We found 180 favorite tweets.
Man, my mom set me up! I miss my mohawk!
Attempted to get through the first episode of Selfie. Attempted.
Its that time of night where I stay up too late and get a lil hungry
"Contemplating shitting myself on purpose so I can leave work early" - Parkland College
Everytime I go to I order a McWrap to try and be heathy, and then quickly regret it!
"This girl couldn't handle finding out that she was a side hoe so she trashed half our dorm." - Elmhurst College
I had to dance with a mariachi band today for my job. With that being said I cant wait to get my computer science degree..... T___T
Getting sucked into American Horror Story why why why
Just wrote a business email to a clothing company that started "I fucks with your brand heavily and would be interested in..." Lol
So the only kinda known Asian male porn star is a dude named Kenny Styles and I just found out he's Thai! My brotha! 🙏
A nice hot shower & then off to bed!
Hot Topic ran out of good band tees... Like 6 years ago..
I was just about to tweet the lyrics to Leaving California when I saw your tweet!
Not only did someone knock my moms mirror off and scrape the side but the thing wasn't even there when she came outside?? Like why?
"I'd rather play card/board games and sports with my friends then go out drinking. ?" - Illinois State University
talk me out of my insanity
CHICAGO! I can't wait to play with tonight! I go on at 7! Oh, and what's the best Deep Dish Pizza in town? HIT ME!
"Best thing about a break up? Still having your ex's netflix account." - Concordia Ann Arbor
honestly living the dream with this leftover ramen
Last night I dreamt about a Blogger who became a famous author based on documenting her journey of kissing a stranger in every state.
parents: why don't you come socialize with the family?
me:*sits with family*
me:*gets insulted by entire family*
me:*goes back to bedroom*
"I've been high 24/7 for the past week." - University of Colorado at Boulder
(315): First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Can't even relax on my day off.
All these big booty girls in my vet class. Got damn.
when ur wearing shorts and you sit down and your thighs suddenly expand to the size of texas
I like how in that curved TV commercial they play a clip from a movie called THE TROUBLE WITH THE CURVE.
I love to eat rly spicy stuff when I am sick.
drinking decaf coffee is like using a fleshlight
I think I actually enjoy that Fall Out Boy song
Make sure y'all check out my brother 's new video featuring dope song/visuals VIDEO
"Told my ex his dick was perfect. Didn't realize how small it was until I saw others " - Rutgers
Oh Chef Ramsay, disparaging remarks on hollandaise and dumplings will alienate voters in the upcoming presidential campaign
Thank god Jesse invited me to this comedy show or I never would have gotten 6 toothbrushes for 4.29
Just got a great deal I wanted to share - buy one get one free toothbrushes at Walgreens in little Ethiopia
Where tf is my boyfriend!?
Waited in line for these super hyped Udon noodles! Totally worth it! 😁 @…
I really like 's life advice to not kiss boys that don't like you and eat a churro instead, i'll take that to college with me
Say what!? Airplanes and Terminals is nominated for best song at this year's !? Never been nominated before! Coooool! 😁
"I fucked a freshman, she said thank you 4 times as I walked her out of my room." - Florida International University
the fact that I have a job/got another I think is a prime example that u can r twitter life however u want
I've been tagged for the ice bucket challenge so many times. Imma kick it up a notch and do it nekkid! Lol
On what my mom just said lets go to bob & Anne's 😍😍😍
"I've been faking a British accent ever since freshman year." - NYU
You get the car, I'll get the cash we'll take the... ♫ "You and Me (NOW What's Next Bonus Track)" by
Today was an all star day for tacos
"all I'm craving right now is weed, sex and malibu" - Texas Tech
Man I was fucked up last night 😨
The maintenance guy came into my house unannounced and tried to steal my microwave. That was a funny joke.😂
People that use the demo laptops for personal use, can you not?
as in, they weren't too long? haha
"I don't think I want to leave my future in the hands of a 50 cent Stevenson bathroom condom..." And training hasn't even begun yet lol
When amateurs talk shit about your bud not being the flamest
Shout out to the Ronald McDonald House! Had fun spending the day with the kids!
At the @rnhnewyork teaching kids how to break dance and freestyle yeeeee!
Cant wait to get my motorcycle plates next week. 😆
"Whenever my friends and I decide to turn up, we usually just end up drinking in a circle talking about the wonders of the universe" - PSU
I love replying to comments so the person knows nothing can possibly hurt my feelings & they can't spell.
I'm on my way to Nashville! It's been a great relaxing summer! Thank You to everyone who made it so. 😁
Magic tricks over Facetime. How kawaii.
The sky is falling, the wind is calling.
Stand for something or die in the morning…
my life is like a romantic comedy except there’s no romance and it’s just me laughing at my own jokes
Chivalry is alive and well you just have to suck it out of me.
When your best friend says some touching ass shit and makes you cry... Can you not.
I can listen to Marc Anthony and salsa music all day 💕
I get the feeling people are going to be telling me about Shadow Realms every day until it comes out.
If ya booty don't jiggle in your sundress, please return it
"Pretty sure I watch more porn than my boyfriend " - Duquesne
Metro Station got back together. My 16 y/o self just wet herself.
"pretty sure my mom just heard me having phone sex with my bf, I opened my door and she was standing in the hallway."-Belmont Abbey College
Thank you to all those donating to in memory of my father. I'm overwhelmed. The charity meant the world to him, as it does to me.
song of the day: WHAT A WONDERFUL WORLD - LOUIS ARMSTRONG
haha,college students probz.
Proud and honored to announce that I'll be throwing the first pitch out at a LA game for the…
New music tomorrow? Fav if u want.
People always compliment my ombré but in reality I just didn't take care of my hair at all after dyeing it
Just shared a moment of silence on the set for Robin Williams, a man who brought so much laughter, joy and healing to so many.
I wish I had the balls to be all yolo and just do it.
Yo I understand you and your music but can you please write a song about your vagina? The world is waiting.
IM JUST TRYING TO GET MY MCGRIDDLE ON OK
Let me find out hot girls are hoes 😒
**Eating taco** “Will from Parachute?” “Yea! Hey!” “Awesome! are you eating alone?” “No no, waiting for someone!” **check comes** (silence)
🎶Let me lick you up and dowwwwn, til you saaay stop🎶
I blame myscene website game for my internet addiction it all started with that site
"Men, If at least one part of her body isn't bruised after rough sex, don't consider it rough sex." - Texas A&M University- CC
"I once told a girl to not take the Lord's name in vain. While I was fucking her." - Ohio Northern
"My tinder match says he's worried he'll cum before we even have sex because I'm so hot. Like, my bad?" - UC Riverside
"Finding virgins on tinder. Aaaw, let me take care of you. ;)" - UC Riverside
"Everyone knows ex-sex is the best sex." - Illinois State University
Mentally rewinding to this morning when I had 2 beautiful breakfast crunchwraps :,)
reason i like hanging with girls
is because girls give me girl insight
If I am hangry and have a headache, don't go near me or else -_-
"Was giving a blowjob during mass... He said praise the Lord" - Azusa Pacific University
I feel like having a twitter fight with a rapper friend
"i get on TInder and only swipe ugly fat girls to make their day. " - University of Texas at San Antonio
Dreaming of the day a Kidz Bop version of one of my songs gets made 🙏
Am I eating BBQ wings at 11:40?
Will I regret this later?
"I fuck my bf every day, blow him regularly, & ask him what to try. And I just found out he's talking to people on Craigslist." - ISU
"Ya estas lista para la pelusa?" - my mom asking about Lolla 😂
Lowest weight since junior year of high school? I think yes
Does anyone else have a habit of watching a good indie movie and wanting to replace your friends with the characters in it?
"The first week of classes an ambulance was called because a freshman girl choked on a condom. " - Kent State University
"After reading these I'd never hire someone that went to Ball State, Indiana University or Penn State " - Berkeley
If you vote for me I'll bake you a cupcake. ✨ yay!
are there Drake & Josh fans out there?!
&joshreunion just seeing if anybody wants it
(410): he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
when you still getting ready and your friends text you "we here"
"My boyfriend and I fuck so much in the dorm that the neighbors cheer us on." - California University of Pennsylvania
"Puking in the toilet while two chicks made out over my lifeless body. My friend got pics" - Baker University
Happy Birthday and thank you to as well! Such great gifts!
Friday nights in LA are pretty poppin
"My boyfriend told me today he never wants children.. Little does he know, I'm pregnant. " - MSU
today is 's b'day. song of the day is any Jagger/Stones song you please. too many greats to pick just one. happy happy Mick!
"Are you 21?" - employee at liquor store
"No. I'm 22" - me
"OMG that would be so sad if I was 22 and looked this fucking old" - me
At the liquor store at 9am. Good Morning.
(315): He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Simba: “But you’re not scared of anything.” | Mufasa: “I was today. I thought I might lose you.” –The Lion King
Food Network got me fienin for fried chicken and beef jerky at 2:30AM. Smh. Only porn before bed from now on.
"Finger banged my girlfriend in a public pool. The lifeguard saw us and she blew her whistle. I didn't stop." - DePaul University
"i like geeks"
yeah u bitch u like geeks that are 6'0 that got tattoos and abs and green eyes and shit dont lie to me
Not to brag, but we have 8 graduates on staff this year (6 , 2 staff).
"No matter what a girl thinks, best hand job a guy can get is from himself. " - College of lake county
You'll never dance with the pretty girl unless you ask.
TOMODACHI LIFE STAGE ON THE 3DS SMASH I'M SO HAPPY
Beyonce and Jay Z at Soldier field and I'm in Waukegan like 😐😐
"Went to a frat party on Halloween, this girl asked if she could invite her mom." - Minnesota state university Mankato
I opened an old Naruto Spoof script file and it has the words "I JUST INVENTED ANAL SEX" at the top of the page.
I need to do my eye brows
Jack White, Neil Young, Willie Nelson will headline this year's Farm Aid this fall:
"Had sex with two different coworkers in consecutive nights. My next shift should be interesting" - San Jose State University
"My gf of a year and half enjoys extreme couponing more than sex with me. -PCC" - Pasadena Community College(PCC)
"It breaks my heart when a girl says she's never had an orgasm during sex. " - St.Gregory's University
"My buddy in my frat has a younger sister that sometimes comes to visit us, and we all wanna hit it." - Eastern Illinois University
fans! Make sure you know that 8/30 is a FREE show! Even better it's a weekend! Come out for a great time! Surprises to come!
I don't mind being alone, I just hate feeling alone.
Schoolbiy Q single handedly bought back the bucket cap
Coming home and being able to rip my clothes off has never felt this good.
"I was skyping my bf while naked and he was jacking off to me, but my head was off-screen eating chick-fil-a french fries." - U of Kansas
Because babies & college dont mix. Also acne.
i don't trust people who rather spend money on cigarettes than ice cream
Guess who hath returned, returned once more. Shady hath returned! Spread such news to thy acquaintances!
"Nothing gets me wetter than watching my boyfriends face when he first slips it in my pussy " - NDSU
Fuel line for my bike comes tomorrow. Hopefully it'll be running by this weekend.
"Recognized my 6th grade crush on tinder, swiped right, ended up banging her " - Florida state university
I haven't actually seen my sister in like 3 days is she still alive?
Or maybe I'll vine the birth while i tell people "meet your baby mama on badoo!" lol