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Favorite Tweets on TwitterWhile we are making some adjustments, we expect to be back online soon!

Unfortunately, after 5 years of providing you with Twitter data, we were now informed by Twitter that Twopcharts is suspended from interacting with the Twitter API for violating the Twitter Terms of Service. At this moment we do not know if and when this situation will be remedied, but for the moment we cannot provide you with data and analytics from Twitter.

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You can check up to the last 200 tweets that are favorited by any unprotected Twitter user.
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ImageNameLocationTwitter sinceLinks
William_ShartnerBeneath the CN Tower2009-10-14
@Blarebare1,784 days
@SonOfCha calls his sloppy-seconds 'noogies'? @kaytaa & @ShesAllNat feed me popcorn chicken.
FollowersFollowingTweetsListsFavorites
8,0844,07646,48854264,318
We found 198 favorite tweets.
Fing Duck @FingDuck
Joan Rivers actually died 10 years ago. What everyone is fussing over is one of Jeff Dunham's puppets.
22h               
11
3
feistycat @caaataclysm
Aww, look at you, fulfilling your lifelong dream of having your saggy boobs all over the internet. Good for you.
22h               
17
9
fingerbangs @fingerbangs
i wanna' sit outside a 7-11 on a warm summer night and drink every-flavor-slurpies and laugh and people watch and hope that you'll kiss me.
1d               
38
4
CatSmuggler @NyAdas
Dieting tip: Slimfast tastes much better if you add ice cream, Hershey syrup, and peanut butter.
1d               
51
21
Black Jesus @BlackGodson
Someone sent me a nude photo of @KateUpton and of course I immediately deleted the photo and notified the police.
1d               
16
7
CatSmuggler @NyAdas
Fun fact: vegetarians live on average 8 years longer. Eight sad, bacon-less years.
1d               
86
49
CatSmuggler @NyAdas
This pregnancy test confirmed my worst fear. I'm just fat.
1d               
137
65
CatSmuggler @NyAdas
Diet. Day three. Have lost all hope and would probably eat the cat if she were frosted.
1d               
45
18
Book Jockey @AngelaLovesNY
Threw my back out trying to shake the comforter off my foot in case anyone is up for a Tough Mudder partner.
1d               
4
Book Jockey @AngelaLovesNY
Secret Santa except they leave beer on my porch.
1d               
5
1
FRONT TOWARD ENEMY @armyVet1972
These cookies are 3 for 99¢ or 12 for 99¢ if you have big pockets inside your jacket.
1d               
20
8
glo_stevens @glo_stevens
This whole Jennifer Lawrence thing has made me extra sure to protect all those photos of me sobbing in my hot tub filled with Fritos
1d               
20
6
Book Jockey @AngelaLovesNY
For $2 I'll throat punch the Wendy's girl.
Kidding. FOR FREE I'LL THROAT PUNCH THE WENDY'S GIRL!
1d               
4
Just Bill @WilliamAder
I can always go back to writing Golden Girls fan-fiction, so it's not like I need this.
1d               
264
120
Brent @murrman5
*chasing raccoon*
"go! get! no one likes you! my wife is right *clutches tiny sweater I made for him and fights tears* you'd be a gross pet"
2d               
938
427
katiecourtesan @katiecourtesan
@Blarebare Well then you are too small for my flower. *wink*
2d in reply to Blarebare               
1
katiecourtesan @katiecourtesan
I'm a thorn without a rose.
2d               
2
Little Greenis @DurtMcHurtt
If you shank somebody with a broken Malibu bottle, your moped will grow its own set of truck nuts.
2d               
99
46
Mrs.Miscreant @Tina_Layne
My mom kicks sooo much ass! Dr said 1-2 years...2 years ago. She's still fighting like a champ. Love ya ma!
Fuck Yooouuuuu cancer.
2d               
44
14
Bandersnaaatch @Bandersnaaatch
Light on the hop, heavy on the scotch, kids.
2d               
37
10
Bandersnaaatch @Bandersnaaatch
Sit on those hands.
Actually, why don't you let me do that for you?
2d               
37
8
Sir Jauntyhat @ParentEsq
Live the riddle backwards. Know the answer. Forget it, then throw yourself into irrevocable confusion.
2d               
20
14
Master Shake @ExcuseMyTweets
I was roller blading in my driveway still at 14 not sitting on Twitter talking about eating ass 😩😭😂
2d               
3
1
Master Shake @ExcuseMyTweets
It's so crazy to me when people say they were born in 2000 or later. Why are you even on Twitter?! Go do 14 year old things plz.
2d               
5
1
CatSmuggler @NyAdas
Now that she's hospitalized, please forget that Joan Rivers is bully who got paid to make fun of what people wore for a living and be sad
2d               
34
6
Book Jockey @AngelaLovesNY
Every day I get older and the fear of sneezing and wetting my pants gets closer.
2d               
7
3
Bea Hindwhistle @Hormonella
Why wake up feeling like you just have socks on your teeth when you can wake up feeling like you have someone's jerkoff socks on your teeth?
2d               
44
4
notyourjester @Loli_Sug
I wasn't popular in high school till I started smoking, doing drugs, skipping class, and drinking.

Don't let anything hold you back, kids
2d               
52
16
Pony Starwars @tigersgoroooar
Google: What year is it in France
2d               
58
16
Boobarella @BakedElle
Boob game so strong.
2d               
126
37
Boobarella @BakedElle
Imagine us still swapping nudes.

WRONG.

More lotion in your hand and drool on your chin.
2d               
69
24
Darin McFunkyPants @darinlovesbacon
How many drugs am I supposed to take to get through this episode of Bojack Horseman?
2d               
5
Darin McFunkyPants @darinlovesbacon
According to my wife, if it only takes 20 minutes to take the throw pillows off the bed, then you don't have enough throw pillows
2d               
8
2
MosHAM @__Moshy
The follow back grace period ends quickly with you fuck nuggets.
2d               
5
Super Cynthia @Super_Cynthia
A trapdoor that opens into the sky.
2d               
55
21
Canada's Darci @DarciCanada
I sure hope it doesn't rain the day of the event or work will blame me for that too.
2d               
2
Toots MaGoots @MrsJekyllsHyde
He didn't make any bacon for breakfast this morning must mean we're over.
2d               
8
2
Tweetloose @tweetloose
My butt is firm, but FAIR.
3d               
68
37
The Alicianater @leechee420
Spent the afternoon commenting "needs more cowbell" on all the videos on pornhub.
3d               
150
65
Abe Yospe @Cheeseboy22
Dear Costco: I'll wait 35 minutes for a free bite of pizza roll, but there's no way I am I waiting longer than 5 minutes to buy your gas.
3d               
92
23
Ted Travelstead @trumpetcake
It would make me so happy if I could charity-guilt Hollywood into believing that leaf blowers are the hottest new red carpet accessory.
3d               
82
4
Abe Yospe @Cheeseboy22
If I was a unicorn, I'd be the fat one with the donuts on my horn.
3d               
200
105
Gretchen von Tongeln @Metalligretch
Today, let the bubble gum pink Mercedes redefine your existence.
3d               
29
3
dance, dance, dance! @kind_of
Can't stop thinking about preserves
3d               
11
5
Robyn Vo @robyn_vo
Let’s make like a tree and fuck.
3d               
70
18
Just Call Me Frank™© @JustCallMeFrank
@Blarebare ice bucket challenge...?
3d in reply to Blarebare               
1
Gretchen von Tongeln @Metalligretch
At L.A.'s latest hotspot. pic.twitter.com/90xyWrTxa2
3d               
39
1
duchess gummybuns @jesusmariahcary
@Blarebare Dead is just about all they can get right
3d in reply to Blarebare               
1
duchess gummybuns @jesusmariahcary
@Blarebare dead
3d in reply to Blarebare               
1
1
David Hughes @david8hughes
"Over to John with the weather."
[John holds up index finger to camera as he drinks a carton of milk]
"I haven't taken a shit in 4 days."
3d               
88
34
sillytits @vonoink
Moving to Utah & making 1D my sister husbands
3d               
3
Darin McFunkyPants @darinlovesbacon
What do we want? I said what do we want? Ahem... WHAT DO WE WANT!?

Hearing Aids

When do we want them?

What?
3d               
10
Eye of the Meh @TheAlexNevil
"We've secretly replaced Ted's regular coffee with a howler monkey. Let's see if he notices..."
3d               
99
50
Darin McFunkyPants @darinlovesbacon
Great. Everybody thinks I'm an asshole because I nominated Stephen Hawking to take the ALS ice bucket challenge.
4d               
10
1
Schwartz E. @EvilSchwartzie
No one likes the sound of their voice. Mine sounds like I had 3 concussions as a kid. Which is true. I saw a bald guy with a hair net once.
4d               
48
10
Loco Eric @ericsshadow
It's weird how secretive aliens are and yet they're still too lazy to shut off the blinking lights on their UFO.
4d               
523
333
Kyle H @DepecheALAmode
"I need help naming my show"
"Whats it about?"
"5 kids living together after their parents were murdered"
"Um...Party Of Five?"
"Brilliant!"
4d               
35
6
Spazzarina Reefer @smallzBballz
I SAID FLAT NOT FAT! I HAVE A FLAT ASS! I'D KILL FOR A FAT ASS!!
4d               
10
Mortal Wombat @alldrolledup
IDEA: LET'S ALL JUST GET REALLY FUCKEN FAT I'LL START
4d               
498
193
IDontDoReviews @obscureReviewer
When David Lynch can't make the ice bucket challenge interesting, you know it's shit.
4d               
2
1
sillytits @vonoink
laverne cox's sultry gaze is like a haidouken of sex
5d               
2
katiecourtesan @katiecourtesan
Guuurl......you must be a smoke detector because all I want to do is hit you with a broom until you shut the fuck up.
5d               
2
1
Ephie @goodballs
I go through boyfriends like I go through chipotle burritos.
6d               
32
5
Megan Hart @Deadegan
@Blarebare on an abacus, like everyone else.
7d in reply to Blarebare               
1
Doomzilla @MYLITTLEDOOMY
@Blarebare two hands and a foot.
7d in reply to Blarebare               
1
Liz Darling @OnceUponALiz
Yay! Now that we're all soaked, ALS is a thing of the past! Wait...what?
7d               
3
Boobarella @BakedElle
TT: I don't matter. I'm married.
7d               
56
22
Camel @happyhumping
Sorry I was late for work, I was befriending a cat and got a little carried away. Oh, I'm fired? I am going back to pet that cat then. Cya!
7d               
10
4
Jennifer Parsons @HeSlimedMeRay
I just cracked my knee on my desk so hard I saw stars in a parallel universe.
7d               
13
3
Blonde Calamity™ @blondecalamity
The mullet, in skirt form.

#businessinthefrontpartyintheback pic.twitter.com/5174rgMdQS
7d               
19
Ephie @goodballs
Maybe you wanna help me not lose any more teeth? 😳😁😘 These photos are embarrassing.

fundrazr.com/campaigns/2q9H… pic.twitter.com/9VrCedFkeI
7d               
28
5
THANK U CUM AGAIN @For_Fuck_Sakes
Nobody follow me on Fridays, that's the day I pick up my bud, and my guy would get nervous...Probably kill all of you, just in case.
7d               
8
2
Sean Thomason @TheThomason
Try our Gourdians of the Guacaxy! It's gourds, filled with guacamole! Available only at my new family restaurant, Gimmicks 'n Shit.
7d               
45
7
Ephie @goodballs
Sometimes I make a real effort pic.twitter.com/JQOEOBzwM0
7d               
72
1
Sean Thomason @TheThomason
Two nights in a row I come here to post my highly original and important free online content and you guys are watching a show. Rude.
7d               
47
4
Jennifer Parsons @HeSlimedMeRay
Could somebody please come slap this phone out of my hand so I can go get on the treadmill?!?
7d               
3
jeremy @earthfalcon33
please don't bring up the time my dad revealed himself to be an Asian business woman
8d               
51
9
Sean Thomason @TheThomason
One of my favorite Bible passages, from Exodus: "Also if any Nazis ever open the Ark of the Covenant, their faces will totally melt off."
8d               
71
20
Poorly Drawn Turtle @NoTheOtherJohn
@msmeganmitchell Seen above: Megan Mitchell, age 6, on a profanity laced tirade against a Six Flags employee attempting to take her photo.
8d in reply to msmeganmitchell               
2
Sophia Benoit @1followernodad
Idea: hot people aren't allowed to write jokes about how much they love food. I mean just....let us have this.
8d               
42
8
nyce daze @nycedaze
that time oprah built the school in africa so the girls there could be sexually exploited in comfort. that was her humanitarian contribution
8d               
2
jeremy @earthfalcon33
camping is where you fart while holding a knife, right
8d               
29
8
Robyn Vo @robyn_vo
When you hang out with @blondecalamity she sends you home with an awesome new wardrobe. Thanks muffin I love you 😊❤️ pic.twitter.com/mdokxlcpqL
8d               
35
1
THANK U CUM AGAIN @For_Fuck_Sakes
My buddy told me I need to enjoy the simple things in life. So I'm starting with simple assault, and we'll see where it goes from there.
9d               
7
2
THANK U CUM AGAIN @For_Fuck_Sakes
Is 'Pot Farmers' Market a thing yet?
9d               
7
4
THANK U CUM AGAIN @For_Fuck_Sakes
When I have a cold,my boyfriend does whatever he can to make me feel better. Its only cause he misses putting his dick in my mouth,but still
9d               
3
1
Gavin @GavinProbably
Nice, band at the bar is playing Buckcherry. Love that band, also love axe body spray and being super aggressive.
9d               
43
10
Erica @SCbchbum
Oh hey, I'd love to get to know you better, but my dad has a ponytail, so I have a lot on my plate right now.
11d               
192
44
Matt Manic @mattmanic
#ff @Zwolf666 @WGTabletop @iscoff @VocabuLarry @NightmareNemo @LtFrankDrebbin @bfrave @RowdyBowden @paulbunyansdick @Blarebare
11d               
9
Steve @WigCannon
Imagine Jeff Goldblum climbing out of a volcano saying, "yeah, that's not soup."
11d               
213
62
Bert @BertCarrillo
Been flying through Nora Roberts books like a muuufucker this week.
11d               
68
26
Erren @ErrenMichaels
*emerges from your wardrobe and leaves the room without saying anything*
11d               
32
9
Kyle H @DepecheALAmode
Oh, you forgot your headphones? No-No, go ahead and play your music out loud. The rest of us will just go fuck ourselves.
11d               
85
22
Tim @Playing_Dad
*finishes reading daughter bedtime story*
OK, now all that was completely unrealistic. The world is a cold & unforgiving place. Goodnight.
11d               
447
222
Erren @ErrenMichaels
I'm just a girl, standing in front of a rabbit, asking him why he peed in my shoe.
11d               
42
12
keckles @keckles
I wonder if I've ever encountered a careless whisper.
11d               
7
keckles @keckles
my cat is a bitch to everyone but me and it makes me feel pretty special.
12d               
3
Spanky McDutcherson @thatdutchperson
Guy no1: I'm a boob man.

Guy no2: I'm an ass man.

Guy no3: I'm a leg man.

Me: does she own the Firefly box-set?
12d               
31
10
Don Nichols @TheDairylandDon
Costs $500 to skip out on the ice bucket challenge, but only $220 to legally change my name to Giuseppe Mitsubishi and start life anew.
12d               
106
20
Gretchen von Tongeln @Metalligretch
Brunch? No, I went to public school.
12d               
223
88
Don Nichols @TheDairylandDon
Slowly but surely, "That's So Raven" became "Not Enough Raven" which turned into "Too Much Raven" and I guess that's why I'm at this meeting
12d               
178
51
Don Nichols @TheDairylandDon
My Sandwich Artist tried to upsell me a Flatizza and now we're in the parking lot fighting with our shirts off.
12d               
125
29
Robyn Palmer @robynpalmer1
I don't believe everything on the internet I write.
12d               
28
7
The Marie @Buzzzzzkill
A penis tuck so tight my dick falls off.
12d               
7
The Marie @Buzzzzzkill
I look stupid naked anyways.
12d               
6
The Marie @Buzzzzzkill
Show me my nudes.
12d               
3
The Marie @Buzzzzzkill
I haven't worn makeup or brushed my hair since Saturday.
12d               
6
jeremy @earthfalcon33
my most embarrassing moment? probably when i got dunked on by a street magician
12d               
178
49
THANK U CUM AGAIN @For_Fuck_Sakes
You were funnier yesterday. Asshole.
13d               
6
2
Don Nichols @TheDairylandDon
Putting in a Blu-Ray and having to watch a commercial for why I should switch to Blu-Rays is one of life's more precious journeys.
13d               
49
10
Alley Cat @deardilettante
Congratulations on your stupid fucking happiness.
13d               
223
132
Bob Heller @Bob_Heller
This continental breakfast makes me want to leave North America.

¡OMELETTE, POR FAVOR!
13d               
32
7
Doomzilla @MYLITTLEDOOMY
You may call me Sherlock Huggles.
13d               
5
The Planet @ShipInTheKnight
They all look pretty on the shelf.
13d               
12
4
THANK U CUM AGAIN @For_Fuck_Sakes
I fuckin hate that I cant even laugh at a joke anymore unless it's really fuckin wrong.
13d               
4
THANK U CUM AGAIN @For_Fuck_Sakes
I didnt realize you were giving that kind of fuck. This changes everything.
13d               
6
3
Doomzilla @MYLITTLEDOOMY
I'm gonna ask a lesbian for a fuck later.

*fingers crossed*
13d               
9
Nerf Herder @TrueTorontoGirl
Weatherman: At least we woke up dry.

Me: Um, speak for yourself dude.
13d               
52
20
Thugslut Thundercunt @yourcatastrophy
If you don't stop RTing #romantictwitter into my TL i'm setting this place on fire.
13d               
13
1
Erren @ErrenMichaels
Missed connection:

You were in a different country getting on with your life, I was reading in bed for the last 15 years.
13d               
47
13
jeremy @earthfalcon33
goodnight sun
goodnight moon
goodnight Dark Overlord who intends to steal my first born in hopes of turning it into a dark prince
13d               
37
6
Paige @PeachCoffin
I didn't mean to dip my boobs in the punch bowl but at least they stirred it up a little
13d               
97
11
Paige @PeachCoffin
Baby Jessica backing out of her annual well-woman visit
13d               
67
8
Spazzarina Reefer @smallzBballz
Water bottle left over from Friday night. I think I got a theme going here... pic.twitter.com/APcwUXpUyM
13d               
38
3
Scuba•Steve @StcyBnsn
I like my butt stuff like I like my kale.

Ps what's kale, and can I do butt stuff to it?
13d               
29
10
Paige @PeachCoffin
me watching your ice bucket video pic.twitter.com/rj8dFCKWup
13d               
413
193
Mable Gertrude @MableGertrude
No one cared about leaving children in cars when I was young. I lived in the back of an old Buick with a pack of wild dogs until I was 9.
13d               
599
247
jeremy @earthfalcon33
earlier today i traded my friend Jepfrey a slap bracelet for his wasp collection
14d               
16
1
Paige @PeachCoffin
my milkshake brings up a good point
14d               
148
35
Lindsay @quintywinties
Sometimes I sit and pretend I have abs pic.twitter.com/BkYkgvLSY2
14d               
21
Paige @PeachCoffin
my mom was a better dad than most dads, that must be where I got my dick
14d               
73
12
Don Nichols @TheDairylandDon
Just swallowed a pill that went down sideways. Things are really looking up for my Tom Waits tribute band.
14d               
56
3
Lindsay @quintywinties
Men in cars while I am walking: stop
14d               
25
3
miss charades @ShockTartBionic
POST MORE SUNSET PICS NOW OR I'LL MURDER YOUR FAMILY
14d               
102
47
Don Nichols @TheDairylandDon
I'd love to help out, but I'm actually trying to lower my awareness. Doctor's orders.
14d               
51
5
Michael @Home_Halfway
"Spring break" ~ Caveman confirming his bed is broken
14d               
188
46
Paige @PeachCoffin
My dog's version of fetch is where I throw the ball and she runs after it and falls asleep when she gets there.
14d               
60
10
J. Cook @J_M_Cook
What's the deal....with airline food.
pic.twitter.com/tNuPZD9ZHO
14d               
521
254
THANK U CUM AGAIN @For_Fuck_Sakes
Having a fuckin anxiety attack over how long this fuckin coffee has been brewing.
14d               
3
1
Don Nichols @TheDairylandDon
Comic relief, Rage Against the Machine pulls up in a van and hops out. "WHAT'D WE MISS???" A dog covers its eyes. Everyone has a good laugh.
14d               
32
6
THANK U CUM AGAIN @For_Fuck_Sakes
Guess I'll go wake my boyfriend up and see if he wants to fuck. He loves my insomnia.
14d               
2
Daddy Green Eyes @SignsofNature
I either just saw a ghost or that bunk acid I took 20 years ago finally kicked in.
14d               
30
14
Joss Whedon @josswhedon
WHEN WILL POPULAR MUSIC ADDRESS THE ISSUE OF LOVE?!?!
14d               
3,492
2,046
Multiple Stab Wounds @SonOfCha
If you don't own a monocle your opinion on art means NOTHING to me.
14d               
159
63
Multiple Stab Wounds @SonOfCha
Tomorrow is Bill Clinton's birthday so don't forget to leave a stain on your wife or girlfriend's favorite dress. It's what Bill would want.
14d               
36
7
Multiple Stab Wounds @SonOfCha
Tonight I ordered dinner from the Chinese place with Mexican delivery guys, not the Mexican place run by the Chinese couple.
14d               
16
1
Mrs.Throbinson @mellimelle
Guys, relax. I decided not to twittercide until AFTER the release of my Poptarts cookbook.
14d               
73
22
Jeryn @jerynsnow
I'm only drinking the Kool Aid if it's the blue one.
14d               
1
Zoë Klar @madamezooble
A SCRUB IS A GUY WHO THINKS HE'S FLY BUT CAN'T EVEN GIVE HIMSELF A BLOW JOB.
14d               
82
19
Sean Thomason @TheThomason
More than anything, the ice bucket challenge has been a painful reminder that most of my friends have houses with yards by now.
14d               
1,507
660
sxymama @sxymama311
Someone who is on FB EVERY DAY just posted: "Why are ppl dumping ice on their heads? What did I miss?"

Where has this bitch been?
14d               
7
1
Kevin O'Neill @KevinBuffalo
MSNBC has ordered #Ferguson for a second season.
14d               
63
34
Nerdy By Nature @misslazyj
So, yeah, things aren't any better in #Ferguson this afternoon.
14d               
1
luke @internetluke
People You May Know on Facebook could also be called "People you once knew and quit talking to"
14d               
58
15
THANK U CUM AGAIN @For_Fuck_Sakes
You look like alot of fuck. Fun, I meant fun.
14d               
2
Rob Knows Stuff @ForeverHairy
Thank God Gary Busey is trending or else I would have totally forgot about my dentist appointment.
14d               
30
14
THANK U CUM AGAIN @For_Fuck_Sakes
I cant believe America wasted one of it's freedoms on religion.
14d               
1
sxymama @sxymama311
The older I get, the more apt I am to just throw out the entire Tupperware w leftover food in it, bc Fuck That..I am not opening it
14d               
5
sxymama @sxymama311
I'm like the herpes of Twitter. Every time you think I'm gone, I pop back up on your TL.
14d               
12
6
Pugaboo Gangsta @LuvPug
I wanna be so twitter famous that I can eat in a restaurant with my dog
14d               
351
141
THANK U CUM AGAIN @For_Fuck_Sakes
Gonna go jump on the trampoline while shouting obscenities.
14d               
8
4
sxymama @sxymama311
Cum in my mouth: fine
Cum on my face: fine
Cum in my hair *right after I got it done: you're dead

*green light though if it's not done
15d               
19
5
Carbosly @Carbosly
I just had to throw away my coffee so my son could pee in the cup.
So don't fucking tell me about parental sacrifice.
I know.
15d               
72
19
Paige @PeachCoffin
I challenge you to fill an ice bucket with beers and give it to me and leave
15d               
2,146
1,597
Randamonium @torrami
People think scheduling sex is lame but my color coded fuck calendar says otherwise
15d               
334
94
john freiler @johnfreiler
at this point nobody even remembers the little curio shop that opened in ferguson last month, or its proprietor, a mr. leland gaunt
15d               
139
39
inappropriate mom @nicfit75
*fantasizes about naps while masturbating*
15d               
224
82
Bitch McSugarMittens @Jesssicle
Oh, let me hold that subtweet for you while you go cry alone in the shower.
15d               
55
20
Patrick McLellan @pmclellan
I'm doing the slice bucket challenge, which is basically just me eating a large supreme pizza.
15d               
35
12
Liz Darling @OnceUponALiz
Hi-lo skirts are amazing for days I only want to shave the fronts of my legs.
15d               
4
Paige @PeachCoffin
my fav sex position is butt to butt looking at our phones
15d               
408
93
Patrick @pattymo
Which earbuds are the most Christian
15d               
42
12
Stephen Drangula @Drangula
I could save the planet big money on its car insurance.
15d               
18
2
Liz Darling @OnceUponALiz
I once almost cried because there is no taco emoji. I did cry. It was yesterday.
15d               
7
1
Poorly Drawn Turtle @NoTheOtherJohn
*Brings my tired and poor and huddled masses to the Statue of Liberty* The sign says I can leave these here soooo.... we good or..?
15d               
20
3
Paige @PeachCoffin
I was having a bad morning so I googled tiny horse, now I feel better forever pic.twitter.com/1jxXVJMdjv
15d               
161
32
jeremy @earthfalcon33
i've had sex
15d               
32
4
THANK U CUM AGAIN @For_Fuck_Sakes
I'm not saying I'm better than all of you, but I get laid every fuckin day. So fuck you.
15d               
3
Jeryn @jerynsnow
Jeryn Snow: putting sports bras on inside out since like 2001 or something.
15d               
3
1
Paige @PeachCoffin
If u climb to the top of Mt. Everest & don't dance to 'Started From the Bottom Now We Here' then what is even the point of u
15d               
78
16
Abhorrent Housewife @abhorrent_wife
I think "anus tart" is my new nickname for all of you. pic.twitter.com/mvdfCyFz41
15d               
149
54
Poorly Drawn Turtle @NoTheOtherJohn
*eats most of your snacks* Ok.... Well, see ya.
16d               
14
3
Paige @PeachCoffin
"Up jump." -the boogie
16d               
187
46
Paige @PeachCoffin
To everyone who wrote "kick ass this summer" in my seventh grade yearbook: I did
16d               
174
28
THANK U CUM AGAIN @For_Fuck_Sakes
Boyfriend and I always take the backroads. You just never know when you're gonna wanna pull over and fuck.
16d               
1
Don Nichols @TheDairylandDon
Kinda messed up that I've totally given up on world peace, but still occasionally make sure I can't pick stuff up with my mind.
16d               
83
20
Paige @PeachCoffin
Drink me when you're craving week old piña colada-tasting stale-ass sea-watery suntan lotion-infused homeless man jizz! -coconut water
16d               
121
22
sxymama @sxymama311
Jennifer on fb wants everyone to know that her quiz results indicate that she is a "sugar cookie" and is 99% perfect..
16d               
3
sxymama @sxymama311
Of the 200 ppl I follow, I'm pretty sure I actually understand what 5 of you are tweeting about
16d               
4
sxymama @sxymama311
Every time I type "NJ" on my phone, it changes it to "bj." Freudian autocorrect?

*true story
16d               
4
sxymama @sxymama311
Ever since I've put lifeproof case on my phone,all my pics from front camera come out like this-oh well-fuck it! pic.twitter.com/uyi3QfYe2u
16d               
9
Jeryn @jerynsnow
"In North Carolina we have 3 types of bars: no-teeth, some-teeth, most-teeth. This was a some-teeth bar."
16d               
2
Poorly Drawn Turtle @NoTheOtherJohn
"I need to go to the libary"
"There are two r's"
"Sorry. Libarry."
16d               
14
5
THANK U CUM AGAIN @For_Fuck_Sakes
Boyfriend got pissed cause I replied to his buddies text: 'He's in the shitter at the shell station.' WTF is wrong with that?
16d               
1
Jeryn @jerynsnow
Gonna start calling my friends "comrades" probably
17d               
1
ibid @ibid78
*kicks in your door*
It's Shark Week.
*flips over couch*
IT'S SHARK WEEK
*yells in your baby's mouth*
I T'S F U C K I N S H A R K W E E K
17d               
668
297
Jeryn @jerynsnow
*moonwalks to Chipotle*
17d               
3
1
Robyn Palmer @robynpalmer1
Bed head is a way of life. pic.twitter.com/N3TN47u5qx
17d               
32
1
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