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ImageNameLocationTwitter sinceLinks
The Pretty Girl Swag2011-09-24
@AllTheUglyTruth1,068 days
Its a shit show, but someone's got to live it. Check out the 2014 Tweet Mates at http://t.co/BJ3wGLCGp6 Benefits The American Cancer Society
FollowersFollowingTweetsListsFavorites
26,3071,28217,39892536,562
We found 200 favorite tweets.
Joel Danger @joeldanger
Hey you with the selfies

[all of Twitter turns around]
12h               
49
23
Great Lake @pmc2028
@AllTheUglyTruth #MonthlyDistribution
1d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
JLGentry, author @JerryLGentry
@AllTheUglyTruth LMFAO
1d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Gonzo D. @gonzod73
#Monday & #NewWeek S/O to: @msred1973 @BoobsOnABlonde @AllTheUglyTruth @SeekingSadie @SuMacDan @llvvzzz @AphroditeAfter5
1d               
2
elle @Boo_berries_
@AllTheUglyTruth OMG, you're so sweet. And......SWOON!
2d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
2
JLGentry, author @JerryLGentry
@AllTheUglyTruth Absolutely!
2d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Gonzo D. @gonzod73
#PlutoDemotedDay S/O to: @msred1973 @BoobsOnABlonde @AllTheUglyTruth @SeekingSadie @SuMacDan @llvvzzz @AphroditeAfter5
2d               
3
Sour Patch Kid @_whutupdoe
"@AllTheUglyTruth: Loving sex doesn't make you a whore it makes you fucking awesome."#realtalk
2d               
1
pete&repete @troll_poll
@AllTheUglyTruth @dshack8 Same thing happened to me but I was by myself, in a McDonald's rubbing big mac sauce on my penis
3d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Tony P. @Tbone7219
This Fireball Whiskey taste like I'll be spooning my cat later.
3d               
89
38
Runs with coffee @CoachCleavage
@Phunkadelik70 @AllTheUglyTruth seriously though, it's the truth!
3d in reply to Phunkadelik70               
2
Joel Danger @joeldanger
A train wreck? More like the conductor of the Hot Mess Express.
3d               
148
87
Joel Danger @joeldanger
Give kids hugs or drugs...either way you're pretty much going to get the same amount of prison time.
3d               
87
45
Dynamo @Phunkadelik70
@AllTheUglyTruth @CoachCleavage lol
3d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
2
Terry F @daemonic3
No, I am NOT addicted to these painkillers! Lots of people get their wisdom teeth removed every weekend.
3d               
119
55
Les @yourdadmaybe
@AllTheUglyTruth greatness
3d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
2
Jah_shoe_wah @joshysworld
@AllTheUglyTruth @DeanOkay did you ask her to join?
3d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
2
Mr. Roosbulldog @MrRoosbulldog
@Ilovelamp1979 @AllTheUglyTruth best night ever tweet of the day
3d in reply to Ilovelamp1979               
1
Dad and Buried @DadandBuried
I can't tell if I'm hungover or just 38.
3d               
644
282
Gregg and Joe Show @GreggAndJoeShow
@AllTheUglyTruth That is such a true statement. Please run for president in 2016 so I can vote for you.
3d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Fader @LS_Fader
@AllTheUglyTruth I love you. Seriously.
4d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn
Me: You know, semen can cure headaches.

Wife: Too bad everything else about you causes them.
4d               
126
51
FistFullOfMcMuffins @Matt_The_1st
IRS auditor: sir, this is just a pile of McDonald's receipts
4d               
112
54
Gregg and Joe Show @GreggAndJoeShow
@AllTheUglyTruth Understandable.
4d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Angry face of truth @HermPerdeArc
@AllTheUglyTruth Swag I know you never answer comments, but please answer this one. Great question and you are the undisputed Guru.
4d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
positively perfect @positiveguy13
@AllTheUglyTruth then we'll talk bout the first thing that comes up...
4d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Gregg and Joe Show @GreggAndJoeShow
@AllTheUglyTruth Serious question: what porn category to most women jerk off to?
4d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Tweet Reader @tweetreader38
I wonder what ever happened to those kids in Elementary class, who use to flip their eyelids up.

Why I'm awake at night.
4d               
61
27
Travis LeBlanc @TravLeBlanc
#FF Persona @OutOfLeftField_ @TheAlexNevil @AllTheUglyTruth @RogueGod @thatUPSdude @_Ms_Moneypenny_ @clindsaysway @Lisabug74 @ChiefTwittler
4d               
7
1
ROYAL TWAT @HeyJennyLeone
My older brother challenged me to do ice bucket thing after he did. Like a good lil sis I replied, GO FUCK YOURSELF BOB. YOU LOOK STUPID.
4d               
51
13
ROYAL TWAT @HeyJennyLeone
My birthday cake is just one more thing I'll blow and spit on.
4d               
124
53
Horny Kinkster @24_7_Juan_Kerr
#FF > @MonicaBigTits @AllTheUglyTruth @TotalEgal3 @bvbrendavenus @mariapussy2 @OMGSlutty @XxxMature @crazycougars ow.ly/i/5hFjY
4d               
4
1
Gregg and Joe Show @GreggAndJoeShow
@AllTheUglyTruth Ah, Cancun...you bring back many good memories for me.
4d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
MR HAND @SniffMyPickle
Women that eat food should be ashamed of themselves.
4d               
51
20
RumpledPhilSkin @trilippacedgod
*Grabs shop rite intercom*
ARE THEY CALLED BOAT SHOES BECAUSE THEY LOOK LIKE LITTLE BOATS OR BECAUSE PEOPLE WEAR THEM ON BOATS!?!!?
4d               
6
5
dominic carrafiello @DCarrafiello
@AllTheUglyTruth ......your welcome
4d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
B the Hobo_Tornado @Ilovelamp1979
I haven't woken up in a ditch in a while.
4d               
61
23
FistFullOfMcMuffins @Matt_The_1st
Cop: Do you know how fast you were going sir?
Me: 69
Cop:??
Me: I always go 69 to @PaperWash TL
*cop hi-fives and jumps in passengers seat
5d               
29
3
FistFullOfMcMuffins @Matt_The_1st
Children are a miracle.
A curse, I meant curse. My bad
5d               
112
47
GlenVictor @glenvictor22884
@AllTheUglyTruth i only masturbate when you tweet profound/inspiring words.//so i guess im fkd
5d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Soggy @hounddogsoggy
@AllTheUglyTruth way ahead of you
✊====) 💦
5d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
2
Veronica ✨❤ @3xYouCanBiteMe
@AllTheUglyTruth: I'm not a doctor but why don't you go ahead and get undressed for me anyway.”
5d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Daniel Plainview @10InchesPlus
I'm "Send 5 UPC codes and wait 6-8 weeks" years old.
5d               
74
24
Marcia Gay Hard-On @bmarked21
My perfect summer evening involves microwaving Barbie dolls with @Stellacopter
5d               
9
1
Illuminated Wonder @illuminatedwndr
let's not forget how fucking awesome masturbation is, you guys
5d               
32
9
Corey Paterson @Midgetspar
I just quit my Fantasy Football League because I couldn't draft a Dragon.
5d               
243
115
Christopher Sherk @TheIronSherk
*loudly pulls up to funeral*
HEY GUYS SORRY IM LA-
*turns down "Boombastic" by Shaggy
Hey sorry I'm late what'd I miss?
5d               
230
108
PaperWash© @PaperWash
*Meth head smoking a huge bowl of meth*
ICE BUCKET CHALLENGE!
*passes out*
5d               
70
26
Harbinger One @Harbinger_one
My pussy is like an out of work child actor

You know you've seen it, but you were too drunk to remember where
5d               
140
48
Terry F @daemonic3
If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they probably forgot their car keys again KAREN
5d               
94
30
Notorious P.U.G. @LuvPug
Accidentally took my son's Adderall instead of my antidepressant and now I have more energy to be sad
5d               
846
352
ShotofCherye @CheryeDavis
I don't have enough stress in my life so I bought a phone charger at the gas station.
5d               
401
211
Not so Awesome Alex @Alex_LaVallee
My wife told me to try thinking before I speak.

So I did.

It's def not all it's cracked up to be.

I end up seeing her side too much now.
5d               
121
61
FistFullOfMcMuffins @Matt_The_1st
Yes. You rt'd me 14 times in a row. Thanks.
You are first in line for my liver when the time comes.
6d               
192
86
Patrick McLellan @pmclellan
@Kyle_Lippert @AllTheUglyTruth haha
6d in reply to Kyle_Lippert               
1
Reverend Scott @Reverend_Scott
Fun Fact:

If you walk up to someone and say, "Wanna screw?" hand them a screw, and they take it. They have to sleep with you.
6d               
64
24
ShittyShittyGangBang @ShittyComedian
One time this guy called me a homophobe so I sucked his dick, but it was really toothy because I'm not a faggot.
6d               
83
15
PaperWash© @PaperWash
"ICE BUCKET CHALLENGE LOL!"

-captain of the Titanic
6d               
492
354
Steven Cyrus @TheStevenCyrus
@AllTheUglyTruth 😱😮
6d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
your name here @Rivercity85
You want my phone number?

No, sorry. I already have enough people to ignore.
6d               
86
47
your name here @Rivercity85
What is rejection and can I fuck it?
6d               
66
30
PaperWash© @PaperWash
Leaving finger prints on my PS4 discs again I see
*puts $30 bra in the drier*
Let the games begin
6d               
194
82
Gonzo D. @gonzod73
#HumpDay S/O to: @msred1973 @BoobsOnABlonde @AllTheUglyTruth @SeekingSadie @SuMacDan @llvvzzz @AphroditeAfter5 @gingerbeerkiss
6d               
2
Josh @iwearaonesie
Google search history:

How much do CEO's make?
How do I become CEO?
What does MBA mean?
Office lesbians
How much do tollbooth workers make?
6d               
277
139
your name here @Rivercity85
I need a GPS, but for my life.
6d               
73
47
Gregg and Joe Show @GreggAndJoeShow
@AllTheUglyTruth I just bought one of those stupid looking striped jerseys.
7d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Jonny malkin @JonnyMalkin95
@AllTheUglyTruth awesome
7d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
who cares @avaricious1
@AllTheUglyTruth me too, sorry.
7d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Svenn Amish @amishschool
I struggle with my own demons but thankfully they're back in school Monday.
7d               
155
76
Harbinger One @Harbinger_one
Hi, in my bathtub rt now drinking Chablis from a mason jar while sticking my big toe into the tub spout. Please leave a message at the beep
7d               
103
40
Joel Danger @joeldanger
Where's the ice water challenge for people who annoy the shit out of you? We should really put an end to them as well.
7d               
67
17
Brian Hope @Brianhopecomedy
My wife is making me do the ice bucket challenge but I'm a little confused as I've watched other videos & no one else has to hold a toaster.
7d               
955
760
Harbinger One @Harbinger_one
Hanging out at Bed, Bath & Beyond in PJs by the kitchen section with a glass of wine waiting for customers makes me feel like I have company
7d               
80
31
It's Stephanie @Snarfernini
If I was a Jedi there is a 100% chance I would use The Force inappropriately.
8d               
1,132
795
Harbinger One @Harbinger_one
Unless my horoscope can foresee naps and snacks, I don't give a fuck whose stars align
8d               
127
72
Kyle Lippert @Kyle_Lippert
FIRST DATE TIP: Ask her out to a bar. If she likes bars & says yes, she has horrible taste & will probably like you too, you piece of shit.
8d               
233
71
Robert McDonald @RobertMcDonald7
"@AllTheUglyTruth: I like to have sex at the beginning of the date, before he starts annoying me." I like the way she thinks.
8d               
1
Daniel L @pepperm0nkey
@AllTheUglyTruth Oh you just say the sweetest things
8d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
The Silver Fox @thes1lverf0x
@AllTheUglyTruth Cool, means we don't have to pay for dinner!! :-) @DontTouchMyWine
8d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Gonzo D. @gonzod73
#Monday & #NewWeek S/O to: @msred1973 @BoobsOnABlonde @AllTheUglyTruth @SeekingSadie @SuMacDan @llvvzzz @AphroditeAfter5 @gingerbeerkiss
8d               
3
Raspberry Jam @Jenny4ashley
"Do you know why I pulled you over?" is a weird way to ask for a blowjob.
9d               
357
156
just me @PlayfulSensual
@AllTheUglyTruth: If you were a drug I'd main-line you.”

In a fucking heartbeat😈 pic.twitter.com/myQo5cocDW
9d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
4
1
Harbinger One @Harbinger_one
Mom asked me to fill in for her and teach Sunday school class. Had to change the lesson plan cuz those kids knew nothing about birth control
9d               
129
63
Joel Danger @joeldanger
She's definitely the girl next door...if you live next to a mental hospital.
10d               
315
202
PaperWash© @PaperWash
@FavstarOfTheDay @AllTheUglyTruth thanks guuuurrrlll....now kiss!
10d in reply to FavstarOfTheDay               
1
Trey @treydayway
I can type 220 wpm with 0 accuracy.
10d               
330
149
PaperWash© @PaperWash
[Accidentally flicks cigarette in beer can]
WTF...
[Drinks it anyways]
11d               
47
6
Joel Danger @joeldanger
People that @ their own tweets to bring them back up: put the phone down and enjoy your life. Twitter will be here when you have a new idea.
11d               
129
49
bucmachine @bucmachine
Let's get you pregnant and into that kitchen.
11d               
15
8
Texapino @hpb777
No thanks, common sense.

-my vagina
11d               
444
184
PaperWash© @PaperWash
"A teenager was shot and killed today acco-"

America: WHAT WAS HIS RACE?!

"I don't see how that matt-"

[America starts a riot]
11d               
72
30
PaperWash© @PaperWash
"KISS HER!"

Me, watching women's boxing
12d               
773
425
bucmachine @bucmachine
This must be what it feels like right before going on a killing spree.
12d               
8
bucmachine @bucmachine
I don’t want a girfriend my friends don’t want to fuck.
12d               
4
UNKL PETEY @unklpetey
@AllTheUglyTruth @newstart43 #annonymus
12d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
2
Joel Danger @joeldanger
Karen's gonna Karen.
12d               
60
18
B the Hobo_Tornado @Ilovelamp1979
This back alley blowjob tastes like I might have a drug problem.
12d               
57
18
Jake Vig @Jake_Vig
Guys, if a girl invites you upstairs for "coffee," first make sure she has coffee, you don't want to get up there and there's no coffee.
12d               
590
351
Joel Danger @joeldanger
Its a follow, not a friendship.
12d               
88
41
sara @SomthinBoutSara
My favorite gas station is expanding

I'm so pumped!
13d               
198
62
PaperWash© @PaperWash
@rorynotroy this is my favorite tweet of all time.
13d in reply to rorynotroy               
1
Joel Danger @joeldanger
Twitter: where the biggest hypocrites ever accuse others people of being hypocrites.
13d               
67
43
Joel Danger @joeldanger
Welcome to the internet!

Population: fucking idiots
13d               
158
93
JLGentry, author @JerryLGentry
@AllTheUglyTruth BTW you look great today.
13d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
JLGentry, author @JerryLGentry
@AllTheUglyTruth It’d be the first time any man finished his to-do list
14d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Sherilyn Swindell ♥ @sherilynreedus
@AllTheUglyTruth very reasonable request!
14d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
2
Sherilyn Swindell ♥ @sherilynreedus
Lollll. RT @AllTheUglyTruth If I pay $6.00 for a coffee, I expect the barista to lace it with Xanax and tell me I'm pretty.
14d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
3
1
Joel Danger @joeldanger
Oh hey @SweetNSaucy10. Nice to see you're using an Italian escort pics as your own. Sweet life, bro.

laurie-topclass-escort.com/gallerie.htm
15d               
8
1
Stephen ford @Steviejoe90Ford
@AllTheUglyTruth it would be rude not too
15d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Angry face of truth @HermPerdeArc
@AllTheUglyTruth Darn!! Before this pic, your wit used to turn me on.
15d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Joel Danger @joeldanger
All her panties are breakaway panties when she dates a guy who takes what he wants.
15d               
65
29
Jeff Boucher @ligerjeff
@AllTheUglyTruth loooooove in this club
16d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Gringo Brulee @GringoBrulee
@AllTheUglyTruth that's a full year of a to do list right there.
16d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
cheeky monster @mrbananaman69
@AllTheUglyTruth what go buy you a tshirt that fits you properly? 😊
16d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Harbinger One @Harbinger_one
My bf should get the Nobel Prize for standing in the middle of the food court with one hand down his pants scratching himself
16d               
104
42
ShittyShittyGangBang @ShittyComedian
I'm way too high to be in this confessional booth right now.
16d               
121
53
Daniel L @pepperm0nkey
@AllTheUglyTruth I knew u were a gypsy
16d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Ms.red1973 @msred1973
@gonzod73 @BoobsOnABlonde @AllTheUglyTruth @SeekingSadie @SuMacDan @llvvzzz @AphroditeAfter5 @gingerbeerkiss Have a wonderful weekend,
xoxo
17d in reply to gonzod73               
4
Harbinger One @Harbinger_one
Breakfast in bed is great! Especially when you stick your sausage in between my mcmuffin
17d               
153
64
ShittyShittyGangBang @ShittyComedian
I brought a hooker to a knife fight. She just doesn't know it yet.
17d               
115
52
ShittyShittyGangBang @ShittyComedian
I'm a sex offender, but don't worry, I'm not registered or anything.
17d               
123
51
Santos L. Halper @YoBrefStank
@AllTheUglyTruth: It's not drinking alone if you're sitting in traffic.” oh. my god. 😂
18d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
your name here @Rivercity85
I've been drinking about it, and my answer is yes.
18d               
340
190
d⚡️ @deeaannnuh
@AllTheUglyTruth: It's not drinking alone if you're sitting in traffic.” Oh. My. God. New plan.. #prevtweet #neveraloneagain
18d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
2homesick @2homesick
@AllTheUglyTruth @Jenny4ashley I fucking love you for this one!
18d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Jeffy Poo @Ffejyoop
@AllTheUglyTruth so... no talking during sex? Noted.
18d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
The Paige Master ☮ @stlbluesgurl_77
@AllTheUglyTruth: Time to solve this little sobriety issue that's plaguing me right now.” Game on.
18d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
2
Verifried Drunk™®© @VerifiedDrunk
Vodka & Codeine: Two Great Tastes That Taste Great Together
18d               
39
7
MR HAND @SniffMyPickle
@AllTheUglyTruth prepare for a dick pic!
18d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
2
Just Bill @WilliamAder
Truth be told, @theshamingofjay is one of the funnier people here. (Okay, one of the funnier than ME people here.) #FF
18d               
28
5
PaperWash© @PaperWash
Prototype for my Halloween Johnny Depp costume. pic.twitter.com/LsKTvsgPzh
18d               
36
11
Joel Danger @joeldanger
I live my life....one double shot of whiskey at a time.
18d               
61
30
Mani Sadberry @PHIRSTSERVE
@AllTheUglyTruth maybe you're F-cking the wrong person. Try switching to a reluctant, tipsy, or unconscious f-ck. You may have better luck.
18d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Thugslut Thundercunt @yourcatastrophy
My son is turning 1 tomorrow & isn't happy about it, as evidenced by his dietary preferences today including toilet bowl cleaner & hair gel.
18d               
13
1
Luscious P Hole, Esq @TheBuddhaslamp
My son is dying of cancer please retweet this selfie of me at the gym pic.twitter.com/6Tz6NLdGMy
18d               
180
132
#STOPSLANDERINGMJ @god7like7king7
Lolllssss! twitter.com/AllTheUglyTrut…
18d               
1
Horny Kinkster @24_7_Juan_Kerr
#FF > @MonicaBigTits @AllTheUglyTruth @TotalEgal3 @bvbrendavenus @mariapussy2 @OMGSlutty @XxxMature @crazycougars ow.ly/i/5hFjY
18d               
2
1
Loco Eric @ericsshadow
[First date]
*looks up from phone*
"How do you spell dullard?"
18d               
355
154
Gonzo D. @gonzod73
#HappinessHappensDay S/O to: @msred1973 @BoobsOnABlonde @AllTheUglyTruth @SeekingSadie @SuMacDan @llvvzzz @AphroditeAfter5 @gingerbeerkiss
18d               
1
Gonzo D. @gonzod73
#Friday S/O to: @msred1973 @BoobsOnABlonde @AllTheUglyTruth @SeekingSadie @SuMacDan @llvvzzz @AphroditeAfter5 @gingerbeerkiss
18d               
2
Travis LeBlanc @TravLeBlanc
I'm getting jiggy without it.
18d               
263
124
Thugslut Thundercunt @yourcatastrophy
Get a jump start on the day by fucking in your kid's bedroom underneath her Katy Perry poster.
18d               
18
2
Joel Danger @joeldanger
Hey @Matt_The_1st, give me a link to that app that only allows to post online when your blood alcohol content is over .20. Looks fun!
18d               
14
Night Mayor @HALFniteStand
With this trophy from @AllTheUglyTruth I'm gonna get so many dates, cuz girls like shiny things

Check out her best! favstar.fm/users/AllTheUg…
18d               
1
Johnny Fairweather @DrunkPunk_
@AllTheUglyTruth time to suck the days dick.
18d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Joel Danger @joeldanger
@Matt_The_1st what can i say? gay guys must really enjoy your tweets about the excitement of family life.
19d in reply to Matt_The_1st               
9
NOT CHO BITCH @LilDisruptive
I'm pretty sure my friends and I are breaking some laws right now...

😘🍸😘😬😘💋😘💄👠
19d               
18
1
Terry F @daemonic3
*pulls away from kissing*

Actually, an oven not in use is preheated. The instructions should say to HEAT the oven.
19d               
177
89
NOT CHO BITCH @LilDisruptive
It's cute that he's growing out his beard... I'm going to use it to exfoliate the fuck outta my inner thighs.. 💋
19d               
39
8
ShittyShittyGangBang @ShittyComedian
Clowns are funnier when you set them on fire.
19d               
164
74
Sarah Piccinini @saltycosmetics
@AllTheUglyTruth @LadyInRedBlog #amen !!! #wtf
19d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
2
1
.:. @TransaparenT
I want to die a true warriors death- overdosing on heroin while getting blown by a Puerto Rican hooker.
19d               
15
5
El Pav @31P4V
@AllTheUglyTruth no kidding then I'd finally get some notifications
19d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Brent @murrman5
[senses date is losing interest in me]
"my uncle was the guy who did the rap in Red Red Wine"
19d               
689
245
Harbinger One @Harbinger_one
RELATIONSHIP TIP

Running your fingers through our hair when we're sad and telling us everything will be alright is like 11 blow job credits
19d               
450
221
Joel Danger @joeldanger
A hallmark card that says, "Oh hey, welcome back to Twitter. Sorry your relationship didn't work out."
19d               
207
95
Loco Eric @ericsshadow
The kids left w/my parents for a week. I plan to run around the house for an hour yelling "woo hoo", but after that my schedule is wide open
19d               
557
226
Joel Danger @joeldanger
Cardio today because you never know who you'll end up naked with tonight.
19d               
117
50
Joel Danger @joeldanger
#tbt OMGhi2u!!!1 pic.twitter.com/nYeWmmDSFS
19d               
20
1
Ph3mzeE @MissKeewi
"@AllTheUglyTruth: I'm not a doctor, but I'm pretty respected in the field of curing erectile dysfunction."
20d               
1
Steve Suckington @SteveSuckington
I once had a girlfriend named Theodore. She would never let me see her naked but she loved giving BJ's & let me do anal through a glory hole
20d               
69
22
Terry F @daemonic3
[at therapy]

"What's on your mind?"

My husband wants to role play & I hate it!

"I see. Why don't you tell daddy how that makes you feel?"
20d               
129
57
Taylor Ross @taybusty4u
Believe her, @AllTheUglyTruth is an oral specialist! MWAH.
20d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Brent @murrman5
hun, I can't get the cellar door open. I just need some scissors and fudge
*wife dials locksmith*
"hi, it's Mrs McGyver. yes same address"
20d               
194
64
El Pav @31P4V
@AllTheUglyTruth i sure hope you accept Obamacare
20d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Herpy Twerpy @Herp_Twerp
Goodnight weird girl that I'm stalking from twelve different accounts.
20d               
32
9
Swishergirl @Swishergirl24
What if Karen is the REAL Keyser Söze?
20d               
250
92
J T @Jason_Inc
@AllTheUglyTruth @BossyHands if I had favestar or Favrestar or whatever the fuck it's called I'd starfuck the shit outta that.
20d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
2
MrFunAfterDark @MrFunAfterDark
@AllTheUglyTruth @Savage_Scavange yeah, my dick is too far south.
20d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
JSmith @JSmithLC
@AllTheUglyTruth That sounds like risky business to me.
20d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Joe @corrado_19
@AllTheUglyTruth exactly. Were you at the same store??
20d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Joe @corrado_19
@AllTheUglyTruth: I wish your dick lived closer.” I saw this card in Walgreens!
20d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
GoshZilla @bawyliecoyote
@AllTheUglyTruth Fucking burned!
20d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Aristotle Georgeson @STOTLE
Following someone on Instagram but not on Twitter basically tells them, "I like your face, but I hate what you have to say."
20d               
39
14
Brother Rabbit @Danny_McH2O
Thanks to Twitter, you can now put "COMEDY WRITER" in the Special Skills section of your Arby's job application.
20d               
14
3
Christopher Sherk @TheIronSherk
Been at this job a week now, and even though I've been wearing my best training bra the other employees just stare and laugh.
20d               
88
28
Harold Jew @HairyJew4Life
Call a woman crazy and she gets crazier.

Call a woman a bitch and she gets bitchier.

Call a woman a slut and…nope.
20d               
81
44
PaperWash© @PaperWash
Worst part about getting a phone call is the 12 seconds you can't use your phone as you wait for it to stop ringing.
20d               
1,324
978
tim @talltimswag
@AllTheUglyTruth bitch you're crazy
20d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Steve Suckington @SteveSuckington
I'm liveing proof that smokeing marajana doesn't kill brane sells or effect you're smartness.
21d               
374
224
Steve Suckington @SteveSuckington
Boss: "you're fired"

Me: "I guess we're just gonna have to agree to disagree"
21d               
321
168
Brent @Brentweets
I don't think a relationship can do anything more for me than a large pizza can.
21d               
48
16
James @JaySaysStuff
Hot moms in your area want to write your initials in your underwear and drop you off at summer camp.
21d               
22
7
Southpaw @_SetTheHook_
Karen thinks you're all being riDONKulous.

That's her favorite word. RiDONKulous.
21d               
88
41
Lexa.James @hotttasian
My one sober moment. .. pic.twitter.com/fHG25DcXbA
21d               
43
2
Fair_Tax @Fair_Tax
@AllTheUglyTruth - Is it rocket scientist material? It must be out of this world?
21d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Fair_Tax @Fair_Tax
@AllTheUglyTruth - You are awesome
21d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Ron Razor @RonRazor1
@AllTheUglyTruth No save me a slice I'm losing my mind pay no attention to my insanity I believe you
21d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Not so Awesome Alex @Alex_LaVallee
Me: didn't you hear me?!? I said she's a stage 5...STAGE 5 CLINGER!!!

Friend: bro, that's your wife.

Me: WHATEVER! Run & save yourself!
21d               
95
36
Gregg and Joe Show @GreggAndJoeShow
@AllTheUglyTruth Rocket scientists are a dime a dozen. Give me that ass!
21d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Sigourney Beaver @OreoSpeedwagon_
Perfectly ripe avacados, passionate kisses and high speed internet access are why I still have faith in humanity.
21d               
36
21
goo @luvstank
im more smarter then you.
21d               
11
Lexa.James @hotttasian
My blood type is champagne and semen.
21d               
58
18
That Mothafucka™ @Sal0630
Going school shopping. I don't go to school or have kids. I just like to introduce myself to all the MILFs whose schedules are opening up.
21d               
298
171
David Hughes @david8hughes
The first time I made a girl cum, I clapped for 45 minutes and then cartwheeled down the stairs.
21d               
80
21
Brother Rabbit @Danny_McH2O
Throwback Avi Day. pic.twitter.com/5u5GCAUffe
21d               
17
GoaT FacE ThrillA @EndhooS
"DADDY DADDY there's a monster under the bed!"
*jumps up*
WHICH BED?
"mine"
OH THANK GOD. You're on your own kid. Here's a knife. Good luck.
22d               
431
235
jen c♈ @jenc7878
@AllTheUglyTruth ahhhh, NO YOU WONT!!!!
22d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Svengali Luddite @SvengaliLuddite
@AllTheUglyTruth Never underestimate the appeal of the hatefuck!
22d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
ShittyShittyGangBang @ShittyComedian
I like my women the way I like my rum. Puerto Rican and full of coke.
22d               
173
84
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