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ImageNameLocationTwitter sinceLinks
Ol'Beardy Wan KenobiGrind & Beard It2011-05-23
@Grind_n_Roll1,218 days
STUPERB
FollowersFollowingTweetsListsFavorites
6,8041,33964,939469185,928
We found 198 favorite tweets.
Christina Masterson @LadyAngler87
@Grind_n_Roll Yup. They expect you to bend over backwards for them
47m in reply to Grind_n_Roll               
1
EVERYTHINGISAWESOME @WaltDeWalt
@Grind_n_Roll I feel "Chocolate Rain" is sometimes more appropriate.
3h in reply to Grind_n_Roll               
1
Chump @ItsDaveHimself_
Me after my first coffee pic.twitter.com/eL15ol1P6F
4h               
25
8
Chump @ItsDaveHimself_
#RIPEricTheMidget pic.twitter.com/t2YmmkgvPR
4h               
7
Chump @ItsDaveHimself_
#RIPEricTheMidget pic.twitter.com/cOMIO6NqUo
4h               
8
Princess Slayer @Lady_Mead
Getting creeped out was not on my Monday agenda...why can't people accept thanks but no thanks as an answer...
5h               
1
Fücking Budgie ™ @Buzzquotes
My anus is an upside down volcano.
5h               
8
1
C_D @BoozeAndGuns
I'm having a shit that would kill most men
5h               
23
7
KVL @KVonLips
Write me a love note with your blood, sweat and tears.
6h               
5
Ham on Wry @HeyZeus666
Why is there a lid on a coffin?

Is it to seal in freshness?
6h               
46
22
lostmydignity @carlyme23
*vagina bumps her way out of your clique*
6h               
27
11
Fat Pastor Fett @FatFett1
Played the PS4. Piece of shit! These corded muscle forearms were built on Atari 1600 joysticks & 1 red-orange button YA weak cunts!
7h               
3
1
Diarrhea_Tornado @IBS4ME
NOBODY BOTHER ME FOR 2, 2-1/2 MINUTES
7h               
3
1
Jay @Jay1972Jay
You can stop a zombie with strong language and a frisbee.
16h               
10
6
Snuggles @SurlyJon
If by ChapStick you mean butter then yes, I'm wearing 3 sticks.
1d               
33
12
KVL @KVonLips
My tonsils are so swollen that I can't swallow food, so I'm living off cum now.
1d               
10
1
Alan Bo Anderson @alb1690
@Grind_n_Roll A masterpiece in my opinion
1d in reply to Grind_n_Roll               
1
Snuggles @SurlyJon
Show me yo 6 minute egg, baby
1d               
11
2
Alan Bo Anderson @alb1690
Gonna change my avi to "45" so everyone (online) knows I'm a fucking spastic
1d               
5
Princess Slayer @Lady_Mead
Shops are seriously failing me on the tartan dress front today. Because lime green furry jumpers are far more fashionable, apparently.
1d               
1
Snuggles @SurlyJon
*snaps your bra* Morning, where's my food?
1d               
30
11
Hippie Bongstocking™ @KingPatrick24
OK.. you have a vagina.. I get that.. what I'm going to need you to understand is that it's not all that impressive.. what else you got?
1d               
4
Robear @bobsin
If you play the climax of 'A Day In The Life' backwards it's the sound of Paul, George and Ringo's dick shrinkage when Yoko starts singing.
1d               
19
10
Noodles @Dawn_M_
I hate it when a guy takes a picture using that annoying filter that shows his girlfriend.
1d               
183
105
Lauren Gillett @HaiMrSaxophone
😭 pic.twitter.com/9VNlysImZA
1d               
1
Dick Marcs @DickMarcs
In the year 2054 the word “ducking” will count as a swear.
1d               
5
2
Hippie Bongstocking™ @KingPatrick24
I'm so happy that I got to live through high-school without such things as camera phones..
1d               
5
2
St. Bishop @stbishop
I’m going to take a shit. Nobody fuck my chick while I’m gone.
1d               
7
1
Lauren Gillett @HaiMrSaxophone
Step dad would've been 46 today. pic.twitter.com/DpeipkKUwU
1d               
1
Bryan @stewnami
Does anyone else need to be burped after sex?
1d               
17
9
Dick Marcs @DickMarcs
I came here to sing harmonies with three other guys and I’m all out of harmonies.
1d               
3
Shōgun of Twîtter @shwebby3
Flexing my muscles is how I ended up in this wheelchair
1d               
40
15
Fondue KnuckleSlap. @Genghis_Dong
Just got told that I look like a cross between Micheal Hutchence and Mick Jagger. Guess she wants the D. Might just let her have it, too.
1d               
7
Carrie DirtyPillows @mrsverve
@Grind_n_Roll actually lolled
1d in reply to Grind_n_Roll               
1
Julie Snark @JulieSnark
The lava lamp reminds me of what my brain looks like inside when you talk.
1d               
46
30
nige [ham] @koalaslament
I just did the greased lightning dance while putting together my daughters barbie car. it's a sweet ride.
1d               
22
5
Speedoman @Sheppyuk
Thanks for telling me that you're not using Technology today for World Peace Day.

Thanks for telling me via the Twitter app on your iphone.
1d               
6
2
Carrie DirtyPillows @mrsverve
So close to my haircut. Struggling with ways to hide my Beatles hair. Went with a scarf yesterday, Sunday isnae a scarf day but.
1d               
3
8bitgun @8bitgun
With great jaw structure and hair comes great responsibility
1d               
5
2
8bitgun @8bitgun
SON: where does the moon go at night daddy?
DAD: he goes away because he saw your face
1d               
4
1
8bitgun @8bitgun
*girl makes a sick joke and the whole group laughs*
"I must Fucking defeat this woman*
1d               
2
1
GoaT FacE ThrillA @EndhooS
Please don't tell me they let you cook food for people. Or let you operate any heavy machinery.
1d in reply to EndhooS               
6
Dick Marcs @DickMarcs
The kids have woken up.
They keep shouting for “dad and mom” and “There’s a man in our ball pit.”

“Again”
1d               
3
2
brandon @sirrector
ugh, I can never go into public with my dad because he always wears shirts like this pic.twitter.com/1owYJHqM0u
1d               
460
237
Dick Marcs @DickMarcs
Maybe asking her “Who’s her daddy” when I was fucking her and going through her family photo albums was a bad idea.
1d               
3
2
Dick Marcs @DickMarcs
*sends ball pics to all the ladies.
1d               
2
Camden's finest @anbrll00
Any of you ladies want to watch me work on my car? I'll be greasy, sweaty and grunting.
1d               
18
8
Lt. L.T. Deer @tinydinosaurs
-=drives car through the front of a supermarket, gets out=- YO, DO YOU GUYS HONOR DOUBLE COUPONS?
1d               
10
2
CATWOMAN @darkest_shades
"@OfficialBeardsy: #Beardsy #Beard #BeardLife #BeardNation pic.twitter.com/37Gqy39RpQ" 🙏👏
1d               
4
CATWOMAN @darkest_shades
Your dick never lies to me.. learn from your dick
1d               
5
Lt. L.T. Deer @tinydinosaurs
-=gets tackled by LAPD, Pokemon cards fly out everywhere as they beat me into submission=-
1d               
10
7
bobo @thrillgar
i need to pee but like the last thing i want to see right now is a penis
1d               
31
4
do u even zebra @HEYWATCHMETWEET
nobody cares that Mr potato head just pulls arms and mustaches out of his ass
1d               
19
9
st✪✪pid @st00pidfast
I just reenacted the Calvin pissing on a Dodge sticker.
1d               
12
Wile E. Quixote @ScottLinnen
Did it hurt when you fell from grace into the fathomless oubliette of obscurity?

NOPE. ALL GOOD DOWN HERE, THANKS. ACTUALLY KINDA CUSHY
1d               
64
13
Lt. L.T. Deer @tinydinosaurs
-=eats instant oatmeal while soaking in a cold bath while listening to November Rain=-
1d               
4
Lt. L.T. Deer @tinydinosaurs
my performance in the local theater production of Wicked was reviewed as: "he was slightly more sober and less wrecked than everyone else"
1d               
7
3
Lt. L.T. Deer @tinydinosaurs
-=buys vodka=- now i can infuse this with rose pedals and pour it into my eyeballs and butthole
1d               
6
1
Lt. L.T. Deer @tinydinosaurs
-=convinces you to do anal for the first time, Third Eye Blind's 'Semi-Charmed Life' comes up on the playlist as I slip it in=-
1d               
3
Lt. L.T. Deer @tinydinosaurs
-=slips DJ 'they're taking the Hobbits to Isengard=-
1d               
11
3
Lt. L.T. Deer @tinydinosaurs
Sometimes I masturbate while wearing nothing but socks and a fanny pack filled with dum-dums
1d               
4
8bitgun @8bitgun
If your astrological sign is cancer you're automatically entitled to unlimited sex due to the "69" symbol
1d               
6
1
Lt. L.T. Deer @tinydinosaurs
-=invites a bunch of people over, puts on The Cranberries=- so you guys dtf or what?
1d               
7
8bitgun @8bitgun
Free porn makes it too easy, what happened to trying to rub one out in under a minute before the girls gone wild commercial ended
1d               
9
5
ShootMeNow™ @spankzappa78
When I eat pussy it looks like I'm snorkeling in some tropical resort.
1d               
4
Wile E. Quixote @ScottLinnen
Left my pocket Necronomicon in a tree stump at midnight mass. So mad I could spit locusts. If I had my goddam pocket Necrinomicon.
1d               
67
15
Terry F @daemonic3
I love having sex with trees. I get mad birches.
1d               
66
26
st✪✪pid @st00pidfast
I'm gonna be goth now.
1d               
6
Camden's finest @anbrll00
Just a fun fact about me: I paid for a Def Leppard CD with nickels in 1994.
1d               
28
10
st✪✪pid @st00pidfast
Dude, tell me about your car again, do you have time?
1d               
6
Raspberry Jam @Jenny4ashley
What idiot named it pineapple juice and not Sweet'N Load?
1d               
71
29
Optimistic 14NsBack @14NsBack
*Turns on sat nav and aims for bedroom*
1d               
2
1
Mr. Sunshine @RickNothing
@Grind_n_Roll At the same speed?
1d in reply to Grind_n_Roll               
1
st✪✪pid @st00pidfast
I fell off the wagon and scraped my knees.
1d               
14
1
Johnny Boy @Out_The_Back
I'm a freelance village idiot.
1d               
9
5
Lou Bricated @redherringbear
Foreign words are so passé.
1d               
20
10
Doom and Optimism @OptimisticDoom
Just taught my daughter that "juice my balls, bitch" means "may I please go to the bathroom"...preschool Monday should be fun.
1d               
20
3
Bob Scott C.P.A. @BobScottCPA
I am back now on the Public City Bus on my way to Old Country Buffet where they know how to treat customers right unlike Apple Computers
1d               
6
1
Knave @man_in_radiator
I once had coke sex in a limo while listening to the first Mars Volta record and I believe life has been downhill ever since.
1d               
10
1
Bob Scott C.P.A. @BobScottCPA
He said "Bob Scott, we cannot take that big gold bar as payment for a gold I-Phone" so I said "Screw you, I'm going to Old Country Buffet"
1d               
8
2
Bob Scott C.P.A. @BobScottCPA
They let me in but said they had no I-Phones—I took a gold bar from my Sex Party gym bag, that Dumb Apple Genius pissed himself practically
1d               
6
Chump @ItsDaveHimself_
#selfie pic.twitter.com/KvvNyqc52w
1d               
31
13
Bob Scott C.P.A. @BobScottCPA
So I then had to make some shoes out of garbage I found in an alley (I was voted "Most Crafty" once in a Hobby Lobby marionette workshop)
1d               
4
2
Jay Del Greco @jaydelgreco
@Grind_n_Roll @HuwLayton @MasterOfFury Nobody kills for science, but the fruits of science empower religious nuts to kill more efficiently.
1d in reply to Grind_n_Roll               
3
The Gimp @AyeGimp
Makes your nipples hard, doesn't it?
1d               
3
1
333Nat @_NTFG_
3 Months Cigarette Free.
GO ME !!!

I put shitloads of weight on though, but this new meth addiction should clean that up quick smart.
1d               
168
66
vonTraphaus @vonTraphaus
And that time there was only one set of carbon footprints in the sand? That was Jesus, carrying your air conditioner
1d               
19
9
Rusty @GayDeceiver
Meanwhile, at the Justice League,

"We do NOT buzz the Avenger Tower! Understood?"
1d               
3
Matt Seccull @matt_seccull
Having a cock is a bit like having a pet goat. Just back off! Get down! stop butting in! I'm trying to be a sensitive soul. NO
1d               
3
2
Snuggles @SurlyJon
I just ate 9 apples right off the tree and now I'm never leaving this bathroom
1d               
17
5
333Nat @_NTFG_
Laying in my deathbed.
The rattle starts to gurgle.
I know for a fact that only the cunts who've pissed me off will flash before my eyes.
1d               
75
40
CuntSmith @csmith5050
She bites her lip and lifts her skirt to show off her high panty line. I arch my eyebrows as if to say "wait'll I get this track suit off"
1d               
28
8
Jonny Graham @jonnyg8
'Gimp Man' aims to spark debate bbc.co.uk/news/uk-englan… @AyeGimp
1d               
2
1
Lily Enemy @Harbingerr
Inhale the awakening aroma of period panties and doo-doo sheets.
2d               
16
4
btemps @btemps
@Grind_n_Roll I work out. Do what I can.
2d in reply to Grind_n_Roll               
1
CATWOMAN @darkest_shades
Shopping for clothes? NO
Shopping for lingerie? NO

Shopping for sex toys? YAAASSS
2d               
9
2
CATWOMAN @darkest_shades
Sorry I'm busy.. rubbing your beard..

In my dreams
2d               
6
2
CATWOMAN @darkest_shades
"You're weird"

The best compliment ever
2d               
9
2
Dane @ProfaneDane
the boys at the lodge call me chihuahua dick because white moms love to dress it up in cute outfits and carry it in their purses.
2d               
24
10
Snuggles @SurlyJon
I've been described as delusional, desperate, and lurking.
2d               
33
12
Dave @dmroberts1000
Cock rings make excellent emergency napkin holders
2d               
6
2
Finger Taints @ArtIsMyPorn
*covers your car in birdseed*
*waits for shit to happen*
2d               
14
4
Shōgun of Twîtter @shwebby3
"I'm gonna become a Manwitch"

"Like a manly sandwich?"

"Yea like a-WHAT?! NO! WITCH BABY WITCH! What the fuck you talking about sandwich?"
2d               
23
14
Bread John @Breadery
We won't see cryogenic freezing until scientists figure out how to stop long term dick shrinkage.
2d               
20
5
Snuggles @SurlyJon
You see that bulge in my yoga pants? That's right, I'm smuggling a baked potato into the movies.
2d               
61
27
Emma @Emii_Everlong
My dog is trying to shag my arm
2d               
3
2
Jay of the Dead @zomboy666
You kids these days, you think you invented awful clothes and ridiculous hair.
2d               
23
10
Sir Jauntyhat @ParentEsq
And this is where the magic happens
*gestures toward George Foreman grill*
2d               
39
15
GOAT @goatwhore666
40 year old wrestling fans are so cute!
2d               
6
2
Knave @man_in_radiator
What's great about my local diner is that the waitresses don't judge me while I eat dinner alone and weep at the counter on a Friday night.
2d               
11
1
Herp Peterson @Herp_Twerp
I can suck my balls in or just let them hang.
2d               
23
5
Owl of Doom @Twisted_Mettle
Remember being young and thinking that your friend was some kind of genius, only to realize years later they were just reciting song lyrics?
2d               
5
1
donni @donni
Even hundreds of years from now, there will be people who try to cup their farts and throw them at you
2d               
101
17
Bob Scott C.P.A. @BobScottCPA
It's not that my current fuck mat doesn't still have life left in it—the foam is still good, it's just stained (I spilled Capri Sun on it)
2d               
8
3
Bob Scott C.P.A. @BobScottCPA
I am sorry to be a downer on here—I was just hoping Mother would leave me cash money so I could get a new I-Phone, also a new fuck mat
2d               
7
Beiber Promtions @kevnasto
You ever cum so hard that you had to walk across the street and kill the neighbour's dog?
2d               
9
4
Bob Scott C.P.A. @BobScottCPA
Along with that doll there were some letters and books and another key in that 2nd safe deposit box—tomorrow I will see what the key unlocks
2d               
1
Asshole God @Asshole_God
I've got my salmon shorts on ladies.
2d               
6
2
Knave @man_in_radiator
BREAKING: Nothing.
2d               
2
Troutman @robotrowboat
*zvip zvip zvip zvip zvip zvip zvip zvip zvip zvip zvip zvip zvip zvip zvip zvip zvip zvip zvip* Hey guys check out my new corduroy jumpsuit
2d               
9
2
Speedoman @Sheppyuk
U ok hun? @GlasgowCC
2d               
4
nige [ham] @koalaslament
6yr old: daddy you're the best daddy a child could ever have in the whole wide world

me: ask your mother
2d               
61
17
FRO VO @fro_vo
has the jury reached a verdict?
we have your honor
*bailiff hands verdict to judge*
*judge opens note*
[kevin from home alone voice] yesssss
2d               
16
3
Mister Nixin @MisterNixin
@Grind_n_Roll pic.twitter.com/v1mcSBqpvE
2d in reply to Grind_n_Roll               
1
Just Bill @WilliamAder
The funniest thing about the hilarious @BobScottCPA is that he's not trying to be funny. The man's a comedy genius. #FF
2d               
18
5
Snuggles @SurlyJon
I park on the lawn so I don't fuck up my driveway
2d               
20
7
sean,ein windir @Whiskyuponatime
Came so hard it reversed my vasectomy.
2d               
9
4
Bob Scott C.P.A. @BobScottCPA
I have 15 minutes to get to the 2nd bank to open Mother's 2nd safe deposit box—I just ran 3 blocks to catch a Bus like Bruce Fucking Jenner
2d               
7
1
Bob Scott C.P.A. @BobScottCPA
DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO RUN TO A BUS STOP WHEN YOU HAVE A FUCKING LIMP, FUSED ELBOWS, AND JUICY HEMORRHOIDS ???
2d               
11
2
ManJuggs @ManJuggs
A real gentleman would push in a lady's stool.
2d               
11
2
Snuggles @SurlyJon
NOT NOW MOM, I'M OBSESSING ABOUT YOUTUBE LINKS ON THE INTERNET.
2d               
11
3
Alan Bo Anderson @alb1690
Twitter says a yes voter has been stabbed by a no voter on Buchanan street which really means some drunk bitch dropped her roll n' chips
2d               
1
Bob Scott C.P.A. @BobScottCPA
So I opened the safe deposit box and it was just another key to another safe deposit box, even in death Mother is a Dick
2d               
14
3
ManJuggs @ManJuggs
dick so big I fell down the stairs
2d               
8
1
Snuggles @SurlyJon
Unstoppable boner

(Not mine)
2d               
7
Jake @MrPunkmouth
i invented death metal in the northern woods of Siberia in 1847
2d               
18
8
Just Call Me Frank™© @JustCallMeFrank
There's something erotic about farm machinery in the Fall.
2d               
20
4
Bob Scott C.P.A. @BobScottCPA
That night in the Family Sauna that wasn't really for families I missed my bumfighting match, but at least I met my gay friend Lamont
2d               
4
Snuggles @SurlyJon
Who wants to shave my back?
2d               
11
4
Doom and Optimism @OptimisticDoom
Spoiler: it's still just a phone
2d               
11
1
Knave @man_in_radiator
I've been known to impregnate women with the way I smoke cigarettes.
2d               
13
2
HIMSA @Night_Thing
Woman, I can get hard from a big yawn, so don't fucking flatter yourself
2d               
8
1
CzickenShack @CzickenShack
If you need to reach me tonight, I'll be at the office, surreptitiously sniffing the seat of the fat girl with the angelic face.
2d               
14
2
Bob Heller @Bob_Heller
*A sexy camel walks into the bar in some open-toed stilettos.

"My eyes are up here you filthy pigs."

*The pigs jab each other and snicker
2d               
26
3
st✪✪pid @st00pidfast
Can pornstars get fired for sexual harassment in the workplace?
2d               
8
Wilde Thing @WildeThingy
Cunts!
Sorry, I take that back.

Fucking cunts!
There, much better.
2d               
92
34
Cake @reallyheavycake
Then I touched a penis and took a year long sabbatical from sex to recover from the disappointment.
2d               
9
1
GoaT FacE ThrillA @EndhooS
*Staples bosses tie to his desk and kicks his chair out from under him*
IF YOU EVER TOUCH MY FROZEN PENCIL CASE AGAIN I'LL KILL YOU.
2d               
58
26
Betty Big Bollocks @skankymunter
Hoping people don't notice my tampon string every time I bend over.
2d               
24
10
locustbones @locustbones
my baby keeps crying I wonder if he's depressed
2d               
14
4
Yellowcake @reprocessed
Tectonic dinner plates
2d               
1
Alan Bo Anderson @alb1690
Bitter Scottish "celebrities" who campaigned for the yes vote, taking to twitter for the "tut tut look at them" is the funniest shit ever
2d               
7
5
Naazihah @naazihah
I'm trying this thing called "focussing on the positives", otherwise known as "lying to myself".
2d               
45
24
Naazihah @naazihah
Fuck off newly single people who still enjoy the novelty of having a big bed all to themselves.
2d               
39
8
Rubik's Zirconia @HeyJimmyConway
Balls lookin like Siamese Hellraiser atm rn.
2d               
1
Sqwerty Jones @SufficientCharm
Sorry I squirted and blinded your dog.
2d               
110
44
GoaT FacE ThrillA @EndhooS
Groot: I am G-
Rocket: GAY
G: I AM G-
R: GAY!
*getting irate*
G: III AAMMM GGG-
R: GAAAYYYY!
*starts smashing the bar up*
R: Calm down bro
2d               
106
39
Robear @bobsin
"Many lights make hands work," I said to myself as I sat admiring the glowing mesh of optical circuitry inside my new robotic hands.
2d               
43
24
GoaT FacE ThrillA @EndhooS
[10mins later]
*tries to fly a helicopter upside down to cut the grass*
"WON'T SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING?!"
2d in reply to EndhooS               
48
10
Token Geezer @Token_Geezer
Feeling old?

Don't worry. Just remember there's people who weren't even alive on Millennium Eve who now have pubic hair.

You're welcome
2d               
69
22
Lisa•° @L15A_o_O
@Grind_n_Roll: There mustn't be any calories in free food. I've never seen a fat homeless person.” New diet: only eat free food.
2d in reply to Grind_n_Roll               
1
monkey @ninatreemonkey
Errbody in the club getting brain damage
2d               
45
17
Del Freaky @iAmDelFreaky
"What's in yo wallet, muthafucka?"

~ Samuel L. Jackson's first 11 takes, on the Capital One commerical
2d               
68
35
tazz @noneofyours99
If you're fat and want to wear yoga pants, go for it.

Its usually men with beer guts and plumbers cracks talking shit about you.
3d               
80
38
Snuggles @SurlyJon
@Grind_n_Roll it's my fault, I @Ed him about wine coolers and he deactivated rather than answer me.
3d in reply to Grind_n_Roll               
2
btemps @btemps
@Grind_n_Roll that's a spicy meatball
3d in reply to Grind_n_Roll               
1
GoaT FacE ThrillA @EndhooS
Ayyy Girl, are you a Pokemon because you look like a bulbous whore.
3d               
132
53
Craigy Sparklepants @craigdtull
@Grind_n_Roll definite lack of boners round here :(
3d in reply to Grind_n_Roll               
1
MR HAND @SniffMyPickle
I like 80's rock and being fingered
3d               
79
35
GoaT FacE ThrillA @EndhooS
Neil Armstrong "So Jesus walked on water. That's a real nice story Reverend. Come back when he's walked on the moon"
*Does jerk off motion*
3d               
151
64
Noodles @Dawn_M_
I like 80's rock and being fingered.
3d               
538
220
Fat Pastor Fett @FatFett1
@Grind_n_Roll HA! That's right on every level. I tend to like powder in mine so I can make cloud porn for the people around me
3d in reply to Grind_n_Roll               
1
Tate @darkmatter_wimp
*sprinkles Goldfish crackers into bowl of peanut butter*

*adds 'Innovative Thinker' to résumé*
3d               
57
19
Fat Pastor Fett @FatFett1
@Grind_n_Roll Im pretty sure that's Calvin Klein's motto judging by some of his fragrances.
3d in reply to Grind_n_Roll               
1
Fat Pastor Fett @FatFett1
If I could email farts I'd send soooo much more email!
This thought was brought on by what you think brought it on.
3d               
7
2
Dick Marcs @DickMarcs
Ginger guy with muscles;
Way to tell the world you got bullied as a kid.
3d               
7
2
Tate @darkmatter_wimp
•Irregular or spheroid in shape.
•The biggest make use of the Kuiper Belt.
•Range in size from a few feet to several miles.

--Dat Assteroid
3d               
47
20
Owl of Doom @Twisted_Mettle
If you ever say things like "it looks like my car is best friends with your car", I'm probably not listening when you say other stuff, too.
3d               
3
1
Alan Bo Anderson @alb1690
A yes vote would have solved all of Scotland's problems, then we could have skipped merrily hand in hand into a perfect future... Fuck up
3d               
4
St. Bishop @stbishop
A city bus is just a rolling tampon soaking up the poor.
3d               
12
4
Rusty @GayDeceiver
"Did you ever dance with the devil by the pale of the moonlight?"
"Did you ever shop so hard your credit card melts?"
"..."
"You started!"
3d               
6
3
Snuggles @SurlyJon
#FF your head into a helicopter blade
3d               
45
22
notyourjester @Loli_Sug
None of your beards will ever be Neil Fallon's beard.
3d               
9
2
Princess of Oblivion @random_tammie
@Grind_n_Roll *shhhhh*
3d in reply to Grind_n_Roll               
1
vonTraphaus @vonTraphaus
I put my underpants on one ball at a time
3d               
12
5
Chica Loca @MyPuffyTaco
*exfoliates butthole*
3d               
11
1
Princess of Oblivion @random_tammie
@Grind_n_Roll I knew my butt pics smelled funny.
3d in reply to Grind_n_Roll               
1
Princess Slayer @Lady_Mead
Today is very quickly turning into a shitty day...someone save me
3d               
1
nige [ham] @koalaslament
you should apologise to me for your haircut
3d               
51
16
poop butt @heypoopbutt
Nothing screams fuck my asshole like white sunglasses.
3d               
16
7
Melody Juicyminge @lilpwoppa
I knew he was the one when he fingered my anus during our first kiss.
3d               
8
2
why? @knot_eye
I just saved a bunch of money on groceries by clipping coupons and eating them.
3d               
286
186
Rock @TheMichaelRock
Sometimes you just need to have the confidence of the fat kid in a McDonald's ball pit.
3d               
231
130
Cabo @shot_of_cabo
Fact: Women who are legit into watching sports have the largest clitorae and will fuck you in the ass with a strap-on, no questions asked.
3d               
101
52
Raoul Duke @Raoul_Duke_71
BREAKING NEWS: Car makers have secretly installed a lever on your steering column, that allows you to indicate your intention to turn...
3d               
91
66
Shkeeber @shkeeber
The most awkward part of a gay wedding is the part at the end when they 69 instead of kissing.
3d               
37
5
CuntSmith @csmith5050
@Grind_n_Roll I miss that crazy fuck, he must've finally got that STD he's been searching for.
3d in reply to Grind_n_Roll               
1
Rock @TheMichaelRock
Calm the fuck down, old dudes always leaning on things. Save some pussy for the rest of us.
3d               
107
28
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