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Brandon GutermuthDarfur2009-06-12
@UNTRESOR1,770 days
slayer enthusiast. fang baring feral unicorn. dong merchant. auto didactic sycophant. reverse kegel instructor. team vagussy.
FollowersFollowingTweetsListsFavorites
41,85162417,5701,973104,162
We found 198 favorite tweets.
Stephanie McMaster @Smethanie
The power went out in our house so now we're staring at our phones by candlelight like we're camping.
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priscilla @BBW_BFF
where's my pepper spray pic.twitter.com/1sPwfMUrEl
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hot dog & whistle @hotdogwhistle
@UNTRESOR just a landing gear but i get your point.
1d in reply to UNTRESOR               
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nightmare kale witch @deerblanket
@UNTRESOR @robdelaney he killed himself on 4/30, which is my birthday. so what are you giving up for that ten day interim?
1d in reply to UNTRESOR               
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Patrick @pattymo
Easter is on 4/20 this year. Time to workshop some topical tweets.

*Easter Bunny and Jesus heely in* Yolo. Kush swag
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Insolent Puppy @InsolentPuppy
.@UNTRESOR Hold on to your S&H green stamps. My Nana says there's gold in those tongue-numbing sickly sweet glue-backed beauties.
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Mark Hoppus @markhoppus
Don't be fooled. In every narrative the conflict is ultimately man vs self.
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kelly @mmesurly
today is the day I'm gonna start unfollowing everyone who makes twitter feel like a school cafeteria. no offense, yr just ruining it for me
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Dave Dittell (Comedy @davedittell
GOOD COP: here's a cup of coffee
rOBOCOP: ah fuck I'm rubbing amagnet over my eyes i'm tripping balls haha
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Pal @sturdy_pal
WAHLBERG: tired of being typecast, need a change, a challenge
AGENT: u fuck in this one but u keep ur shirt on
WAHLBERG: this is so dark
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Maggie Pettit @meganshpettit
I'm watching a five year old beat his mom with a branch while she yells "gentle play please."
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Marc @lil_robopuppet
MODERN MAD MEN 2.0*Roger Sterling bursts into Don's office*
Roger:The ironic twitter boys won't buy b-fast pastries
Don:I Got it. Pop Turds
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Tom Crabtree @itsCrab
Yes.
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RapGame Great Gatsby @RjMcDiabetes
@UNTRESOR no joke I bet buzzfeed and click bait will become just like this. UNTRESOR - a man ahead of his time
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beef tee @BronzeHammer
@boring_as_heck i remember my first beer. hahahahabaha
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Nack @juniorshabidoo
Dorn invents Pop, "Ugly people of New York, your not ready for this yet." "It's you're," says Pete Campete. Shut up, Pete. #ManMen
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chris @BassoonJokes
"Hey Don" said Roger, "they make breakfast at taco bell now" then Don drinks a gallon of whiskey and says "Roger, we a re some Mad Men!"
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molly @Molly_Kats
No cherry coke in the house had me like pic.twitter.com/x6h4wiTaa0
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michael @michaeljhudson
*spins the wheel and stops it on $1,000,000 with my hand*
Pat Sajak: the fuck man?
*producers going through a giant rule book and sweating*
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45
Devori Dewdrop @dbkimbro
@UNTRESOR Also: they were all dead the whole time. But it was also all a dream.
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Marie Colette @MarieColette
@UNTRESOR my dad's not a pussy
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rob delaney @robdelaney
Despite my substantial height I often wear heels to the club to give my athletic buttocks the #presentation they warrant
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Mickey McCauley @Mickey_McCauley
Every "Vine star" and Youtube celebrity is a second rate version of Chris Tucker's Ruby Rhod in The Fifth Element
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John V @wettbutt
hey ronny, saw your latest tag. still sucks dude. give up. we arent even gonna arrest you. youre in the jail of ronny pic.twitter.com/ZjOc3nSwMM
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Calm Tomb @CalmTomb
I like fantasy shows, like Game of Thrones or Modern Family.
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The Hot Take Man @swarthyvillain
Don Draper: I noticed we're not selling cars to women.
Wallace Crisp: Women buying cars. That'll be the day. Haha. This is the past.
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Sarah Thyre @SarahThyre
When a dad says "That's such a great age," I can tell he never spends time with his kids.
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Mom™ @gentilecoont
I just ate 16 chicken wings and I'm ready to be wed into a noble house.
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STEVE HUFF @SteveHuff
*opens new Google doc to write in*

*three hours later, changes font to Times New Roman*
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MatzOhNoSheTwitnt @OhNoSheTwitnt
I will devour you and everyone you love. pic.twitter.com/6sAsJiMM3x
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Mariya Alexander @MariyaAlexander
the ravages of time and space are etching a secret code into our skin and it translates loosely to "gross, dude"
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a. spaceman @adamrensch
the word 'mirror' comes from the phrase 'me error' because we never see ourselves the way others do
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Mike F @animal_drums_
If you want to get the job, dodge every interview question, only talk about how the "ghost chili" is the worlds hottest pepper. Then eat one
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A Responsible Man @OBiiieeee
a turd slipped out of my ass at the mall
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Nack @juniorshabidoo
Wanted: A horse who is small enough to ride another horse. Must answer to "Jerry."
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000___000 @000___000
the cat is mystified by the wind blowing through the open window and i'm waving my arms around so it thinks i'm the one causing the wind.
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Eli Braden @EliBraden
I heard the hologram of Biggie fell through the stage at Coachella last night
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13
nightmare kale witch @deerblanket
Put on your Sunday best, kids. We're going to The Container Store. :'(
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dwayne @collatingbones
Got that sweet finance job in Dallas. God is truly in BEAST MODE for me right now. What a stud. Thank you my lord
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Mom™ @gentilecoont
Don't mind me, I'm just a crazy person who sets up a camera and poses for pictures by myself in the backyard. pic.twitter.com/HCmyVpbP3J
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Larry @VocabuLarry
Brb. Have to host a teenager's birthday party without speaking or being seen.
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Latikia @latikia
the NSA is gleaning @UNTRESOR
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Andy Richter @AndyRichter
Are you ready for me, darling? pic.twitter.com/tT72Fbf7Pn
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nightmare kale witch @deerblanket
@UNTRESOR this is one of my favorite accounts and I love having you in my web world
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john freiler @johnfreiler
in florida they call it a "stand your ground" of crows
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Paige @PeachCoffin
My dad has been "out buying cigs" for 20 years. I'm like lol Dad they don't even sell cigs at the cemetery. Daddy wake up
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LBJohnson @ladybirdj
It would be a lot cooler if once a month everybody bled out of every orifice.
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kelly @mmesurly
here's what I'm gonna do: I'm gonna sit in my car until my kids are ready to go to bed
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Jhon Rules @JhonRules
If you wear a cape into Walmart you become their leader.
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Brian Gaar @briangaar
Please have a dance battle at my funeral that somehow ends with the casket getting knocked over
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Gosh Heck @heckadecimal
Me IRL @ Eastside Food Co-op instagram.com/p/mqGqFghGD6/
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Amber Eeeeeee @rare_basement
the main thing i miss about being a drug addict is the sense of purpose and level of motivation
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34
Amber Eeeeeee @rare_basement
my favorite thing about being human is how everything i feel is always wrong
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lemons @respected_loner
I'm random, yet i can be quirky as well. Also, I am a goofball. I'm a dork sometime lol. Yet, if you get to know me, there is a darknes.s..
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lemons @respected_loner
Accoridng to sitcoms and stand up comedy a lot of guys dont like cuddling. Well, haha, I do. I like to cuddle. God i'm random
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priscilla @BBW_BFF
the first manual retweeter pic.twitter.com/2P7skvcvP3
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Larry @VocabuLarry
The thing about being on twitter for a long time is that most of my followers died years ago.
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4
shelby fero @shelbyfero
If u die in ur selfie u die irl
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108
Bridger Winegar @bridger_w
Three people liked one of my Facebook comments today. You may have heard of me
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andy lassner @andylassner
As I get older 8:30 is late night television.
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Josh Gondelman @joshgondelman
The heart wants what society subliminally dictates that it wants.
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Tardy Mom™ @JennyPentland
I'm a bog child.
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Tardy Mom™ @JennyPentland
feet like a hobbit's rural cousin
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Chuck Cotterman @MrCott
@UNTRESOR I always picture tweets like this being typed breathlessly between agonizingly difficult chews of a giant summer sausage
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luke @internetluke
#TeenagerProblems not being able to take selfies because your arms aren't fully developed
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Jessie @NicCageMatch
Just heard a guy at the dog park tell his dog "NO!" and then more quietly, "We talked about this!"
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Ceej @ceejoyner
Have time for a free haircut? Wrong, sir. My partner just cut off your ponytail. Here's our business card. We sharpen knives.
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Jason Miller @longwall26
Watching you try to use a semicolon pic.twitter.com/xxpDI0vIcw
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dwayne @collatingbones
...then I said to your mother, "I Love Israel." She smiled and kissed each of my knuckles in turn. We were married within a week. In Israel.
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Jane 0751750 @janeurysm
♫ fuck the pain away / worries for another day / let the music play / down at Fr
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john freiler @johnfreiler
.@billyjoel you may be right. i may be crazy. actually no i'm right, you are the long island serial killer and you need to turn yourself in
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stefan @boring_as_heck
Dad. Tech guru. Sarcasm FTW. Started White House petition to unblur Japanese porn. Don't talk to me until I've used my prescription shampoo.
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scru2luse @scru2luse
Snoooooot rockets!!
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Brian Essbe @SortaBad
ʷᵉᶫᶜᵒᵐᵉ ᵗᵒ ᵐᵃᵍᶰᶦᶠʸᶦᶰᵍ ᵍᶫᵃˢˢ ᶜᶫᵘᵇ
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The Hot Take Man @swarthyvillain
INTERVIEWER: what did you do at your last job?
ME: [pulling vape] idk, that was a long time ago, man
INTERVIEWER: [thinking] badass...
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jacqueline carbajal @jackiecarbajal
Pitched my tent for Coachella pic.twitter.com/0XBpLS6UAL
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12
Vanessa Ramos @thatRamosgirl
It makes me sad that this generation only knows John Stamos as the Greek yogurt guy and not the guy I had confusing feelings for as a child.
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john freiler @johnfreiler
i trust you about as far as i can throw you. i have robot catapult arms. i love and respect you dearly
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Amanda Mancino @Manda_like_wine
9yo son's haiku:

My turd reaches out,
journeys quickly to the water.
Frog's tongue to the fly.
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AmberTozer @AmberTozer
There's no way I'm missing out on the no make-up selfie craze pic.twitter.com/HDCibXfRDv
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Ann Boobus @a_girl_irl
i dont respect the dead. theyre moldy old pieces of crap. if they were cool theyd be alive
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Jessie @NicCageMatch
*comes back from the dead*
"Um, I think you mean 'imply' not 'infer.'"
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Jenny Johnson @JennyJohnsonHi5
In the 80s you could smoke in offices and airplanes, you could also put your cigarettes out on kids, but now we've gotten all liberal :(
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Louis Peitzman @LouisPeitzman
What's the downside to being a sociopath? Seems p. chill.
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5
rob delaney @robdelaney
Told my son's teacher he ate maybe 8 lbs of beets last night so no need to call me if he blew red carnage all over the bathroom
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The Hot Take Man @swarthyvillain
i've completely fucked up my life trying to breed foxes with shiba inus to create the perfect tumblr animal. i have offended god
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Miah St Cyr @MiahSaint
i want to apologize to @trumpetcake for turning him to stone last night in my dream. if it's wrong in real life, it's wrong, period. #credo
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3
Michael Raphone, Sr. @michael_raphone
mom,dad.. other dad...I- I'm down with the clown
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5
Greg Dorris @GregDorris
Dying in a landslide would be awful because 1, you're dead and 2, you got killed by a Fleetwood Mac song.
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21
Amanda Mancino @Manda_like_wine
Settling Down, The Real Magic Eraser™
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3
wint @dril
wiping your teeth down with toilet paper or giving them a quick spray with the hose; that's the good shit. toothpaste is flim flam from hell
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priscilla @BBW_BFF
summer festival style guide pic.twitter.com/U6zs6PHqpC
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9
Jennifer @FourEyedQueef
DICK HAD ME LIKE pic.twitter.com/6ks5SlTu6u
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18
tyler @coolsexguy
A ponytail is like a reservoir where men can store some of their surplus sexual energy.
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11
Chelsea Lockwood @Chelsea_Elle
My eye doctor said my head is three times larger than it legally should be why is this happening to me
7d               
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1
Mary Charlene @IamEnidColeslaw
only the good die goth
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STEVE HUFF @SteveHuff
@UNTRESOR Whatevs
7d in reply to UNTRESOR               
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''Steve'' @extranapkins
*buys $10 worth of stimulant beverages throughout the day* *spends $20 on depressant beverages in the evening* Hurrrrr
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Mom™ @gentilecoont
I'm illiterate.
7d               
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Larry @VocabuLarry
@UNTRESOR one small problem pic.twitter.com/Sn3ccuubwC
7d in reply to UNTRESOR               
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Mariya Alexander @MariyaAlexander
Mine is an inspiring story of rags to slightly better rags
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6
Carey O'Donnell @ecareyo
Woman to her friend as they walk into Sephora: "They know me in here."
7d               
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Amanda Mancino @Manda_like_wine
More like No Hump Day. pic.twitter.com/tp0IiEl9op
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Paul Lanier @DanceWithCheese
@UNTRESOR Redemption
7d in reply to UNTRESOR               
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patrick @tastefactory
@UNTRESOR I mean on tv and in movies, wise guy
7d in reply to UNTRESOR               
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Fred Delicious @Fred_Delicious
"Yeah man im closing in on the McGinley contract, I... hang on"
*waits as a spider trundles past on a mobility scooter*
"Ok so anyway, I th
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Horton Atonto @crushingbort
Jamiroquai's last album was in 2010, I hope they're ok
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3
kelly @mmesurly
take a little time every day to drink yesterday's cold coffee & smoke on the front porch in your bathrobe--oh god I'm the neighborhood witch
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Helena Bottom-Farter @solikebasically
For sale: baby Heelies, never worn. Perfect for strong fun babies, not for loser babies who hate to go fast, like mine.
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a. spaceman @adamrensch
And now, here's Brian for News Without A Head. Brian?
"................"
Thanks, Brian. Up next, are clouds killing us? Find out after this.
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dwayne @collatingbones
Next on Food Chanel's 'Snack Attax"

RITCH: ok so this is what, peanut butter, crunchies...
FACTORY WORKER: its crunchies...yes
RITCH: nice
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Jenny Johnson @JennyJohnsonHi5
I've had two periods since Malaysian Flight 370 took off.
8d               
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Nick Wiger @nickwiger
A sensible bedtime is a gift you give to tomorrow you!
8d               
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Josh Comers @joshcomers
My heart goes out to all the families of adult wrestling fans.
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The Hot Take Man @swarthyvillain
RAYLAN JUSTIFIED: Boyd is many things, but dumb he ain't, if-
ART: And Obama GOLFS while the knockout game is happening, why can't i say "ni
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The Hot Take Man @swarthyvillain
[flicks cigarette] not tonight, honey. joe rogan just did a five hour podcast and i've got truth to uncover. scram
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jon @senderblock23
"Rust you look different" pic.twitter.com/I62M78sJyW
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jon @senderblock23
"Your honor, what if Tupac was a hologram all along"
"I'm holding you in contempt of court for keeping it too real."
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Gerry Duggan @GerryDuggan
I'm sad that Archie is dying, but hopefully the kids will now avoid auto-erotic asphyxiation.
8d               
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14
Carey O'Donnell @ecareyo
Worst thing I can imagine would be if I was mailed the security tape of me being visibly indecisive in a Fairfield Inn continental breakfast
8d               
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34
Brian Gaar @briangaar
Jolene's response rap to Dolly Parton
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129
kelly @mmesurly
Mars!
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1
Fun_Beard @Fun_Beard
I grew up in the 80s, so yes, I was sexually confused by Sebastian Bach.
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Tom Crabtree @itsCrab
Curious if a particular food is a fruit? Just check a fruit salad for your answer. If it's in there, it's a fruit. If not, maybe it's beef.
8d               
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Stephanie McMaster @Smethanie
My mother has been recapping The Voice to me for the past 45 minutes.
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julia davidovich @juliadavidovich
if there's an ugly picture of a dung beetle i haven't seen it !!!
8d               
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1
Churlish @Cryptoterra
@UNTRESOR let's call it a draw
8d in reply to UNTRESOR               
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Pony Starwars @tigersgoroooar
Today I heard a woman address her small child as "Voltron" and, as many white girls before me, I literally died and could not even.
8d               
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25
Miah St Cyr @MiahSaint
Haters, enough. If you don't think Michael Bay is a unique talent, then you try making a movie about robot dinosaurs that I won't watch.
8d               
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Ristolable @Ristolable
Make like a tree and stay in one place your entire stupid life.
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58
Dave Dittell (Comedy @davedittell
God, if you want me to protest just give me a sign
8d               
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12
beef tee @BronzeHammer
back in my day you had to say "arent you a tall drink of water" & buy a phosphate to impress gals. now you just send a pic of your red balls
8d               
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5
lemons @respected_loner
interesting how people who like different stuff than me are messed up inside, emotionally. thats what gives them the different opinions
8d               
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Elizabeth Hackett @LizHackett
Our mailman always looks like he died at the wheel five years ago but the truck still remembers the route.
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keith buckley @deathoftheparty
referring to testicles as "jean shallots" might be kind of cool?
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dwayne @collatingbones
EMOTIONAL DRUNK BRO: Dude we're gonna go to fuckin... London. Together. London and Paris. Yeah. yeah dude I know, they're world-class cities
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8
Patrick @pattymo
Lmao pic.twitter.com/xLtMTqvmdj
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1
ADadABeardACanal @DadBeard
From my experience, an "Internet Sensation" mostly involves a brief sense of purpose followed by inescapable lethargy.
8d               
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kelly @mmesurly
hi tuesday vine.co/v/hAQ1D0eaYLh
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8
Denise! @StellaRtwot
Ping
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2
Jocelyn Plums @FilthyRichmond
Cookie Monster singing Blurred Lines to a tray of gingerbread men.
8d               
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jon hendren @fart
u say i wasted 10 years of my life doing irony online but look how quickly i called ur new bf a "turtley club ass haray caray motherfucker"
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15
michael @michaeljhudson
Every year I audition at American Idol doing only the guy part from Wake Me Up by Evanescence, and every year they fail to air it
9d               
328
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Stephanie McMaster @Smethanie
There's going to be lots of wine hangovers and unironed polos and chinos in Connecticut tomorrow.
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Stephanie McMaster @Smethanie
My tits have officially been pulled out and exposed to strangers more by my children than they ever were by me.
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josh mecouch @pants
back at it again pic.twitter.com/zOy6nubVbk
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MattyTalks @mattytalks
@Manda_like_wine pic.twitter.com/Dpb3tJQc8p
9d in reply to Manda_like_wine               
3
a. spaceman @adamrensch
what else should I do for my birthday I've already hated my body a bunch & gone to the bathroom
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6
Brent @murrman5
*helps son with tie*
but d
"but dad nothing. you're wearing a tie. your boss will be impressed trust me"
*wipes tear*
"my son the lifeguard"
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molly @Molly_Kats
I'm a grown ass woman! *calls parents for money*
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68
Marie Colette @MarieColette
What do rich people wipe their hands on? Silk sweatpants?
9d               
39
4
shauna @goldengateblond
My cat is all "don't even pretend this doesn't make the coffee better." (My cat is kind of a dick.) pic.twitter.com/u2afiMrEMZ
9d               
37
12
Kane @kane419
@UNTRESOR More like Low Winter #Fun!
9d in reply to UNTRESOR               
1
a. spaceman @adamrensch
Birthdays are kinda saying, "Good job, you were born" but they're also kinda saying, "I should be nice to you because you're going to die."
9d               
95
30
Joel Ingersoll @FlyoverJoel
I wouldn't be content if I wasn't beating myself up over my shortcomings.
9d               
32
1
STEVE HUFF @SteveHuff
"Take away the 'Rs' where they are and put them where they ain't." ~ From 'How to Speak New England.' That's it, that's the whole book.
9d               
6
scru2luse @scru2luse
Pork sword
9d               
2
scru2luse @scru2luse
Dong butter
9d               
2
josh mecouch @pants
Lil Cowboys pic.twitter.com/YT9RY99kgS
9d               
43
5
jon @senderblock23
My okcupid pic pic.twitter.com/vpEUEId2It
9d               
107
20
Mark Agee @MarkAgee
Every time you call Taylor Swift a 'country artist' Johnny Cash kills a guy in an afterlife life barfight.
9d               
514
348
Shari VanderWerf @shariv67
Describe myself in one word? A good listener.
9d               
145
38
jaggings @jaggings
A restaurant chain run entirely by dads, and all they serve is takeout food from other restaurants
9d               
215
86
''Steve'' @extranapkins
*awakens in my Humility Yurt amidst a vast Midwestern cornfield* Can't wait to read today's Silicon Valley/Brooklyn gossip on my mobile
9d               
63
14
Brian Gaar @briangaar
I miss that year when every video involved Puff Daddy and Mase flying around in shiny suits
9d               
258
101
Growly Grego @GrowlyGrego
"Bear with me for a minute."

- Russian guy providing an airtight alibi for his criminal bear friend.
9d               
290
116
lawblob @lawblob
@UNTRESOR I'm making social commentary by misspelling it. its basically an art installation.
9d in reply to UNTRESOR               
26
1
☠ lil helly ☠ @hell_doe
saw the dick and i was like pic.twitter.com/4SC3FV1dXi
10d               
70
4
Carrot Facts @RealCarrotFacts
Eating carrot make you a winner : go for the glod .
10d               
1,466
1,377
molly @Molly_Kats
My mom found out Matthew McConaughey isn't returning to 'True Detective' & that is one pissed off white lady.
10d               
202
39
kelly @mmesurly
LOOK WHAT HAPPENED pic.twitter.com/XaUj9NPsmi
10d               
62
3
Patrick @pattymo
@UNTRESOR pic.twitter.com/n7dtpeuBRh
10d in reply to UNTRESOR               
7
beef tee @BronzeHammer
my daughter is 28lbs and has a heart the size of a football because her shitty dad gives her ball park franks like he has stock options
10d               
23
2
Growly Grego @GrowlyGrego
@UNTRESOR thanks Brandon! I really appreciate it man.
10d in reply to UNTRESOR               
2
Sam Grittner @SamGrittner
Whether or not you like TV, we can all agree on one thing: TV is great
10d               
183
45
Stephanie McMaster @Smethanie
My boyfriend and I have been dating so long that all the sexy new panties I bought when we started dating have rotated to period panties.
11d               
106
17
Ted Travelstead @trumpetcake
Aw crap. pic.twitter.com/pr76BEurem
11d               
163
8
elan gale @theyearofelan
@UNTRESOR be more specific
11d in reply to UNTRESOR               
6
Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden
Everyone in West Texas calls you "Sweetie," which is way more terrifying than Los Angeles, where everyone calls you "Fucker."
11d               
47
5
Greg @weedguy420boner
I'm a man who can afford to amuse himself....I could have a different redbox every night if I wanted
11d               
20
Eli Yudin @eliyudin
There are three sets of twins in this deli, but it's ok, I've led a good life
11d               
41
1
Ken Jennings @KenJennings
Lego phone level: Mondrian. pic.twitter.com/gzlHUkWjcH
11d               
171
44
emily faye two @emilyfaye2
Gonna die just so I can get my hair and makeup professionally done.
11d               
50
9
Stephanie McMaster @Smethanie
I've been to Home Depot enough lately that the cashier just said "See you tomorrow" if anyone wants to watch sports and look at babes later.
11d               
50
3
Mark Hoppus @markhoppus
If you ever hear a guy saying to his lady "I didn't call you a bitch, I said you were ACTING like a bitch," it's about to get AWESOME.
11d               
4,083
2,969
Brian Essbe @SortaBad
Forever21 Job Application:

Question 34: Your crush walks in but talks to JULIE. You:
◽️ call Julie basic
◽️ quit
◽️ say hi
✅ literally die
11d in reply to SortaBad               
856
520
Jason Miller @longwall26
@rorynotroy @UNTRESOR @gentilecoont I picked a terrible day to let my sensitive nephew Ken see my twitter feed
11d in reply to rorynotroy               
6
Stuart V Cardholder @stuartcraig
@UNTRESOR @rorynotroy never stop??? that's terrifying
11d in reply to UNTRESOR               
2
Greg @weedguy420boner
James and the Giant Naturals
11d               
48
6
Erica B @SCbchbum
It takes 6 hours to watch an hour & a half movie at home.
11d               
90
12
priscilla @BBW_BFF
#TweetLikeYoureFromWhiteTwitter pic.twitter.com/wTQWprlJdY
11d               
37
6
josh mecouch @pants
@rorynotroy @ChrisThayerSays buckle up, gentlemen
11d in reply to rorynotroy               
5
Shane Nickerson @shanenickerson
Being a parent is just a countdown to them figuring out you're really just another dipshit barely holding it together.
11d               
42
20
Helena Bottom-Farter @solikebasically
@rorynotroy @UNTRESOR @pants I'll do the next 7 days where he leaves off I'll find some real funny but encouraging Dilberts 4 us 2 read
11d in reply to rorynotroy               
3
Helena Bottom-Farter @solikebasically
@rorynotroy @UNTRESOR ok but can my timer start in like 30 minutes I need 2 take care of some stuff right quick not cum (yes cum)
11d in reply to rorynotroy               
2
MatzOhNoSheTwitnt @OhNoSheTwitnt
Me: Can't wait for tomorrow night.
Mom: What's tomorrow night?
Me: Winter is coming.
Mom: What?
Me: All men must die.
Mom: Are you high?
11d               
160
72
kelly @mmesurly
photograph of my actual essence pic.twitter.com/ffE4tDKm0O
11d               
178
3
michael @michaeljhudson
@BronzeHammer @UNTRESOR *vampire weekend plays over your mtv 2 interview*
11d in reply to BronzeHammer               
3
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