalMess
I'll eat my breakfast burrito on the treadmill. IDGAF! #gangsta
184d               
4
1
Squirrel Thug Gang @Mikecanrant
Money saving tip: Get that ripped jean look naturally by repeatedly wiping Dorito dust on your knees over a 5 year period.
185d               
91
33
Kris @_AGuyNamedKris
YOU GOTTA FIGHT! FOR YOUR RIGHT! TO SQUEEEEEEEEE-EEEEE!
185d               
4
2
Mindy @SubliminalMess
You say "potato", I say "shut the fuck up Mike! No one cares how you say potato you pretentious douche!".
185d               
7
1
Mindy @SubliminalMess
But it NEVER did stop snowing, and they wore moon boots and fluffy coats for the rest of their lives.
185d               
5
2
James Fischer @jfish96
Just booked yeg to phx return cheaper than a flight to kelowna or van. Canada in serious need of competition other than @AirCanada @WestJet
186d               
1
1
The Fake ESPN @TheFakeESPN
Jim Irsay arrested on suspicion of DWI. Cops say they first noticed he seemed drunk after he traded a 1st round pick for Trent Richardson.
187d               
608
1,089
bibowinebar @bibowinebar
gold star!!!
188d               
2
1
Mable Gertrude @MableGertrude
It's really rude to stab people if they don't deserve it.
189d               
135
73
Mable Gertrude @MableGertrude
Do you hear that?

That's the chicken dance song, calling...yearning...challenging you to throw down and get funky.
189d               
76
29
Kim @saysyrahsirah
Pimm's for noon hour .... why yes thank you! @NextActPub
189d               
2
1
Kris @_AGuyNamedKris
These Dairy Milk Oreo chocolate bars are majestic.. Like a unicorn made from bacon.
189d               
1
1
Abita Beer @TheAbitaBeer
Happy Pi Day. Let's get mathematical with it and see how many beers we can consume on this wonderful Friday evening.
190d               
21
18
Karl Welzein @DadBoner
Really lookin' forward to the St. Paddy's celebraish, you guys.
190d               
86
242
Pint Edmonton @pintedmonton
The weekend approaches... Time for "coffee" #Open
190d               
3
1
Tony P. @Tbone7219
There should be an iPhone app that makes caller ID more detailed like "John needs help moving" or "Your bitch ex-wife needs to complain."
190d               
188
146
Sugar & Spice @nice_sugar_girl
My ADHD drank a shit load of coffee.

*runs wild with the squirrels*
190d               
10
4
Jeanshorts #94 @JSBMjeanshorts
DP! DP! DP! DP! #DP4EVERYBODY
190d               
2
1
Ginny Jenny @ginny_jenny
YAAAAAAAY! Fuckin eh Perron!!!!
190d               
6
2
Inappropriate Charm @LackOfShame
Nothing freaks me out like realizing it's not a fart, and it's too late to change course
190d               
63
33
Dazzledginger @dazzledginger
*finally drinking a beer
191d               
52
9
Guy Incognito @ShutUpThatsWho
A family in Oregon had to call 911 after being held captive in their apartment by their pet cat. Now THAT'S being pussy whipped.
191d               
6
4
Dazzledginger @dazzledginger
VICTORY IS MINE!!!

*folds fitted sheet
192d               
191
85
Парведж @TwoAbysses
it's definitely time for new ink.
194d               
2
1
Josh @DamnitJosh
Evacuation plan:

Dunk head in toilet.
Flush repeatedly.
197d               
6
4
Captain's Log @howe007
Let's give up alcohol for Lent and see if we actually like each other.
197d               
35
17
Josh @DamnitJosh
ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWNNNN
198d               
5
1
keels @_keels_
Don't forget to prove to your family how important religion is to you by giving up Facebook for Lent.
198d               
57
25
Captain's Log @howe007
If Russia prepares for war the way it prepares for the Olympics then we have nothing to worry about.
199d               
120
82
Captain's Log @howe007
Something's rising and it ain't Jesus.
199d               
20
11
Dennis King @DKingBH
Just how big is the bag of heroin that John Garret and Jim Hughson will eventually share? #DeathOfANeverWasDynasty
199d               
4
4
Elaine L. @LaineyGossip
Tim Thomas and Roberto Luongo are on the same team now. Is that like Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie being in the same movie?
199d               
82
147
Rascal Gas @rascalgas
I just traded my lunch for a 5th-round draft pick!
200d               
1
2
It's Just Ali @TnucTew
Mardi Gras should be a Cdn holiday...It IS French...We'd spend the day drinking beer, eating bacon & ANYTHING with maple syrop... Oh... wait
200d               
4
2
laur @LittleeLauraaa
Hello, Mother Nature, yes I know something awful must have happened to turn you into a cold hearted bitch but it's about time you move on.
200d               
5
1
It's Just Ali @TnucTew
This rum tastes suspiciously like Coke
200d               
4
1
It's Just Ali @TnucTew
Okay ppl... I've taken all I can and I CAN'T takes no more!!!

YOUR=belonging to
YOU'RE=you are
YORE=old timey days

YOU'RE welcome!!
200d               
223
110
TURN DOWN FOR WATT @trevorwatt
Hey, guy doing bicep curls with his backpack on the train: calm down.
200d               
1
1
Sir Strange @Sir_Strange
Where's the app that takes Nickelback and Bieber away, and gives us Bradley and Kurt back?
200d               
80
53
Lame Dad @jergarl
She was like, you know I faked my orgasm last night to make you feel better and I was like really? Cuz I fake everything. Your move.
201d               
128
94
Sugar & Spice @nice_sugar_girl
Here I go again on my OWN!

*Air guitar*

What are you looking at?

(Me, drunk and slurring at my reflection in the mirror.)
201d               
5
2
Rizz @InnocentMarina6
The fluoride in the water is giving my son bitch Tittays...
201d               
16
5
Sugar & Spice @nice_sugar_girl
Yeah. I'm listening to Puff the Dragon alone in my office and crying if anyone wants to hang with a super fun person.
202d               
20
10
Rizz @InnocentMarina6
Why do all clothes from old navy look like I want to go sailing off the coast of cape cod?
202d               
16
12
Sir Strange @Sir_Strange
So, what happens when both Waffle Houses in town are slammed pack?

You get into an argument with your wife and go home with nothing.
202d               
84
38
Rizz @InnocentMarina6
Hakuna MaTa-Ta's is just a nice way of saying calm your tits
202d               
19
13
Rascal Gas @rascalgas
Tomorrow's Heritage Classic proves that the NHL isn't interested in the authentic atmosphere of outdoor games. They want to sell 50K tickets
202d               
3
3
Dean Murdoch @Dean_Murdoch
Just drinkin outside the Tim Horton's here, tellin chicks they can roll up my rim to win for free. So far no takers. #nightisyoung
202d               
454
412
Chef Paul Shufelt @ChefPaulShufelt
Go Habs Go! Did you see that beauty @chefcowan? Watch the highlights later #gohabsgo
202d               
2
Juddy @iAmJuddy
Go to a restaurant on a Saturday at 7pm and act mad when you don’t get a table right away so the world knows you’re a spoiled cunt. Fuck you
202d               
171
42
baggedmilk @jsbmbaggedmilk
Went to check the temperature and my weather app said "fuck it, just go back to bed" #yeg
203d               
1
1
Lounge Fly @mrjohntofu
I can tell you like me, by the way you threw that brick at my head.
203d               
13
8
kristi @kristiisrad
anyway, BEER CLUB TIME
203d               
1
1
Stats Canada @stats_canada
82% of Canada is indistinguishable from the ice planet Hoth
204d               
862
1,575
laur @LittleeLauraaa
Next time I throw up I hope it's all over someone I hate.
204d               
19
7
Sugar & Spice @nice_sugar_girl
Cotton candy. Sweet and low. Let me see that tootsie roll.

*Takes bite of Cheerios*

My breakfast routines are interesting.
204d               
2
1
Elz @xxEllyNotxx
I'll watch Clash of the Titans just to hear Liam Neeson say "Release the Kraken!" IDGAF
205d               
10
5
Camden's finest @anbrll00
Is it my Buick or the Marlboro reds that attracted you to me ?
205d               
39
22
Matt Frey @CyclesFrey
I hate Kessler, but if he came to the oilers... Id love him
205d               
2
2
PopSlapFunk @PopSlapFunk
Calm down, guy parked across four spots. Or do you and your Dodge Avenger require that much space for all the pussy you're attracting?
207d               
152
76
My Next Idea @leswhitmore
All I want my headstone to read:

Well..............shit.
208d               
58
37
IIya Bryzgalov @bryzgalov80
Bozak happy Kessel back from Russia. He excited to take Phil to Lego Movie.
208d               
27
29
Mickey Mt. Vernon @WhatevaConc
You are like the house that gives out raisins on Halloween of people.
209d               
204
121
Wake @Wakenbake77
I want to drink coffee in Australia, so I can say, will you pass the COFFEE-MATE.
209d               
587
343
Mickey Mt. Vernon @WhatevaConc
She had dandruff but not "shake her hair onto her picture during detention with a criminal, an athlete, a princess, and a brain" dandruff.
210d               
144
79
GoodRickHunting @Rick_IZ
No YOU cried watching figure skating!

I was watching Rocky while doing pushups, eating rare steak & shooting guns
211d               
59
23
My Next Idea @leswhitmore
I call this hairstyle, 'I didn't put on deodorant either.'
213d               
101
46
Karl Welzein @DadBoner
Had such a blast for 'Tine's Day weekend. Had a few real fine convos with some lonely 'Bee's babes. Nothin' carnal. My choice of course.
214d               
66
35
Lounge Fly @mrjohntofu
My life coach benched me.
215d               
22
15
Jon Sails @Sailsman777
Hey, I forgot... how long did the groundhog say it would be before these become the spring Olympics?
215d               
21
2
Sugar & Spice @nice_sugar_girl
*Rides into Whole Foods on a horse*
*Asks for carrots*
*Takes bite of carrot. Tips hat*
*Rides off into sunset*
215d               
18
9
Sugar & Spice @nice_sugar_girl
I can't honestly be expected to be mature in this situation, can I? pic.twitter.com/0lGWVSWDqr
216d               
105
34
nowaynope @funk62out
I am now dating my bartender's AM playlist.
216d               
5
1
Devin Skrumbellos @SKRUMBOOO
Snowing again!!!! Wow this shit is getting old!!!
216d               
8
4
Sugar & Spice @nice_sugar_girl
The scenery out my window includes my backyard's lovely shade of dog piss yellow.
216d               
9
4
Steve Suckington @SteveSuckington
I'll take your moms vagina for $100 Alex.

I'm sorry that's not a category Steve.

Category? What are you talking about Alex?
216d               
251
122
Josh @DamnitJosh
I have entirely too much shit to get done.. That's usually how I know it's the weekend.
216d               
10
2
Hudsons Canada's Pub @HudsonsPub
Shout out to the #Hudsons twitter followers today. You guys are seriously awesome, we love chit-chatting with you! Happy Saturday, ya'll.
216d               
6
1
sara @SomthinBoutSara
One man's trash is my new couch
216d               
520
217
nowaynope @funk62out
It's weathering outside again. Always with the weathering.
217d               
14
3
Cecily MacLeod @cecilymacleod
This morning thing just isn't working out for me. Time for a nap before I get cranky.
See you all at a more respectable hour, like 2pm-ish
217d               
36
7
Cecily MacLeod @cecilymacleod
*deletes drunk tweets*
Apparently I had a little too much fun last night. Been on for 20min & I'm out of stars.
Good morning twitterverse.
217d               
46
6
Nuclear Bavarian @NuclearBavarian
Thank God that day is over. Now I can get back to hating my wife.
217d               
18
5
Only Fast Eddie @OnlyFastEddie
*makes out with water fountain*
217d               
50
15
MaggieWilk @maggiewilk
Hey massive cockroach, how did you climb three stories and get into my bathtub? Not cool bro
217d               
2
1
Roc-NBC Sports Radio @NBCSportsRoc
Come on NBC you are better than that. At least our flag wasn't Russian. pic.twitter.com/yTcPGL6uZr
217d               
34
97
Lame Dad @jergarl
"The PEN IS mightier than the sword" is my favorite metaphor to use the wrong emphasis on the wrong syllables.

No YOU'RE thirteen.
217d               
126
86
sara @SomthinBoutSara
The pot and the kettle are really racist
217d               
350
185
Devin Skrumbellos @SKRUMBOOO
Should be against the law to work on weekends!!
217d               
6
5
sara @SomthinBoutSara
I'm sorry I couldn't stop sniffing your baby
217d               
158
53
Cecily MacLeod @cecilymacleod
Only about a month till St. Patrick's Day. Don't let the Irish have all the fun, start practicing now
*pours rum, adds green food colouring*
217d               
33
8
Krista G @Kage_99
Done and done people!

My grand total for @HairMassacureNA was $1665.00 raised!!! Thank you!

#NoHairDontCare pic.twitter.com/XadPhSRJ9U
217d               
262
46
mooyaini @mooyaini
She believed me when I said I'd been selected for the Mars One mission.
217d               
32
16
Only Fast Eddie @OnlyFastEddie
Where there's a will... there's someone who insists on calling him william.
217d               
99
44
Dennis King @DKingBH
I'd like to believe that anything wrong with Team Canada is Lowe's fault because, after all, Lowe does fuck up a lot of stuff
217d               
4
1
mooyaini @mooyaini
Fuck yes. pic.twitter.com/9vI7EFEVzW
218d               
22
1
nowaynope @funk62out
I am not day drunk.
These boots really are that slippery.
218d               
8
3
Only Fast Eddie @OnlyFastEddie
Love conquers all... except for herpes.
218d               
96
50
Lame Dad @jergarl
No YOU look like you slept on the pavement at a Denny's last night, Carol. Your hair looks stupid too, fuck you.
218d               
110
54
Lame Dad @jergarl
Last year for valentines day I pretended to give a fuck, this year I'm pretending not to.
218d               
64
31
Krista G @Kage_99
Water? No, no! pic.twitter.com/IJdOc84S9Z
218d               
11
2
Krista G @Kage_99
I am proud to say 'eh'!

Go Can-eh-da Go! 🍁
219d               
17
6
Queen RanDumb @InVisiHole
Unless that's a double shot of sleep in, dump it on your fucking lap.

That kind of morning.
219d               
16
3
Phoenix Ascends @Feniex17
I'm already sick of hearing Phil Kessel on my TV. #makeitstop
219d               
2
1
Gone Quixote @PaulGibson1963
My promotion in the family chain of command means I can now give orders to the thermostat. I still report to the dog though. For now.
219d               
173
75
nowaynope @funk62out
Brb, gotta go finish choking on this crouton.
219d               
7
3
Bob Cole @BobColeBaby
A good. Strong. Start. For Canada. In these Olympic Games. In Sochi. And they'll try to keep it goin. Tomorrow. Of course. In mens hockey.
219d               
12
19
nowaynope @funk62out
Not to brag but I got out of bed today. Not saying I'm not writing this in bed right now, but I did get out.
219d               
113
72
mooyaini @mooyaini
Apparently putting a note in the company suggestion box asking if the hot european babe can wear more mini skirts gets you a meeting with HR
220d               
26
8
CuntSmith @csmith5050
Guys, please listen closely to women on here about how to perform sexually, because you shouldn't turn down advice from a cat whisperer.
220d               
98
49
JD @JackieDee16
Anyone else wish that the Canadian women would just crush a USA player at centre ice? #BOOM
#IsItJustMe
220d               
9
3
Camden's finest @anbrll00
Dr: You have shingles
Me: You mean hot local shingles *winks*
Dr. This isn't twitter and you need a life
220d               
55
32
3MTA3 @ROTTYpc
I'm not saying you're a nerd but your sword collection says otherwise.
220d               
3
3
3MTA3 @ROTTYpc
Russia might hate gays but Vladimir Putin loves beef stroganoff on his face.
220d               
3
4
Princess Buttercup @GoldenSpirals
You pulled out in front of me.
Now you're going slow.
I don't like my car.
I will win this one.
220d               
240
137
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