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The Pretty Girl Swag2011-09-24
@AllTheUglyTruth944 days
Its a shit show, but someone's got to live it. Check out the 2014 Tweet Mates at http://t.co/BJ3wGLCGp6 Benefits The American Cancer Society
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25,6941,93915,98289135,554
We found 198 favorite tweets.
Matt Mills @Millsyyyy
@AllTheUglyTruth In a world of corny I want the D jokes, thank you for making me literally laugh out loud. Well done!
4h in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Liberty Junkie @Liberty_Junkie
@AllTheUglyTruth You're so very welcome! Hilarious!!
5h in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Lizzle @sirtilc42
I've just discovered @AllTheUglyTruth & my life is a little more complete
17h               
1
Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn
1-year-old daughter: *throws a fit*

Me: What’s she mad about?

Wife: Being awake.

I get it, kid. I get it.
17h               
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Happyperv @Bowdownb4myseve
@AllTheUglyTruth ...if you're not winning per se, it's a great consolation prize, no?
18h in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Marcia Gay Hard-On @bmarked21
The new girl just told a needle phobic patient that she's being a sissy. Welcome aboard, new girl. You're gonna do just fine.
18h               
17
2
Jay @theshamingofjay
Selfie so hard tween girls be like woah
18h               
78
30
Felix Felicis @LuckoftheDraw86
I don't know if this is the alcohol talking or not but I just found an incredibly attractive stranger in my bathroom...

Mirror.
18h               
66
24
JPo @NotJPo
You’re not officially old until the songs you like cost $.69 on iTunes
19h               
139
80
miss charades @ShockTartBionic
Well I could have a live meltdown on twitter or start drinking vodka at 3am like an adult
20h               
40
7
miss charades @ShockTartBionic
Funny how many problems you can solve with a gun and a shovel
20h               
42
21
E @mynameisellep
All yours
21h               
13
7
miss charades @ShockTartBionic
Relationship status: Fisting a stray dog
22h               
34
11
JackieGeronimo @Whiteoutgirl33
How many inches did you drink out of your bottle of gin last night? Mine was five.
1d               
24
8
The Eh Factor @AngelaEhh
I'm pretty sure you're poison, but here I am shotgunning the kool-aid anyway.
1d               
164
68
Steve Suckington @SteveSuckington
The most impressive thing about Jack Bauer is his ability go 24 hours without taking a piss.
1d               
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59
Joel Danger @joeldanger
I still have AIM. Its under 8trackdanger.
1d               
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12
Squirrel Army @Mikecanrant
I looked at a book for 10 minutes today but couldnt figure out how to turn it on
1d               
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42
TheGuruStu @TheGuruStu
@AllTheUglyTruth That is the Truth.
1d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
dominic carrafiello @DCarrafiello
@AllTheUglyTruth ...yep...I look forward to serving under you......

or on top, ..whatever
1d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Cocaine Cola @SatansTongue
Damn girl you fall from heaven? The same thing happened to satan and for that to happen to you? No coincidence. I hate you, Margaret.
1d               
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98
Cocaine Cola @SatansTongue
When someone opens your door but doesn't close it afterwards pic.twitter.com/kVmITdI8c5
1d               
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27
Paper Wash© @PaperWash
He died doing what he loved; flicking his ashes in my car.
1d               
115
57
Tom the Wicked @TomTheWicked
Just once I want my boss to catch me accidentally doing work.
1d               
214
121
Loco Eric @ericsshadow
My apocalypse survival kit is just 50 gallons of Maker's Mark whiskey and a phone charger.
1d               
360
196
Paper Wash© @PaperWash
Never take advice from people on the Internet. Not even this.
1d               
254
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angieMcSugarButt @LuvPug
You look like the kind of guy who cries while masturbating to James Blunt songs.
1d               
271
129
Asshole God @Asshole_God
Suck my semi-erect coke dick like you need it to survive.
1d               
6
2
Joel Danger @joeldanger
Going to start calling it ugly sleep because girls are a lot better looking before they go to bed.
1d               
52
20
Gonzo D. @gonzod73
#HumpDay S/O to: @msred1973 @BoobsOnABlonde @AllTheUglyTruth @SeekingSadie @SuMacDan @llvvzzz @AphroditeAfter5 @redhotirish75
1d               
3
Thugslut Thundercunt @yourcatastrophy
I have abs 8 months after my c-section and you all can suck my she'nis.
1d               
18
Toxic Probably @ToxicProbably
Ok good. You've got the goodnight babydoll text down. Now let's work on the good morning gorgeous text too. Chop chop.
2d               
152
65
Pricklepatch Kid @JohnMcGregor8
@AllTheUglyTruth
Let me chase the rabbit down the rabbit hole....
2d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Dostoevsky's Shade @DostoevskyShade
@AllTheUglyTruth Ah twitter, as much as I love the tweet, I know you'll be eating cadbury eggs and painting yr toenails or some shit.
2d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
E @mynameisellep
Pin me against the wall and have your way with me.
2d               
24
5
Whootystalker @whootystalker
#truth RT @AllTheUglyTruth: Never underestimate the power of stilettos and a sundress.
2d               
1
JackRoger11 @JackRoger11
@AllTheUglyTruth done
2d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Your Real Dad @Chyld
@StellaRtwot @missmay @AllTheUglyTruth @Boobzillaz @BritneySuran @Poppedaholly @DaNaLa13
#ThisCouldBeUsButYouPlayin pic.twitter.com/LFvCjezgSy
2d in reply to StellaRtwot               
5
Gonzo D. @gonzod73
#EarthDay2014 S/O to: @msred1973 @BoobsOnABlonde @AllTheUglyTruth @SeekingSadie @SuMacDan @llvvzzz @AphroditeAfter5 @redhotirish75
2d               
3
girish @tweettogiri
@AllTheUglyTruth @bendymommy awesome pair, made for each other
2d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
2
Jospeh Blowhard @JosephBlowhard
@AllTheUglyTruth you can't be this pathetic without a lot of work. *slowly shuffles away complaining about everything
2d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Play Your Game @PYGMusic
@AllTheUglyTruth we practice...
2d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Dwarf Eight @dwarph8
@AllTheUglyTruth @rickkondell I'll remember that...next time I wear a dress to work
2d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Mommy Fab @Mommy_Fab
Morning Mobli makes me feel like I've been caught in the middle of a circle jerk.
2d               
36
12
Lil' Stizzle @UGotMeRight
I only gave it the old high school try.
2d               
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2
Married Jew Bastard @Squizbot
And so you should! @AllTheUglyTruth
2d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Just Jess @Just_Jess_Again
You're so adorable, but only from a distance.
3d               
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16
The Bearded Wonder @WesMan83
@AllTheUglyTruth sounds about right. That's how most of the dates I go on end up.......
3d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Joel Danger @joeldanger
I'm gonna start calling my dick Vitamin D so it gets more consumption.
3d               
77
28
Shelly @ForEllieSylvia
Wow, I'm so impressed with you because of how cruel you were to that unsuspecting person on the internet...

Said no one EVER, assholes.
3d               
145
76
Just Jess @Just_Jess_Again
Hell hath no fury like a woman chipping a nail right after a manicure.
3d               
41
23
Just Jess @Just_Jess_Again
When I don't have to fake an orgasm.

THAT!!!!!
3d               
46
15
Just Jess @Just_Jess_Again
I'm sorry I wont be able to make it out to your birthday party, I have a lot of research for work to do.

** Googles, do ants have feelings?
3d               
36
17
Gonzo D. @gonzod73
#Monday & #NewWeek S/O to: @msred1973 @BoobsOnABlonde @AllTheUglyTruth @SeekingSadie @SuMacDan @llvvzzz @AphroditeAfter5 @redhotirish75
3d               
2
LJ Actually @Sickayduh
This is a stupid fucking hobby
3d               
296
158
Stacey Lynne @NervousJr
@bluebayoubyyou <3
4d               
2
1
Lil' Stizzle @UGotMeRight
Just think, Jesus gave his life so we could all have access to affordable healthcare.
4d               
11
1
Gonzo D. @gonzod73
#HappyEaster S/O to: @msred1973 @BoobsOnABlonde @AllTheUglyTruth @SeekingSadie @SuMacDan @llvvzzz @AphroditeAfter5 @redhotirish75
4d               
5
sara @SomthinBoutSara
In honor of Jesus' resurrection, I'm going to make a dick rise
4d               
149
44
Joel Danger @joeldanger
If the Easter Bunny shot cadburry creme when he came I'd give homosexual beastiality a second thought.
5d               
180
75
Joel Danger @joeldanger
What if easter eggs are like crack to the Easter Bunny and everyone is just perpetuating his addicting.

You people make me sick.
5d               
51
18
Steve Suckington @SteveSuckington
I scream, you scream, we all scream.

-marriage
5d               
501
260
Keithy Boy @Keith_GadgetUK
@AllTheUglyTruth Go for it
5d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
ROYAL TWAT @HeyJennyLeone
Me: ouch *rubs back of neck*

Coworker: sleep wrong?

Me: Naa, tall guy in accounting likes rough blow jobs.
5d               
86
23
Pete @pistol216
@AllTheUglyTruth: Never underestimate the power of stilettos and a sundress.” Me: You had me at stilettos! #sundressishottoo
5d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
2
Lexa.James @hotttasian
All of my crushes are girl crushes.
5d               
19
Lexa.James @hotttasian
My goodnight text to my doll @AimeeSorek who completes me. pic.twitter.com/eMdtdD6KlX
5d               
23
Ed Thompson @edrules
truth. RT @AllTheUglyTruth Never underestimate the power of stilettos and a sundress.
6d               
1
PERFECT GIRL @girl6_perfect
@AllTheUglyTruth FOLLOW :)
6d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Lorraine @heronimus_b
@AllTheUglyTruth oh, idk. Apples and oranges.
6d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Lexa.James @hotttasian
I don't have energy to go on a date with you. But I have just enough energy to take 35 photos of myself and text them to you.
6d               
36
13
Kevin/Musician/Dj @kevinjdoughty
@AllTheUglyTruth I love pillow forts
6d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
ROYAL TWAT @HeyJennyLeone
This cocaine is so white that it only dances with the upper part of its body.
6d               
65
31
Christopher Sherk @TheIronSherk
“OMG stop believin’? I can’t even!

- drunk white girls at karaoke night
6d               
240
119
Slightly funny Jew @Dani_Feld
My soulmate is this biscuit I found under my bed.
6d               
49
18
Harbinger One @Harbinger_one
Love is in the air…

*Puts on military issued gas mask
6d               
119
69
Horny Kinkster @24_7_Juan_Kerr
#FF > @MonicaBigTits @AllTheUglyTruth @TotalEgal3 @bvbrendavenus @mariapussy2 @OMGSlutty @XxxMature ow.ly/i/5hFjY
6d               
4
2
Terry F @daemonic3
Who here likes shoving huge objects up their ass? I'm taking a pole
7d               
271
132
Harbinger One @Harbinger_one
Hmmm... Denny's cheese fries or exchange oral sex with my bf

**Plays Jeopardy Theme**
7d               
80
27
Joel Danger @joeldanger
You call it a beard and I call it an all day flavor savor for how your woman tastes in the morning.
7d               
66
28
sara @SomthinBoutSara
You watch one documentary about the porn industry and the Netflix suggestions never let you live it down
7d               
716
354
Steve H @trux2sell
@AllTheUglyTruth ....Just doing my part!
7d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Rickey Dickey @RickeyDickey888
@AllTheUglyTruth LMAO!
7d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Todd Torsrud @WeatherPhotog
@AllTheUglyTruth it's not that hard to do! ;)
7d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Swishergirl @Swishergirl24
Don't forget to thank the Easter bunny for dying for your sins tomorrow.
7d               
389
229
Loco Eric @ericsshadow
Marriage is like talking to a mall cop. They always want to know why you're masturbating in the bathroom.
7d               
328
166
Swishergirl @Swishergirl24
Whatever it is, no.
7d               
329
186
joe slimy @slimyjoe
@AllTheUglyTruth if that dress is see through and its sunny out.... id be the guy following ...every where
7d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Mr.E @YouMe24769
"@AllTheUglyTruth: If I get a good grip on your cock, you better get a good grip on my throat. Fair is fair." I'm all about equality
7d               
2
Joel Danger @joeldanger
I'm always a little envious of stupid peoples ability to cling to totally wrong information.
7d               
231
156
irish girl @irishgirl_conn
@McCoykeepit75 @AllTheUglyTruth just stiletto's work too. Hehe
7d in reply to McCoykeepit75               
2
Steve Suckington @SteveSuckington
Hangover: [hang-oh-ver]
noun

1. when you want to stab to death everyone around you but do so without opening your eyes or moving whatsoever
8d               
181
106
Joel Danger @joeldanger
Beards don't need to be filtered, they just need to be photographed. pic.twitter.com/ez1dGar6Mo
8d               
32
1
Animal's Bitch @Animalstrolmau5
@taybusty4u @echriqui @Princessforevv @AllTheUglyTruth @Goddess_Of_Sin @booty_honey @BiChrissy @kamkamluvsblk @ValerieS420 ❤️❤️❤️
8d in reply to taybusty4u               
1
Taylor Ross @taybusty4u
#wcw @echriqui @Princessforevv @AllTheUglyTruth @Goddess_Of_Sin @Animalstrolmau5 @booty_honey @BiChrissy @kamkamluvsblk @ValerieS420
8d               
5
2
Boobarella @BakedElle
You're totally dead on the inside.
We should start fucking.
8d               
129
37
forrest grump @goopstain
kids these days have it so easy, they have no idea how hard it is to take a photo of your butthole with a polaroid.
8d               
6
1
forrest grump @goopstain
i heard if you win twitter the grand prize is sex with a real person
8d               
8
2
Harbinger One @Harbinger_one
Every time the waiter at Olive Garden asks if I want my salad tossed, my panties get wet and I start to throat fuck 3 of those breadsticks
8d               
130
51
forrest grump @goopstain
all the single ladies, all the single ladies, all the single ladies are too batshit crazy to find a man.
8d               
8
2
Charlotte @char_randell
#wcw I know hard to believe she's single wow oh wow pic.twitter.com/NdNELhAbYq
8d               
2
Gonzo D. @gonzod73
#HumpDay S/O to: @msred1973 @BoobsOnABlonde @AllTheUglyTruth @SeekingSadie @SuMacDan @llvvzzz @AphroditeAfter5 @redhotirish75
8d               
6
Joel Danger @joeldanger
Best thing about being single is never having to hear the words "we need to talk". Well that and all the random sex but that first part too.
8d               
93
42
Joel Danger @joeldanger
If you're at the bar and you're not drinking whiskey with me then I fully expect you to butt funnel that diet coke to keep up.
8d               
53
23
Daniel Plainview @10InchesPlus
Mind blowing sex then we build out from there.
8d               
58
27
Daniel Plainview @10InchesPlus
How is 'scroll to next nude' not a thing.
9d               
39
11
FistFullOfMcMuffins @Matt_The_1st
I really like your tweet. I'm just gonna go ahead and change two words so now it's my tweet
9d               
497
285
Harbinger One @Harbinger_one
It's bullshit that Darwin's Theory didn't include that pathetically fucked up look my boyfriend gets when he cums on my tits
9d               
85
29
It's Stephanie @Snarfernini
One of my coworkers followed me yesterday.

I can't wait for the awkward convo when he asks me what choke fucking is.

Amateur.
9d               
632
243
Joel Danger @joeldanger
I group of tweet thieves is called "I hope no one Google searches our ideas".
9d               
59
23
Daniel Plainview @10InchesPlus
Are fetishes just for people who are bad at regular sex?
9d               
78
22
Raspberry Jam @Jenny4ashley
I hate when I orgasm because you told me to shut up.
9d               
348
122
Paul C @pmc2028
@AllTheUglyTruth ....understandable mistake
9d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
AngieDavisheartspeen @Adar79Angie
Had a pretty busy day drawing myself into all your Instagram pictures.
10d               
76
27
Bella @Hello_Bella
Just knowing you crave me is a turn on.
10d               
752
419
Loco Eric @ericsshadow
*inspires the homeless to drink more
10d               
151
55
Tony @Chaste_cumslut
@AllTheUglyTruth still the most beautiful and entertaining woman here....
10d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
forrest grump @goopstain
if martin luther king jr could see us now, watching interracial porn and jerking off.
10d               
9
5
TheGuruStu @TheGuruStu
@AllTheUglyTruth I mean come on....what's important here!?
10d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Paper Wash© @PaperWash
How come in the show Desperate Housewives none of them are just sitting on Twitter all day?
10d               
390
219
Emerald faith @faithnasejje
@AllTheUglyTruth gosh !
10d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Emerald faith @faithnasejje
@AllTheUglyTruth What hell happened ?
10d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Joel Danger @joeldanger
The worst part about solo road trips is the ridiculous lack of road head.
10d               
118
57
HuffPost Parents @HuffPostParents
Funny parenting tweets via @SuburbanSnaps @PaperWash @lyzl @LetMeStart @BPMbadassmama @RealDMK @MothaKim & more huff.to/1iOvsbZ
10d               
12
12
Rock @TheMichaelRock
Michael Phelps ending his retirement would probably be a bigger deal if he wasn't 22 years old.
10d               
132
56
SA horse racing tips @patheticfa
Check this chick out @AllTheUglyTruth. Wickedly funny.
10d               
1
nick pants @SocialExtortion
Fun prank: tell them exactly how you feel for once. No, seriously. Try it. It'll be a riot
10d               
87
43
Swishergirl @Swishergirl24
Me: I don't care who says that Capt. America is just a promo for The Avengers bc he's sexy as fuck.

Cashier: Ma'am just take your groceries
10d               
229
82
Taylor Ross @taybusty4u
@AllTheUglyTruth MMMMMMM! Don't even try bitches, don't even try.
10d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Jay @theshamingofjay
I wish this traffic would clear up so I can to get the place I hate most in the world as quick as possible.
10d               
317
156
nick pants @SocialExtortion
OH MY GOD I THINK I HEAR GUNSHOTS
[pulls blanket over head]
[beep beep beep]
OH HAHA NEVERMIND MY POPCORN IS READY
[skips into kitchen]
10d               
145
69
Raspberry Jam @Jenny4ashley
Twitter is like sex because we all do it different and some of you people don't get it.
11d               
683
454
forrest grump @goopstain
Hello Twitter! #myfirstTweet
11d               
4
1
Harbinger One @Harbinger_one
You'll know if I find you attractive by the amount of foam that builds up in the corners of my mouth during our conversation
11d               
140
60
Artemis @mawax80
@joeldanger @AllTheUglyTruth لا طيزي
11d in reply to joeldanger               
2
Al Jammtastic @clown4prince
@AllTheUglyTruth @PaperWash Steal this. I dare ya! I double dare ya..
11d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
2
Paper Wash© @PaperWash
Of course size matters. Nobody wants your huge vagina.
11d               
468
312
casey strong @DatTitansDude
@AllTheUglyTruth lets do it
11d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Tilly Lane @tilly_lane
@AllTheUglyTruth @canadasandra how quick did he cum?
11d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
FistFullOfMcMuffins @Matt_The_1st
Hello 911?
Yeah, my wife accidentally fell off a cruise ship 3 months ago
12d               
594
315
Sperm Sponge @RadioSweetie
Saturday Selfie Yo 😘 instagram.com/p/mts0Q5y2-y/
12d               
17
1
Swishergirl @Swishergirl24
Netflix just suggested that I get the fuck off the couch.
12d               
914
421
Loco Eric @ericsshadow
Her: Can I see your phone for a sec?

Me: Sure, just let me delete every conversation I've ever had on 6 apps.
12d               
612
329
IG @samalmightysam
Getting back with ur ex is like charging ur phone for 5 mins before going out; u think its gonna change, but in the end it's the same thing.
12d               
99
62
Paper Wash© @PaperWash
"Now reach into your pocket" David Blaine tells the white girl
*She pulls out a selfie of her reaching into her pocket
*The crowd cant even
12d               
670
410
Christopher Sherk @TheIronSherk
I'm on a hot date with this girl I met! I mean, she's out bar hopping with some dude but she's been texting me the whole time.
12d               
241
108
sara @SomthinBoutSara
My version of GTL is apparently Gym, Tan, Liquor
12d               
100
45
Juddy @iAmJuddy
After reading recent interactions between you people, I’ve come to following conclusion -> pic.twitter.com/hW1ZMwajoQ
12d               
279
129
Harbinger One @Harbinger_one
I bet if my pussy played the ESPN theme music when i cum, I'd be able to find a guy that can give me multiple orgasms
12d               
315
161
Paul Taylor @LAsPaulTaylor
@AllTheUglyTruth Genius!
12d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Lexa.James @hotttasian
@AllTheUglyTruth ♥ always Xxx
12d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Emerald faith @faithnasejje
@AllTheUglyTruth Oooooops
12d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
2sneaks @Two_sneaks
Sorry single player video games, I don't even masturbate alone.
12d               
6
3
Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn
A hot girl in another car made eye contact with me while I ate animal crackers from my toddler’s bowl. I’m amazed she kept her panties on.
12d               
86
27
Steve Suckington @SteveSuckington
My sis is about to make the biggest mistake of her life by getting married

I'd try to talk her out of it but theres going to be an open bar
12d               
563
300
JP Parker @JPthehuntinfool
@PrettyInCamo11 @llvvzzz @Justmeeee2u @AllTheUglyTruth @CamoCandace @countryqueenx2 @AphroditeAfter5 thanks miss
12d in reply to PrettyInCamo11               
4
bucmachine @bucmachine
In Canada it’s 24.14 kilometers to the Love Shack baby.
13d               
12
2
bucmachine @bucmachine
That rash don’t scare me, let’s do this.
13d               
9
bucmachine @bucmachine
I was vacuuming her pussy and got her labia wrapped up in the beater bar.
13d               
11
bucmachine @bucmachine
Sorry, I’ve been busy vacuuming shit.
13d               
16
5
Travis LeBlanc @TravLeBlanc
#FF Glamour @JNez6 @Sultani_Sails @AllTheUglyTruth @Swishergirl24 @olligater @panTdropper @alizmay @Kush_ebooks @BakedElle @BittyTang
13d               
8
1
Loco Eric @ericsshadow
If this girl tells me to get out of her fucking face one more time I'm going to consider not asking for a 2nd date.
13d               
262
127
Jack McNamara @JACKCMCNAMARA
@shannenmcnamara: “@AllTheUglyTruth: I don't believe in sex before marriage. I believe in sex and no marriage.”🙌🙌🙌” dads going to see this
13d in reply to shannenmcnamara               
3
@SteveMcQueef_
the best thing about my mrs going to bed is that i dont have to look at her fucking face no more...its called love...
13d               
7
1
☮ Gypxx ॐ @__YoungFavorite
@_aSHly_BaBy_ it's @AllTheUglyTruth
13d in reply to _aSHly_BaBy_               
1
MRI Whisperer @Bigdaddymri
#FF @suckoff00 @D2_Barney_McG @CheryeDavis @Matt_The_1st @AllTheUglyTruth @dshack8 @heatherjs @OkieGirl405 @Dawn_M_ @JenniferVaz36
13d               
6
Liliana_XO @LilianaXO
#FF @suckoff00 @LFuckstick @D2_Barney_McG @CheryeDavis @titletown__ @Matt_The_1st @kellysoloduka @Ellequence @AllTheUglyTruth @dshack8
13d               
7
Paper Wash© @PaperWash
*Quietly opens a bag of chips during a job interview
13d               
859
499
Gonzo D. @gonzod73
#Friday & #Weekend S/O to: @msred1973 @BoobsOnABlonde @AllTheUglyTruth @SeekingSadie @SuMacDan @llvvzzz @AphroditeAfter5 @redhotirish75
13d               
3
Joel Danger @joeldanger
Top 5 reasons why you should care if other people do Twitter different than you:
1)
2)
3)
4)
5)
13d               
171
98
TheGuruStu @TheGuruStu
@AllTheUglyTruth. #Smart
13d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
BeckyLeigh @PrettyInCamo11
#FF Some of my most favs! 😘
@llvvzzz
@JPthehuntinfool
@Justmeeee2u
@AllTheUglyTruth
@CamoCandace
@countryqueenx2
@AphroditeAfter5
13d               
6
2
Jason Brown @jasonmbrown21
@AllTheUglyTruth @Jenny4ashley they make women like this??? I need to move where they are
13d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Play Your Game @PYGMusic
@AllTheUglyTruth we keep a hefty supply of all those on hand at all times...
13d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
bucmachine @bucmachine
I’ll get you naked if it kills you.
13d               
14
5
2sneaks @Two_sneaks
I'll pretend I'm sleeping on the couch until my wife gives up and goes to bed and then I get up and do the shit I've wanted to do all day.
13d               
8
4
Brian Yegge @yegge
#ff @lulubelle666 @envydatropic @Exhiled_Anghel @Xschnooki @CrystalYounique @AllTheUglyTruth @SouthrnPinUpMom @KalynByrne @allforandrea
13d               
5
1
Jay @theshamingofjay
Nice try good decisions but we both know this is going the other way
13d               
535
371
Swishergirl @Swishergirl24
People who learn from your mistakes, what's that like?
14d               
537
325
Christopher Sherk @TheIronSherk
I let a girl go through my phone recently, but then I threw her in my trunk.
14d               
175
79
TheGuruStu @TheGuruStu
@AllTheUglyTruth You are always on the ball....
14d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Felix Felicis @LuckoftheDraw86
Put the Vicodin in my mouth and back away slowly.
14d               
85
30
PrincessCandyEmpire @llvvzz
I can't turn water into wine, but I'm excellent at turning small talk into sex.
14d               
660
292
Emoney @SugarShweets
@AllTheUglyTruth: I don't love you. But I do love the way you shove your fingers in my mouth as you slide your dick in my ass.”😳
14d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Ree Count @ReeCount
@AllTheUglyTruth Why would they shower a baby at work? #strangepractices
14d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Varsity @JVarsityCaptain
I'm a jackass in the tweets but I'm also a jackass in the streets. Basically I'm just a jackass you guys.
15d               
573
302
Gonzo D. @gonzod73
#HumpDay S/O to: @msred1973 @BoobsOnABlonde @AllTheUglyTruth @SeekingSadie @SuMacDan @llvvzzz @AphroditeAfter5 @redhotirish75
15d               
4
GINA•B•GOOD @muddylove324
"@AllTheUglyTruth: It's like your mom never taught you how to take a good picture of your pussy."> Aha! Nope! I'm Self_taught ;)
16d               
1
Joel Danger @joeldanger
"Of all the gin joints in all the world she had to walk into mine"

*flicks ecig

[Casablanca 2014]
16d               
129
59
Mary Charlene @IamEnidColeslaw
IF I AM ELECTED PRESIDENT, GUACAMOLE WILL NO LONGER COST $1.80 EXTRA AT CHIPOTLE
16d               
1,621
713
Harbinger One @Harbinger_one
You'd think that my hot pharmacist would get the hint that i'm DTF when I pay for my birth control pills & a bottle of wine at the same time
16d               
284
106
Mrs.Throbinson @mellimelle
You seem like someone who's confused by a 4-way stop sign. *BLOCKED*
16d               
60
25
Joel Danger @joeldanger
Its like girls who love beards don't realize the ridiculous amount of napkins it takes to maintain one.
16d               
155
64
Steve Suckington @SteveSuckington
I want whatever drugs Green Day had to sleep for the entire month of September
16d               
216
119
FistFullOfMcMuffins @Matt_The_1st
I wish I could stay up with all of you drinking, and whatnot. But someone has to pay for Obamacare
16d               
562
322
Steve Suckington @SteveSuckington
*goes out with Jeff & Carl

*Jeff gets hit by car

Jeff (dying): please, take care of my family

Me: CARL, JEFF NEEDS TO ASK YOU SOMETHING
17d               
244
130
Taylor Ross @taybusty4u
@AllTheUglyTruth LOL love you!
17d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Steve Suckington @SteveSuckington
This bag of kale says it's triple washed and ready to "enjoy" but I can't figure out where to put my penis.
17d               
164
59
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