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ImageNameLocationTwitter sinceLinks
LukeChesterfield2011-01-27
@Lukooper1,342 days
There's always a bigger fish.
FollowersFollowingTweetsListsFavorites
39624219,91021,137
We found 180 favorite tweets.
Samuel L. Jackson @SamuelLJackson
Yeah Muhfukkahs, Linerpool SCORES!!!
2d               
1,948
2,872
Matt Hawkins @MatthewHawkins_
tonight is gon' get weird, cant wait
3d               
2
Emma Saxton @EmmaSaxton11
@thomasharpham @lish_mistry @Lukooper @SophieJHammond @AndrewMetzelaar @RobertTrollope loved waking up to the cone and sign collection πŸ˜‚
7d in reply to thomasharpham               
4
Sam @SamGret
Spiders vs wasps war going off at work
7d               
1
Sam @SamGret
Only I could get my phone number wrong on my CV πŸ˜“πŸ”«
12d               
4
Sam @SamGret
@iamcharlottep @Lukooper @LunarCFT sound, that's accommodation sorted, can we bring lunar back with us just in case shit gets crazy
31d in reply to iamcharlottep               
1
Emmanuel Y Frimpong. @IAMFRIMPONG26
Might turn up at United tomorrow for trials
34d               
12,974
28,272
izzy hampson @IzzyHampson
Yoda earlier, @Lukooper was pic.twitter.com/vwbAKVizu5
49d               
1
Paddy Power @paddypower
"Great technique" says Michael Owen, as Jovetic shins a ball into Row Z.
50d               
398
457
Hodor @Samm_Day
My mum just found some lube in her hospital room and gave it me and said 'there you go, might come in handy that'. THANKS MAM
53d               
3
Jeremy Clarkson @JeremyClarkson
Very sad about Mike Smith. He did all our helicopter filming on Top Gear and was a lovely, genuine man. Big love to Sarah.
58d               
5,137
1,713
TheLADBible @TheLadBible
KenanAndKelLADs pic.twitter.com/rJpvgn0TBe
61d               
1,770
1,448
Robbie Dale @robbdale
@Lukooper is it not the one where Adam Sandler forms a American football team in prison?...
65d in reply to Lukooper               
1
Jack crook @jackpcrook
So in the past 10 minuets I've had 5 shots and an anaconda wrapped around my neck. ITS ONLY 09:30
65d               
1
alex tustin @alex_tustin
I've had a beer with miss cooper what have you done withy our life
68d               
2
Ben Hodge @benHDGE
I don't want to conform to stereotypes but oh my lord women you are animals when it comes to 50% off of shoes
73d               
3
1
Football Funnys @FootballFunnys
Β£50m for David Luiz pic.twitter.com/UHUlUVm1ds
79d               
2,458
6,828
Will Nutting @GetYourWillOut
@Tom_White94 I was expecting zubat to jump out of the phone
80d in reply to Tom_White94               
1
Whale Facts @TheWhaleFacts
Whales don't live in Africa because it's hot as shit there.
86d               
3,653
3,105
marmite @CammmmyBear
Hahaha my Grandad isn't going to watch my sisters play because it's on at the same time as the World Cup final
87d               
5
Hodor @Samm_Day
πŸ˜‚ pic.twitter.com/dITPPr46kl
90d               
10
3
Robert Pattison @robthebaconcob
5 day bender has become a simple 4 day bender, no ambition or motivation to get drunk tonight. #solidshittommorow
101d               
1
Kerry Sanderson @kerrysando
@Lukooper this is still my favourite tweet in the whole wide world
102d in reply to Lukooper               
1
Matt Hawkins @MatthewHawkins_
as if we saw mr. rosling starting on someone in tahn @WhoIsSamThursby
107d               
3
2
Seth Rogen @Sethrogen
I never know if going to the dentist super baked is a good idea or not. But I generally do it anyway.
108d               
7,574
2,774
Matt Hawkins @MatthewHawkins_
I mean WTF i mean with all thia ahit wtf am i doing erivht now i mean wf are u aeriaou
112d               
1
izzy hampson @IzzyHampson
Sleeping Cooper selfiesπŸ˜‚πŸ’ pic.twitter.com/Di9JJ8ucr1
115d               
3
Football Centre @FootbaIlCentre
Here's a look at the FIFA World Rankings by group. pic.twitter.com/b3MgywvKyM
117d               
415
904
TheLADBible @TheLadBible
The pros and cons of taking steroids! This guy raises some interesting points... theladbible.com/videos/bro-sci…
121d               
93
37
UK Banter @UKBanter
So done with twitter πŸ˜‚ pic.twitter.com/3A83rCQUM1
121d               
704
724
Romes @snepbek
Found Matt's twin πŸ™‹ @MatthewHawkins_ pic.twitter.com/OBBoIlA1Fh
122d               
2
1
Gary Lineker @GaryLineker
There are worse places to do a little World Cup research. pic.twitter.com/wzmL6uHeV5
123d               
2,160
838
izzy hampson @IzzyHampson
My uncle left dad a message saying 'cock' on the mirror last night. Woke up this morning & dad had changed it to this pic.twitter.com/nz0gI9ejbg
127d               
3
Matt Hawkins @MatthewHawkins_
Its starting to really piss me off how bad my flatmate is at aiming down the damn toilet, sort it out for fuck sake
131d               
1
marmite @CammmmyBear
Prison Break starts now
132d               
4
2
Soccer Gods @soccergods
Wenger and Bruce quit management, take up runway modeling. pic.twitter.com/xBErAQI7bP
135d               
3,309
6,669
Hodor @Samm_Day
My mum's just thrown the remote at my head and told me to go fuck myself because I asked who someone was on the TV. #LoveYouToo
137d               
1
Actor Trivia @ActorTrivia
The Dark Knight Rises: The final fight marks the only occasion in either this series in which Batman is seen during the daytime.
137d               
161
105
Theprp.com @theprp
Alien Ant Farm Sign With The End Records, New Album Coming:
theprp.com/?p=85114
@alienantfarm
140d               
4
5
Men's Humor @MensHumor
Great idea! pic.twitter.com/ja5hl28rsR
140d               
2,200
2,511
The SPORT Bible @TSBible
Fingers crossed! pic.twitter.com/7nWBTlNr6c
140d               
2,030
2,921
George Haberman β™› @Haberman32
I've just had my spelling corrected by @piersmorgan ... This is me right now pic.twitter.com/wblfYhhfKj
141d               
225
108
half-woman @jadesquiresox
πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ pic.twitter.com/FwpbOIsGAj
141d               
1
What The F*** Facts @WhatTheFFacts
The longest musical piece in the world lasts 639 years.
141d               
624
376
Ashley Cole @TheRealAC3
Like me or not, trust me it's hurt me to stop playing for my country #proud and #honoured πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§
141d               
18,189
17,749
BBC Sporf @BBCSporf
Tonight, Luke Shaw has been selected for the World Cup squad & received a Β£27m bid from Man Utd.

Not a bad Sunday night for an 18 year-old.
141d               
1,652
2,402
Ashley Cole @TheRealAC3
#Baines and #shaw are great players, proved this season, and are the future of this country, it was a pleasure to get #107 caps #eng #πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§
141d               
16,268
19,255
Ashley Cole @TheRealAC3
I got the call from Roy and agree England team should be about the young players. I think it best I retire from England team now. 😒😒
141d               
19,055
38,064
josh burton @talktojb
You weren't a real nerd if you didn't use to shop at Speeding Bullet!
141d               
2
1
TheLADBible @TheLadBible
"I should start making headphones" pic.twitter.com/bII7aUmrHX
141d               
1,167
930
Hodor @Samm_Day
I just rewatched the 'Red Wedding' episode if Game of Thrones and I want to kill myself all over again.
141d               
5
izzy hampson @IzzyHampson
This has got to be the best picture of Whiskey taken to date. Look at him trying I be all seductive. pic.twitter.com/lTymWosB6D
141d               
13
1
Raheem Sterling @sterling31
Didn't win league but my teams full of champions #last day memories πŸ™ŒπŸ™Œ pic.twitter.com/O74Db786oN
141d               
10,197
8,818
Darth Vader @DepressedDarth
Happy Mother's Day from the Skywalkers pic.twitter.com/CpskVzQnU4
141d               
2,315
2,248
Liverpool FC @LFC
PHOTO: The manager salutes the #LFC fans at the end of a season that nobody will ever forget... pic.twitter.com/FCA0IxLE5A
141d               
2,680
3,420
Football Away Days @FBAwayDays
Shola Ameobi was sent off against Liverpool today for calling Phil Dowd a 'fat dwarfey mong'..
141d               
1,443
3,288
Gary Lineker @GaryLineker
There's never anything good on tele to watch at this time on a Saturday night these days.
142d               
1,369
906
Zach Braff @zachbraff
"@UberFacts Human birth-control pills work on gorillas." Phew.
143d in reply to UberFacts               
2,686
1,150
Y Not Festival @Y_Not_Festival
β€œ@ryjelliott: @Y_Not_Festival why can't you just post a line up instead of a wank video? Gets me down.” Alright buzzkillington.
143d in reply to ryjelliott               
30
4
West Ham United FC @whufc_official
"We know we're in the Barclays Premier League next year, let's go and try to spoil Manchester City's party."
144d               
3,102
6,756
Blake @Blakeeeeeeeee_
Katie Price split up with another boyfriend? At this rate Harvey Price is going to have more dads than chromosomes!
144d               
148
148
UberFacts @UberFacts
@UberFacts companies... Sorry #drunk
145d in reply to UberFacts               
3,286
542
Oli Constable @OliConstable
Applied for Bargain Hunt and spent the whole form talking about my 'unrivalled love for oak furniture'. Gonna buy loads of chairs
145d               
10
1
That Broke Bloke @mikal_pendleton
@LunarCFT pic.twitter.com/6iR4BWsskQ
145d in reply to LunarCFT               
18
17
Football Funnys @FootballFunnys
James Wilson has now scored for Man United's U18, U19, U21 and senior teams in the same season.
146d               
842
2,150
josh burton @talktojb
Just seen a woman with a Big Mac in one hand and McChicken in the other taking alternate bites from either sandwich. Revolutionary
147d               
14
4
Childhood Shows @ChildhoodShows
Aw Matilda grew up ugly as shit pic.twitter.com/58eCIv98Kq
148d               
10,858
8,731
......... @gandalfsugarnut
Obama should just rule the world pic.twitter.com/GzgobE2gNK
148d               
16
16
Matt Hawkins @MatthewHawkins_
Liked a girl on tinder, she liked back and then i read 'her' profile to find out its a drag queen #nothankspal #neveragain
148d               
6
Mens Muscle @MensMuscle
New Testosterone Muscle Boosting Product Recently Approved for Human Use MuscIe.co/C691JX pic.twitter.com/TjNJlKjRHz
150d               
165
107
izzy hampson @IzzyHampson
Game of thrones has broken my heart and I don't think I'll ever be happy again
152d               
3
LunarfuckingC @LunarCFT
when i was 13 i had my septum pierced coz i was a fucking bellend hahahaha
152d               
29
17
Historical Pics @HistoricalPics
Paul Anderson backlifting 2,840kg (6270 lbs); the greatest weight ever lifted by a human being. Toccoa, Georgia, 1957 pic.twitter.com/c11DAy0THz
152d               
1,282
1,749
Lauren Gilson @Gilliegilson
I actually shouted "i have aids" at someone last night to get away from them. Got a few weird looks but it worked
153d               
4
Grace Johnson @GraceJohnson_
'Stop taking selfies Grace' @NiaCeridwen pic.twitter.com/FaAqxOSczV
154d               
2
Dom Paulucci @DomPaulucci
Planned to do work. I've ended up listening to Selena Gomez remixes instead. No regrets.
154d               
2
Gary Lineker @GaryLineker
Lesson number 1: if you've just spotted a huge lens pointing right at you, do not fall off your chair. pic.twitter.com/g2Ozltezyx
154d               
1,457
626
Gary Lineker @GaryLineker
Utterly brilliant reaction from Alves. Treat the racist berk with complete disdain!
155d               
3,622
3,577
Gary Lineker @GaryLineker
Someone in the crowd just threw a banana at Dani Alves. Picked it up, peeled it, ate it, and proceeded to take the corner. Top response.
155d               
9,304
12,648
izzy hampson @IzzyHampson
Harry just winked at us whilst he was playing and I feel like the ultimate groupie
155d               
4
1
Football Funnys @FootballFunnys
When your grumpy neighbour refuses to give your ball back after you've kicked it into their garden. pic.twitter.com/QVg6UXWmnK
155d               
2,027
4,365
The SPORT Bible @TSBible
Paddy Power have put a statue of David Moyes outside Anfield today! pic.twitter.com/wlaB6wHnAX
155d               
1,139
1,717
Matt Hawkins @MatthewHawkins_
first night back and @Newton2994 whiteys in my sink then passes out on the floor #lad #canthackit
156d               
2
UberFacts @UberFacts
There's a bar in Ireland that opened in the year 900 A.D. and is still operational. It's named "Sean's Bar"
157d               
2,459
1,262
TV Secrets @TV_Exposed
Paul Walker's brother is to complete Fast & Furious 7. pic.twitter.com/ZdBmcyuQ64
157d               
4,799
8,360
Derek Noakes @MrDerekNoakes
He's got a haircut like me. I loves him. pic.twitter.com/nrVuZGUoy3
158d               
797
290
HarryPotterReactions @PotterReacts
"Remember when you used to go out with...?" pic.twitter.com/LzrQUuA7xR
160d               
1,267
1,152
dais @_daissss
#NationalSendYourManNudesDay lol
160d               
1
half-woman @jadesquiresox
β€œ@ActorTrivia: Hitler was a huge Disney fan”. OT OH
161d in reply to ActorTrivia               
4
izzy hampson @IzzyHampson
So we've established tonight that @Lukooper has the lungs of a little girl when it comes to swimming underwater
161d               
1
The SPORT Bible @TSBible
If Liverpool do win the league Kolo Toure will be the first ever player to win the Premier League with 3 different clubs.
162d               
915
1,307
dais @_daissss
Only 10% of people who tweet about 420 will actually get high today
163d               
3
2
Life Pro Tips @perform
1. Enter code: 432112311 into a vending machine. 2. Quickly press & hold the coin return button. 3. Change will fall into the tray. #TryIt
166d               
2,712
502
Hannah @hannahbolton_
My dad is named after Gary Glitter.
167d               
5
dais @_daissss
nighttime prayers pic.twitter.com/d4F0MoM0Vz
169d               
3
1
GrahamMonteith @GrahamMonteith
Squeezed 7 people in the taxi, Sam was naked and my shoe got thrown out the window. How the taxi driver didn't throw us I will never know.
169d               
2
LunarfuckingC @LunarCFT
not really but i hope you atleast get a really bad cold or stand on a plug with no shoes on
169d               
25
13
GrahamMonteith @GrahamMonteith
Went out for a pint, Sam is getting in the treble vodkas in first round.
169d               
1
LiverpoolLogic @LiverpoolLogic
Ronaldo went to Real for Β£80m. Sterling now is better than Ronaldo was then. Bill Gates couldnt afford young Raheem.
169d               
59
92
Liverpool FC @LFC
PHOTO: #teamspirit pic.twitter.com/RwoBBNqh3c
169d               
2,418
2,462
Simon Mignolet @SMignolet
Long 90 minutes today but we got through because of great team spirit and everyone's support! #YNWA #4togo pic.twitter.com/nq0syPC62k
169d               
4,727
4,608
Liverpool FC @LFC
Another afternoon to remember at Anfield... #LFC pic.twitter.com/YqCrzMbSsF
169d               
2,882
4,123
LiverpoolLogic @LiverpoolLogic
Just seen the Ε krtel 'handball'. Ball to hand for me.
169d               
59
104
Gary Lineker @GaryLineker
I'm going to put my neutrality to one side and say I would love to see Steven Gerrard lift the Premier League trophy.
169d               
12,417
18,050
GrahamMonteith @GrahamMonteith
Stay happy and steaming and moisturised.
171d               
3
Grace Johnson @GraceJohnson_
At 19 years old I still cut the crusts off bread
171d               
3
LiverpoolLogic @LiverpoolLogic
Moyes took over the champions AND spent Β£70m. If that was Brendan, he'd have won the Prem, World Cup, The Voice & headlined Glastonbury.
173d               
986
1,889
Ophelia Jade @murchamoo
β€œ@girlposts: me at prom vine.co/v/MMUJbv5YDWI” @jamillusi0n @NiccNoo @Killjoy_zoe me in moo
176d in reply to girlposts               
5
3
LiverpoolLogic @LiverpoolLogic
I'm surprised Carroll didn't tag the Undertaker in to finish Mignolet off with a tombstone Piledriver.
176d               
192
437
Just Josh @FeelinCasual
'Dont push a dragon' - Luke cooper @Lukooper
177d               
1
LunarfuckingC @LunarCFT
i heard they are selling fake @BOISHT clothes in leeds market hahaha We made it
178d               
43
17
LiverpoolLogic @LiverpoolLogic
You know Maradonas 'Goal of the Century' against England in '86? Flanno would've tackled him by the half way line.
183d               
170
252
Guy Lawrence @guylawrence_
If someone weighs 99kg and eats 1kg of Doritos does that mean they are 1% Dorito
183d               
11
5
josh burton @talktojb
If you can't handle me at my Magikarp, you don't deserve me at my Gyarados.
183d               
6
5
GrahamMonteith @GrahamMonteith
Hearing that there is a ketamine drought in Britain at the minute. Probably explains why the flat is so down this week.
186d               
5
3
GrahamMonteith @GrahamMonteith
Nathan Wade had never had Pasta until 2013. He also never had lasagne until Saturday. How is that even a thing.
189d               
10
Perspective Pictures @Perspective_pic
pic.twitter.com/5ZBjDqxwTB
190d               
394
359
Best Text Messages @BestOfTexts
Pet zoned.. pic.twitter.com/QlHvqoZzlG
190d               
13,578
11,961
GrahamMonteith @GrahamMonteith
All I can remember is being sick over my toilet till 6am, but there is only one way to cure a hangover #staysteaming
191d               
5
Matt Hawkins @MatthewHawkins_
just thought the print on our your demise tops would make a sick tatt @Lukooper #iwantit
193d               
1
YA BOY DAQUAN @Blkppltweet
turned my goldfish into a dolphin pic.twitter.com/Nz7ifwxB9z
196d               
1,015
979
izzy hampson @IzzyHampson
Roadworks have killed my Internet and phone line. That means I can't watch the new walking dead 😭😱πŸ˜₯ #firstworldproblems
201d               
3
Hodor @Samm_Day
@CuntsWatching pic.twitter.com/7aTF42tFn1
201d in reply to CuntsWatching               
4
josh burton @talktojb
There's a class at my gym where they just run around with those plastic weights whilst Metallica plays... for an hour.
202d               
2
dais @_daissss
ima make a female equivalent of steak nd bj day involving chicken
202d               
1
izzy hampson @IzzyHampson
I'm that scared of change I'm still on IOS 6, how am I going to cope with uni in September
202d               
5
2
GrahamMonteith @GrahamMonteith
Block, block, block. Kick.
203d               
2
GrahamMonteith @GrahamMonteith
Red shirt your dad's Gary glitter. And you've got no fans.
203d               
3
chey @ch3y_mottishaw
Doax memes r best pic.twitter.com/SH4KOOMQjS
211d               
9
2
Matt Hawkins @MatthewHawkins_
literally had this trip to London planned for 8 months and its finally happening in two weeks #stoked #YDtour
211d               
1
Matt Hawkins @MatthewHawkins_
two weeks motherfuckers! @Lukooper @WhoIsSamThursby #YD
213d               
2
Matt Hawkins @MatthewHawkins_
never been so messy i shat mysef, poor effort hawkins
213d               
2
josh burton @talktojb
I don't get people who slag off their football team during a bad game. You wouldn't talk shit about ya Mum if she did one bad Sunday dinner.
216d               
6
half-woman @jadesquiresox
πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ @chloe_nalty pic.twitter.com/CqBkiTkBlv
227d               
3
1
Emma Crinks @Emmacrinks
Somebody on the bus smells of cat food
228d               
1
Tom White @Tom_White94
It's cool to have 50 cent on snapchat pic.twitter.com/84P2AAPUPA
229d               
3
Melissa Horner @melhorner1
Oh lukey what are you like @Lukooper pic.twitter.com/WS8ypZ2ZtN
231d               
1
2
Meg @MegDunham
Smashed his girlfriends window, cut his hand in the process, lost his phone and ripped his boxers somehow #adventuresoflukecooper @Lukooper
232d               
6
2
Arsenal FC @Arsenal
Full-time: Liverpool 5-1 #Arsenal
233d               
5,498
12,388
Dougie Poynter @dougiemcfly
pic.twitter.com/GpcbHeyAaZ
234d               
929
754
Matt Hawkins @MatthewHawkins_
Got vodka for tonight, but i definitely need more vodka. Can never have too much vodka #famouslastwords
234d               
1
Tom White @Tom_White94
Hats off to @Nallehhh for finally beating the #3yeargraft
236d               
3
1
josh burton @talktojb
Never gets old pic.twitter.com/VSxQ1BVYVj
236d               
1
1
izzy hampson @IzzyHampson
Took and Brandybuck logic, they know pic.twitter.com/c7PZaYFg3L
237d               
3
2
dais @_daissss
Literally me if I don't get into uni pic.twitter.com/wxHbNMqBJ1
239d               
2
Meg @MegDunham
At jacks family party and his little cousin decides to ask infront of a room full of his family 'are you two in love?' #thankskid #awks
240d               
4
Just Josh @FeelinCasual
@Lukooper the first ten min you were tensing so bad I thought you were going to shit yourself
242d in reply to Lukooper               
1
1
Chloe Potts @chloeleanneee
do we go bummers woods?! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ @KirstyIona95
243d               
1
Daniel Sturridge @D_Sturridge
Hey hey hey.. 4-0 victory and bragging rights in Liverpool... Guess I'm not good at pens!! Glory to God #grateful pic.twitter.com/JycNiF7qLB
244d               
6,960
8,956
Melissa Horner @melhorner1
If @GrahamMonteith doesn't come out tonight he will be letting Corby down and will be labelled the biggest fanny in Sheffield #truth
244d               
3
Luke @Lukooper
Ready to put my fist through a wall.
245d               
1
josh burton @talktojb
Kanye West Side Story #rapmusicals
246d               
1
2
Emma Crinks @Emmacrinks
What every child wants to hear ❀❀❀ pic.twitter.com/aeyhlRHFKn
247d               
6
1
Jennifer Lawrence @JLawrenceQuote
looking back on life like pic.twitter.com/BxvI8RXy7f
248d               
4,870
6,165
Lucy Smith @_lucykatesmith
Phil has started carrying Kinder Happy Hippos on him at all times "in case of emergencies"
249d               
4
1
lewis watson @levvis_
just spent the 2 hour drive back drumming the shit out of my steering wheel to fightstar. would give omar a run for his money x
250d               
104
14
Beck Dunkley @BeckieDunk
I don function properly in a morning. A bus said sinfin on it and in my head I read it as sniffing πŸ™ˆπŸ˜‚
251d               
1
K. Nally Esquire @Nallehhh
@Lukooper now on bbc 3
251d in reply to Lukooper               
2
Jack crook @jackpcrook
@sophmorrisob it hasn't changed a bit!
251d in reply to sophmorrisob               
3
dais @_daissss
X pic.twitter.com/b9C87Mmt1V
252d               
4
UberFacts @UberFacts
Daniel Radcliffe broke more than 80 wands while filming the Harry Potter movies because he would use them as drumsticks.
252d               
3,996
2,352
TheLADBible @TheLadBible
DogLAD pic.twitter.com/JzwjNsIVcx
252d               
1,901
1,492
Emma Crinks @Emmacrinks
Just got on the bus for free cause the driver can't work out how to do tickets #winning
253d               
1
Dom Paulucci @DomPaulucci
Just listened to Call Me Maybe 3 times in a row. No regrets.
256d               
3
Matt Hawkins @MatthewHawkins_
i swear if i get up tomorrow and the cleaners stealing someones teabags and milk again im gonna headbutt the wankstain
257d               
2
Joe Taylor @JoeyTay_8
only so much I can take of these pair talking abou dungeons and dragons
259d               
2
Matt Hawkins @MatthewHawkins_
Please fast forward me two weeks where ive done all my exams and its time to get absolutely chronic
260d               
1
1
MOZ @FuckMeZakMorris
What winds me up more than not going out tonight is that I've just found out I share the birthday with zayn from one direction.
261d               
4
marmite @CammmmyBear
Found out today that @JakeeBrock stole my jacket and sold it to @KurtisMorley for Β£10
263d               
8
izzy hampson @IzzyHampson
Offer from Warwick!! πŸ˜„ #thankfuck
264d               
9
Matt Hawkins @MatthewHawkins_
I thought everyone looked like a douche in a turtle neck sweater but apparently my lecturer is OG
265d               
1
Jon Brown @Jonbrownface
4 quid for a fucking day rider on a bus that smells of piss and my family wonders why I detest public transport.
266d               
1
1
Matt Hawkins @MatthewHawkins_
Todays plan was: do a lot of work, go to the gym. Todays reality: watch breaking bad, eat dominos.
267d               
1
Zach Braff @zachbraff
I wish weed advocates on the news didn't always look so stoned.
267d               
1,448
550
half-woman @jadesquiresox
@JakeeBrock I feel like a lightning bolt just hit the tip of my penis
267d in reply to JakeeBrock               
2
Ben Hodge @benHDGE
In Paris vine.co/v/hYmVg7Zxupp
269d               
1
Lord Sugar @Lord_Sugar
Just spent 1hr on phone with Comcast Xfinity in Florida.The conversation would make a movie.They are so bad you give up the will to live.
269d               
89
18
būč|{Β₯ |$0+ΓΈp€ @BuckyIsotope
The sad thing about those dead Jedi force ghosts was that Luke was never able to masturbate in peace ever again.
269d               
123
26
Matt Hawkins @MatthewHawkins_
Packed absolutely everything i need to go back up newcastle @iam_londa pic.twitter.com/vtGH2gA8P2
269d               
2
1
half-woman @jadesquiresox
Ending of Dexter has seriously fucked with my head
270d               
2
1
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