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DefaultGatewayNew Zealand2011-11-30
@Jack9eight5872 days
I'm a genuine Kiwi that eats, roots, shoots and leaves. If you are a buzz kill, please go away. I follow @stephvelander
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4,3134,30413,34133995,010
We found 198 favorite tweets.
TeamDR_music @TeamDR_music
@hrstump tyvm @BluesVideos @ShawnUpchurch @marshallholland @Politics_PR @Jack9eight5 @KurtzLR @glennjhull @vittorpia @denverfoodguy
1d in reply to hrstump               
3
1
LinnythePooh @ThePoohzle
My retweet finger is super buff!
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4
1
T Wayne 1010 @twayne1010
Eventually, single life loses all of its perks.
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25
7
T Wayne 1010 @twayne1010
A Ron Burgundy movie with so many new jokes that people stop tweeting them.
1d               
18
T Wayne 1010 @twayne1010
Snoopy spending all that time with Woodstock makes sense if Snoopy was a narc.
1d               
13
Queen B @ThingsGoinOn
Isn't every Saturday a holy day?
1d               
3
PrincessCandyEmpire @llvvzz
I don't have a problem with drugs; I have a problem without drugs.
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148
Stephanie V Anderson @stephvelander
#hueylewisandthenews #thestephanieshow vine.co/v/M1HOidQtnbU
1d               
1
Ice Princess @Shadysk8tr
WELL?????? What's good
1d               
4
1
Sharky54301 @sharky54301
Whenever I see a tweet that makes no sense get a shitload of stars I remember Phil Collins had a hit song called Sussudio, so I get it.
1d               
9
1
PoliticallyILL1 @PoliticallyILL1
Dudes with mountain climbing gear key rings cut that shit out.
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1
Ice Princess @Shadysk8tr
Getting a new phone ... I have an iPhone 5c

What should I get???
1d               
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C is for Me @CareEg33
Feminist in the streets, masochist in the sheets.
1d               
1
The stripper whisper @Dustin_199
I GET TO GO BACK TO MY REAL LIFE ON MONDAY!!! FUCK YEAH!!
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T Wayne 1010 @twayne1010
In the event of a prenup, give the bad half of the tweets, or better yet, finally get rid of those top tweets from two years ago.
1d               
13
Fonzie's Evil Twin @caperbc75
Son: Daddy how did you and Mommy meet M: It was at an Easter egg hunt. She was able to fit 8 eggs in her mouth at once. Love at first site!
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Legs @legonlegonlegs
Fireball with my BFF....

Frisky Friday has me Frisky...

Ready for a shot andddd.... pic.twitter.com/SZX2i3ZZEx
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4
T Wayne 1010 @twayne1010
If an e-cigarette actually explodes, there will be a superhero movie about it.
1d               
24
6
Jennifer @ZingingCutie
You can call me AK Rowdy, because I'm getting rowdy in Akron tonight.
1d               
5
Sarcasmic @Sarcasmicfiend
Me: I miss your face.
Him: Awwww. That's sweet.
Me: Between my thighs.
1d               
23
10
Run Clyde, Run @clyderun
Sorry I didn't hear what you were saying on the phone earlier. While you were all "blah blah blah" I was performing CPR on a family of 6.
1d               
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Fonzie's Evil Twin @caperbc75
"Are those easter eggs in your pants or are you just happy to see me? Oh, it's swelling from testicular cancer? Uh, this is now awkward."
1d               
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17
Stephanie V Anderson @stephvelander
WHAT IS GOING ON TWITTER I LOVE YOU I DRUNK!
1d               
8
T Wayne 1010 @twayne1010
Phlegm from a cold is only self-inflicted when eating ice cream.
1d               
11
Older Werther @ToastyQuixote
LOL at fake accounts who think they don't look like obvious fake accounts.
1d               
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Jake Probably @Jakexox
If I had a time machine that worked, I'd go back in time and buy more expensive time machine and with longer warranty too.
1d               
5
1
The stripper whisper @Dustin_199
So i tried playing my old Xbox today,wholly fuck that was boring
It's nice having a life
1d               
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Just Jan @janr572
This family can turn any day into a party.
#lovethem
1d               
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1
Gennifer @Genny_jello
My 3 year old has chicken pox right now, including on his junk....so don't even tell me about your day sucking.
1d               
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Dizzy @TinDizzy
Crazy shit!
1d               
1
AngelComedian @AngelComedian
"So... What's say we warm up that Lean Pocket?" - not my most successful pick-up line
1d               
3
Run Clyde, Run @clyderun
Just finished watching Blade Runner and now I'm high as fuck.
1d               
5
David Möllberg @davidmollberg
I just tried an Ouija-board. Man, that was scary. I came in contact with this severely dyslexic ghost.
1d               
2
1
Mayor McSleaze @IrishDonkey
Autocorrect changed douchy to doughy and I was too lazy to change it... Sounds about right.
1d               
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T Wayne 1010 @twayne1010
Now that Google requires user consent of Gmail scanning, maybe Google will see all of those Favstar trophies and finally follow back.
1d               
11
3
Just Jan @janr572
Belly-dancing with the in-laws and Ms 17 while we make Lebanese Easter biscuits.
Lilililililili!
1d               
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shuga lynx @jkstills
*wants to sprinkle your words on my cereal and eat 'em with a big spoon*
1d               
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27
J-Boner @JaimeBone33
That's two bras in two days!!
1d               
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- @_be_love_
Skateboarding in Santa Monica! So blessed! :) to be able to skateboard. pic.twitter.com/Y9fTS1lrvn
1d               
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1
Dizzy @TinDizzy
Back and forth. Back and forth.
1d               
2
T Wayne 1010 @twayne1010
When neighbors accidentally throw their balls over the fence, they usually want their balls back.
1d               
8
2
Evil Schwartzie @EvilSchwartzie
Frank the Easter Bunny. It's a mad world.
1d               
24
3
Jake Probably @Jakexox
Took 1275 pictures last weekend and planning to take 2150 this one.
Taking pictures is brilliant.
1d               
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4
shuga lynx @jkstills
thoughts--> i
^ d
| e
| a
words <----s
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29
T Wayne 1010 @twayne1010
I didn't have enough money left for Easter eggs. I spent the money on discount bin DVDs with hidden Easter eggs.
1d               
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3
T Wayne 1010 @twayne1010
A woman found a dead body during an Easter egg hunt, but it didn't count as one of the hidden eggs.
1d               
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3
T Wayne 1010 @twayne1010
General Mills prohibited lawsuits in its newest terms of service agreement, which led to the verification of the cereal killer myth.
1d               
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3
Travis LeBlanc @TravLeBlanc
I'm not ready to celebrate Easter so I'm having my Easter eggs frozen.
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101
The Bacon-Nate-or @bacon_gillepic
the bearded lady.... Cause dudes wanna know what the girls on twitter are always going on about
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47
24
Meaghan Mayhem @crassmama
do these antibiotics make my intestines look fat?
1d               
18
1
Run Clyde, Run @clyderun
Strike while the iron is hot? I think I'll iron my shirts while the iron is hot, thank you very much.
1d               
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Madame Zoloft @jchele2013
Have you ever farted while wearing a g-string and made it whistle like a blade of grass?

Just wondering.
1d               
1
•m @fvcvde
"I'm falling in love, but it's falling apart. I need to find my way back to the start."
1d               
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2
T Wayne 1010 @twayne1010
Sunday is 420 Day and Easter, or the year when the Easter bunny actually is real.
1d               
14
3
T Wayne 1010 @twayne1010
Amazon Fire TV sounds like a good smart device, but it never cancels the shows I tell it to cancel.
1d               
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6
T Wayne 1010 @twayne1010
The U.S. government is moving forward with license plate-tracking technology, which is proof a "donttrk" tag isn't worth the money.
1d               
13
5
Just Jeremiah @BYGH
Just because you're alive and watch Dr. Phil, it doesn't qualify you as a life coach.
1d               
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15
Dick Smalley @iamjdollar
can u guys please watch your fucking language
1d               
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4
heather damage @HeatherDamage
I would share my popcorn with you.
1d               
11
1
Cute and Crazy @Crazy_chickxx
Why do people become someone there not suppose to be to impress someone...
1d               
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Cute and Crazy @Crazy_chickxx
Talking to a friend today made me realise a lot...
Really no need to say anymore...
1d               
2
Cute and Crazy @Crazy_chickxx
I have let go,
I miss you,
But it's the way it has to be...
1d               
4
Gennifer @Genny_jello
Just followed someone because they had the most adorable kitten and puppy pictures. Now I get it boob avi followers. Now I get it.
1d               
42
15
Cool Hand Mooknado @OtisPdQ
But, they sound perfectly lovely. Oh, I thought you said they were a "real pizza work." A real PIECE of work doesn't sound delicious at all.
1d               
8
3
Wes Johnson @wesjohnson8
Meanwhile at the beauty parlor...

Me: "Make me pretty."

I hear a whiskey bottle open behind me, two gulps, "Here goes nothing!"
1d               
39
10
Aly Rhymes w/ Molly @OhHiAlyPie
I just found out what a subtweet is - THE GAME HAS CHANGED.
1d               
33
11
Heron @HeronSays
Sometimes I leave the toilet seat up, in all the stalls, of every women’s restroom that you might use, just to see what you think. Love.
1d               
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shuga lynx @jkstills
bliss by default:

when you ignore a problem long enough....and realize it was never a problem at all.
1d               
19
7
Kim Kardashian's Toe @KimKardashsToe
I would've laughed out loud at your tweet, but someone was crying at the table next to mine.
1d               
38
10
Sassafrantz @Sassafrantz
She died doing what she loved: telling someone the difference between there, they're, and their.
1d               
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50
Timberboy @Timben66
Congrats to Elon Musk and Space X.
They just launched the first commercial space ship "dragon" to re- supply the space station. Go USA !
1d               
1
Nick @NickC46
The Eastenders theme is oddly cheerful. TV irony at its finest.
1d               
3
Sassafrantz @Sassafrantz
I only think of you on two occasions: Never and fuck off
1d               
68
28
Naughty but nice... @jaslakhmna
I'm getting a pet gorilla and training it just to attack Jehovah's Witnesses!
1d               
40
9
Older Werther @ToastyQuixote
Just came to the realization that I will never be as cool as this guy with his sunglasses on the back of his head thinks he is.
1d               
3
Mayor McSleaze @IrishDonkey
The wife sent me to return stuff at Walmart if you wanna know how awesome my day has been.
1d               
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J-Boner @JaimeBone33
The older the fire, the hotter the flame.
1d               
2
Sugar Mr. Poon? @Lama911
I wish I got as excited about anything as much as kids at an Easter Egg Hunt.
1d               
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4
Wes Johnson @wesjohnson8
Let me unfollow myself to save you the trouble.
1d               
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22
skullpuppy @skullpuppy11
"I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT PEOPLE LIKE ME AS A MEMBER!"

*rips up Radio Shack Battery of the Month Club card*
1d               
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1
Sassafrantz @Sassafrantz
My boobs have singlehandedly reduced all men to teenagers.
1d               
138
37
FloridianBetch @FloridianBetch
NONE of my piercings have hurt except my second hole that was done with a gun.
1d               
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Sassafrantz @Sassafrantz
This yogurt tastes like I would rather be eating a Baconator.
1d               
66
22
Stephanie V Anderson @stephvelander
pic.twitter.com/7VhXTSBjtj
1d               
14
6
heather damage @HeatherDamage
I sin with my fingers for Jesus.
1d               
11
1
Eastwood @Eagle_Vision
I had to sell my night vision goggles, but I did start a catering service and now take baby aspirin.
1d               
20
5
Rich @DeLorean4sale
The "Heimlich Maneuver" sounds like an impressive sex move only Jewish guys are capable of doing.
1d               
5
Naughty but nice... @jaslakhmna
If it doesn't feel right,go straight.
1d               
31
13
Mike @JustLikeMikee
People are rarely honest with themselves.
1d               
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46
FloridianBetch @FloridianBetch
This lady is talking about how it's so much better to have a piercing with a gun instead of a needle. Uh no bitch. You are wrong.
1d               
4
SarahBeerInTheFridge @SarahR_82
I really admire ur FUCK CANCER bumper sticker but the cig dangling from ur lips & the cell phone glued to ur ear while driving, not so much
1d               
19
3
Sassafrantz @Sassafrantz
If your girlfriend is bored in bed, make her sleep on the couch.
1d               
64
17
Gretchen von Tongeln @Metalligretch
The Puritans were right about knees.
1d               
22
3
Sassafrantz @Sassafrantz
My favorite yoga pose is "I'm too drunk for this"
1d               
41
10
Legs @legonlegonlegs
I have entered into the land of the faceless twitter....

Was getting hard to catfish....

Hi my name is Tom.....
1d               
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26
Nick @NickC46
I think Easter eggs are a safer way of commemorating Good Friday than crucifixions, although there's a diabetes risk.
1d               
11
3
T Wayne 1010 @twayne1010
Sharks are only called Redskins when they're hungry.
2d               
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4
T Wayne 1010 @twayne1010
A rain jacket is a metal jacket that rusted.
2d               
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4
T Wayne 1010 @twayne1010
When you earn 300,000 favorites, nothing happens.
2d               
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7
T Wayne 1010 @twayne1010
For non-athletes, a parking meter is a penalty box.
2d               
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5
T Wayne 1010 @twayne1010
Give people who can't count a high four.
2d               
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5
T Wayne 1010 @twayne1010
The pollen vortex was so bad that the polar vortex had to sneeze.
2d               
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4
T Wayne 1010 @twayne1010
If you use your real accent on a podcast, you're doing it wrong.
2d               
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1
T Wayne 1010 @twayne1010
New invention: a volcano shelter
2d               
13
T Wayne 1010 @twayne1010
Doctors love compounds the most.
2d               
10
T Wayne 1010 @twayne1010
An upward spiral is just weird.
2d               
18
3
T Wayne 1010 @twayne1010
Taxis are a safe form of travel. You never hear of a fiery crash.
2d               
12
2
hrstump @hrstump
#FF @TeamDR_music @BluesVideos @ShawnUpchurch @marshallholland @Politics_PR @Jack9eight5 @KurtzLR @glennjhull @vittorpia @denverfoodguy
2d               
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1
T Wayne 1010 @twayne1010
If Chelsea Clinton's baby isn't born on time, she will be the new host of Chelsea Lately.
2d               
19
1
T Wayne 1010 @twayne1010
Some people talk on their phones when they're headed to the bathroom. William Shatner recites his captain's log.
2d               
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4
T Wayne 1010 @twayne1010
Twitter is realistic, although it's more unsettling and disturbing, when picturing everyone in their underwear.
2d               
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4
Lara (not Laura) @Lilbyrdy
Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Oh. It is a banana.

Sorry, ma'am.
2d               
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3
Lara (not Laura) @Lilbyrdy
Gonna replace the cat litter with Pop Rocks just to see what happens.
2d               
20
7
skullpuppy @skullpuppy11
You post a selfie to a locked account, where it steadily ages. Meanwhile, you keep your youthful looks til the day your account gets hacked.
2d               
9
1
Little Pants @AliceGolightly_
#Tbt reviving the 70s, off to see Fleetwood Mac in London. FYI they killed it! pic.twitter.com/0b0C4mzFzm
2d               
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1
C-U-R-T @FrankCurtisB
You'll know it's love if the stream of piss has extra pressure when I give you a golden shower.
2d               
14
3
Naughty but nice... @jaslakhmna
I'm confused,reading all these tweets about Taco Bell food destroying your insides on Its way outside...
STOP EATING AT FUCKING TACO BELL!
2d               
39
10
Baconbitz @ilovemydutchy
im calling it a day on the job search. i hate online applications they irk me. too many ridiculas scenario questions.
2d               
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Fuckwittery @chapsmyanus
I wish I could delete memories as easily as I can delete tweets.
2d               
23
6
The Pussy Whisperer @PinchSuckBlow
I think it's time to change the gate code, again.
2d               
18
1
Sassafrantz @Sassafrantz
My favorite sex position is "don't tell anyone we did this."
2d               
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137
Queen B @ThingsGoinOn
A lot of you have mothers who are whores, apparently.
2d               
6
2
The stripper whisper @Dustin_199
@Jack9eight5 get the fuck outa here lol
It's just something for my female fans
2d in reply to Jack9eight5               
1
1
Jim Nasium @Nattoman
AN IRANIAN mother spared the life of her son’s convicted murderer with an emotional slap in the f... news.com.au/world/an-irani…
2d               
1
1
Will Rodgers @WilliamRodgers
Bro: Dude, is this YOUR Shakira CD???

Me: What? No....it's my wife's.....

Hips: No.... It's his...

Me: Shut up Hips!
2d               
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244
Little Pants @AliceGolightly_
I'm dreaming of a white Easter. This is one dream that will come true, I've paid through the fucking nose for it.
2d               
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10
Jamie @_sweet_ham
My BF won't sleep on my $200 latex pillows . He brought his own crappy, stupid, cheap pillows and they're SOO soft and they are mine now.
2d               
12
3
Harmonster @TheHarmonster
Asking my dog "are you a kitty??" in a high pitched baby voice over and over will not stop him from eating the cat's food, apparently.
2d               
1
- @_be_love_
It's not the end of my beautiful dream just yet.
2d               
3
NostRhymeALot @Nostradamnisuck
Gabriel Garcia Marquez died. Not unexpected. His words can build elegant pictures in your head. Truly talented. Peace to his family and fans
2d               
4
3
Naughty but nice... @jaslakhmna
Many amongst us were pronounced dead...

*Emotionally
2d               
40
16
Baconbitz @ilovemydutchy
snag a job is pissing me off....grrr
2d               
1
Randolph Duke @CelebYouTaunt
Pretty mouth, you have. Suck this dick, you will. -when Yoda misuses the Force.
2d               
7
3
Little Pants @AliceGolightly_
"Look Ma, no hands!"

* falls *
2d               
30
8
Randolph Duke @CelebYouTaunt
I bet Yoda knew how to fuck a bitch.
2d               
6
Evil Schwartzie @EvilSchwartzie
Anderson Cooper racing Shalane Flanagan. pic.twitter.com/RObLm9YTK4
2d               
14
2
Gennifer @Genny_jello
I'm not like other women. When I use a cucumber it's just to get ranch dressing into my mouth.
2d               
42
12
★ ®odney ★ @Upforwisdom
I learn from what I been through
2d               
4
1
Jo @mother3bears
Waking up naturally at 8am. No alarm. My sort of morning. Thank you to religious holidays.
2d               
2
Queen B @ThingsGoinOn
CW: Do those shoes hurt your feet as much as they hurt my eyes?

Me: Nope

**Moonwalks out of CW's office**
2d               
5
1
Jo @mother3bears
Good morning. Good morning. *munches on hot cross bun*
2d               
1
★ ®odney ★ @Upforwisdom
Enlighten yourself please , see the obvious flaws. Be happy but not ignorant.
2d               
2
★ ®odney ★ @Upforwisdom
Society is a different word for morons
2d               
3
★ ®odney ★ @Upforwisdom
I got a lot of hustle ;)
2d               
2
Joey Aucoin @Joeyaucoin
Instead of saying cheese before I snap a photo, I like to yell out, "Do the same bullshit smile you always do!"
2d               
7
2
cotton candy @bitchfacetweets
No long haired patchouli wearing hippie, I don't think you're cute. You smell like essential oil and herbs.
2d               
1
Legs @legonlegonlegs
Yea that's right...

Rub my feet....

Love Pedicures
2d               
50
22
Censored Girl @Girl_Censored
That outfit is a little too zippery to be classy.
2d               
5
cotton candy @bitchfacetweets
Take your bipolar chivalry and shove it up your ass.
2d               
1
Apson @Apson
Literary giant Gabriel Garcia Marquez has died, Mexico's state-run news agency reports. He was 87.
2d               
1
Yolanda Richardson @YolandaRichard7
There's a special place in Office Hell for bitches who cut doughnuts in half and place them back in the box.
2d               
8
1
Rachel (Red) @MyRedHairIsReal
I really could use a block button for my emotions right now they're all over the place.
2d               
30
7
Apson @Apson
RIP Gabriel Garcia Marquez, the entire world will miss you.
2d               
1
Little Pants @AliceGolightly_
Is that a Cadbury's cream egg in your pocket, or are you getting my hopes up so I'll crack your head open like one?
2d               
23
12
Run Clyde, Run @clyderun
Charity begins at home. That includes mercy fucks, ladies...
2d               
17
6
ᖴᒪᗩTTᒪIᑎEᖇ @Flattliner
It’s a fine irony that young people, who have the most to lose, do very dangerous things.

In my case, I ate deep fried pizza. In Scotland.
2d               
13
1
Madame Zoloft @jchele2013
In Bed butt to butt~
Him: I'm gonna tear you up woman.
Me: Ya think? Bring it, big talk.

Both pass out snoring like chainsaws~ married sex.
2d               
3
Srikar Reddy @Ac_in_quest
What most people need to learn in life is how to love people and use things instead of using people and loving things.
2d               
17
17
Ice Princess @Shadysk8tr
May the sun shine bright upon you and kiss your skin as I wish I could
2d               
8
1
NostRhymeALot @Nostradamnisuck
I'd definitely like to do some acid, one more time. LSD was a blast.
Another trip would be excellent.
2d               
10
1
Randolph Duke @CelebYouTaunt
I'm sorry I called to make plans and didn't show up, but someone better looking called to make plans.
2d               
4
2
Kelkulus @kelkulus
This tweet is so short
because it is a haiku
Sent from my iPhone.
2d               
53
16
•m @fvcvde
Underclassmen disguised as upperclassmen.......
2d               
4
Randolph Duke @CelebYouTaunt
Watch me pull this gerbil out of my ass. -porn magicians
2d               
11
3
Nick @NickC46
1 1 was a racehorse
2 2 was 1 2
1 1 1 1 race
2 2 1 1 2.
2d               
5
3
E.D.D.I.E.z @ImprobableEddie
Thor walks into an inn. Innkeeper says "What can I get you for?" Thor replies "Hammered."
2d               
26
4
NostRhymeALot @Nostradamnisuck
Sorry dude @Atheist_Eh
I don't rock the necrophilia thing, but thanks for the offer
2d in reply to Atheist_Eh               
3
Little Pants @AliceGolightly_
It's cute how my friends & family think I take meds only to keep myself alive.
2d               
28
12
Naughty but nice... @jaslakhmna
Objects in the Avi may be *crazier than they appear...

*uglier
*fatter
*happier
*sadder
*higher

And in some cases like mine,
Sexier!
2d               
27
7
heather damage @HeatherDamage
I gotta whole lotta fuck all today.
2d               
7
1
Sassafrantz @Sassafrantz
This guy just said "nice smile" like he didn't notice I have beautiful boobs. How rude.
2d               
322
126
The Force @BruceForce
Fuck! And here was me thinking Manuel Retweeter was some Spanish dude
2d               
73
36
Rich @DeLorean4sale
90% of twitter users have never used the phrase "the great outdoors".
2d               
9
3
Little Pants @AliceGolightly_
Sensitive toothpaste; but for your heart.
2d               
12
4
Salty @saltysweetki
Make the most of those shining moments. Grab them and make them your future. Make them last.
2d               
12
6
Sassafrantz @Sassafrantz
I'm doing pretty good considering I have a mental age of 7.
2d               
113
31
Randolph Duke @CelebYouTaunt
Live Freud. Die Jung.
2d               
25
14
Jiminy Kicks It @JiminyKicksIt
climb on into my bed, babe. let me just move these sandwiches and these backup sandwiches
2d               
16
8
Baconbitz @ilovemydutchy
you gots to do! and i understand.. and someone who loves ya never judges anyways.. ;)
2d               
1
Baconbitz @ilovemydutchy
i love you too, babe.. miss you bunches.. well.. why would i ever judge? lol.. me and you have been thru some shit... you gots to do what
2d               
1
Baconbitz @ilovemydutchy
my best friend Sara lives up in NY and she just said this...
2d               
1
angieMcSugarButt @LuvPug
I can make a bottle of wine rise 3 hours after I kill it.

So whatever, Jesus
2d               
114
47
Rich @DeLorean4sale
Recumbent bikes should come with an extra pocket for condoms.
2d               
11
2
The stripper whisper @Dustin_199
So i was just on Facebook,then i thought why the fuck am i on Facebook.

So I'm back here,much better
2d               
2
Baconbitz @ilovemydutchy
it's supposed to get down to 50 tonight hmmmm not that cold. maybe idk i think i might wait till friday night. i didnt sleep last night.
2d               
1
Little Pants @AliceGolightly_
I'd love to see your bedroom. Yes, I'm fully aware that wasn't the question.
2d               
53
25
Baconbitz @ilovemydutchy
im sure there is some place downtown i can go dancing. im in the mood to go dancing. makes me miss SC and TX i know my way around there.
2d               
1
Baconbitz @ilovemydutchy
im thinking about staying out all night tonight. it's been a while since i pulled an allnighter exploring a city. i need to get my bearings.
2d               
1
Johnny Freightliner @Fr8liner
I'll push the shopping cart through the liquor store. You go all White snake Tawny Kitaen in the basket.
2d               
8
4
Lara (not Laura) @Lilbyrdy
My panties are not in a bunch, but they are inside out and backwards....for which I have no explanation.

I feel pretty okay though.
2d               
22
4
The stripper whisper @Dustin_199
I used to be a looser like you,then i took a girl to the bed
(If you get it you know I'm making fun of you,if not you're not missing much)
2d               
3
Johnny Freightliner @Fr8liner
Spent another the day at the antique Mall. Nothing new.
2d               
3
1
Johnny Freightliner @Fr8liner
Yesterdays sales meeting keyword:
Penetration.

I had to leave.
2d               
18
8
Nick @NickC46
I don't burn bridges. I just forget where they are.
2d               
16
5
Nick @NickC46
I know we're supposed to be deferential to royalty but let's be honest they're generally none too bright. Wingnut (Charles) is barking.
2d               
3
Cindy Lorenz @CindyBakesIt
Sext: I speak English and Spanish. I have enormous... vocabularies.
2d               
8
4
Ann D. @Stormynightann
Mornin.
2d               
1
Ann D. @Stormynightann
@StacyCase_: What an amazing & beautiful mama. @akcdoglovers #Cotton @CstoutChris pic.twitter.com/7I6paNihao”/Joker.@clownatlaw
2d in reply to StacyCase_               
3
1
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