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Andrew ShafferPortland, OR2009-03-16
@andrewtshaffer1,865 days
Humorist and author of @Syfy’s How to Survive a Sharknado and Other Unnatural Disasters (Three Rivers Press) and Fifty Shames of Earl Grey (Da Capo Press).
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8,1293,73364,3534373,230
We found 195 favorite tweets.
Sara Benincasa @SaraJBenincasa
Does this white privilege make me look fat?
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Sophie Jordan @SoVerySophie
@andrewtshaffer AH! Well. then your brilliance has put you in demand.
50m in reply to andrewtshaffer               
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John @SciFiAudiobooks
@andrewtshaffer my faith in humanity is restored
1h in reply to andrewtshaffer               
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KGB @kurtbaumeister
@andrewtshaffer this took way too long...(no pun int-...oh, never mind...)
1h in reply to andrewtshaffer               
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Tessa Dare @TessaDare
I love what qualifies as "shop talk" for a romance novelist. Basically, there's no such thing as NSFW.
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Barbara Ellingson @MrsTomSauter
@andrewtshaffer @bcmystery @trishaleighKC FACT: I will go to prison for murdering my 1st gen German mechanical engineer husband.
2h in reply to andrewtshaffer               
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Trisha Leigh @trishaleighKC
@MrsTomSauter I feel like only the distance is saving me from a good slapping. @andrewtshaffer @bcmystery
2h in reply to MrsTomSauter               
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Trisha Leigh @trishaleighKC
@andrewtshaffer Yay! I’ll save you a Whitman U t-shirt. :)
2h in reply to andrewtshaffer               
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Bill Cameron ⚡ @bcmystery
@andrewtshaffer This makes perfect sense to me. Good kitchen implements are crucial. @MrsTomSauter @trishaleighKC
2h in reply to andrewtshaffer               
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Lauren @lolashoes
@seeCwrite mouth sex
7h in reply to seeCwrite               
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MHarvey @mharvey816
@tammyvevents @tiffanyreisz @andrewtshaffer My calendar now has a giant red circle on that date. #notastalker
9h in reply to tammyvevents               
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Mat Johnson @mat_johnson
@MrsTomSauter Happy Birthday!

You're a year closer to dying and I have it from several sources that after that it's like heaven.
11h in reply to MrsTomSauter               
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Sara Benincasa @SaraJBenincasa
@andrewtshaffer @Cosmopolitan awww thank you Andrew. I saw the future! (nah I just didn't have a filter.)
12h in reply to andrewtshaffer               
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Sara Taylor Woods @sarataylorwoods
@tiffanyreisz Man, @andrewtshaffer is into the weirdest shit. And also flexible!
1d in reply to tiffanyreisz               
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Phillip Hester @philhester
How did the D-Backs get this terrible?
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Ann Marie Walker @AnnMarie_Walker
And for everyone in between. RT “@andrewtshaffer: Oscar Wilde quote for the saints and sinners amongst us. pic.twitter.com/VvBb0qZ5Zr
1d in reply to andrewtshaffer               
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Sadie Mason-Smith @SadieAwesome
@andrewtshaffer Party Mix Crunch gives your grumpy cat the satisfaction of crunching without sacrificing the bones of the innocent.
1d in reply to andrewtshaffer               
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Heathman Portland @HeathmanPDX
@andrewtshaffer Hah! Brilliant! We are utilizing that today!
1d in reply to andrewtshaffer               
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Julie Anne Lindsey @JulieALindsey
RT @TerrifyingPosts: Nothing has ever seemed more legit than this pic.twitter.com/44I1dGGk1E
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Andrew Smith @marburyjack
Happy book birthday @andreacremer xx
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Roni Loren @RoniLoren
Today only: FIFTY FIRST TIMES is only 99 cents at All Romance Ebooks! allromanceebooks.com/product-fiftyf…
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Carrie Ryan @carrieryan
To the “Carrie Ryan” out there who signed up for Match.com with my email - if you get in touch I can update it to your email :)
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Timothy Asher @betthearm
@andrewtshaffer @maureenjohnson @RonCharles Mine did if you count yelling "If you'r done wasting time you can mow the lawn!"
1d in reply to andrewtshaffer               
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Harlequin Books @HarlequinBooks
TALK DIRTY TO ME by @DakotaCassidy named one of @PublishersWkly's Best Summer Books of 2014 in Romance! bit.ly/QrMMvr
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Daniel Friedman @DanFriedman81
DON'T EVER LOOK BACK is out today. I am reading tonight at Book Court at 7 pm.
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Rachel Vincent @rachelkvincent
10,000 views and 46 shares on FB for my deviled easter eggs. I wish I could get a book cover seen that many times. ;)
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David Kazzie @DavidKazzie
Softball is a cruel sport to 40-year-old men. Stretch. Don't stretch. IT WON'T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE.
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Ann Marie Walker @AnnMarie_Walker
@andrewtshaffer *gasp* Did you just pull a tag off a mattress? Dear god man, what were you thinking?!
2d in reply to andrewtshaffer               
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Davis Shoemaker @AKATheMaskedMan
My gravestone. RT @allcupo: you were mentioned on Raw. Bad news, @VinceMcMahon changed your name to “Davis”. pic.twitter.com/zSEmEP7RSi
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BewareOfDogma @ellelljaytoo
@andrewtshaffer @betweenpages Too funny! I am such a sucker for anything SHARK... pic.twitter.com/l2AktP6YRR
2d in reply to andrewtshaffer               
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Isobel Carr @IsobelCarr
@andrewtshaffer Portland seems ever so much more "you".
2d in reply to andrewtshaffer               
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Tiffany Reisz @tiffanyreisz
Ack! We're going to a @RonFunches show soon! My excitement cannot be contained. Someone hand me a towel. #joy
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Danielle Llanes @daniellellanes
@andrewtshaffer Portland is fun. I have threatened to visit but never actually make it.
2d in reply to andrewtshaffer               
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Megan Mulry @MeganMulry
AOL you have sucked the life out of this day. Goodbye old frenemy of 19 years. *slouches towards gmail*
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Nikka Michaels @NikkaMichaels
@tiffanyreisz Portlandia is a much happier, kinkier, funnier place now.
2d in reply to tiffanyreisz               
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Katie Dunneback @younglibrarian
@andrewtshaffer congrats! i've heard many good things about portland. @acornsandnuts lives there, too @tiffanyreisz
2d in reply to andrewtshaffer               
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Mala Bhattacharjee @badnecklace
@andrewtshaffer Always zag when they expect you to zig. Keeps 'em on their toes.
2d in reply to andrewtshaffer               
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Mermaid Sharon @Mojitana
I love Dildo reviews that say "Gag gift only". 1) Gag gift, indeed. 2) Challenge Accepted.
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Julie Brannagh @julieinduvall
I may or may not have visited the Duvall Family Drugs drive-through window and bought Cadbury Eggs. #medicalemergency
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Rachel Fershleiser @RachelFersh
Knowing immediately when someone has been hacked is just another beautiful side effect of not following people who tweet about their diets.
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gabrielle gantz @contextual_life
YES!!! MT @BretEastonEllis A conversation with JIM RASH [on] the aesthetics of TV, The Writer's Room, discontent bit.ly/HZFA5H
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Richelle Mead @RichelleMead
@tiffanyreisz @andrewtshaffer Yay! Happy to have you guys in the "neighborhood!"
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Graham Linehan @Glinner
Imagine if this was the only photographic evidence the human race existed. pic.twitter.com/Ihl8wFBxCL
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Margarita Noriega @margafret
When did Facebook try to turn into the Game of Life? Also, I have not gotten to most of these. Waiting for next spin. pic.twitter.com/rlMUoUZIX5
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Mαtt Thomαs @mattthomas
@andrewtshaffer Sometimes too much.
3d in reply to andrewtshaffer               
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Eve Eschenbacher @MidnightRem
This has to be the most inappropriate/hilarious @CAH photo I've ever seen: i.imgur.com/TKaxkX4.jpg I nearly spit my drink.
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Laurie K @eridani99
Loved Unbound by Cara McKenna. Another stellar recommendation by @tiffanyreisz. She never leads me astray.
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Tiffany Reisz @tiffanyreisz
Just came from Easter Mass. I've been listening to so much @NightValeRadio instead of the liturgy I wanted to say "All hail the glow cloud!"
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Barbara Ellingson @MrsTomSauter
@mat_johnson I've pondered a "Christ died for your sins. Happy Easter" note and nothing else in their baskets. Bad Catholic.
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Erin Go Dodgers @erinscafe
Puig & Me, Episode 1: Scafe moves in Puig's Hollywood mansion, introduces him to Totinos pizza. Puig gains another 20 lbs. Mattingly's mad.
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Erin Go Dodgers @erinscafe
Local news anchors and local radio DJs are the worst at pretending to be real people. The worst.
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Dan Krokos @DanKrokos
@Gwenda @DanFriedman81 @BookaliciousPam what race is he claiming to be? I can't believe that's a question I am asking.
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Daniel Friedman @DanFriedman81
Why is there always Hugo drama? Is there ever Edgar drama?
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Daniel Friedman @DanFriedman81
DON'T EVER LOOK BACK is a Publishers Weekly pick of the week: publishersweekly.com/pw/by-topic/in…
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Matthew Reichbach @fbihop
@erinscafe #RIPwitherin
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Erin Go Dodgers @erinscafe
I feel too cold and too hot all at the same time. The human body is such a miracle.
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tedder moving to pdx @tedder42
flew into Mexico City early today on @AlaskaAir. Tamales were served. This is why we are loyal to Alaska Airlines.
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Richelle Mead @RichelleMead
Woohoo! @DuttonBooks got their finished copies of The Immortal Crown today! Book #2 in the Age of X series, May 29. pic.twitter.com/g6mEqwbRES
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Christopher Rowe @ChristopherRowe
I do 1st drafts in Scrivener, 2nd drafts in Word, and tweets with a Uni-ball Blue Jetstream in a Mead Cambridge Ivory Quad notebook.
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Shanta Newlin @Shantaroo
One of my favorite people has a book coming out next Tuesday! The Inventor's Secret by @andreacremer!
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Falchion Malacandra @falchionM
Andrew Shaffer's Fifty Shames of Earl Grey is considerably improving my mood. I am reading it aloud to @LaurenBWatson. So close to laughing.
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SCBWI Oregon @SCBWIOregon
#PDX #writers Curious abt using @ScrivenerApp to draft your books? Learn tricks w/@kiersi this Sat 4/19: oregon.scbwi.org/events/tnl-4-1… #free
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Sara Benincasa @SaraJBenincasa
Look at this CAKE from my mom! @BooksofWonder pic.twitter.com/8Q02wQ6H5v
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Kami Garcia @kamigarcia
My kind of #HelloKitty poster. instagram.com/p/m4BSxwNfWU/
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Mermaid Sharon @Mojitana
My vibrator is broken. These are the authors I blame. @MeganMulry @caramckenna @KitRocha @tiffanyreisz @Charlotte_Stein @RuthieKnox
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Ancient Portland @AncientPortland
“God saw that the wickedness of Portlanders was great...and He caused it to rain forty days and forty nights…and no one really noticed.”
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Lauren DeStefano @LaurenDeStefano
When random strangers find out I'm a writer and ask me who my publisher is, they're always surprised I name a publisher they've heard of.
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Jay Gieringer @gieringer
If you read @ElleRafter 's tweet history you begin to believe #usairlines #usairways intended to send. Professional complainer.
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Regina Wade @betweenpages
Be prepared, not scared. Safe,not sorry. Get this book, before it's too late. How to Survive a Sharknado amazon.com/dp/0553418130/… via @amazon
9d               
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Qwill @QQwill
Terrific postcard I received today from the fabulous @andrewtshaffer pic.twitter.com/NwSEwuczXw
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Mark W. Carson @MarkWCarson
@andrewtshaffer walgreens.com/store/c/first-… @byobrooks
9d in reply to andrewtshaffer               
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Brooks Sherman @byobrooks
Captain Underpants gets more calls for censorship than Fifty Shades of Grey. Parents, ease up just a TAD, will you? ala.org/news/state-ame…
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Mollie @MZHemingway
How I imagine Boston is all the time. RT @SaraJBenincasa: A MAN IN A TRICORNER HAT JUST WALKED INTO THIS COFFEE SHOP #boston
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Zoe Archer @Zoe_Archer
@andrewtshaffer It's like a hot plate buffet of human flesh
10d in reply to andrewtshaffer               
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Madeline Moore @MsMadelineMoore
@andrewtshaffer It's so dads can say,"There's a skulk under your bed & he'll grab your ankles if you get out." And so to bed. #tips4parents
10d in reply to andrewtshaffer               
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Cecilia Grant @Cecilia_Grant
@tiffanyreisz My hard limit was the centaur jacking off. Not plausible. Arms would have to be absurdly long.
10d in reply to tiffanyreisz               
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Farrah Rochon @FarrahRochon
@KwanaWrites @andrewtshaffer I can be genuinely sorry and still laugh, right?
10d in reply to KwanaWrites               
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I. E. Kenner @OTS_Bifrost
@andrewtshaffer He invented "If you don't forward this to [whatever], bad things will happen". I'm thinking he's troll patient zero.
10d in reply to andrewtshaffer               
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Mark W. Carson @MarkWCarson
@andrewtshaffer they like big bugs and they cannot lie
10d in reply to andrewtshaffer               
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Moni-Marie Vincent @MonicaMarieV
@andrewtshaffer I think it's Hagrid's spider coming out of someone's ass.....kinda like the monkey on Bruce Almighty.
10d in reply to andrewtshaffer               
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Mark W. Carson @MarkWCarson
@andrewtshaffer a tunnel web
10d in reply to andrewtshaffer               
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M. Andrew Patterson @M_A_Patterson
@andrewtshaffer A spider with a fetish for anal?
10d in reply to andrewtshaffer               
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Maureen Johnson @maureenjohnson
This seems like the last thing someone would tweet before disappearing "@realjohngreen David Hasselhoff is sitting seven seats away from me"
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Dahlia Adler @MissDahlELama
The deep, important things you can learn from winning my annotated ARC of BEHIND THE SCENES: pic.twitter.com/46E5TDgMAk
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Megan Mulry @MeganMulry
Cute cover and title...but may I rewrite the subtitle as: One mother. Two children. I can't remember. pic.twitter.com/DVJz59p2b0
10d               
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Bridget Foley @wonderfoley
@andrewtshaffer there's an Amelia Earhart joke in there somewhere... If only I could find it.
11d in reply to andrewtshaffer               
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Bridget Foley @wonderfoley
@andrewtshaffer @Syfy @theasylumcc I just read that as "Bermuda Testicles"; which painted quite a picture #rule34 #longshorts
11d in reply to andrewtshaffer               
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Julie Brannagh @julieinduvall
We're watching the @Seahawks #NFL Super Bowl DVD. @RSherman_25 is still my spirit animal. #LOB #GoHawks #stillcelebrating48
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Brooks Sherman @byobrooks
Side note: Who is the person who arbitrarily assigns these days (e.g., National Grilled Cheese Day)? Do they get paid? Can I have the job?
11d               
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tedder moving to pdx @tedder42
the "biggie and tupac murder conspiracy" #wtfkickstarter for $150k didn't fund. Now there's one for $50k. kickstarter.com/projects/13499…
11d               
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Gwenda Bond @Gwenda
@andrewtshaffer A quote for our time. Also not enough good MIME FICTION.
12d in reply to andrewtshaffer               
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Máire Claremont @MaireClaremont
@andrewtshaffer Andrew, I don't know if I can aspire to more than you loving The Dark Lady. ;D Thank you.
12d in reply to andrewtshaffer               
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Seleste / Julie @SelestedeLaney
Someday @andrewtshaffer & @tiffanyreisz will be on this list ;-) Actually, maybe they should get their own list… klou.tt/19ojh9wkgrtau
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Matt Haig @matthaig1
BEAUTY TIP: Read a book.
EMPATHY TIP: Read a book.
EDUCATION TIP: Read a book.
ENTERTAINMENT TIP: Read a book.
HEALTH TIP: Read a book.
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Ben L. J. Brooks @BenLJBrooks
I just had a Spice Girls movie moment. Opened a rather nondescript door to find an ENORMOUS conference hall on the other side.
12d               
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Kris @Raketka29
@andrewtshaffer here you go! pic.twitter.com/Mkxn7voZNs
12d in reply to andrewtshaffer               
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Julie Klam @JulieKlam
@jenniferweiner Jonathan Franzen's apartment?
13d in reply to jenniferweiner               
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Nicola Davidson @NicolaMDavidson
@andrewtshaffer @Janet_Reid @LitAgentMarini You forgot the #ameatingmyweightinchocolate step. :)
13d in reply to andrewtshaffer               
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Mermaid Sharon @Mojitana
Drive behind an old man with the license plate FOREPLY today. That's about toilet paper, right?
13d               
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The Asylum @theasylumcc
Got #Sharknado2 posters just waiting for our @Indiegogo contributors! indiegogo.com/projects/produ… @SharknadoSyfy pic.twitter.com/eeKWb6xX3g
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Cara McKenna @caramckenna
Oh hey, my Cosmo Red-Hot Read seems to be on sale—preorder and save 96¢! For how long, I do not know. amazon.com/Best-Laid-Plan…
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sarah knight @MCSnugz
Score. @nprbooks says THE INTERN'S HANDBOOK "was made for the multi-plex." Hollywood, are you listening? indiebound.org/book/978147673…
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Jim Cornette @TheJimCornette
Great open letter by @MikePWInsider of @pwinsidercom to @NancyGraceHLN everyone should read! pic.twitter.com/D2pOthMQ7A #CancelNancyGrace
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Molly Horan @Molly_Horan
Looking forward to Colbert's new late night host character. Hoping for a secular humanist anarchist.
13d               
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Lauren DeStefano @LaurenDeStefano
Movie idea: Jurassic Park Gravity. It's the exact same movie except the dinosaurs float around in space.
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Elisa Marie @elisamarie
They found the "shocked undertaker guy" from the #WM30 meme! So great. wwe.com/inside/shocked…
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Tiffany Reisz @tiffanyreisz
Fifty First Times (Plus One) Giveaway! tiffanyreisz.com/storytime/fift… @FiftyFirstTimes
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Stephanie Meyers @theRightSteph
@brandibowles @andrewtshaffer @wonderfoley count me in! I'll bring the hot pink duct tape... #mayhemmusthave pic.twitter.com/DXA7riZUA7
14d in reply to brandibowles               
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Bridget Foley @wonderfoley
@theRightSteph @andrewtshaffer @brandibowles I've already got this in my closet. pic.twitter.com/0BeerxFpnt
14d in reply to theRightSteph               
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Ginger Clark @Ginger_Clark
OH MY GOD I JUST REALIZED: I represent HEATHERS in book form! GET EVEN! By @GretchenMcNeil! goodreads.com/book/show/1600… SEPTEMBER 2014!!!
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Mαtt Thomαs @mattthomas
The laundromat I go to continues to be weird. Today there was a random jar of pickles just sitting there, chilling. pic.twitter.com/ZMeZtT7cAv
14d               
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Josh Christie @jchristie
Lunchtime tidbit from CAFFEINATED; some people essentially freebase coffee, cooking condensed coffee with ammonia on a stovetop.
14d               
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Maureen Johnson @maureenjohnson
I think we have all the proof we need that @realjohngreen likes to eat your feels as a kind of fuel. dftba.com/product/1dz/PR…
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Stephanie Meyers @theRightSteph
@andrewtshaffer @brandibowles Just FYI, I have now spent 4 min thinking about which of my shoes would be best for apocalyptic wastelands
14d in reply to andrewtshaffer               
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Laurie K @eridani99
@jayewells If Bytch Williams is not @andrewtshaffer, I will be sorely disappointed.
15d in reply to jayewells               
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Sara Benincasa @SaraJBenincasa
@MCSnugz Oh was today my book birthday? I haven't tweeted about it at all so I didn't know. (Thank you boo). ;)
15d in reply to MCSnugz               
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Rachel Fershleiser @RachelFersh
A good thing to do on a dreary Tuesday is buy yourself a book that is like The Great Gatsby but funnier/gayer/YA-er: wordbookstores.com/book/978006222…
15d               
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Karen Stivali @karenstivali
@andrewtshaffer @RobLowe It amuses me that Amazon says this is frequently bought with Jason Priestley's Memoir and Bob Saget's Dirty Daddy.
15d in reply to andrewtshaffer               
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Mandy M Roth @mandymroth
April marks my 10 yr anniversary of being a published author! Very excited and proud! #writing #books #author
15d               
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Stephanie Meyers @theRightSteph
The lower my phone battery goes,
the more I can't stop needlessly refreshing twitter. #waitingroomproblems #20percent
15d               
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Gwenda Bond @Gwenda
Onion-worthy headline. RT @TheMorningNews A writer regrets sinking 12-and-a-half years into a 224-page novel. tmne.ws/5LhLKy
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Lyla Payne @Lyla_Payne
My PAPERBACK copy of FIFTY FIRST TIMES is on its way to me!! Did y'all know that's a thing?!? amazon.com/gp/product/006…
15d               
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Rebecca Sky @TheRealRSky
@donorush and @LexiRushton i need to buy you guys this: Fifty Shames of Earl Grey: A Parody amazon.com/dp/0306821990/… via @amazon
15d in reply to donorush               
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gae polisner @gaepol
OH MY GOD, I am Todd Manly-Krauss. Somebody toss me my social networking coat and turn out the lights when you leave. blog.pshares.org/index.php/writ…
16d               
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Jeff Wilser @jeffwilser
Also, according to science: The Act 3s of action films are 64% lower in quality than Acts 1 and 2.
16d               
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Jerry Bloomfield @JerryBloomfield
It's amusing hearing JBL talk up HHH. I bet Trips wrote the lines himself.
16d               
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Epic Reads @EpicReads
Give GREAT by @SaraJBenincasa a sneak peek! Read the first 50+ pages here: bit.ly/1fg9lJf pic.twitter.com/uSiXu9DWWW
16d               
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Davis Shoemaker @AKATheMaskedMan
The guy in the Just Say Yes shirt was taking fan photos outside the Superdome last night. Memes move fast these days.
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32
Davis Shoemaker @AKATheMaskedMan
I decided to make the most of Taker's loss though. Me and @BrockLesnarGuy! pic.twitter.com/O8zNMK7L05
16d               
37
7
sarah knight @MCSnugz
On the eve of publication, here's @ShaneSKuhn talking about THE INTERN'S HANDBOOK on @YahooShine: shine.yahoo.com/video/shane-ku… #interns #assasins
16d               
2
1
Maureen Johnson @maureenjohnson
Today I discovered that James Franco was apparently in 4 MFA programs at the same time. I think that's a felony?
16d               
83
16
Lauren @lolashoes
Sitting in our hotel bar in Paris, watching @warrenellis do an interview and hot damn this is a cool moment.
16d               
6
Sara Benincasa @SaraJBenincasa
My book comes out tomorrow. Gatsby with a teen girl-girl twist. I am nervous/psyched. amzn.to/1lFJ0t7 #LGBTQIA #great
16d               
27
18
Shannon @ShansMasala
@andrewtshaffer surprised it's not #rasslinmania
16d in reply to andrewtshaffer               
1
Brandy Rivers @BrandyRivers8
@andrewtshaffer Hilarious!! That says all that you need to know about wrestlemania.
16d in reply to andrewtshaffer               
1
Jeff Abbott @JeffAbbott
@andrewtshaffer stop judgeng Andru
16d in reply to andrewtshaffer               
2
Bran Gardner @madhousemirror
The streak is broken, you say? pic.twitter.com/ui8cKOXF6p
17d               
2
1
Elisa Marie @elisamarie
Hahahahaha everyone in that stadium is SO PISSED
17d               
2
bethan macey @bethangeorgie
Everyone needs to read "fifty shames of earl grey" don't question it. just do it.
17d               
1
Sara Benincasa @SaraJBenincasa
@andrewtshaffer @sarataylorwoods YOU GUYS PLEASE DONT FIGHT THERE ARE MANY COPIES pic.twitter.com/B418WukPNV
17d in reply to andrewtshaffer               
3
1
Michael Ian Black @michaelianblack
SPORTS FACT: This year's college basketball championship game will be played. Follow this account for more #sportsfacts
17d               
177
109
sarah maclean @sarahmaclean
@RonHogan If you read too many books, television doesn’t work on you. @andrewtshaffer
17d in reply to RonHogan               
1
Julie Whitaker @julesdwit
I bought this shirt at a market in Thailand because it reminded me of @darth. pic.twitter.com/3bpIzxwpCs
17d               
58
6
Ron Hogan @RonHogan
@andrewtshaffer @sarahmaclean Man, I sure hope there isn't a similar problem with television, or I'm screwed.
17d in reply to andrewtshaffer               
1
Gwenda Bond @Gwenda
Editors are the smartest. Working with them and how much it improves any book is my favorite part of the publishing process, hands down.
17d               
7
1
Tiffany Reisz @tiffanyreisz
Welp, Kentucky won the game last night. This is what it looks like outside my front door. I'll miss you Lexington. theawl.com/wp-content/upl…
17d               
1
1
Michael Lee @leemuchstrength
Oh yeah! Random House has finally announced pre-orders for How to Survive a Sharknado and Other Unnatural disasters! pic.twitter.com/RTIX6jyQcq
19d               
1
Mat Johnson @mat_johnson
Magneto's costume is magenta. I just got that.
20d               
19
7
Aaron Hartzler @aaron007
@marburyjack @rainbowrowell @elockhart @corey_whaley I know I'm planning to wear studs. And a bracelet. Can't be caught needing a bracelet.
20d in reply to marburyjack               
3
Mαtt Thomαs @mattthomas
Huh. According to this, the third most popular name for white male babies in 2013 was “Satire.”
20d               
6
3
Tessa Bailey @mstessabailey
First announcement: I've had the incredible fortune of being signed by Laura Bradford (@bradfordlit) of Bradford Literary Agency!
20d               
23
10
Sara Benincasa @SaraJBenincasa
My debut novel is out on Tuesday! If you buy it for Kindle, it will magically appear on your Kindle on that day. amzn.to/OfmlYb
20d               
10
4
Kelly Braffet @KellyBraffet
I am lecturing the catbeasts on their dietary habits as if they give the remotest shadow of a shit.
20d               
9
2
jerry stahl @somejerrystahl
@IrisBlasi Oddly, now I wear a suit and tie, sober as a Mormon gym teacher, but still write at four in the morning.
20d in reply to IrisBlasi               
1
Lincoln Michel @TheLincoln
I got my first rejection that described the story (in a positive way) as "Sharknadoish." I'll take it. (attn @andrewtshaffer?)
20d               
9
1
Erin Go Dodgers @erinscafe
Think of how long ago those Cubs and Pirates fans had their last beer. #respect
20d               
6
1
Joshua Malina @JoshMalina
Aaron Sorkin. “@sophiagurule: What dumbass was like "let's replace Rob Lowe with Joshua Malina!" #WestWing
21d               
278
128
Terri Osburn @TerriOsburn
My new book is a Kindle First pick. Read it now before official release next month! Learn more at amazon.com/kindlefirst. #Montlake #books
21d               
2
10
Garfbert @GarfbertComic
twitter test follow bit.ly/19NIQba for more real garfbert pic.twitter.com/2tQ0NMwNR1
21d               
49
28
Willamette Week @wweek
25 years later, Portlander Katherine Dunn's oddball masterpiece Geek Love still matters. An appreciation. wweek.com/portland/artic…
21d               
8
5
Erin Go Dodgers @erinscafe
You guys want some good news? #FFTHEFILM GOT INTO NEWPORT BEACH FILM FESTIVAL. Buy tickets here! newportbeach.festivalgenius.com/2013/films/fol…
21d               
79
32
Amy Jo Cousins @_AJCousins
@cmhepp @SmartBitches He needs @andrewtshaffer's book!
21d in reply to cmhepp               
1
Jenn LeBlanc @JennLeBlanc
@andrewtshaffer yeah, so… yeah I saw the preview and I agree. Break the mirror. #WTF
22d in reply to andrewtshaffer               
1
Nikki Touchinsky @NikkkiTxx
@andrewtshaffer I'm interested in how it actually does end. Is someone smart enough to smash it?!
22d in reply to andrewtshaffer               
1
Meghan Paton @meghanpaton
I'm just going to throw this out there (again), but you're totally invited to my wedding @mindykaling
22d               
3
jayewells @jayewells
Someone once told me that for the longest time she thought SMH stood for "Suck my hole." Every time I see it now I read it that way. Try it.
22d               
13
9
robert_ @rowast
Seriously @Dodgers when does @erinscafe get to throw out the first pitch?
22d               
6
5
Monica Kaye @MonicaKaye
I love that @andrewtshaffer started his #Sharknado announcement with "This is not an April Fools joke"!
22d               
1
Christoph Paul @ChristophPaul_
@andrewtshaffer Does your book teach readers how to deal with this very plausible & tragic event? pic.twitter.com/iQo2MCTxDo
22d in reply to andrewtshaffer               
2
3
Sarah M. Anderson @SarahMAnderson1
Do I feel like the questions about the Ritas were answered satisfactorily? No.
22d               
1
Mr. T @MrT
Today I don’t Pity the FOOL because it’s a worldwide FOOL holiday. But tomorrow I will!
22d               
584
1,118
Kelly Luce @lucekel
A bookstore told me my book was one of their Most Stolen! Where on my CV do I list this? Awards & Recognitions, yes?
22d               
18
2
Laura L Stapleton @LauraLStapleton
@LisaHendrix @andrewtshaffer That's what I was thinking. I'll have to scrap my novel idea, "Killer Cow of Death and Dismemberment" for now.
22d in reply to LisaHendrix               
1
Michael McDonagh @MookyMcD
@andrewtshaffer Yea but, you know, seven years bad luck. Plus, let's face it, some people need killing, and they are often fond of mirrors.
22d in reply to andrewtshaffer               
1
Jenn LeBlanc @JennLeBlanc
@andrewtshaffer QUIT BEING SO REASONABLE. SHEESH.
23d in reply to andrewtshaffer               
1
MT @so_often_empty
@andrewtshaffer Reminds me of the remote control car in Trucks. Or Deathbed.
23d in reply to andrewtshaffer               
1
Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome
I trended for 36 hours straight. Top that, #MuffinsThatLookLikeHamburgers!
23d               
3,940
1,364
Stormy @BeckyStormyLynn
@andrewtshaffer But 7 years bad luck!
23d in reply to andrewtshaffer               
1
Abby Wilde @AbbyWilde
Munchies at the @HeathersMusical Opening Night party. I am personally a fan of #BigBlue. #fb pic.twitter.com/GghBsTlYlm
23d               
2
1
Fed-Up Hipster @thewayoftheid
If I ever catch Abrams or Lindelof on the street I'm beating them with my purse.
23d               
9
4
Elisa Marie @elisamarie
@andrewtshaffer Special guest ref Kane's mask.
23d in reply to andrewtshaffer               
1
Andy Glantzman @AndyGlantzman
@BTuckerTorch Death, taxes, and what the hell is Taker talking about?
23d in reply to BTuckerTorch               
1
1
Karina Cooper @karinacooper
Chuffed to sneak a peek at my twitter and see an @RT_Magazine Seal of Excellence nom! Makes me feel all warm and squishy. <3
23d               
3
1
Vlad Verano @3rdplacepress
@andrewtshaffer If you're happy and you know it clap your hands...?
23d in reply to andrewtshaffer               
1
el smrtmnky @smrtmnky
@andrewtshaffer spiked snowball fights allowed
23d in reply to andrewtshaffer               
1
Erin Go Dodgers @erinscafe
Hi baseball I missed you so much never leave me again bb.
23d               
11
3
Leigh Bardugo @LBardugo
Please forgive my crowing, but that's my first starred review from Kirkus and I AM QUITE GIDDY AND NERVOUS AND EXCITED TO SHARE THIS BOOK.
23d               
75
14
Stephen King @StephenKing
Red Sox and Orioles in the Baltimore sunshine. I am so ready.
23d               
840
352
Alexander Chee @alexanderchee
@andrewtshaffer you're having an affair, I can tell. He's in love with you.
23d in reply to andrewtshaffer               
1
Bret Easton Ellis @BretEastonEllis
Carrie Brownstein & Fred Armisen on The BEE Podcast: gender, Twee movement, anger in comedy, Wes Anderson, TV vs film bit.ly/HZFA5H
23d               
68
44
Ted A’Zary @Syfy
Don’t cross Mother Nature! How to Survive a Sharknado & Other Unnatural Disasters, out 7/8/14. sharknadobook.com pic.twitter.com/epRv1LDqHE
23d               
25
38
Maureen Johnson @maureenjohnson
"Novelist Maureen Johnson shows off a natural, space-age look in no makeup and a go-anywhere Princess Leia robe." pic.twitter.com/yyL9RFu1Nu
23d               
249
47
Tracy Townsend @TheStorymatic
@Janet_Reid @andrewtshaffer @byobrooks I imagine that the sharknado warning siren just goes off by default at FinePrint Monday mornings.
23d in reply to Janet_Reid               
1
Pam van Hylckama @BookaliciousPam
All you bitches had ghostwriters. Please. Like we don't know that? pagesix.com/2014/03/30/rea… via @andrewtshaffer
24d               
5
KGB @kurtbaumeister
@andrewtshaffer "Survey: Majority Support for Use of Nukes"
24d in reply to andrewtshaffer               
1
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