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Earl of Lemongrab2011-05-23
@Grind_n_Roll1,060 days
Ich bin Tod und ich trage Doppel Denim.
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6,7531,27759,111479181,254
We found 200 favorite tweets.
gone cumhoggin' @meat_tornado_
from the makers of Big Bang theory: a steaming hot turd
15m               
3
2
Speedoman @Sheppyuk
Gareth Bale relaxes in the sun after celebrating his wonder goal in the final of the Copa Del Ray pic.twitter.com/HCqx8iAtyK
20m               
3
1
Nice Warm Dump @KoolQueef
On Sunday my wife is gonna dress up like the Easter bunny and push eggs out of her potty holes while I piss on her head.
21m               
14
4
Tate @hayes_t_r
Those genes look so good on you; I like the way your unit is packaged! You'd fit w/me like sticky bits of recombinant DNA.

What? Sex cells.
29m               
15
4
Em @Emii_Everlong
I just got shouted at by a Chinese woman because my nails are soft
32m               
2
GoaT FacE ThrillA @EndhooS
He's gay Sara...

"No way"

Just watch...Hey son, how would you like to go to Hooters?

"Oh boy, an Owl Sanctuary!"

*turns to wife*

SEE!
32m               
12
2
Facetious K @ThePiggySlasher
I'm all for equality in the workplace, so my vote goes to the guy with the nice arse.
37m               
2
St. Bishop @stbishop
The only thing you trash deserve is to be bulldozed into a mass grave.
41m               
3
1
St. Bishop @stbishop
Welcome to the new and improved unemployment office, now with extra wide parking for all the country’s burdens.
42m               
4
St. Bishop @stbishop
Look at me, I’m a fat fucking piece of shit who can barely walk. Good thing I got a personal parking spot.
48m               
4
3
Johnny Boy @Out_The_Back
You cunts don't get it and I'm cool with that.
49m               
5
Johnny Boy @Out_The_Back
We are all naive to believe anything.
1h               
2
Sudo Nim @RealSudoNim
Shout out to the person playing hot electro beats from Romania in this old people clothes store
1h               
5
Johnny Boy @Out_The_Back
I've usually worn out my welcome before I get the chance to introduce myself.
1h               
3
1
Johnny Boy @Out_The_Back
If you've got nothing to hide, what the fuck have you been doing with your life?
1h               
7
4
Johnny Boy @Out_The_Back
Perfect doesn't last forever.
1h               
2
1
Johnny Boy @Out_The_Back
My bucket list owes my dealer 8 grand.
1h               
3
Johnny Boy @Out_The_Back
I wish sober me had the same level of motivation to do stuff as wasted me.
3h               
2
Johnny Boy @Out_The_Back
I just want a tropical island with an open bar all to myself.
3h               
4
GoaT FacE ThrillA @EndhooS
My grandad just morphed into a motorbike and wheelied of a cliff. Typical Sagittarius.
6h               
13
7
Déjà Vù @P8NT4R
Have you noticed how some slim attractive women dress really slutty while shopping?... I sure have.
6h               
23
7
gone cumhoggin' @meat_tornado_
my best moments are spent on the toilet and being a toilet
6h               
12
2
Terry F @daemonic3
Finance: Five $200 line items for "Blow job"?

Me: Yes

Finance: Ok, done with credits. Now let's go over purchases on your expense report.
6h               
10
3
Bread John @Breadery
It's like my dad always used to say.

"I wish you'd stop quoting me posthumously."
6h               
39
17
Grumpy Cat! (PARODY) @atomicdoge
yeah I'm a piece of Crap, but I'm *your* piece of Crap! [She blocks me forever] Whatever dude least I still got Bioshock
6h               
9
4
Steve Suckington @SteveSuckington
I'm not fit to be a parent? Whatever!
I let my kids out of their cages TWICE today!
6h               
36
17
A Bit Too Rude @FaceFarter
Cop: Sir, what are you doing?

Me: Well, I'm naked and this sheep's wearing Victoria Secret underwear. I'm guessing you're not a detective.
6h               
5
3
toilet banger @ramenfuneral
my sneakers are lighting up which means im definitely ready to destroy some ass
6h               
34
7
spaghetti @JeniScagnetti
I want little baby pug puppies growing in my tummy.
6h               
4
spaghetti @JeniScagnetti
I will fuck anything that can lick it's own asshole. Go.
7h               
12
2
spanky [ham] pants @koalaslament
I'm getting shampooed. please carry on without me.
7h               
9
spanky [ham] pants @koalaslament
out of all the women in this hair salon I'm by far the sexiest
7h               
11
5
Jazmasta @jazmasta
[hitting on hot babe in bar]
".. You're 28? NO WAY! I used to be 28! This is spooky. You like oxygen? OMG you're not gonna believe this.."
7h               
61
17
BingeDrinkingFatTwat @ShitMonkCunt
Morning people can seriously fucking fuck off. Im in such a mood I may grab a tomahawk and start scalping loud mouth twats.
7h               
3
A Bit Too Rude @FaceFarter
Big mistake buying brown carpets when my cat is incontinent and I don't wear socks.
7h               
7
1
A Bit Too Rude @FaceFarter
That fart sounded like a bucket of bubbling porridge being repeatedly stabbed with a sink plunger by a psychotic dwarf on steroids.
7h               
9
2
bucmachine @bucmachine
1 gently used dick for sale. Very well maintained and works like new. Foreskin not included but balls are. Call Chris after 5pm or leave msg
7h               
6
1
Just Call Me Frank™© @JustCallMeFrank
Your heart tastes nothing like cake.
7h               
16
3
bucmachine @bucmachine
My first word was cunt. Mom was so proud.
7h               
5
bucmachine @bucmachine
If it walks like a duck it probably has a pound of heroin in it’s rectum.
8h               
5
1
Guy The Guy @GuyThe_Guy
I was gonna rent a gazebo at the park for a party but those scam artists wanted to charge me like a pavilion dollars!
10h               
77
37
Chim ney @WarmCigarette
Fucking retards
14h               
39
10
Asshole God @Asshole_God
Kia means BITCH in Chinese.
14h               
6
2
Magooch @SurlyJon
Good luck finding anything to rt here. Might's well moooove along.

Go, scoot, skedaddle.

LEAVE ALREADY!
14h               
19
10
Sass Jordan @JabberwockyIAm
I can rock the weather confused slut look.
14h               
2
1
Jiminy Kicks It @JiminyKicksIt
Pizza Hut's slogan for the years 2003 to 2008 was just the sound of a dude taking a hit from a bong.
14h               
18
4
Chim ney @WarmCigarette
Sometimes I smoke cigarettes and wonder when exactly I became such a whiny bitch
14h               
37
25
HEADKUTTER @Headkutter
If it wasn't a complete abortion of a day already I just heard AC/DC are splitting up.

*searches Internet for painless suicide methods
14h               
4
AstronAmy @SpacePlankton
I just turned on Seinfeld too quickly after watching a lot of Fox News and my brain cramped up. I almost drowned.
14h               
54
13
Bob Scott C.P.A. @BobScottCPA
The reason people use #wcw is because they are delusional, they think they will get serious puss but that only happens to Donald Trump
14h               
2
Gander™ @GFGander
There's no way to refer to your "fiancée" without sounding friggin annoying.
14h               
18
8
Lauren Gillett @HaiMrSaxophone
@Grind_n_Roll has just said THE best thing that I've seen on Facebook for a long time. I thought you all should know. Ok, as you were.
14h in reply to Grind_n_Roll               
1
FartPowder @fartpowder
Goth Cop / Rad Cop
14h               
8
2
Bob Scott C.P.A. @BobScottCPA
Today is what is called #wcw (that means “Woman Crush Wednesday”)—it is a day when people on here act like dumb 5th graders
14h               
2
Le Titz de Bitch @Pimple_Dick
Your mother has great taste in men.
15h               
2
Elroy Fudge @WhiskeyForKids
HELP ME! My penis is stuck in the neck of a whiskey bottle! I want to avoid wasting any of the whiskey! Is penis amputation my only option?
15h               
3
1
CockFlavoredSoupMix @EricDumbTweets
"Can Tic-Tacs get stale?" and other questions that kept me from finishing my dissertation.
15h               
15
6
Gander™ @GFGander
Whoever first called it "throwing up" must've had a really strange way of vomiting.
15h               
15
2
Suicide Blonde @san22sbs
Unless that cucumber vibrates and pulses you can keep it.
15h               
8
4
FartPowder @fartpowder
I'm the Hulk Hogan of going to sleep.
Welcome to PILLOWMANIA, brother!
15h               
6
2
Luxamillion @TinyBikinis
Damn white people love cheese so much
15h               
4
1
Jiminy Kicks It @JiminyKicksIt
Snoop tries to think of a lyric. "Smoke weed certain days," he writes down. He scratches it out. "No," he says. "No, that isn't right."
15h               
19
3
Sass Jordan @JabberwockyIAm
I'm sorry you're like 12 and have emotions.
15h               
1
Magooch @SurlyJon
I think our periods have synced, this means my antique tampon dispensers might actually start making some money.
15h               
17
6
Hot Bearded Fuck @SluttyLumbrjack
Most of my coworkers graduated from highly respected universities, but you'd never know it by how often I mumble "dumbfuck" under my breath.
15h               
9
Amazeballs Jellyfish @vilechild
my dick has a toothache
15h               
2
The Gimp @AyeGimp
<------ all white guys look like this when they grow a beard.
15h               
10
2
Facetious K @ThePiggySlasher
Im glad @AyeGimp is on my timeline again.
15h               
1
Facetious K @ThePiggySlasher
I'm sorry about your ears.
15h               
3
Alan Bo Anderson @alb1690
My party trick is Stockholm syndrome
15h               
6
3
Crazy Stalker Mom @texasstalkermom
No, I'm not perfect! And I will never pretend to be. I fuck up, have a filthy mouth, and tell people to suck balls.
15h               
67
35
KWB @KittyWittyBang
Blood might be thicker than water, but nothing is thicker than my uncle Terry's cum.
15h               
20
6
a drowsy bird @adrowsybird
are you even the kind of girl who’s essence is bound to streams and trees that gets sad when she sees flowers she doesn’t know the name of?
16h               
51
18
MMMMMMark @Eightinchgoat
Analogy sounds like a pretty cool college course.
16h               
51
25
Witchy Woman @dreamthievin
I swear, if this freakin' pervert doesn't stop staring at my boobs I'm gonna pour a glass of water on them
16h               
45
20
DayOfDoom @Poop_Dragon
No teacher who ever believed in their message enough asked if anyone wanted to hear it.

They knew it was too important to remain silence.
16h               
2
Magooch @SurlyJon
File me an extension, bitch.
16h               
14
5
a drowsy bird @adrowsybird
she gets off watching things die
16h               
77
27
Amazeballs Jellyfish @vilechild
i love breaking a string in the middle of a perfect guitar take more than you
16h               
2
Magooch @SurlyJon
#wcw pic.twitter.com/XdrUIwpER7
16h               
9
3
Alan Bo Anderson @alb1690
My weapon of choice for hunting deer is lust
16h               
5
3
Alan Bo Anderson @alb1690
My asshole is so distended, when I take a shit it looks like kids firing out the end of a water slide
16h               
3
1
Alan Bo Anderson @alb1690
My Wednesday name is Kurt Van Glockencöck
16h               
3
2
Shōgun of Twîtter @shwebby3
DOESN'T THE HUMAN BODY GENERATE ELECTRICITY?!

*Desperately tries to charge phone by shoving USB end up his asshole*
16h               
56
21
notyourjester @Loli_Sug
I test all my tweets on rhesus monkeys.
16h               
19
The Gimp @AyeGimp
When's the next Glasgow tweet-up? I have the urge to spit on some of you.
16h               
6
1
Natty Lumpo @nattylumpo88
Say Christian metalcore again, and see what happens!

*engages flamethrower*
17h               
14
2
Nice Warm Dump @KoolQueef
RT if you've ever told your partner he made your pussy cream, even though it was really the guy you banged earlier's fuck muck.
17h               
10
4
Miz Jules @jkrambles
Spoiler alert: In the end, everything most likely will be just fine.
17h               
44
9
eric10F @eric10F
A flock of seagulls is called a "one hit wonder"
*drops mic, runs so far away*
17h               
51
23
Dick Dragger @MMcbeard
let Dick ease your pain
17h               
3
pinkbacon @Sherky1888
@Just_Greig @Grind_n_Roll ha ha Robert ya bass xxx
18h in reply to Just_Greig               
2
Greig Paterson @Just_Greig
"@Grind_n_Roll: My favourite fart was the one that made my girlfriend say, "Gérard Depardieu? What about him?""

@Sherky1888 hahaha
18h               
1
Nice Warm Dump @KoolQueef
I could do this all day but I'm not going to. I'll just piss myself off.
18h               
6
1
Vagisil Twist Tattoo @southbaysue
I'm sorry I said your newborn baby looks like an internal organ.
18h               
24
9
Blackberry Tangles @Harbingerr
I'd bang RuPaul if she was your mom.
19h               
7
3
A Bit Too Rude @FaceFarter
When I'm drunk, there's 3 endings to 'pull my finger'.
19h               
10
1
A Bit Too Rude @FaceFarter
A device that does things with your shitty kids so you can get drunk earlier, the iDad™
19h               
4
Carrie DirtyPillows @mrsverve
Going to start carrying around paperbags with me, to give to people I take an instant dislike to. I'll say "please wear this, cos EW"
19h               
3
1
A Bit Too Rude @FaceFarter
Time to start drinking, these pants won't piss themselves.
19h               
7
1
Rock @TheMichaelRock
5yo: What does your shirt say?

Me: It says Fight Club.

5yo: What's that mean?

Me: I can't talk about it.
19h               
276
146
Blackberry Tangles @Harbingerr
Fangs are romantic.
19h               
6
2
Blackberry Tangles @Harbingerr
My Shadow is better than your shadow.
20h               
4
3
Ol' Boo Cocky @Mondaypajamas
My beard is SO turned on right now, guys.
20h               
33
19
A Bit Too Rude @FaceFarter
It's only when give up on trying to get in her pants, that you finally realise just how shit her tweets actually are.
20h               
6
1
A Bit Too Rude @FaceFarter
The best thing about doggy style is every time my nan bends over, she farts.
20h               
3
Rusty @GayDeceiver
@Grind_n_Roll Sounds like a win-win to me.
20h in reply to Grind_n_Roll               
1
A Bit Too Rude @FaceFarter
My fingers went straight through the toilet paper and it took me 3 minutes to get them out of my arse and another 2 to lick the shit off.
21h               
4
Miguel @Gil_Martin32
What idiot named competitive horse riding "equestrian" instead of "Sarah Jessica Parkour?"
23h               
24
20
The Gimp @AyeGimp
I get pretty offended when someone says "Wow! You look great" as if to imply "Wow! Last time I saw you, you looked like a fucking mutant!"
23h               
7
2
Carrie DirtyPillows @mrsverve
@AyeGimp @Grind_n_Roll @Syncophant @Juney1981 @ThePiggySlasher ah wiz no well wae missin ye 😔 LUV YE
23h in reply to AyeGimp               
1
❤️❤️CUNT❤️❤️ @Syncophant
@AyeGimp no one can. The black hole of social media.

@Grind_n_Roll @mrsverve @Juney1981 @ThePiggySlasher
1d in reply to AyeGimp               
1
jooooooooney @Juney1981
@AyeGimp @Grind_n_Roll @Syncophant @mrsverve @ThePiggySlasher thank fuck! Welcome back. You good?
1d in reply to AyeGimp               
1
A Bit Too Rude @FaceFarter
My cat's just farted. It stinks and there's cum everywhere.
1d               
4
1
K Von Lips @KVonLips
Oh hey guys, I'm here for the gang bang.
1d               
20
5
spanky [ham] pants @koalaslament
I'm made out of air and utter insignificance
1d               
13
4
100 Pound Boner @osno13
lemmie guess, no bh tweets allowed before 8am right?
1d               
16
Melody Juicyminge @lilpwoppa
My pussy is just the right level of wet to be fucking gross.
1d               
11
1
Richard Willis @richtextformat
.oO( …going for a new look today… ) pic.twitter.com/pA4BOpajP2
1d               
1
gone cumhoggin' @meat_tornado_
if i ever get too america all i want to do is eat so much and have a boy slave
1d               
10
1
Camden's finest @anbrll00
Saw my Mom pooping on my Dad and having weird sex-Sigmund Freud's first tweet 1878
1d               
27
10
Queef Tornado© @QueefTornado
Balls so blue they performed at B.B. King's in Chicago.
1d               
171
101
Chuckles Downer @ChucklesDowner
my bangs look pretty nice for an Emotionally Abusive Wednesday
1d               
29
9
Chuckles Downer @ChucklesDowner
girl is dat ass a shoebox full of receipts because you're being audited by the IRS
1d               
22
8
DayOfDoom @Poop_Dragon
When bugs begin crawling out of your mouth, start chewing.
1d               
5
David Hughes @david8hughes
[at goat store]
"It all depends on what you want from the goat [points to goat in a party hat] like this guy's a frickin' blast."
1d               
255
118
notyourjester @Loli_Sug
Seems like a good day to curl up with the one you love and watch "Misery" over and over.
1d               
14
Budgie Bigelow @Buzzquotes
A colleague walks by and nods hello. I try to compose myself amongst the unintelligible whispers of the shadow people. He sees the coffee.
1d               
1
2
spanky [ham] pants @koalaslament
{walks into Mexican restaurant}

BRING ME THE ONE THEY CALL "BURRITO"

"uh, would you like jalapeños too?"

DO NOT TEMPT ME, SORCERER
1d               
42
23
Camden's finest @anbrll00
"I'm gonna kill that white bitch" OJ Simpson's first tweet 1993
1d               
34
15
notyourjester @Loli_Sug
No, I have it worse
No, I have it worse
No, I have it worse
No, I have it worse

This is all I hear when people talk.
1d               
59
13
gone cumhoggin' @meat_tornado_
remember when tom cruise said "show me the legal tender while jumping on a sofa bed?"
1d               
5
Suicide Blonde @san22sbs
Is it just me...or are you shit?
1d               
7
1
Jennifer @Jennifergr8
I had my hair cut yesterday and it looked fabulous. Today it looks like I let a ferret loose with a pair of toe nail clippers.
1d               
9
vag vikernes @gothmomjeans
woke myself up with my own fart
1d               
3
notyourjester @Loli_Sug
Bitch about your problems like no one else has any.
1d               
27
5
notyourjester @Loli_Sug
I enjoyed watching all the bandwagons veer off into drainage ditches
1d               
19
6
GoaT FacE ThrillA @EndhooS
I knew I was destined to be a plumber the day I was born with a plunger stuck to my head
1d               
7
1
gone cumhoggin' @meat_tornado_
chapter 69: thirsty
1d               
7
4
Magooch @SurlyJon
When I jerk off it sounds eerily similar to the Swedish Chef singing Supercalafragalisticexpealadocious.
1d               
37
19
a drowsy bird @adrowsybird
most trees have wasted their life
1d               
37
11
spanky [ham] pants @koalaslament
{walks in to bank}

THIS IS A STICK UP

"sir that's a chicken drumstick"

DONT MAKE ME TELL YOU AGAIN
1d               
16
3
GoaT FacE ThrillA @EndhooS
[Nickelodeon studios]
*phonecall*
Hello? Mr Vice President?!

"WTF can he want?!"

*covers receiver*
He says he wants to speak to Spongebob?
1d               
34
7
Drew Coleman @Drew_Almighty
I wish it was professionally acceptable to just flip your desk after writing a really good email. ✊ I think everyone would benefit from it.
1d               
9
3
Queef Tornado© @QueefTornado
Fellatio is Latin for "it won't happen very much after you're married".
1d               
172
114
Magooch @SurlyJon
Is it the chocolate coins that are called a Quid? Or the funny little comic looking bills? Either way, I want one, it just sounds neat.
1d               
9
4
Magooch @SurlyJon
You don't fuck with a man wearing an acid washed denim vest in a snowstorm.
1d               
71
36
Magooch @SurlyJon
Dried up, baked on, abscessed, festering. I don't give a shit Janice, just do you're fucking job!
1d               
10
1
Magooch @SurlyJon
Pussies smoke, real men eat their cigarettes.
Side note- real men also buy unfiltered cause the filters will bind you up 6 ways from Sunday
1d               
21
9
Bob Heller @Bob_Heller
I'm like Will Hunting except instead of being a janitor who's good at math I'm a janitor who scrapes gum good.
1d               
72
32
Barney McGrew @D2_Barney_McG
My pets peeve is that I named him peeve
1d               
129
59
J.Quintana @loudmouth_usa
Watching old Moonlighting episodes and other gangsta shit
1d               
62
27
Jarhead @Jarhead44
Just shaved a bunny into my pubic area. That's still a thing right? Or was that just for chicks? What's done is done.
1d               
114
57
Sassafrantz @Sassafrantz
MOM BRING MY TV DINNER IN HERE IM ON THE TOILET
1d               
63
20
Chuckles Downer @ChucklesDowner
tax season's over. someone's getting pregnant tonight.
1d               
32
9
Magooch @SurlyJon
New slogan for Surly Plumbing - "Making water my bitch for over 20 years."

This just oozes success.
1d               
39
13
Sext Message Errors @Suxting
I want to play with your boots.
1d               
7
12
Chuckles Downer @ChucklesDowner
this heavy rain fucked up my celebratory post tax season mani/pedi
1d               
27
11
Magooch @SurlyJon
Start a conversation? No thanks.
1d               
48
32
Magooch @SurlyJon
OK, I'm back. It's tiring, getting hit on by 50 something year old men who can't figure out that I'm not a sexy Mexican prostitute.
1d               
71
29
Fuberdonkey @LaffItUpFzbl
@Grind_n_Roll @osno13 I can't even describe the cheese straw event of 2005.
1d in reply to Grind_n_Roll               
1
Stephanie Disaster @DreamExplosive
@Grind_n_Roll De nada!
1d in reply to Grind_n_Roll               
1
Viktor Winetrout, Jr @Cpin42
Hi, I’m Lizzie Borden for axe body spray...
1d               
80
34
Gander™ @GFGander
That fart sounded like Dicky Barrett blowing bubbles in grape jelly.
1d               
13
2
Gretchen von Tongeln @Metalligretch
I should've done some due diligence on that pepper before I ate it.
1d               
33
6
MargaritaMama @surefirecaps
@Grind_n_Roll unacccceptttablllleeee!
1d in reply to Grind_n_Roll               
1
MargaritaMama @surefirecaps
@Grind_n_Roll I do indeed. That's his little slogan right there #YouNeedReconditioning in his terrible high pitched tone. He's awesome.
1d in reply to Grind_n_Roll               
1
MargaritaMama @surefirecaps
@Grind_n_Roll I heart your name here, Earl of Lemongrab 😍 #YouNeedReconditioning
1d in reply to Grind_n_Roll               
1
Viktor Winetrout, Jr @Cpin42
Missed Connection: I was masturbating in my panda suit. You called mall security. I continued to masturbate in my panda suit.
1d               
123
43
David Hiller @Bodhihodi
@Grind_n_Roll @TheLDeeWalker actually, selfies!
1d in reply to Grind_n_Roll               
1
Jimmy Whispers @GhostOfTheCanal
@Grind_n_Roll

"If"
1d in reply to Grind_n_Roll               
1
Jimmy Whispers @GhostOfTheCanal
@Grind_n_Roll

Sounds like I take fingers with cigar cutters.
1d in reply to Grind_n_Roll               
1
GoaT FacE ThrillA @EndhooS
"Your son has been telling lies"

Tom, what did I tell you about lying?

"That lying is bad pop" *winks*

*dad leans in* Very convincing son
1d               
28
11
OutOfLeftField @OutOfLeftField_
There are people that say 'Carrie Bean,' instead of Caribbean and these people should be culled.
1d               
20
3
Mr Hand @SniffMyPickle
I'd say my biggest household expense is Axe Body Spray.
1d               
30
10
Twisted Mettle @Twisted_Mettle
I thought a backlog was a.....
You know what? Nevermind.
1d               
7
Jimmy Whispers @GhostOfTheCanal
When I die, I want to be the soil in which trees will flourish.
1d               
10
Budgie Bigelow @Buzzquotes
You guys want to see my bicep from yesterday's intense workout?
1d               
3
1
notyourjester @Loli_Sug
Forgot how much I adore the word 'motherfucker'
2d               
28
6
Sin @insinuateme
I call your sarcasm and raise you a meat grinder.
2d               
16
9
notyourjester @Loli_Sug
I've come to take you away
2d               
18
6
Twisted Mettle @Twisted_Mettle
"Head, shoulders, Nissan toes."
~ Traditional Transformer Children's Song
2d               
11
6
Em @Emii_Everlong
A tattoo and bearded man just said I looked nice as he served me a twirl. Is this love?
2d               
4
Twisted Mettle @Twisted_Mettle
For your information I just said urine formation.
2d               
4
1
notyourjester @Loli_Sug
What's up with your motor skills, bruh?
2d               
12
3
JbonesExtraordinaire @ProfJbones
@Grind_n_Roll a bottom corner of the bed works fine and the cleaning lady is always forced to find it the next day.
2d in reply to Grind_n_Roll               
1
Vulgar Allan Poe @haikuhag
I'm the type of girl
Who's hair constantly looks wet
Even though it's not
2d               
30
15
Shōgun of Twîtter @shwebby3
1st of series of Game Of Throne pics

@TheBoydP
@thatdutchperson
@Swishergirl24
@Black__Elvis
@gingerfaced
@NervousJr pic.twitter.com/RNtIgth6bG
2d               
49
10
Disillusioned @Disillusioned7
Fear and loathing in my refrigerator.
2d               
101
51
Captain Trips @Lady_Mead
I've got 2 people not talking to me, a bleeding elbow and had a projector screen hit me in the head today.
FUCK YOU
2d               
1
Wilde Thing @WildeThingy
It's a "pubic hair in my chocolate muffin" kind of day today.
2d               
41
3
Amazeballs Jellyfish @vilechild
you'd be cuter smeared all over my naked body
2d               
5
1
Charlie lamar @mintygayboy
@Grind_n_Roll @InVisiHole very true, but try fitting that into a tweet @7:3p am wasn't happening today
2d in reply to Grind_n_Roll               
2
Carrie DirtyPillows @mrsverve
I'm not hungry today, which is good because I look like a shed.
2d               
4
Bread John @Breadery
I'm so lonely I've started using telemarketers for phone sex.

I just have to make sure I ejaculate before I complete the questionnaire.
2d               
57
25
Rusty @GayDeceiver
In small daily increments, with tiny demonstrations of kindness, they fell in love.
2d               
4
Dick Dragger @MMcbeard
get a tetanus shot if you wanna fuck with me
2d               
4
Alan Bo Anderson @alb1690
Tradin' my ass for prison snout
2d               
3
Dick Dragger @MMcbeard
a piece of shit can't hold down a rainbow guys
2d               
4
1
St. Bishop @stbishop
Fuck the moon. I’d rather see your bathtub turn red from a self inflicted gunshot wound.
2d               
7
1
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