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Favorite Tweets on TwitterWhile we are making some adjustments, we expect to be back online soon!

Unfortunately, after 5 years of providing you with Twitter data, we were now informed by Twitter that Twopcharts is suspended from interacting with the Twitter API for violating the Twitter Terms of Service. At this moment we do not know if and when this situation will be remedied, but for the moment we cannot provide you with data and analytics from Twitter.

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You can check up to the last 200 tweets that are favorited by any unprotected Twitter user.
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ImageNameLocationTwitter sinceLinks
William_ShartnerBeneath the CN Tower2009-10-14
@Blarebare1,772 days
@SonOfCha calls his sloppy-seconds 'noogies'? @kaytaa & @ShesAllNat feed me popcorn chicken.
FollowersFollowingTweetsListsFavorites
8,0834,06946,36054664,472
We found 199 favorite tweets.
Robyn Palmer @robynpalmer1
I don't believe everything on the internet I write.
13h               
13
4
The Marie @Buzzzzzkill
A penis tuck so tight my dick falls off.
14h               
6
The Marie @Buzzzzzkill
I look stupid naked anyways.
14h               
6
The Marie @Buzzzzzkill
Show me my nudes.
14h               
3
The Marie @Buzzzzzkill
I haven't worn makeup or brushed my hair since Saturday.
14h               
5
The Marie @Buzzzzzkill
What are you doing? pic.twitter.com/jYJku3TmoD
19h               
12
THANK U CUM AGAIN @For_Fuck_Sakes
You were funnier yesterday. Asshole.
21h               
5
2
Alley Cat @deardilettante
Congratulations on your stupid fucking happiness.
1d               
186
114
Bob Heller @Bob_Heller
This continental breakfast makes me want to leave North America.

¡OMELETTE, POR FAVOR!
1d               
21
5
Pessimistic Doom @MYLITTLEHUGGLES
You may call me Sherlock Huggles.
1d               
5
The Planet @ShipInTheKnight
They all look pretty on the shelf.
1d               
12
4
THANK U CUM AGAIN @For_Fuck_Sakes
I fuckin hate that I cant even laugh at a joke anymore unless it's really fuckin wrong.
1d               
4
THANK U CUM AGAIN @For_Fuck_Sakes
I didnt realize you were giving that kind of fuck. This changes everything.
1d               
6
3
Pessimistic Doom @MYLITTLEHUGGLES
I'm gonna ask a lesbian for a fuck later.

*fingers crossed*
1d               
9
Nerf Herder @TrueTorontoGirl
Weatherman: At least we woke up dry.

Me: Um, speak for yourself dude.
1d               
48
18
Thugslut Thundercunt @yourcatastrophy
If you don't stop RTing #romantictwitter into my TL i'm setting this place on fire.
1d               
11
1
Paige @PeachCoffin
I didn't mean to dip my boobs in the punch bowl but at least they stirred it up a little
1d               
86
10
Paige @PeachCoffin
Baby Jessica backing out of her annual well-woman visit
1d               
62
7
Scuba•Steve @StcyBnsn
I like my butt stuff like I like my kale.

Ps what's kale, and can I do butt stuff to it?
1d               
26
9
Paige @PeachCoffin
me watching your ice bucket video pic.twitter.com/rj8dFCKWup
1d               
334
142
Paige @PeachCoffin
my milkshake brings up a good point
1d               
130
26
Lindsay @quintywinties
Sometimes I sit and pretend I have abs pic.twitter.com/BkYkgvLSY2
1d               
19
Paige @PeachCoffin
my mom was a better dad than most dads, that must be where I got my dick
1d               
67
11
Paige @PeachCoffin
Cool people from Oklahoma:
P̶h̶i̶l̶ ̶M̶c̶G̶r̶a̶w̶
To̶b̶y̶ ̶K̶e̶i̶t̶h̶
M̶a̶r̶y̶ ̶ F̶a̶l̶l̶i̶n̶
W̶a̶y̶n̶e̶ C̶o̶y̶n̶e̶
me
1d               
68
6
Lindsay @quintywinties
Men in cars while I am walking: stop
1d               
26
4
Michael @Home_Halfway
"Spring break" ~ Caveman confirming his bed is broken
1d               
121
25
Paige @PeachCoffin
My dog's version of fetch is where I throw the ball and she runs after it and falls asleep when she gets there.
1d               
59
10
THANK U CUM AGAIN @For_Fuck_Sakes
Having a fuckin anxiety attack over how long this fuckin coffee has been brewing.
1d               
3
1
THANK U CUM AGAIN @For_Fuck_Sakes
Guess I'll go wake my boyfriend up and see if he wants to fuck. He loves my insomnia.
2d               
2
Daddy Green Eyes @SignsofNature
I either just saw a ghost or that bunk acid I took 20 years ago finally kicked in.
2d               
9
3
Multiple Stab Wounds @SonOfCha
If you don't own a monocle your opinion on art means NOTHING to me.
2d               
90
35
Multiple Stab Wounds @SonOfCha
Tomorrow is Bill Clinton's birthday so don't forget to leave a stain on your wife or girlfriend's favorite dress. It's what Bill would want.
2d               
23
4
Multiple Stab Wounds @SonOfCha
Tonight I ordered dinner from the Chinese place with Mexican delivery guys, not the Mexican place run by the Chinese couple.
2d               
12
1
Mrs.Throbinson @mellimelle
Guys, relax. I decided not to twittercide until AFTER the release of my Poptarts cookbook.
2d               
53
16
Jeryn @jerynsnow
I'm only drinking the Kool Aid if it's the blue one.
2d               
1
Zoë Klar @madamezooble
A SCRUB IS A GUY WHO THINKS HE'S FLY BUT CAN'T EVEN GIVE HIMSELF A BLOW JOB.
2d               
74
19
sxymama @sxymama311
Someone who is on FB EVERY DAY just posted: "Why are ppl dumping ice on their heads? What did I miss?"

Where has this bitch been?
2d               
4
1
Kevin O'Neill @KevinBuffalo
MSNBC has ordered #Ferguson for a second season.
2d               
62
34
Nerdy By Nature @misslazyj
So, yeah, things aren't any better in #Ferguson this afternoon.
2d               
1
luke @internetluke
People You May Know on Facebook could also be called "People you once knew and quit talking to"
2d               
53
15
THANK U CUM AGAIN @For_Fuck_Sakes
You look like alot of fuck. Fun, I meant fun.
2d               
2
Rob Knows Stuff @ForeverHairy
Thank God Gary Busey is trending or else I would have totally forgot about my dentist appointment.
2d               
31
14
THANK U CUM AGAIN @For_Fuck_Sakes
I cant believe America wasted one of it's freedoms on religion.
2d               
1
sxymama @sxymama311
The older I get, the more apt I am to just throw out the entire Tupperware w leftover food in it, bc Fuck That..I am not opening it
2d               
3
sxymama @sxymama311
I'm like the herpes of Twitter. Every time you think I'm gone, I pop back up on your TL.
2d               
7
3
Notorious P.U.G. @LuvPug
I wanna be so twitter famous that I can eat in a restaurant with my dog
2d               
274
104
THANK U CUM AGAIN @For_Fuck_Sakes
Gonna go jump on the trampoline while shouting obscenities.
2d               
8
4
sxymama @sxymama311
Cum in my mouth: fine
Cum on my face: fine
Cum in my hair *right after I got it done: you're dead

*green light though if it's not done
2d               
4
Carbosly @Carbosly
I just had to throw away my coffee so my son could pee in the cup.
So don't fucking tell me about parental sacrifice.
I know.
2d               
56
10
Paige @PeachCoffin
I challenge you to fill an ice bucket with beers and give it to me and leave
2d               
1,816
1,328
Randamonium @torrami
People think scheduling sex is lame but my color coded fuck calendar says otherwise
2d               
119
40
john freiler @johnfreiler
at this point nobody even remembers the little curio shop that opened in ferguson last month, or its proprietor, a mr. leland gaunt
2d               
131
39
inappropriate mom @nicfit75
*fantasizes about naps while masturbating*
2d               
93
29
Bitch McSugarMittens @Jesssicle
Oh, let me hold that subtweet for you while you go cry alone in the shower.
2d               
50
18
Patrick McLellan @pmclellan
I'm doing the slice bucket challenge, which is basically just me eating a large supreme pizza.
2d               
31
11
Paige @PeachCoffin
my fav sex position is butt to butt looking at our phones
2d               
403
93
Patrick @pattymo
Which earbuds are the most Christian
2d               
31
8
Poorly Drawn Turtle @NoTheOtherJohn
*Brings my tired and poor and huddled masses to the Statue of Liberty* The sign says I can leave these here soooo.... we good or..?
2d               
20
3
Paige @PeachCoffin
I was having a bad morning so I googled tiny horse, now I feel better forever pic.twitter.com/1jxXVJMdjv
3d               
152
30
The Marie @Buzzzzzkill
My first non sexual knee scrape in a decade. pic.twitter.com/rNmsE3L0wq
3d               
7
THANK U CUM AGAIN @For_Fuck_Sakes
I'm not saying I'm better than all of you, but I get laid every fuckin day. So fuck you.
3d               
3
Jeryn @jerynsnow
Jeryn Snow: putting sports bras on inside out since like 2001 or something.
3d               
3
1
Paige @PeachCoffin
If u climb to the top of Mt. Everest & don't dance to 'Started From the Bottom Now We Here' then what is even the point of u
3d               
77
16
Abhorrent Housewife @abhorrent_wife
I think "anus tart" is my new nickname for all of you. pic.twitter.com/mvdfCyFz41
3d               
136
51
Poorly Drawn Turtle @NoTheOtherJohn
*eats most of your snacks* Ok.... Well, see ya.
3d               
13
3
Paige @PeachCoffin
"Up jump." -the boogie
3d               
187
45
Paige @PeachCoffin
To everyone who wrote "kick ass this summer" in my seventh grade yearbook: I did
3d               
166
28
THANK U CUM AGAIN @For_Fuck_Sakes
Boyfriend and I always take the backroads. You just never know when you're gonna wanna pull over and fuck.
3d               
1
Don Nichols @TheDairylandDon
Kinda messed up that I've totally given up on world peace, but still occasionally make sure I can't pick stuff up with my mind.
3d               
73
17
Paige @PeachCoffin
Drink me when you're craving week old piña colada-tasting stale-ass sea-watery suntan lotion-infused homeless man jizz! -coconut water
3d               
114
20
sxymama @sxymama311
Jennifer on fb wants everyone to know that her quiz results indicate that she is a "sugar cookie" and is 99% perfect..
4d               
2
sxymama @sxymama311
Of the 200 ppl I follow, I'm pretty sure I actually understand what 5 of you are tweeting about
4d               
3
sxymama @sxymama311
Every time I type "NJ" on my phone, it changes it to "bj." Freudian autocorrect?

*true story
4d               
3
sxymama @sxymama311
Ever since I've put lifeproof case on my phone,all my pics from front camera come out like this-oh well-fuck it! pic.twitter.com/uyi3QfYe2u
4d               
7
Jeryn @jerynsnow
"In North Carolina we have 3 types of bars: no-teeth, some-teeth, most-teeth. This was a some-teeth bar."
4d               
1
Poorly Drawn Turtle @NoTheOtherJohn
"I need to go to the libary"
"There are two r's"
"Sorry. Libarry."
4d               
13
5
THANK U CUM AGAIN @For_Fuck_Sakes
Boyfriend got pissed cause I replied to his buddies text: 'He's in the shitter at the shell station.' WTF is wrong with that?
4d               
1
Jeryn @jerynsnow
Gonna start calling my friends "comrades" probably
4d               
1
ibid @ibid78
*kicks in your door*
It's Shark Week.
*flips over couch*
IT'S SHARK WEEK
*yells in your baby's mouth*
I T'S F U C K I N S H A R K W E E K
5d               
573
262
Jeryn @jerynsnow
*moonwalks to Chipotle*
5d               
3
1
Robyn Palmer @robynpalmer1
Bed head is a way of life. pic.twitter.com/N3TN47u5qx
5d               
24
1
The Alien Account @talienaccount
What if birds are just alien cameras?
RT @Blarebare
5d               
1
Poorly Drawn Turtle @NoTheOtherJohn
I accidentally dressed like the hip 6th grade history teacher form a 90's sitcom today.
5d               
13
2
Megan Mitchell @msmeganmitchell
*rap battles for your hand in marriage*
5d               
23
8
sly @Sultani_Sails
My boyfriend jeans are missing a boyfriend.
5d               
10
2
Binty McGinty @Wee_trout
The message here is that new dresses make me love everything. Take note. X
5d               
1
Tay @taylorfnm
if the doctor tells you to gargle saltwater 3-5 times a day, eating mcdonalds french fries 3-5 times a day is the same right? right, okay.
5d               
14
Notorious P.U.G. @LuvPug
I'm sorry you couldn't get more people to hate me.
Good effort though
5d               
142
62
Ironically uncool @librarianfonz
Do-it-yourself private Twitter account: block everyone
5d               
16
2
Dave D (Not a warlok @davedittell
if i dont want someone to know ive been chopping onions i just tell them ive been reading about rescue dogs
5d               
61
15
Lisuhhh @momma0315
Where do I find one of those guys that will pay for some lipo and a boob job??
5d               
10
1
hippie @nakedlaughing
Nope: A memoir
5d               
106
61
jeffswarens @jeffswarens
Sorry I'm late for work. But it took a longer to pick enough marshmallows from my lucky charms for breakfast,
5d               
14
4
Angela Wheezy @CarpeAngela
There's kryptonite and then there's hot dads telling dad jokes
5d               
23
2
MosHAM @__Moshy
I need a banana smoothie, a gallon of water, and a case of flushable wipes.
5d               
7
Jay Dee Dubz @weiji_
Guilderland is fucked up, because one of our vice principals was a pedophile and they made sure to keep that on the down-low.
5d               
1
Julie Snark @JulieSnark
Do something with your life in which it makes this Earth a little bit better. Like, move to Mars.
5d               
18
7
Jay Dee Dubz @weiji_
I almost failed earth science in sixth grade, clearly I am still bitter about it.
5d               
2
Jay Dee Dubz @weiji_
I hated science until I started learning about genetics because who the fuck cares about rocks and weather.
5d               
2
Jay Dee Dubz @weiji_
So basically if I want to have blue-eyed children I have to either marry someone with blue eyes or someone who has a parent with them.
5d               
1
Jay Dee Dubz @weiji_
Going to the gym on my birthday, somebody give me a medal.
5d               
1
Jay Dee Dubz @weiji_
Also, shout-out to my grandpa, because there's a 0% chance anybody in my family would have blue eyes if it wasn't for him.
5d               
2
Julie Snark @JulieSnark
Why do we have more sympathy for an old sickly dog, than we do for ill and suffering people. Dr. Kevorkian HAD IT RIGHT.
5d               
11
1
Jay Dee Dubz @weiji_
There was a 50/50 chance I'd end up with blue eyes, shout-out to Punnett squares for helping me figure that out.
5d               
2
zoey brown @bungalows
@Blarebare the entire restaurant fell silent. No one knew how to react.
5d in reply to Blarebare               
1
zoey brown @bungalows
@Blarebare in LA I saw a homeless man walk into a family style Italian place, grab a giant handful of super hot spaghetti and just scarf it
5d in reply to Blarebare               
1
1
zoey brown @bungalows
So today I'm just going to sing my sillies out, get ready for school Monday. Also fuck kid playhouse director V Weise & her rat face.
5d               
2
Veronica @MyPolishFace
Great sex means never having to go to the chiropractor.
5d               
9
Jay Dee Dubz @weiji_
Guys, I think my mom forgot it's my birthday. You had ONE kid.
6d               
2
Jay Dee Dubz @weiji_
I woke up to happy birthday texts from pretty much everybody EXCEPT FOR MY OWN MOTHER.
6d               
1
Mickey Mt. Vernon @WhatevaConc
"Siri, did I just clip that cyclist?"
6d               
366
199
moody monday @mdob11
Him: I just want to be friends
Me: No
6d               
559
197
Rachel, Esq. @thebgcomplex
Summer loving, had me a blast #FF @Blarebare pic.twitter.com/XfjgZAYNxJ
6d               
1
1
Thigh High @clindsaysway
If only being busy was more like getting busy.
6d               
42
17
Jay Dee Dubz @weiji_
Part of me wants to text hot bartender and be like, "Ahem, it's my birthday, come over" but the other part of me can't stop crying.
6d               
2
Jay Dee Dubz @weiji_
So, about that birthday sex... #comethrough
6d               
2
Jay Dee Dubz @weiji_
Most of the people I love are all the way in New York and maybe that's why I'm sad but either way I'm homesick and my heart hurts.
6d               
2
Jay Dee Dubz @weiji_
Technically I'm 25 because I was born on the east coast, so HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME.
6d               
1
thumper @kacycatt
A guy bet me $100 I wouldn't know the name of the band that was playing. It was motley crue and I won $100 hahaha
6d               
10
Veronica @MyPolishFace
I ate so much pasta tonight I'm an inside-out ravioli.
6d               
8
Dr. Stoner Steve @Stevestoner420
Weed has made me such a skilled chef.
6d               
1,010
848
Kevy Metal World @KevyMetalWorld
I'd pay decent money to hear a poodle swear
6d               
9
3
Veronica @MyPolishFace
a gloryhole, but for petting kittens
6d               
22
6
Veronica @MyPolishFace
Me: Why was Jennifer Lopez in Anaconda?
Him: stop
Me: cuz the anaconda didn't want
Him: stop
Me: none unless she got buns
Him: stop
Me: hun
6d               
15
2
Alicia Hawkes @AliciaHawkes
Judge: How do you plead to the charge of pooing?
Me: Guilty, your honor.
6d               
22
2
duchess of cool st. @NoHopeForMe00
thanks for the blowup @Blarebare
6d               
1
Veronica @MyPolishFace
I wish my husband's name started with a K so every time I gave him a blowjob I could say I had a "Special K Protein Shake."
6d               
8
C'est la vie @Robert_Beau
I always though debonair was French for a hard on.
6d               
101
55
duchess of cool st. @NoHopeForMe00
I just wake up every day and thank god I was blessed with good ass eyebrows
6d               
10
3
Mickey Mt. Vernon @WhatevaConc
When complaining of a stomach ache, you don't really need to point to it or pat it gently. People pretty much know where the stomach is.
6d               
189
101
The Marie @Buzzzzzkill
I think it's safe to say this is the best dress ever! pic.twitter.com/AuwOUMHz1k
6d               
35
1
duchess of cool st. @NoHopeForMe00
sorry i'm so busy being a mutilated cloud of female caricatures and stereotypes to hear you out
6d               
1
duchess of cool st. @NoHopeForMe00
<- muted by most followers
6d               
4
My Inner Redhead @MyHappyRedhead
Found my fairy wings yesterday. Forgot I had them... I really need a tutu to make this perfect though.
6d               
28
7
sly @Sultani_Sails
Guys that don't want to be my boyfriend obviously would rather be my husband.
6d               
16
5
duchess of cool st. @NoHopeForMe00
i'm all about layers. right now i'm really digging seeds covered with other seeds.
6d               
2
1
Jessi @jessilyles
HI, THIS IS PMS, AND I'M HERE TO REMIND YOU THAT YOU SHOULD STILL BE MAD AT SOMEONE FOR SAYING YOU LOOKED TIRED YESTERDAY MORNING

-my brain
6d               
77
23
ClockworkAnge @ClockworkAnge
Watching the world reaction to Robin's suicide hurts. Not because so many are sad, but for all the false compassion and lack of action.
6d               
5
Cullen Crawford @HelloCullen
Obama just basically gave the Walter White Flight 515 school assembly speech
6d               
42
9
Arrogant Twat @Arrogant_Twat
I can’t remember what day it is, or when I last showered. #WorkingFromHomeProblems
6d               
21
4
ClockworkAnge @ClockworkAnge
I feel like I'm drowning, and don't know which direction the surface is.
6d               
8
3
Mark Popham @markpopham
Sick of the racebaiters trying to make the murder of a teenager because of his race by a racist police force all about race
7d               
14
4
sxymama @sxymama311
K guys, have a great night. Gonna try some *"soaking," Mormon style
7d               
4
Wile E. Quixote @ScottLinnen
Anyone else notice the police of Ferguson USA are dressed in skimasks & rolling down main st in Iraq surplus personnel carriers & tanks?
7d               
49
16
Lisuhhh @momma0315
I like to burp
7d               
16
4
Jessi @jessilyles
Before you tell me a story about your kid's first day of school, please don't.
7d               
42
10
Beau Hartenstine @madcaplaughs30
@Blarebare thank you!
7d in reply to Blarebare               
1
Aaron Glaser @aaron_glaser
LIFE HACK: after microwaving food sing The Cars' "Just What I Needed" to it, but replace the previous phrase with "what I just reheated."
7d               
3
Claire Kerr @snotforprofit
Awww yeah .. now Canada has Spotify AND Kinder Eggs. We are an unstoppable world power. *mic drop*
7d               
5
1
Beau Hartenstine @madcaplaughs30
Who was the guy at the party who talked shit about my finances and how I'm late on my bills? Oh, that was an audit?
7d               
21
2
Amanda Reckonwith @click4amanda
@HallpassCanada @theDanLawler If I'd known handsome gents would b there, I'd have risked being tweetup murdered....oh wait no one told me :(
7d in reply to HallpassCanada               
3
PUNTED CUNT TORNADO @SaraESpivey
Don't take your time with me. It took us forever to get here.
7d               
33
8
Mike_Rack @imadepoopstoday
Have I ever told you how beautiful you look with bangs?

"No"

Good...
7d               
28
12
sxymama @sxymama311
Go fuck yourself

*inspirational tweet
7d               
6
taste my trixie @trixiebellbell
Just when you think they can't get any less learned, a four weddings 'scholar' pronounces the "L" in salmon
7d               
2
Rock @TheMichaelRock
Do sad people know about online shopping?
7d               
320
187
Multiple Stab Wounds @SonOfCha
Sometimes I eat potato chips for breakfast because in my head I'm like, "what? they're potatoes."
7d               
37
5
Multiple Stab Wounds @SonOfCha
Today someone retweeted me, followed me, deleted the retweet & unfollowed me, in the span of a few minutes. That's some impressive crazy.
7d               
53
10
Beau Hartenstine @madcaplaughs30
The new curved TV looks sweet it is probably better than the TV I found in an abandoned Curves.
8d               
14
Beau Hartenstine @madcaplaughs30
I hate to pry, but can I ask you to lend me your crowbar?
8d               
25
3
michael @michaeljhudson
Yeah, hey Meg? Can you redo your signature, but a lot differently this time? pic.twitter.com/NAQ0ernZjY
8d               
4,083
2,259
The ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Count @CountGripsnatch
@Blarebare pic.twitter.com/esSzFnsPVO
8d in reply to Blarebare               
1
1
Beau Hartenstine @madcaplaughs30
"Right Now" by Van Halen just came on the radio and two cans of Crystal Pepsi shot through the windshield and into my hands.
8d               
63
19
I don't tweet @PrettiestPickle
If you haven't noticed I don't play the game anymore. I don't mind (or notice) being blocked or unfollowed
I prefer it
8d               
8
1
I don't tweet @PrettiestPickle
When someone tells me forever and always and no matter what I believe them and that's what makes me crazy.
8d               
9
1
I don't tweet @PrettiestPickle
I've been abused, neglected, beaten up and beaten down.I don't think I'm unique or special because of it I'm just surprised I still believe.
8d               
10
1
I don't tweet @PrettiestPickle
I wish I knew where I got these ridiculously high hopes so I could reach in and rip it out.
8d               
11
1
I don't tweet @PrettiestPickle
I thought it was safe to be honest in a group that seemed to be here for those reasons too.
8d               
7
I don't tweet @PrettiestPickle
I thought twitter was were you could indulge in the dark, the grief, the anger, the sexual satisfaction or frustration.
8d               
8
I don't tweet @PrettiestPickle
I honestly never expected to be judged here. I thought that was the point.
8d               
9
Beau Hartenstine @madcaplaughs30
[ordering at Chili's]

I want the HamZone SidePunchers and m'lady will have the Bucket o' Crumbs.

"Sir, please don't mock us."
8d               
20
1
taste my trixie @trixiebellbell
I dont go out of my way for much these days...even my cheeseburger and onion ring fix is on my route home
8d               
3
Jason Miller @longwall26
To catch a grandpa, you must THINK like a grandpa *eats butterscotch candy, clicks on obvious spam email*
8d               
1,114
491
Trixie Fontaine @tastytrixie
I'm annoyed by people who schedule time with @DeliaTS in Seattle & then cancel or reschedule. You're fucking up my time at home with her.
8d               
4
1
Pizza Luvva @ReluctantHpstr
@Blarebare "@Sickayduh: Knuckle Tats: NOTA LOSR" Haha. Yeeeeeaah!
8d in reply to Blarebare               
1
Beau Hartenstine @madcaplaughs30
Bones! Everybody's got bones! We all love our b- *slugs crawl in* oh hi guys, you made it. What were we talking about, sports or something?
8d               
19
1
Pessimistic Doom @MYLITTLEHUGGLES
I'm still number one. LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THEM MILKERS! pic.twitter.com/FtwAR9PxOa
8d               
5
Whatevers Clever @wittybigtwittys
@HallpassCanada @TheIronSherk @JosesLovesYou @Blarebare @DurtMcHurtt u guys are lucky I didnt attend this or ud all be up on several charges
8d in reply to HallpassCanada               
5
Beau Hartenstine @madcaplaughs30
*turns hourglass, looks at detectives* you have one hour to find my precious boy.
8d               
6
Beau Hartenstine @madcaplaughs30
Smokey the Bear's original line was "only you can prevent me from starting forest fires," but many people were killed by bears as a result.
8d               
9
Beau Hartenstine @madcaplaughs30
US Weekly: What in the World is Carmen Sandiego Wearing?
8d               
11
Amanda Reckonwith @click4amanda
I won't tell you to 'smile' or to 'cheer up'

I'll just be here, warm hug at the ready, whenever you need one
8d               
5
2
Beau Hartenstine @madcaplaughs30
"That's one small step for man! That's two small steps for man! That's three..." It was as they feared. Neil Armstrong had lost his mind.
9d               
11
4
Mamma Ming @MammaMing
@Blarebare ASS
9d in reply to Blarebare               
1
Beau Hartenstine @madcaplaughs30
[dinner party]
"Honey, could you pass me th-" FINE GO AHEAD AND TELL THEM ABOUT HOW I USE TOO MUCH TOILET PAPER AT HOME ARE YOU HAPPY
9d               
14
2
Amanda Reckonwith @click4amanda
Let me put it this way, if the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie was playing in my kitchen, I still wouldn't watch it
9d               
6
1
Beau Hartenstine @madcaplaughs30
Can't even root through the supply closet here without making a "mortal enemy" thanks a lot for that Connie, but it's MY PEN
9d               
9
Multiple Stab Wounds @SonOfCha
My hands never move faster than they do when an m&m is about to roll off my bed.
9d               
64
27
Beau Hartenstine @madcaplaughs30
drained a napkin into the garbage can that was behind the bar and can kind of feel my cult status rising in this place.
9d               
9
2
Beau Hartenstine @madcaplaughs30
He was known as Billy the Slow in the wild west, riding his trusty three-toed sloth into several consecutive sunsets.
9d               
20
4
Derek Lawler @RowdyBowden
"In the dictionary under redundant, it says See Redundant." - Robin Williams, basically creating my love for wordplay at a very early age
9d               
81
17
Rad Kyle @KyleMcDowell86
RIP Robin Williams, one of the finest people ever to come out of Canada
9d               
68
7
Multiple Stab Wounds @SonOfCha
Robin Williams is dead.

Too soon?
9d               
29
3
tara shoe @tarashoe
don't need plates/utensils with my order. for is a pizza not contained heretofore in its own plate? and my hands. shan't my hands be vessels
9d               
716
303
Verifried Drunk™®© @VerifiedDrunk
What do you want for supper?
I don't know, what do you want?
I don't know what sounds good?
I don't care what do you want?
Kill yourself
OK
9d               
39
4
megeth cutestory @baconNmeggs
Sry my 2 Live Crew "Hoochie Mama" ringtone went off during your mom's funeral mass & it took me 2 solid minutes to find the phone in my bag
9d               
9
4
Beau Hartenstine @madcaplaughs30
Who me? Yep, I've been racing horses for decades. The hardest part? Probably telling them to stop and go and not bite me or run into a chasm
9d               
15
1
Beau Hartenstine @madcaplaughs30
Nothing more unsettling than a toddler dominating everybody in Risk.
9d               
14
5
Beau Hartenstine @madcaplaughs30
If there's one thing the teens in my town excel at, it's shouting insults at me from moving cars.
9d               
22
5
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