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ImageNameLocationTwitter sinceLinks
Alan FelykDenver, Colorado2011-02-20
@AlanFelyk1,280 days
Working on Damaged Beyond All Recognition, a novel inspired by the writings of Kurt Vonnegut: http://t.co/FNuuIXQLCB. Current book: http://t.co/vysbaHt8Er
FollowersFollowingTweetsListsFavorites
130,18887,64316,7521,23414,103
We found 198 favorite tweets.
Laser Barracuda @larryweiland
@AlanFelyk In the immortal words of Krusty the Clown: I kid because I love.
1h in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Laser Barracuda @larryweiland
@AlanFelyk Nope, didn't happen. I think it at least has to be within the realm of possibility to work.
2h in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
BrainPornNinja @CackleClub
The split second choice between driving your car into a tree and not wanting to involve the tree in your fate
8h               
21
2
Sadie Skywalker @SadieSmithRoks
Remember that one time you thought you were falling in love again?

Never ever do that shit. Ever.
8h               
30
18
MissHell @NotaFunnyLady
Everyone in my house is on Pinterest

I'm cruising porn

They need to shut up bc an asparagus up the ass is sounding kinda hot right now
8h               
4
2
Super Music & Mehham @web_supergirl
Ppl that rt how many favstar stars they got rubbed off their genitals a long long time ago
9h               
8
2
Super Music & Mehham @web_supergirl
Whew. Wouldn't have been able to sleep if you hadn't sent me you're opinion
9h               
15
6
UncleDave's Mustache @DavePrimeau
Drowning my exwife would be the Ultimate win for the Ice Bucket Challenge.
10h               
15
4
Jenn @ONoesUDidnt
Cool Peeps #FF @devilherdue @good @Galactaron @CreativeBuddha @Horse_ebooks @wili @TNWmusicFans @Blurred_Edge @marcotiero @AlanFelyk @TheLaq
12h               
1
Billie Jean VK @BillieJeanVK
@AlanFelyk But I bet you did.
13h in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Rita Mitsuko @ritamitsuko
@AlanFelyk I already set an excellent example by lowering my own expectations of myself. #BestPractice
13h in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Stupidsayswhat @crane2000
@AlanFelyk RIP
13h in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Rita Mitsuko @ritamitsuko
I demand lower expectations. “@AlanFelyk: I could be a better #friend. And you could have lower #expectations.”
14h in reply to AlanFelyk               
2
UncleDave's Mustache @DavePrimeau
You need to be photo-shopped.
15h               
5
1
Victoria Sofia @Ideal_Victoria
Fact: If you passionately make out with a houseplant at the beginning of a party, people tend to leave you alone for the rest of it
15h               
89
44
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
I'm always surprised when heavily tattooed couples have a baby and it comes out blank.
15h               
5
1
Kurt Vonnegut @Kurt_Vonnegut
How nice--to feel nothing, and still get full credit for being alive.
15h               
379
250
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
No thanks CVS, I don't need a bag. I'll just wrap up my purchase in the 12 foot receipt you just gave me.
16h               
6
1
Rene Mullen @RMullenWriter
Welcome to my newest writer followers @West1Jess @AlanFelyk @nick_w_estes Check them out!
16h               
2
am.curious.sometimes @AmCuriousNJ
#FF #Writing #Books @richardhine @writer_C4W @AlanFelyk @Norm_Clark
17h               
1
1
Deana @deruss45
Please#FF MyFunny, Scary, Thrilling. Drama,RomanticBlog-AuthorFriends!😉
@mhatter99,@PatrickHTDoyle,@AlanFelyk,@mental_floss, #FF_Specialツ✏️
19h               
2
Michael Ward @CrescentSkies
@topaz006 @AlanFelyk it's fancy!
19h in reply to topaz006               
2
Michael Ward @CrescentSkies
@C_tothe_I @AlanFelyk I have my A.K 47 ready.
19h in reply to C_tothe_I               
2
Steve @FSUSteve
Ask not why I tweet so much, ask why my boss makes meetings so borrrring.
20h               
21
5
CALLIE GULA @typ0negative
I'm too smart to behave like this.
20h               
5
1
NoUCantBangMe @MelissaJoy33
The spider on the ceiling is now walking toward me.

This is my suicide note.
20h               
18
7
Back Alley Sally @rabbithole423
My next tweets are going to be about my real life. The first motherfucker that publicly judges me will get a free throat punch!

Good talk.
20h               
28
5
Sonal☆ @Sassy_Slinky
Thanks for following :D @AlanFelyk
21h               
2
The Gov @TheGov5
Thanks for following! @FitILUSAdvocate @Thomas_More_Law @AlanFelyk @LegendaryNorris @CNorrisLegend @robb_brosius @RuthAbbitt #FFThanks
21h               
2
1
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
Spank me once, shame on you. Spank me twice, that's more like it.
23h               
4
Karen B. Kaplan @chaplainkkaplan
@AlanFelyk Alan, I really wonder about you sometimes (tee hee).
1d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Normansbabymomma @NRbabiesmomma
I'm really a "happy go fuck yourself" kinda gal.
1d               
27
14
Shelly @darlingshelly72
I'm getting better at falling apart secretly....
1d               
35
16
Rachel Cray @RachelCray1
#FF #writers @IMTerrenceKing @AfterDarkTales @Alan_Zhukovski @AlanFelyk @AlanKealey @AlaskanNovelist @albertdaven @Alex_Austin @pharr2
1d               
1
1
Cindy @C_tothe_I
Guys... We need to prepare ourselves for the day when Justin Bieber is doing reverse mortgage commercials.
1d               
15
8
F.M. Longo @AuthorFMLongo
#FollowFriday @LawrencePearce @TylerMammone @AmandaElliottAZ @nadinekeels @johnwwells @AlanFelyk @Veoleet @middlereaders @AutumnShelley #FF
1d               
1
B&B Home from Home @kathycur
¦S¦U¦P¦E¦R¦-¦#FF @MerrillBon @Andbarsz @antonellogemell @AlanFelyk @ArtJonak @cvandr @quotscat
1d               
1
rnorthboy @rnorthboy
It's like a stroke without the genius part. Damaged Right Out Of The Box: shrd.by/L5OF5H. #Book #Memoir #Humor via @AlanFelyk
1d               
1
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
I make the other half of the Oreo watch. 👀
1d               
4
1
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
I am the Martina Navratilova of fly swatting.
1d               
4
Jarhead @Jarhead44
I didn't steal your bicycle in 5th grade, Mark. It was the cocaine.
1d               
79
42
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
No officer, my speech isn't slurred. I'm just talking in cursive.
1d               
20
10
Karma Always Wins @3P1C_F41L
@AlanFelyk pic.twitter.com/1sLSPnxjt7
1d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Karen B. Kaplan @chaplainkkaplan
@AlanFelyk That's much more creepy than sexy, sorry 'bout that.
1d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Michael Ward @CrescentSkies
@AlanFelyk is it proper to shorten "Women of the world" to "scary..." yet?
1d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
veronaway2 @veronaway2
One of the enduring mysteries of life was how Edward Scissorhands ever made it to the finals of the rock, paper, scissors tournament.
1d               
9
3
Ditter Kellen @DitterTheGreat1
I liked a @YouTube video from @DitterTheGreat1 youtu.be/3o32hGzTtnQ?a DitterCon New Orleans
1d               
1
Ditter Kellen @DitterTheGreat1
@AlanFelyk Thank you! <3
1d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
LinkedIn_CE @Link_CE
RT @HCI_Labs: #TY! @MattSlavenov @AlexBevard @cyberanto @AlpMimar @Riverthia @drewberman @dododomin @AlanFelyk @AllAbroadMag @DeerAntlerGNC
1d               
1
❤️ мσσ мσσ ❤️ @icklemoosie
@ss7goddess @AlanFelyk ain't that the truth
1d in reply to ss7goddess               
2
Heather Thomas @ss7goddess
@icklemoosie @AlanFelyk Because the good ones are either taken or fictional?
1d in reply to icklemoosie               
1
Sarah Sez✨ @AnAbsurdBird
I've just managed to stab my own hand washin cutlery but no no, please tell me more about the problems you're having loading your dishwasher
1d               
33
14
Chopper @chopper4jk
If it doesn’t scare you a little bit, it isn’t worth doing.
1d               
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40
❤️ мσσ мσσ ❤️ @icklemoosie
@AlanFelyk haha I feel touched
1d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Mark Drop @markdrop
@AlanFelyk Dylan conjugated that in the 70s.
1d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Miss Amanda Jones @A_girlygirl1979
I'm way to lazy to read this shit today.
1d               
7
1
❤️ мσσ мσσ ❤️ @icklemoosie
pic.twitter.com/vu0d95RcSk
1d               
11
5
nacho shuga @jkstills
i want to love you without your consent just to let you know...
1d               
36
9
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
Love your neighbor...but don't get caught.
1d               
3
1
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
Not one back to school special on beer. What kind of a world do we live in.
1d               
5
1
KennectTheDots @GrabTheWEness
*rides up on lawnmower, wearing a pink thong*

Am I too late for Sturgis?
1d               
79
42
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
Sending out a tweet by the time your boss gets to your desk is like getting the keys into the door before the killer gets you.
1d               
3
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
@AlanFelyk That'll make any comfort zone uncomfortable! Haha!
1d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Sue @witchybitchygal
Some people are my friends because they already know too much ;-P
1d               
31
24
Paul @cynicanoldicus
Sure, I want to die in my sleep. At 110, in the arms of a succubus.
1d               
11
Tink, the Duchess @Tinkerbell_
I know not what to do.
And in that not knowing I am going to sit.
Until I Know Xx
1d               
44
5
Kurt Vonnegut @Kurt_Vonnegut
So it goes.
1d               
946
1,010
rnorthboy @rnorthboy
It's like a stroke without the genius part. Damaged Right Out Of The Box: shrd.by/L5OF5H. #Book #Memoir #Humor via @AlanFelyk
2d               
2
1
jprambling @jprambling
@AlanFelyk I did but it just nestled into the crack
2d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
~Daisy57~ @daiiisymerollin
My sister just made direct eye contact with me, whispered "we're eating in unison, aren't we daisy" and slid away into the other room
2d               
6
2
Michael Ward @CrescentSkies
@Tinkerbell_ @AlanFelyk stab it and take it home.
2d in reply to Tinkerbell_               
1
Michael Ward @CrescentSkies
@topaz006 @AlanFelyk those poor children...
2d in reply to topaz006               
2
Dr_Dweezil @DrDweezil
One more follower and my satanic cult is ruined! pic.twitter.com/iS9LbVvVuN
2d               
3
Daniel Keele @txdank37
#welcomeTweet @GoodOldUncleSam @PureRockFury @AlanFelyk @wonkstyles @Ahmad_AldieMTG @_TweetDopeBoy_ @youssef7511 via uapp.ly
2d               
2
LTB @_Tempo11
More diarrhea tweets please
2d               
25
13
hyperblastchic @hyperblastchic
Does everyone know what time it is?

-TOOL TIME!!

That's right! First up we have Adam! He wears Axe body spray and and calls his mom "bro".
2d               
83
47
Terrence Crimmins @TerryCrimmins
Thanks for the follow! @josslandry @shirleymccann @AlanFelyk
2d               
1
1
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
✒️SHARPIE✒️ ~ Instantly turns the passed out person into a canvas.
2d               
3
Super Music & Mehham @web_supergirl
So late to the party but I just started using voice activated GPS. She's so nice.
Threw my brain in the trash can. I don't need it anymore!
2d               
16
Greg Wright @GregHenchman
You need a full moon to turn into a werewolf? Weak.

All I need is the phrase: "You want some of this pizza?"
2d               
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5
Super Music & Mehham @web_supergirl
If someone quote tweets you what is the correct protocol? Star it, block it, or fuck it.
2d               
8
Victoria Sofia @Ideal_Victoria
Most walls are just walls but others... well, other walls make you smirk and blush when you walk by them.
2d               
46
22
nacho shuga @jkstills
i have enough bullshit going on in real life... i'm thankfully oblivious to any of it here.
2d               
47
26
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
Had Maury Povich been in Star Wars, we would have known who the father was a lot sooner.
2d               
16
18
Sue @witchybitchygal
No that flutter in your body is not about true love. It's your empty head echoing.
2d               
23
17
Tink, the Duchess @Tinkerbell_
When opportunity knocks I am always torn between embracing it with open arms or pushing it under a bus and running away screaming.
*shrug*
2d               
111
47
Ditter Kellen @DitterTheGreat1
@AlanFelyk <3 <3
2d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Crystal Collison @CRYS__LEE
I feel like spelling my name shouldn't be hard. Why add an H or an I or spell it with a K? Crystal ball. CRYSTAL
2d               
1
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
Some women's eyebrows look like they are sponsored by Nike...#JUSTDOIT
2d               
12
7
Randolph Duke @CelebYouTaunt
Because of Twitter I'm starting to think Canada might actually be a real place.
2d               
8
3
Super Music & Mehham @web_supergirl
A lunch so satisfying Morgan Freeman enters your office and has a smoke with you.
2d               
24
7
Cindy @C_tothe_I
Does anyone else think it's strange that we find it amusing to make wishes by playing tug-of-war with a dead turkey's clavicle bone??
2d               
2
The Eh Factor @AngelaEhh
That's about enough internet for you!
2d               
208
101
Karen B. Kaplan @chaplainkkaplan
@DrDweezil @AlanFelyk And getting a leg up on things would be time-consuming.
2d in reply to DrDweezil               
2
The Planet @ShipInTheKnight
There's no soap in this box.
2d               
8
1
LogicalThinking™ @LogicOneOOne
@Ideal_Victoria @AlanFelyk Mind if I borrow this one for a later date? :))
2d in reply to Ideal_Victoria               
1
Barfly @mancera00
@goldengateblond @AlanFelyk lol yep!
2d in reply to goldengateblond               
1
Stoner Princess @TheParty420
Isn't that calling the kettle fat
2d               
4
Shawn Spree @shawnspree
Wife: Are you really that stupid?

Me: Yes but not enough to file disability. I checked.
2d               
153
93
Lazer Brenna @ThatBrenna
Reading this tweet just completely wasted 10 seconds of your life. IDGAF
2d               
4
OutOfLeftField @OutOfLeftField_
Time for nap number 24 today.
I'd say join me, but my dog's in the middle so the spooning may not be what you're expecting.
2d               
17
2
veronaway2 @veronaway2
Kinky sex so good that I came before she finished describing what she was going to do to me.
2d               
2
shauna @goldengateblond
A text message from my mother that says "call me" is my Pearl Harbor
2d               
33
6
NeverMandy @peeper1016
My phone has zero text messages right now. What planet am I on?
2d               
14
4
The Old Wise Chiver @georgercamacho
A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad. #menandwomen #womenarefrommars
2d               
3
2
SUNNY SWEENEY @GettinSweenered
Just had an "incident" with a big ass locust in the backyard. The locust won. Where are the reality cameras when I need them?
2d               
16
3
Flea Bag @san22sbs
My favourite game is any that makes you cry .
2d               
4
1
Back Alley Sally @rabbithole423
If you can make a tube of toothpaste last 3 yrs or you haven't brushed your teeth in 10 yrs
You may need a dentist or whatever. I'm no pro.
2d               
64
32
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
@AlanFelyk What could go wrong is all of the unforeseen and unintended consequences;) #doh
3d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
@AlanFelyk The 2 faces of technology...social progress & the multiple consequences of opening Pandora's box.
3d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Bossy Adagio @adagioforstring
Thanks #TopNewFollowers @AlanFelyk @MartyLeft @RonnyMajlis @HickoryStonewal @BOSSYtxmar55 happy to connect :-) (via commun.it)
3d               
3
Jelly @MischievousJam
Pour a little sugar in my Dixie cup

- Redneck Sext (or lyrics, whatevs)
3d               
54
20
Victoria Sofia @Ideal_Victoria
It's going to be very difficult picking just one... pic.twitter.com/uoTTOXaluo
3d               
25
5
ImAMofo @HispanicIcon
You guys are adorable, give me back my dentures I have an important meeting.

My grandpa.

OK it was me but I was late for a job interview.
3d               
4
1
Dr_Dweezil @DrDweezil
Restless leg syndrome would be relentless if you were a caterpillar.
3d               
15
5
Dr_Dweezil @DrDweezil
I always ask doctors what their favorite disease is. You know they all have one but don't say it. Me? I'm a rickets kinda guy.
3d               
4
1
Super Music & Mehham @web_supergirl
Today's going to be GREAT! I gained 1 follower overnight & avast updated.
I can't WAIT TO GET OUT THERE AND MAKE A DIFFERENCE!
3d               
18
3
John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets
My bank's website is one letter off from a gross German porn site and it's annoying because I keep accidentally visiting my bank's website.
3d               
166
72
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
I like going to the bathroom with the door open, because it keeps other people from getting on the elevator with me.
3d               
22
6
Victoria Sofia @Ideal_Victoria
I may be older than I look but my maturity level is: *giggles when someone says "Bangkok"*
3d               
86
49
rnorthboy @rnorthboy
It's like a stroke without the genius part. Damaged Right Out Of The Box: shrd.by/L5OF5H. #Book #Memoir #Humor via @AlanFelyk
3d               
1
Michael Ward @CrescentSkies
@amanda_words @AlanFelyk because everyone secretly doesn't want to know.
3d in reply to amanda_words               
2
Michael Ward @CrescentSkies
@Sarcasmicfiend @AlanFelyk at what point is it acceptable to use the Ax of Unhappiness?
3d in reply to Sarcasmicfiend               
1
Patrick McLaughlin @VerbalHarpoon
@amanda_words @AlanFelyk pizza is not on the lunch menu?
3d in reply to amanda_words               
2
Super Music & Mehham @web_supergirl
@AlanFelyk ummmmfffffffghghgh I can't breathe.. hahah :))
3d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Super Music & Mehham @web_supergirl
#TacoTuesday Testimonial to @AlanFelyk
I had two
thought of you
this is my haiku
kinda poo
but shoo
whatcha gonna do
3d               
2
Sarcasmic @Sarcasmicfiend
An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind, but a punch in the face teaches someone to think twice before being an asshole.
3d               
22
21
Canadian Made @kimwilliamz
Some people are full of ideas, too bad they're all bad.
3d               
8
2
DaddyJew @DaddyJew
When life gives you lemons, hand that mother fucker a potato. Now he's as confused as you are.
3d               
225
156
Aaron Pacy @ATPacy
@AlanFelyk @topaz006 Thousand Pube Dressing?
3d in reply to AlanFelyk               
2
Super Music & Mehham @web_supergirl
That remake of Annie is going to be the death of the planet.
3d               
13
Normansbabymomma @NRbabiesmomma
Just because you can
doesn't mean you should.
3d               
6
1
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
You know you're getting old when you buy cereal based on how many grams of fiber it has, instead of getting it for the toy.
3d               
6
5
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
Do you know where the nearest pay phone is located? Um...1998?
3d               
4
1
UncleDave's Mustache @DavePrimeau
Some people are just Retweet-proof.
3d               
4
1
Randolph Duke @CelebYouTaunt
You're right, I guess things could be worse. I could be you.
3d               
10
1
hyperblastchic @hyperblastchic
Me: That was fun! Fist me!

Him: What?!

Me: Fist me!! *holds out knuckles*

Him: .....
3d               
58
26
LTB @_Tempo11
Tapas + champagne = butt stuff
Never underestimate the power of tapas
3d               
28
11
Paige @PeachCoffin
I didn't mean to dip my boobs in the punch bowl but at least they stirred it up a little
3d               
92
12
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
@ATPacy @AlanFelyk Eww! Mixed into the sauerkraut..Haha!
3d in reply to ATPacy               
2
Aaron Pacy @ATPacy
@topaz006 @AlanFelyk that's an average, so alot of people had none while 1 or 2 had like...a 100 pubes in their Ruben.
3d in reply to topaz006               
2
US Taxpayer @TeaPartyStance
@AlanFelyk then you know who
3d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Karma Always Wins @3P1C_F41L
@AlanFelyk Fight Club.
3d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Shelly @darlingshelly72
Blah blah blah blah, I don't care about your video games get your ass in the shower...

Me to my kids every damn night!
3d               
15
4
Kurt Vonnegut @Kurt_Vonnegut
The function of the artist is to make people like life better than they have before.
3d               
377
292
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
I don't understand why nobody has accepted my boiling water challenge...
3d               
7
2
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
@GerrysPhotos @AlanFelyk Delish!
3d in reply to GerrysPhotos               
1
GerrysPhotos @GerrysPhotos
@topaz006 @AlanFelyk Yummy!
3d in reply to topaz006               
2
Amanda Please @amanda_words
Why is there a GPS tracker for my pizza delivery before there's one for my kid's bus?
3d               
16
6
Riley Eleanor @RileyEleanor96
"The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math."
3d               
9
10
GSBAINSBOOKS @GSBAINS1
@AlanFelyk The bigger point is - is that all they have to study right now?? lol
3d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
The average person consumes 12 pubic hairs in their fast food every year. Want fries with that?
3d               
8
4
Jelly @MischievousJam
I'm spreading the love today.

-Tweets like Jelly
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29
Jelly @MischievousJam
If I die today, post my google history as "cause of death"

Blumpkin
Goatse
Matthew McConaughey fanny pack
Pumpkin Spice Oreos
One Direction
3d               
70
32
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
You don't have to like me. I'm not a Facebook status.
3d               
6
1
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
I always read my husband's horoscope to see what kind of day I'm going to have.
4d               
2
1
Victoria Sofia @Ideal_Victoria
Sorry I screamed in horror when you said you have children.
4d               
134
62
rnorthboy @rnorthboy
It's like a stroke without the genius part. Damaged Right Out Of The Box: shrd.by/L5OF5H. #Book #Memoir #Humor via @AlanFelyk
4d               
1
Beth Montgomery @NURSEUNDERCOVER
@NURSEUNDERCOVER @AlanFelyk @marshawright @TeenHealth @whedonworship @PapercloudAUS @Newsignedbooks @111_Detox
4d in reply to NURSEUNDERCOVER               
2
Michael Ward @CrescentSkies
@topaz006 @AlanFelyk if it's a woman, look slightly down. If it's a man look slightly lower.
4d in reply to topaz006               
2
sunsentinello @sunsentinello
@topaz006 @AlanFelyk An old lady we know told my husband and I that we looked "prosperous" after not having seen her in a while.
4d in reply to topaz006               
2
Victoria Raine @ImVictoriaRaine
@AlanFelyk thanks for following victoriaraine.com Please like fb :) m.facebook.com/victoriaraineo… pic.twitter.com/TCh3XXQzhL
4d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
Walk into the club like "what's the wifi password here?"
4d               
1
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
@AlanFelyk deal!
4d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
@AlanFelyk Thank you:) now I owe you $5 for the props. 😉
4d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Brett Farley @VerdammtX
@AlanFelyk I was fine until you put it that way. *sigh* Very well......
4d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Brett Farley @VerdammtX
@AlanFelyk Can I feel sorry for you without looking at it?
4d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
@AlanFelyk Love this!
4d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
Apparently, you can only say "Look at you!" "You've gotten so big!" to children...adults tend to get offended.
4d               
16
8
Beth Montgomery @NURSEUNDERCOVER
@AlanFelyk only the politicians have us trapped
4d in reply to NURSEUNDERCOVER               
1
Beth Montgomery @NURSEUNDERCOVER
@AlanFelyk they both have the same smirks enough to make you scream. And we are all in a big funhouse lost and trying to find our way out..
4d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Beth Montgomery @NURSEUNDERCOVER
@GeorgeTakei @AlanFelyk
4d in reply to NURSEUNDERCOVER               
2
Beth Montgomery @NURSEUNDERCOVER
Ha told you we all float down here you didn't believe me. @AlanFelyk I think this guy is more freaky than Church.... pic.twitter.com/SYknps1uDO
4d               
3
Beth Montgomery @NURSEUNDERCOVER
@AlanFelyk so at this point id defiantly freak out.
4d in reply to NURSEUNDERCOVER               
2
The Planet @ShipInTheKnight
My farts smell worse than your farts. Seriously. What the hell have I been eating?
4d               
4
Kyle H @DepecheALAmode
*Sees "No Open Containers" sign*

*Closes lid on tupperware full of grapes while giving a cop the thumbs up*
4d               
33
2
OutOfLeftField @OutOfLeftField_
Don't randomly throw it at me or hit me in the face with it.

Playing ball with a child is hard.

(Filthpots, the lot of you)
4d               
17
5
Beth Montgomery @NURSEUNDERCOVER
@AlanFelyk Looks like Churchill from Pet Semetary has been busy reproducing.
4d in reply to AlanFelyk               
2
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
And for my next magic trick, I'll walk down the street and turn into a bar.
4d               
3
Beth Montgomery @NURSEUNDERCOVER
Thank you @InfomousClouds @Pontifex_es @PaperCloudsPCA @AlanFelyk.
4d               
3
Natalie P McTitties @naggalie
You people really suck at taking responsibility for my actions.
4d               
8
3
Tweet Tweeter @twtweetr
TY #SO @AlanFelyk @ChadwickHalse #social #influence #leadership #marketing
4d               
1
Aimee Dearmon @AimeeDearmon
@veronaway2 @AlanFelyk Lol!
4d in reply to veronaway2               
1
Julie Snark @JulieSnark
I miss the kid school push button phones. I LOVE PUSHING BUTTONS.
4d               
11
1
shauna @goldengateblond
to whomever broke into my car and stole my earbuds JOKE'S ON YOU they weren't as good as the reviews said they were
4d               
83
16
hyperblastchic @hyperblastchic
What idiot called them lesbians and not vagitarians?
4d               
103
52
Greg Gateley @GregGateley
@AlanFelyk Only 6? Amateur.
4d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Paige @PeachCoffin
my fav sex position is butt to butt looking at our phones
4d               
408
94
veronaway2 @veronaway2
If I ever "waste away" it's going to take a while.
4d               
9
3
UncleDave's Mustache @DavePrimeau
My Bloodstream and my Tweets are the same, Full of Typ-o.
4d               
12
9
Jelly @MischievousJam
11:11 wish is bullshit. I keep wishing for someone to live my life for me while I masturbate & nap all day.

But nooo...No naps for this one
4d               
78
29
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
Money talks...mine says goodbye.
4d               
14
7
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
@AlanFelyk Sweet!
4d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
@AlanFelyk Your next book: "Learning, for Dummies."
4d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
@AlanFelyk Learning is for dummies anyway;)
5d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
@AlanFelyk Learning moments, even on twitter! Who knew?!
5d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
@JupiterFleet @AlanFelyk Haha! Will do. Lame ppl gotta stick together;)
5d in reply to JupiterFleet               
2
JS Rowan @JupiterFleet
@topaz006 @AlanFelyk Cap: Pls give me a hand up, then we can go for a sweet stroll together. (also lame) ;-)
5d in reply to topaz006               
2
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