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Alan FelykDenver, Colorado2011-02-20
@AlanFelyk1,305 days
Working on Damaged Beyond All Recognition, a novel inspired by the writings of Kurt Vonnegut: http://t.co/FNuuIXQLCB. Current book: http://t.co/vysbaHt8Er
FollowersFollowingTweetsListsFavorites
129,94387,01917,1491,23514,790
We found 200 favorite tweets.
Sqwerty Jones @SufficientCharm
Sorry I stole your last name while you were under the influence of my vagina.
9h               
45
15
tastyface gingah @theredwolverine
*tie dyes your heart*
9h               
21
8
Sqwerty Jones @SufficientCharm
I'm a really sweet person if you peel off a thick layer of sarcasm.
9h               
42
23
Djess @j88ess
Why do real jobs require so much head nodding and fake smiling?
9h               
20
13
Lazer Brenna @ThatBrenna
If I was ever kidnapped, the ransom demand would probably be huge. Like 5 dollars or maybe a pack of smokes.
9h               
7
3
Reverend Scott @Reverend_Scott
The year is 2063, Taken 17 has just opened in theaters. "PUT MY DAUGHTER BACK IN HER NURSING HOME" says Liam Neeson from his wheelchair.
9h               
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Lady Zorro @witchybitchygal
I am not saying I am God but have you ever seen God and me in the same room???
9h               
18
9
Dr_Dweezil @DrDweezil
I'm glad Michelangelo's 16th chapel turned out so well because I've seen his first 15 and they really suck.
9h               
9
1
Ana @Severnjaca
On a scale from 1-5 this day was potato. Metaphors are difficult.
10h               
14
4
Ana @Severnjaca
In hell there is no punctuation.
10h               
7
1
Hugh O. Smith ★ @HughOSmith
Thanks @AlanFelyk @SouffleVitesse @MarkHorn @BrandPonyCo for being top new followers in my community this week (via commun.it)
10h               
4
1
Jandalize @Jandalize
Women fantasize about sex just as much as men. We’re just imagining you doing the dishes and laundry at the same time.
11h               
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31
Jinapher J. Hoffman @TheWriting_
@headstrong_girl @AlanFelyk 😂😂😂 I don't know why this made me laugh so hard...
20h in reply to headstrong_girl               
2
Raccoon Willie™ @damygeebo
@topaz006 @AlanFelyk ...alive, or just lookin like the Crypt Keeper?
20h in reply to topaz006               
2
Mr. Shoutout @BTrustyNO2ATL
@darlingshelly72 @AlanFelyk My mom will fight you lol
20h in reply to darlingshelly72               
2
Rob The Half Breed @RobWeb79
My leaked elevator footage is just me passed out drunk for 4 and a half hours as people awkwardly step over me.
20h               
1
headstrong_girl @headstrong_girl
Relationship status: I reversed the toilet paper roll.
20h               
21
9
John Q. Public @sherlockhomz
@topaz006 @AlanFelyk lest we forget Jimmy Hoffa
21h in reply to sherlockhomz               
2
John Q. Public @sherlockhomz
@topaz006 @AlanFelyk and Judge Crater in first class
21h in reply to topaz006               
2
UncleDave's Mustache @DavePrimeau
Some vagina tastes like it's from McDonald's.
21h               
13
S @web_supergirl
Poop Poop Poop Poop Poop Poop Poop
hahahaha you laughed
21h               
5
1
S @web_supergirl
Please release your Egg avi and hatch into something I can follow.
21h               
24
11
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
My doorbell is broken so you'll have to yell ding dong really loud.
23h               
8
3
Shelly @darlingshelly72
At what point is a woman no longer a cougar and now a mountain lion.

Asking for your mom....
23h               
29
13
Stacia(.Y.)Zaftig @PoeticDichotomy
What is this shit?!

- Me, when I have diarrhea.
23h               
2
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
@AlanFelyk I think not!
1d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
@AlanFelyk Of course! Haha;)
1d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
@AlanFelyk There is that...😊
1d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
@AlanFelyk "Check out" this pillar of society at the Duluth public library:) pic.twitter.com/MEFKycNTWY
1d in reply to AlanFelyk               
3
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
I stopped believing and now Journey won't even speak to me.
1d               
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KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
It would be so cool if that Malaysia plane appeared with Amelia Earhart flying it back.
1d               
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8
Michael Ward @CrescentSkies
@Ideal_Victoria @AlanFelyk I've yet to be issued one because I keep running over the officer trying to give it to me.
1d in reply to Ideal_Victoria               
1
Michael Ward @CrescentSkies
@Severnjaca @AlanFelyk and a lot of knives into stupid.
1d in reply to Severnjaca               
2
Flaps @Thunderflap
@Ideal_Victoria @AlanFelyk 20 years here if we're not counting the one I got in Australia where the copper was on the other side of the road
1d in reply to Ideal_Victoria               
2
Bea Hindwhistle @Hormonella
I'm used to be on Favstar's "popular" page years old.
1d               
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14
'SO AWESOME' STEFAN @rmbctious
@Ideal_Victoria @AlanFelyk kudos
1d in reply to Ideal_Victoria               
1
Victoria Sofia @Ideal_Victoria
Need a new reason to hate me?

I've been driving for over 18 years and have yet to be issued a speeding ticket... thanks to my “smile”
1d               
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22
Ana @Severnjaca
Hell has not fury like a woman scorned. Until hell is introduced to a woman hungry.
1d               
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rnorthboy @rnorthboy
It's like a stroke without the genius part. Damaged Right Out Of The Box: shrd.by/L5OF5H. #Book #Memoir #Humor via @AlanFelyk
1d               
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Sarah Sez✨ @AnAbsurdBird
Rushin this morn meant I was heavy handed with the brow pencil,
Now having to smile lots so ppl know I'm not as angry as my eyebrows suggest
1d               
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21
Tink, the Duchess @Tinkerbell_
My gameplan for life: I don't know about you but I'm amusing the hell out of myself Xx
1d               
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23
Ana @Severnjaca
You can fit a lot of stupid in one conversation.
1d               
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8
Kurt Vonnegut @Kurt_Vonnegut
Being a Humanist means trying to behave decently without expectation of rewards or punishment after you are dead.
1d               
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296
Chopper @chopper4jk
Sorry I didn't double tap your selfie, I'll just catch the next one in 10 minutes.
1d               
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22
Jelly @MischievousJam
My favorite movie is the one where Matthew McConaughey drives a Lincoln down the freeway while talking about the dead hooker in the back.
1d               
47
23
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
The Godfather's Pizza #NameBrandMovies
1d               
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Nina Yobusiness @StuffNMunch
Thank god he had an eye twitch so I could focus on that while he bored me to death with tales of high school wrestling.
1d               
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Barbie Davis Herrera @barbiesway
"Write about what disturbs you, what you fear, what you have not been willing to speak about. Be willing to be split open." Natalie Goldberg
1d               
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2
PetiteRainCity @PetiteRainCity
By the way, you can tell the hair stylist any outlandish story you want to fill in the small talk, there's no rules about that.
1d               
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Gotta getcha some... @lakeanagirl
Wanna watch football?

And those were his last words.
1d               
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1
Victoria Sofia @Ideal_Victoria
My favourite after sex activity is to text you from the bathroom, “why are you still here?”
1d               
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115
Vivi Velvette @ViviVelvette
If I miss my flight going out of here I'm just going to sit tight and drink until see a Beatle.
2d               
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Red Hot Momma @redhotmomma99
It amazes me that stuff called "adult encounters" does not feature things such as washing dishes and doing laundry.
2d               
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7
Sqwerty Jones @SufficientCharm
Me: I'd let you put your balls on my eyes.

Him: That's the most romantic thing anyone's every said to me.
2d               
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25
Rack On Tour @BabetteJones
If you dare enter my blanket fort, prepare for a balls to the wall, full on pillow fight.
2d               
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4
Jennifer Hall @JennHallMusic
@AlanFelyk thx for the follow Alan! vimeo://video/98767502
2d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Lynn @Lynnier
@AlanFelyk You sure know how to sweet talk a gal.
2d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Billie Jean VK @BillieJeanVK
@sanityinabottle @AlanFelyk I will steal that at some point in my life.
2d in reply to sanityinabottle               
2
Dina Bambina @LuvMySpades
@redhotmomma99 @AlanFelyk Bum paste saves lives, man.
2d in reply to redhotmomma99               
1
Sparky @crunchenhanced
Stop muting me, Grandma!
2d               
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6
Kurt Vonnegut @Kurt_Vonnegut
History, Read it and weep!
2d               
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95
Crazy Diamond @A_girlygirl1979
Don't forget to describe yourself as the Meredith Brooks song Bitch today.
2d               
2
Ana @Severnjaca
There's a lot of shoulds, and too many musts in life.
2d               
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2
Victoria Sofia @Ideal_Victoria
I like to take things slow on a first date… *slowly undresses you*
2d               
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Jelly @MischievousJam
My favorite tweets to write are my "Thank You for the trophy" tweets.

So no, I'll never understand being a cunt who thinks they are work.
2d               
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20
Red Hot Momma @redhotmomma99
The day a bum paste account starts following you, that's the day you've won twitter.
2d               
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4
rnorthboy @rnorthboy
It's like a stroke without the genius part. Damaged Right Out Of The Box: shrd.by/L5OF5H. #Book #Memoir #Humor via @AlanFelyk
2d               
1
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
You had me at Clinical Strength.
2d               
6
2
Stan Matthias @Stanmatthias
@AlanFelyk I can sell you a pair of binoculars, that should do the job.
2d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
The Urban Samurai @BlakkSamurai
@AlanFelyk Oh Alan...seek immediate mental help.
2d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
I'm Not Crazy @YouStillLoveMe
Check it out:

I got your name tattooed on my lower back.

So are you going to ask me out or what?
2d               
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42
Nope @jamitupin
I'm at my most crazy when tearing clothes out of my drawers looking for my vibrator.
2d               
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42
Vivi Velvette @ViviVelvette
I just headbobbed into a faceplant that ended in a pint of Haagen-Dazs chocolate. I'm out. Good night you sweet freaks. Muuuuuuuwuuuuuuuh!
2d               
2
Vivi Velvette @ViviVelvette
@AlanFelyk Sleep on it, you know . . . Justin case you change your mind, Hayward soul that you are @BlakkSamurai @bythehue
2d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Vivi Velvette @ViviVelvette
@AlanFelyk Nahhhhh. I'm destined for a life on the ropes. @BlakkSamurai @bythehue
2d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Vivi Velvette @ViviVelvette
@AlanFelyk youtube.com/watch?v=lXXiJD… @BlakkSamurai @bythehue
2d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Vivi Velvette @ViviVelvette
@AlanFelyk Indeed. Maybe it'd be better for both of us if were to find myself a . . . mogul? @BlakkSamurai @bythehue
2d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Vivi Velvette @ViviVelvette
@AlanFelyk @BlakkSamurai @bythehue

"tose?" I need sleep.
2d in reply to ViviVelvette               
1
Vivi Velvette @ViviVelvette
@AlanFelyk LMAO @BlakkSamurai @bythehue

Alan? Dear? You HAVE to let tose CDs go. For you. For all of us. Let them go. It's time.
2d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Vivi Velvette @ViviVelvette
@AlanFelyk O.M.G. The girl with the guitar? What if instead of Hep & Pep, Alan, we're Longet & Sabich? OH. NOES! @BlakkSamurai @bythehue
2d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Vivi Velvette @ViviVelvette
@AlanFelyk Ya but you don't ski...OR DO YOU? @BlakkSamurai @bythehue
2d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Vivi Velvette @ViviVelvette
@BlakkSamurai @AlanFelyk @bythehue nytimes.com/books/99/07/04…
2d in reply to BlakkSamurai               
1
Vivi Velvette @ViviVelvette
@AlanFelyk I just witnessed the writing of the "last-line" equivalent of Fitz's "perfect novel."Awesome. ; ) @BlakkSamurai @bythehue
2d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
hue @bythehue
@BlakkSamurai @AlanFelyk @ViviVelvette you kill yourself of natural causes.

i stayed way too long at this party, another round
2d in reply to BlakkSamurai               
1
Vivi Velvette @ViviVelvette
@AlanFelyk Nawwwwww. It's this youtube.com/watch?v=IePTH1… (Still the greatest heartache song EVER) @BlakkSamurai @bythehue
2d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
The Urban Samurai @BlakkSamurai
@AlanFelyk @ViviVelvette @bythehue You know he killed himself right? So no matter how his books ended he went out badly! Good nite Alan. Smh
2d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Vivi Velvette @ViviVelvette
@BlakkSamurai @AlanFelyk @bythehue LMAO

Drove them to her house, at 3:00 AM, in the rain, after not having eaten or slept in 2 days = LOVE
2d in reply to BlakkSamurai               
2
Vivi Velvette @ViviVelvette
@AlanFelyk @BlakkSamurai @bythehue OK, so vinyl (Oooo VINYL) Wait a minute. Wasn't '68 the Summer of Love? Damn. That had to leave a mark.
2d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
The Urban Samurai @BlakkSamurai
@AlanFelyk @ViviVelvette @bythehue CDs,albums,8 track tapes its all the same thing! You drove them to her house and said-Here I love you!
2d in reply to AlanFelyk               
2
1
Vivi Velvette @ViviVelvette
@bythehue @AlanFelyk @BlakkSamurai JSYK, McCraw is what Scottish crows say.
2d in reply to bythehue               
2
The Urban Samurai @BlakkSamurai
@ViviVelvette @AlanFelyk @bythehue With that this case is closed. Nice meeting you two and Alan...go to bed! Good night! :)
2d in reply to ViviVelvette               
2
The Urban Samurai @BlakkSamurai
@ViviVelvette @AlanFelyk @bythehue Agreed! But for God's sake Alan stop being a sap! You don't have to give a woman everything she wants!
2d in reply to ViviVelvette               
1
hue @bythehue
@AlanFelyk @BlakkSamurai @ViviVelvette then they will ask, what is stuck in your McCraw?
2d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Vivi Velvette @ViviVelvette
@BlakkSamurai BRUTAL. Ouch. (LMAO) @AlanFelyk @bythehue
2d in reply to BlakkSamurai               
1
Vivi Velvette @ViviVelvette
@BlakkSamurai @AlanFelyk @bythehue Alan is a nice guy, as evidenced by how women treat him. I ask you to find him guilty of deserving better
2d in reply to BlakkSamurai               
2
The Urban Samurai @BlakkSamurai
@AlanFelyk @ViviVelvette @bythehue No that's just you. And they didn't take your CDs you let them have them. We know you Alan don't lie.
2d in reply to AlanFelyk               
3
1
The Urban Samurai @BlakkSamurai
@ViviVelvette @AlanFelyk @bythehue It doesn't matter. Same crap different writers-they all die. The prosecution rests. Closing arguments?
2d in reply to ViviVelvette               
1
Vivi Velvette @ViviVelvette
@AlanFelyk @BlakkSamurai @bythehue Awww cripes, Alan. This just turned into The Notebook :( (sniff) OK, or Big Fish : )
2d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
The Urban Samurai @BlakkSamurai
@AlanFelyk @ViviVelvette @bythehue And you did not need to!!!!
2d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Vivi Velvette @ViviVelvette
@AlanFelyk @BlakkSamurai @bythehue Huh? What's her throat have to do with it? I thought she had leukemia? Or is that Beaches? (scratch head)
2d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
The Urban Samurai @BlakkSamurai
@AlanFelyk @ViviVelvette @bythehue It is tomorrow Alan! Try to keep up!
2d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
The Urban Samurai @BlakkSamurai
@ViviVelvette @AlanFelyk @bythehue Permission to treat as hostile. Not cuz he is but just cuz I want to.
2d in reply to ViviVelvette               
2
1
Vivi Velvette @ViviVelvette
@bythehue @BlakkSamurai @AlanFelyk Bbbbbbut I don't think Ally McBeal was in that flick about the Amish with Harrison Ford
2d in reply to bythehue               
2
The Urban Samurai @BlakkSamurai
@ViviVelvette @AlanFelyk @bythehue Yeah that's pretty much how things have gone. After Ali McGraw it went downhill pretty fast!
2d in reply to ViviVelvette               
1
hue @bythehue
@ViviVelvette @BlakkSamurai @AlanFelyk it started with a nephew who's not Amish, then the next thing you know Ali McCraw
2d in reply to ViviVelvette               
1
Vivi Velvette @ViviVelvette
@BlakkSamurai @AlanFelyk @bythehue So we have established that Alan is sure-thing for a ride, book and a movie. Your witness.
2d in reply to BlakkSamurai               
1
Vivi Velvette @ViviVelvette
@BlakkSamurai @AlanFelyk @bythehue
HTH did I get from pulling a wine cork to a conversation about leashed women gnawing through restraints?
2d in reply to BlakkSamurai               
2
Vivi Velvette @ViviVelvette
@BlakkSamurai Points for the Robert Johnson "TRB" reference @AlanFelyk @bythehue
2d in reply to BlakkSamurai               
3
The Urban Samurai @BlakkSamurai
@AlanFelyk @ViviVelvette @bythehue They don't work. Women can chew through those!
2d in reply to AlanFelyk               
2
Vivi Velvette @ViviVelvette
@BlakkSamurai @AlanFelyk @bythehue This is getting good. Screw it. (opens 2nd bottle of wine; pulls chocolate Haagen-Dazs out of freezer)
2d in reply to BlakkSamurai               
2
The Urban Samurai @BlakkSamurai
@ViviVelvette @AlanFelyk @bythehue She's still alive! Telling her husband how she used to juice Alan like a lemon!
2d in reply to ViviVelvette               
1
The Urban Samurai @BlakkSamurai
@AlanFelyk @bythehue @ViviVelvette REALLY? Really Alan? By the power invested in me I hereby revoke your man card!!!!
2d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Vivi Velvette @ViviVelvette
@AlanFelyk @BlakkSamurai @bythehue WTH? x 2 SOOOOOOO...she was 1. broke; 2. sick; 3. car-less; 4. depressed by LS; and finally, 5. died?
2d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Vivi Velvette @ViviVelvette
@bythehue @AlanFelyk @BlakkSamurai WTH? Do I laugh or cry here?
2d in reply to bythehue               
2
The Urban Samurai @BlakkSamurai
@AlanFelyk @bythehue @ViviVelvette So she got you for a movie AND a book? Jeez Alan did you give her gas money too?!!! Smdh.
2d in reply to AlanFelyk               
2
1
hue @bythehue
@AlanFelyk @BlakkSamurai @ViviVelvette she dumped you, then died?
2d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Vivi Velvette @ViviVelvette
@AlanFelyk "Ohhh-ohh Alan" voice/off
2d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Vivi Velvette @ViviVelvette
Just got my dad out of bed to tell him thanks for paying my way through film school just so I could engage in arcane convos with @AlanFelyk
2d               
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1
The Urban Samurai @BlakkSamurai
@AlanFelyk @bythehue @ViviVelvette So is the same one who dumped you or another girl?
2d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
The Urban Samurai @BlakkSamurai
@AlanFelyk @bythehue @ViviVelvette Only you Alan would know Andy Williams*groan* did a version of that song. Hang your head in shame!
2d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Vivi Velvette @ViviVelvette
@AlanFelyk (pssssst! Alan? They have no idea. ; ) Muuuuwwwwwwwwuuuuuuh) youtube.com/watch?v=BOByH_… @BlakkSamurai @bythehue
2d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
The Urban Samurai @BlakkSamurai
@bythehue @ViviVelvette @AlanFelyk Yeah I'm convinced the director killed her for bad acting but the movie said cancer so go with that!
2d in reply to bythehue               
2
The Urban Samurai @BlakkSamurai
@AlanFelyk @ViviVelvette @bythehue Aww poor Alan! See if that were me I would've cut off her head but well...everybody's different.
2d in reply to AlanFelyk               
2
The Urban Samurai @BlakkSamurai
@bythehue @AlanFelyk @ViviVelvette Young Alan Felyk moved to tears. pic.twitter.com/iMv03JIp3T
2d in reply to bythehue               
1
Vivi Velvette @ViviVelvette
@AlanFelyk @BlakkSamurai @bythehue Ouch. Aaaaaaaaaaand I need a new keyboard, LOL
2d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
hue @bythehue
@ViviVelvette @AlanFelyk @BlakkSamurai she got sick and died really well
2d in reply to ViviVelvette               
2
Vivi Velvette @ViviVelvette
@bythehue @BlakkSamurai @AlanFelyk Who the hell is Alan MacCraw? Is that Sheila's kid?
2d in reply to bythehue               
2
hue @bythehue
@BlakkSamurai @AlanFelyk @ViviVelvette i'm crying because i can't get the image of Felyk all Ali McCraw out of my head
2d in reply to BlakkSamurai               
1
The Urban Samurai @BlakkSamurai
@AlanFelyk @ViviVelvette @bythehue Tickets were $1.25 back then Alan stop it!
2d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Vivi Velvette @ViviVelvette
@AlanFelyk @BlakkSamurai @bythehue Love Story? Ally McBeal was AWESOME in that!
2d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Vivi Velvette @ViviVelvette
@AlanFelyk Assuming they get past the countermeasures . . . and that they can keep up with their target.
2d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
The Urban Samurai @BlakkSamurai
@AlanFelyk @bythehue @ViviVelvette Oh Alan no! His passion has driven him to the brink! Woe to the republic!
2d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Vivi Velvette @ViviVelvette
@AlanFelyk @BlakkSamurai @bythehue WHY IS ALAN CRYING? WHY IS ALAN TAKING PILLS?
2d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
The Urban Samurai @BlakkSamurai
@bythehue @AlanFelyk @ViviVelvette Samurais don't shed tears but Felyk...well he looks like he could all Ali McGraw in Love Story! Lol!
2d in reply to bythehue               
2
Vivi Velvette @ViviVelvette
@AlanFelyk Flogger, eh? Sukhoi girl here. ; ) pic.twitter.com/6cjOzm7NdK
2d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
hue @bythehue
@BlakkSamurai @AlanFelyk @ViviVelvette a league of her own ... and there is no crying on twitter
2d in reply to BlakkSamurai               
1
The Urban Samurai @BlakkSamurai
@AlanFelyk @ViviVelvette @bythehue Alan she's out of everyone's league! Let it go brother! But I definitely see why you had to try! A=effort
2d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Vivi Velvette @ViviVelvette
@AlanFelyk (rolls eyes; shakes head)
2d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Vivi Velvette @ViviVelvette
@AlanFelyk Oh jeeeeze. Alan? Dear? Just to be clear, a groan is NOT the same as a moan.
2d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Vivi Velvette @ViviVelvette
@AlanFelyk (groan)
2d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Vivi Velvette @ViviVelvette
@AlanFelyk That sound just now? That was the largest collective groan in all of Twitter history, @bythehue ; )
2d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Heather @heatherjs
Second thoughts brought to you by the number 2.
2d               
7
2
Vivi Velvette @ViviVelvette
It's midnight. I don't have enough milk for breakfast. I'd run down to 7-11 but I don't remember if my underwear matches. Meh. I'll risk it
2d               
7
2
Vivi Velvette @ViviVelvette
@bythehue @AlanFelyk Me, too! Hang on a sec? Thx! Alan? A little help here, s'il vous plait? I mean with this cork.
2d in reply to bythehue               
1
hue @bythehue
@ViviVelvette @AlanFelyk i really hope this is vivi and not her nephew
2d in reply to ViviVelvette               
1
Vivi Velvette @ViviVelvette
@bythehue @AlanFelyk Oh my. : o That said, HUE! Muuuuuuuuuuwwwwwwwwuuuuuuuuuhhhhh!
2d in reply to bythehue               
2
hue @bythehue
@ViviVelvette @AlanFelyk don't mind me, i'm just here for the ride
2d in reply to ViviVelvette               
1
Vivi Velvette @ViviVelvette
@AlanFelyk @bythehue Umm...I inadvertently included Hue in my reply TY. I guess this just turned French. Changement qui à vin et des bougies
2d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Vivi Velvette @ViviVelvette
@AlanFelyk @bythehue Oh Alan. (sigh) Yes, "even in the dark." We're like two twips in the night. OMG! Manilow moment! Quick! WINE! CANDLES!
2d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Vivi Velvette @ViviVelvette
@AlanFelyk @bythehue YOU and ONLY you can be sure, Alan. (snog)
2d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Vivi Velvette @ViviVelvette
@bythehue @AlanFelyk This is she. Former fave nephew went home sans PC. I shunned the cretin but he's not Amish so I don't know if it took
2d in reply to bythehue               
1
Morgue @MediocreMorgue
I forgot people normally eat pie with forks
2d               
14
4
The Bee @Morgaine620
@AlanFelyk thanks so much for sharing. It was just added to my @RebelMouse rbl.ms/1m6YvhK
2d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Writelyn @WriteLyn
@AlanFelyk sounds good.
3d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
TROOF N' SOUL @mrtruthandsoul
I had lunch at Duran Duran's favorite Chinese restaurant today.

It was pretty good, but an hour later I was hungry like the wolf.
3d               
152
75
moody monday @mdob11
*hugs shower curtain back*
3d               
485
184
Bonnie Dashew @BDashew
@AlanFelyk My pleasure, as always.
3d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
nacho shuga @jkstills
would you scoot over a smidge....

i'm saving that seat for my ego.
3d               
56
22
Bonnie Dashew @BDashew
@AlanFelyk Thank you for following me.
3d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Brandy M. Garrett @ddbolton_m
@topaz006 @AlanFelyk 😄😄😄
3d in reply to topaz006               
2
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
1984 Hash Tag TBT #21stCenturyNovels
3d               
2
hue @bythehue
@ViviVelvette @AlanFelyk is this Vivi or her nephew?
3d in reply to ViviVelvette               
2
Sissym Mascarenhas @Sis_Mascarenhas
@AlanFelyk - Hi Alan, is easier to forgive than forget! Blessed week
3d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Katie Orr @IAmKatieOrr
"I have a headache."
- a memoir
3d               
8
8
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
My spirit animal needs a mani/pedi.
3d               
8
5
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
My spirit animal just bucked me off his back and tried to step on my neck with his hooves.
3d               
9
5
WineIsMySanity @sanityinabottle
My fridge is just hospice for vegetables.
3d               
166
92
The Urban Samurai @BlakkSamurai
@AlanFelyk No one insults The Felyk NO ONE!!!!
3d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Jo♡ @KjorObbinsL
@AlanFelyk Better late than never.
3d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Ol' Dirty Diaper @OLDIRTYDIAPER
The funniest joke of all is that a normal good-looking hard-working guy who likes mornings & doesn't really drink WILLINGLY MARRIED ME.
3d               
7
21st Century Griot @afrodamusjonze
#welcomeTweet @russtamjonibek @AlanFelyk @sandikrakowski @edwardhigham @Uberfactsmsgs @BaesicaIIy wazup!?! via Unfollowers.com
3d               
2
Tara Brown @Faux_Ma
I bet obesity in America would decrease dramatically if they stopped putting those tiny little stickers on apples.
3d               
29
11
Tara Brown @Faux_Ma
When a parent of a newborn says they had a shitty day, they mean it both literally and figuratively.
3d               
24
6
Tara Brown @Faux_Ma
My Boss said she thinks I have issues with finishing tasks which is weird because she's seen me finish a bottle of wine plenty of times.
3d               
17
3
hexidecima @hexidecima
@AlanFelyk scratch kids, replace with cats = me
3d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Michael Ward @CrescentSkies
@ViviVelvette @AlanFelyk toss some donuts to them and they'll be too distracted to give you problems!
4d in reply to ViviVelvette               
1
Vivi Velvette @ViviVelvette
I'm just going to follow hot people at random to see if they appear on my TL. Basically same as at the mall only without the security dudes
4d               
6
1
tastyface gingah @theredwolverine
Well aren't you just a cute little cup of batshit psycho w/a twist of lime?
4d               
139
82
Vivi Velvette @ViviVelvette
@AlanFelyk YAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY! ALAN! THANK YOU. (Dervish-dances around kitchen; shrieks) Oh day-um. THAT is going to be one helluva bruise
4d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
1
Vivi Velvette @ViviVelvette
Wow. There's no way I ever would have believed I'd be able to fit all of that in there
- Conversations with my refrigerator on grocery day
4d               
8
1
Bonnie Dashew @BDashew
@AlanFelyk Sorry about that.
4d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Vivi Velvette @ViviVelvette
@AlanFelyk ALAN! HELP! I LENT MY LAPTOP TO MY NEPHEW AND NOW ALL MY FOLLOWERS AND FOLLOWINGS ARE GONE!

AND I'M EGG! OMG! ALAN! I'M AN EGG!
4d in reply to AlanFelyk               
2
Bonnie Dashew @BDashew
@AlanFelyk He doesn't make an impression with his looks. It's his sense of humor.
4d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Bonnie Dashew @BDashew
@AlanFelyk You remind me of Howie Mandel.
4d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
The Beer Guy @TheBeerGuy73
Sorry that I asked you if your kid was a meth addict because he was missing a bunch of teeth.
4d               
126
69
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
@AlanFelyk Maybe there was much ado about nothing?
4d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
@AlanFelyk It would be a Shakespearian tragedy not to.
4d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
@AlanFelyk They break the mold.
4d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
Deana @deruss45
@AlanFelyk:Make sure you find abook that's addicting.Something you will crack over and over again.
I did!! Loved it!😉 pic.twitter.com/DnzfEKnB7E
4d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
@AlanFelyk I always like a good heroin.
4d in reply to AlanFelyk               
2
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
@AlanFelyk Then you can recite "lines" from it.
4d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
hue @bythehue
@AlanFelyk @topaz006 is this a serial? a dirty story of a dirty man
4d in reply to AlanFelyk               
2
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
@AlanFelyk Just want the whole story.
4d in reply to AlanFelyk               
2
Housewife of Hell @HousewifeOfHell
If I look old and disgusting in the the areas I can see in the mirror, what, pray tell, is going on in the hidden zones?
*shudders*
4d               
35
15
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
@AlanFelyk Where people are booking to buy a copy.
4d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
UncleDave's Mustache @DavePrimeau
How many Convicts am I allowed to have in my fantasy football team?
4d               
40
17
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
Hairballs #catfilms
4d               
2
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
@AlanFelyk It must be reel good.
4d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
@AlanFelyk I'm just litera-racy...
4d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
KELL_A_LENA @topaz006
@AlanFelyk Literaryly nothing.
4d in reply to AlanFelyk               
1
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