We found 80 favorite tweets.
Prohibition ended 80 years ago today. Let’s raise our glass to that because, well, we can!
I refuse to eat a FUCKING BOWL OF RICE THIS WEEK
In honor of the upcoming season, it's time to watch
My rule is: if I can't see my breath outside I refuse to wear long sleeves.
new books coming soon "What Up With Squids" "The Moon... Damn" "The Fucking Cell Cycle Man I Swear"
ATOs at the informal! All we're missing is
Went on a date last night with a girl I met via a dating website. 3 hours in she sympathetically "side hugs" me and disappears. True story.
. is not allowed in my bar tonight!
SpongeBob's tube socks covering more leg than his shorts.
Seriously people that post selfies make me want to stab myself in the eyeballs. Like stop, we're not in middle school.
She got me sweataaaaan she got me sweatin
Marshall will honor the 75 lives lost in the 1970 plane crash with a new helmet
It’s 2013 and there’s a man flying around Mount Fuji with a jet pack. The future is now -> VIDEO
Jack is in here watching 106 and park
Haven't been to an Applebee's in a year and a half.
Heading to Beckley to raft the Gauly River in the am!!
Shut the fuck up!! World War Z South Park!!!!
Chip in from 10 yds for first legitimate birdie. It's a great day.
Nah he hit Skylar from behind. Flynn walked in and was like D-D-D-Dad?! W-W-Way to g-g-get it in!
4th goal for Marshall in the 3rd period!!! Let's goooooo
Why does alcohol feel so gooddd but hurt soooo badd
Friday you beautiful bitch.
He's also carrying around a box of patron which I presume to be empty and a spare tube for a bike tire.
This man is downtown rockin the curled up khaki cargo pants, some bright green Nikes (fair condition) an a Dodgers jersey.
No i dont want your bucket of chicken
Honestly Juicy J and Project Pat need to quit bullshittin and make some hits together!
15 Hidden Features in iOS 7... is #2 real?! 😱😱
My heart goes out to the Hickman family..
Gino's Pizza > Geno Smith
Just open my laptop and a puff of smoke came out
Finally found an authentic NYC pizza joint, guys!
just realized I've been wearing the exact same v-neck undershirts as Kramer, today was a win
The world needs more folks holdin' fish in pictures and less people holdin' cameras in front of bathroom mirrors. Merica.
How to hit a fuckin' 63 at the PGA.
Mike heads out to rent 'Expendables 2' only to find both his local Blockbusters have closed down
Soap opera acting is mostly being tan.
Seth from Superbad choosing to attend a state school where girls are half as smart and twice as likely to fellate him.
Einstein and Niels Bohr hanging out, 1925.
Nurse who witnessed botched kidney transplant at Ohio hospital sues for wrongful termination: -CC
Easter presents for Hitler
NFL to now select Pro Bowl roster based on whoever is not in prison.
are you in Med school? If so, when did you start?
I wonder if female dolphins ever get tattoos of community college students on them.. or if its just the other way around.
If you somehow accidentally consume anti-freeze, drink alcohol.
"Damn it" or "dammit". NOT damnit
@badcollegegrad but its space beer
iPhone headphones: 1 click-play/pause, switch call 2-skip to next song 3-go to previous song Hold for 2 seconds to ignore calls
Going on a cruise & want to save on drinks? Put vodka in empty Listerine bottle & add 3 drops of blue food coloring
Make your party even tighter butthole with the ugliest sweaters around. These guys got you covered:
To quickly calculate the length of time between two times, convert the later time into 24hr and subtract. Ex., 8am to 5pm is 17-8=9
Well we know he had fun today..
Out in the west end of Huntington, a Dodge Ram just ran over my steel toe boot and knocked my Shoney's leftovers out of my hand.
pretty little bull shit is on tonight!!!!
Was Tewbowin' and bustin' flexes when a kid called me queer. Headlocked him and said,"Best Beli-Check yourself. Tebow's back, jack. Merica."
On Google Chrome, there are extensions where you can block the names "Justin Bieber" and "Nickelback" permanently.
Pic of my wife. We're at the beach. I love her.
Getting hammered in the airport.
How to fold a dollar bill into a cool little shirt
Most common mistakes in an interview
How to give Lincoln a hat
I guess I could workout.. Gotta give the ladies something to look at, and this body ain't gonna sculpt itself
Obama to nominate Charlotte, N.C., Mayor Foxx to run Transportation Department: -KM
how clever of Macy's to put NASCAR on in the women's dressing room for you poor souls who get forced into shopping ;)
SOOO MANY ANKLE TATS AT BLACK SHEEP RIGHT NOW SOO MANY
On a scale of caesar to nazi.... how short should I make this buzzcut..... hmmmm
I came out for cause I knew they wouldn't air me in the first place... HELLO I'm darker-skinned than MF
who's gloves are these? You fucking oj?
the mcribs back and guess who ain't getting non. YA CUT OFF
Stepping up my lesbian game and playing soccer on a Friday night
Hula hoops will lay flat against the stained tan carpet, dust beginning to collect.Hippies & burnouts spirits lull in the wake of
I know I'm not the only one watchin Maid in Manhattan right now. Keep it 100
Science>business RT : Our brains are built to create financial bubbles: http://bit.ly/iZM4az (by )
multiple shooters of JFK, Gerson cured cancer, 2Pac is alive, Miami beat OSU in the national championship, Osama wasn't shot
@ramminbottoms you have the coolest combover I've ever seen