We found 194 favorite tweets.
proper love the film Wall-E
Some bitch in co-op tried mugging me off £1 of my change, kicked off, bought a scratch card, won a tenner. Her face? Priceless
People always underestimate the power of knowledge, but is definitely key........
Omg this has made my morning 😂
Some Boys Write Some MOIST Fucking Tweets On Here... Grow Some FUCKING Balls
pop into town with my dad and end up getting a new phone 😝
Smashing ceiling tiles over head for a laugh
hahaha good one, you almost had me there for a second...
Smack is well too cramped. Sorry if I pushed you over last night but you must have been if my way.
Fridge pack purchased, lets get messy 🍻
I'm so trying this tonight.
right you lot be safe. look both ways before you cross the road and lads always strap up + keep your balls in your boxers. peace x
THEY HAVE TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THE A27 IN WORTHING. ONE LANE ISN'T ACCEPTABLE
I can understand girls under the age of 14 going and maybe some young lads a little bit light on the old loafers. But anyone over 18? No!
topman/topshop's 'nerd' and 'geek' tops have been followed up with their new 'loser' tops, I think next they should have 'attention seeker'
Hearing way too much of Nick Grimshaw in the mornings now after getting a new job, does he realise he's not funny?
Never have to worry about how long the drive home is gunna take when dad is driving ! 🚗
Wireless tickets purchased!!
Don't see why people feel the need to beg so much for attention on social networking sites
Davina McCall is one sexy mumma
Me being a tea drinker, I'm speechless when theirs no milk
When you’re about to quit, remember why you started
companies always label their food with 'new recipe' or 'bigger taste' when it tastes EXACTLY the same as it did before
the friends I don't hardly see are the ones who always have my back
Back off ... I'm a black belt in Origami
Perfect healthy way to burn a few calories. Piece of piss all this fitness bollocks.
Beyonce is the hottest mum ever to walk this earth.
£90 on boots, hello company card
When someone is suffering from childbirth, they get gas and opium. All I get is fucking Lemsip.
If you can't get to the rugby today, why not just throw a ball into the middle of a punchup in a gay bar ?
Definitely need a part time/full time girlfriend, involves making tea, and cooking food
Every time I receive an event from promoters it makes me want to go even less
Love how when arsenal score, the twitter feed is dead!
A real argument is when you can both set your differences aside and apologise like mature adults at the end of it
Make a fist with your left hand, squeeze your left thumb, then put your right index finger down your throat. "NO GAG REFLEX"!
Can't actually believe you would have the audacity to steal from an old lady who has taken you in. Your a sick prick
What happened to falling in love with a nigga with a buss pass .dre
No matter how long you've been friends with someone or how well you think you know them. Everyone has a side to them that's unseen !
oh one of them! Haha! Yeah they spend all day wanking each other off
All the inbreds that walk round Worthing
I just dreamt the whole of Space Jam from start to finish. Is that amazing? My mind was a cinema.
Porn has given me unrealistic expectations about how fast my pizza will be delivered.
A perfect example as to why you shouldn't get smashed on a work night out: telling your manager she looks like Dawn French
You are not strawberry blonde, you are ginger
No thieves, no traitors, no interventionists! This time the revolution is for real! ~Fidel Castro
mate, little bit of milk,
iPhone 5 headphones are THE best
Just answered the door in my boxers and there was a Joho there trying to preach to me he got a firm fuck off and a door in his face.
Wanna see more tweets that'll make me laugh rather than 'I'm shit at everything and want to die'
Hate two faced people, never know what face to trust.
Karma takes too long ...I'd rather beat the shit out of you now.
Your the biggest shitstirer going and then say you "hate fake people", get real
Blockbusters going bust so I'm gonna rent GTA 5 and not give it back
Dunno Why People Think Cos Someone Tweet Alot They Got Nuttin To Do..Takes FUCKING Seconds To Tweet
Surely that girl eating a tampon is an act of cannibalism...?
£1.49 for a double cheeseburger from mcdonalds!? Rather shit in my hands and clap
I don't understand people who set up send read receipts on I message and then choose to ignore you !
Was Wondering Why My Rice Wasn't Cooking Fast Enough So I Put A Lid On Thinking Its Gna Cook Quicker 20mins Later Realised The Stove Was Off
4 new snapbacks droppin very soon! Pics to follow !
Got my ticket for Jaguar Skills
Snow makes getting high better
Time to find my enemies and bury them in the snow muhahahahahaha 👹
“: If you're a boy and you own a t-shirt that reads 'geek' you're a knob pretty much ”
In love with Kendrick Lamar
When people act like this massive ego prick on twitter when really they have no life or friends
Dayme straight, was getting worried there!!
That awkward moment when you're telling a story, & realise no one's listening, so you slowly fade out and pretend you never said anything...
For her own sake, I hope Katie Price's next kid is a mong.
It'll need the massive head to prevent it falling out six months early.
People that do that Geordie shore nose pose
If you give up everytime the going gets tough then you're not gonna make it far in life
The smell of this cheese spliff on my desk keeps lingering up my nose and making me wanna get up ... or
apart from bless him, ive got so much respect for the little gay boy :) x
There's a strong definition to the word "mates" until something serious happens for you to truly realise who's there to help and who's not !
Getting bored of smacking my head in an Arab loft
Hahaha my teachers spoof biology paper!
Choosing to spend money on experiences like trips, meals and concerts instead of material items means you're happier and probably cooler.
Always see boys older than me liking girls photos that are younger than me. Makes me cringe leave it you pest!
So who knew that Nelson had a camel toe?
In 1960, A Hungarian in Budapest called Janos Flesch played chess with 52 opponents, blindfolded, at one time and beat 31 of them.
haha you really would have no hope
At home dying of illness, but I'm still clucking for favourite chicken !
you sad people who idolise celebs
Kurt Cobain shot himself exactly one month after Justin Bieber was born
Love to be in the old days and be in a war with swords and spears
Joint then McDonald's is the way
Just drove past Some old geeza checking out the granny talent
R.I.P To the British soldier killed by the SHIT fucking afghan 'army' dirty scummy sand rats
If your having girl problems I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one.
the same levels of success that my father achieved in his boxing career. Its going to be a long, hard task... But I will do it.
Can the British please respect my authority from now on, or else one shall have you all executed for high treason! Your king has spoken...
In ancient Rome, when a man testified in court, he would swear on his testicles.
If someone I really dislike says something and I think it's funny I will refuse to laugh out of loyalty to my hatred to them
This is so funny, especially the last minute VIDEO
DOES HE NOT KNOW HE CAN BUY IT IN THE PERFUME SHOP?
No words could describe how much I wished I lived in the shire
Every year, nearly four million cats are eaten in Asia.
Either be excellent or make excuses you can't do both
You gotta kick him in the chin, look he's a ballchinagun
Sexual offender or not, Jim Davidson should just go to prison
If Paris Hilton made a sex tape with 2 black men, would it be called "N*ggas In Paris"?
I'd love to catch a burglar. He wouldn't be going any police station. Tied up and put in the shed for a few weeks.
In an old Disney comic called "Mickey Mouse and the Medicine Man", Goofy and Mickey become drug dealers.
Colombian drug lord Pablo Escobar made so much money, he spent $2,500 every month just on rubber bands to bundle up his stacks of cash!
Hearing that Jim Davidson has been arrested about sex offence allegations is like hearing that Hitler didn't tip very well
Off to bed to read another book about Genghis Khan. Almost sure I was him in a previous life...
Just the word 'VODKA' sounds deadly
If the people understood the banking system, there would be a revolution tomorrow. ~Henry Ford
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
Fake girls (most girls) <
when someone tweets 'cereal for dinner is so nice' i just think the peasant needs to learn to cook
Having eye contact for more than 6 seconds without looking away or blinking reveals a desire for either sex or murder!
If you take your age and multiply it by 7, then multiply by 1,443 the product repeats your age 3 times.
At 14 I saw my mom crying about our only car being repossessed.
This felt good.
There's a cunt and then there's you
there was way less drama.
Gabrielle Aplin is just absolute perfection
give a fuck and get a grip you gullible wankers
I don't get dropped ... I drop the label.... -
New condom slogan: When you want the meat but not the gravy.
nothing worth having comes easily.
That fucking Korean that sang gangnam style needs to be shot
you've hung out at tarring park at some point of your life
That fat bitch from TOWIE annoys me and I don't even watch the shit program
'Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the face'
Bill Gates earns about $250 USD every second.
You'd have to consume almost 2,000 pounds of marijuana in one setting to overdose!
feel sorry for people who still get tramlines, leave it in 2005.
Most paranormal experiences can be attributed to infrasound - A low frequency noise that can cause you to see and hear what isn't there.
An American threw a rat into a pile of burning leaves and it ran into his house while still ablaze and burnt his house down.
Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg and Steve Jobs are all college dropouts.
Season 4, Episode 20 of Spongebob is called "The Best Day Ever".
wonder what people do with the shitload of extra time they save by typing "ur" instead of "you're"
Be grateful > There was a man who was really sad because he had no shoes until he saw a man who had no feet
At age 21 Bill Gates was arrested for speeding in his Porsche 911 and immediately posted bail from his wallet full of cash.
In fact ngl, I hate everyone who claims benefit with no real valid reason unless you have a disability, fucking go to work
Smoking marijuana on a regular basis, even over many years, does not impair lung function.
You won't get away with just a thank you...you owe me a favor.
on the way to Gatwick with Amsterdam here we come 💊💉
Only can make the rock look like a sissy
Jackie Chan, Cameron Diaz, Carrie Fisher and Sylvester Stallone all starred in porn films at one point.
Benching 100kg like a boss
Don't wanna start hearing any of that new year new me shit, just do it...
Fuck off with your shitty fucking Christmas songs
Too many people miss the silver lining because they're expecting gold.
RIP John Lennon, 32 years ago today x
Woolworths WAS The Shit LOL
People who are constantly trying to be the centre of attention
Aha yes saw mr Allen aka Eric riding his bike in the rain lol
When I'm home alone I turn into Jamie Oliver
Just read that named the 'stale fish' after the dodgy food he had at a skate camp in the 80's haha funny stuff
Love seeing 'Songs For The Deaf' back in the iTunes 100.
Go to Google maps, type : 47.110579 9.227568, click the green arrow, select more, then go to Street View. Go up two & left twice. Mind blown
just want someone I can trust, fuck all the material shit.
ALEXISONFIRE TONIGHTAA. And a bit of shopping in LDN with pat.
to people who take pictures of your legs in the bath, I hope you drop your phone 🛀💦
Imagine having hot rough hard sex right now
Anatidaephobia is the uncommon fear that somehow, somewhere, a duck is watching you.
The Dark Knight (2008)
The Dark Knight Rises(2012)
Congratulations, Barack Obama.
The fucking radio can fuck off with its shit fucking Christmas songs. Fuck
You remind me of my pinky toe because sooner or later I know I’ll bang you on a table
I'm including a dildo in every present that I give this year for Christmas.That way if they don't like it, they can go fuck themselves.
My new pc setup in my room :P
you can even be just mates with the opposite sex anymore, without people immediately assuming your "onit"
Think of any number. Double it. Add six. Divide it by two. Subtract the number you started with. Your answer is three.
Don't laugh at someone's dreams, especially if you don't even have your own.
The first million is the hardest.