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The Pretty Girl Swag2011-09-24
@AllTheUglyTruth940 days
Its a shit show, but someone's got to live it. Check out the 2014 Tweet Mates at http://t.co/BJ3wGLCGp6 Benefits The American Cancer Society
FollowersFollowingTweetsListsFavorites
25,6241,94515,94289535,503
We found 199 favorite tweets.
Stacey Lynne @NervousJr
@bluebayoubyyou <3
3h in reply to bluebayoubyyou               
2
1
Gonzo D. @gonzod73
#HappyEaster S/O to: @msred1973 @BoobsOnABlonde @AllTheUglyTruth @SeekingSadie @SuMacDan @llvvzzz @AphroditeAfter5 @redhotirish75
12h               
5
sara @SomthinBoutSara
In honor of Jesus' resurrection, I'm going to make a dick rise
14h               
120
37
Joel Danger @joeldanger
If the Easter Bunny shot cadburry creme when he came I'd give homosexual beastiality a second thought.
1d               
141
62
Joel Danger @joeldanger
What if easter eggs are like crack to the Easter Bunny and everyone is just perpetuating his addicting.

You people make me sick.
1d               
42
16
Keithy Boy @Keith_GadgetUK
@AllTheUglyTruth Go for it
1d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
ROYAL TWAT @HeyJennyLeone
Me: ouch *rubs back of neck*

Coworker: sleep wrong?

Me: Naa, tall guy in accounting likes rough blow jobs.
1d               
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21
Pete @pistol216
@AllTheUglyTruth: Never underestimate the power of stilettos and a sundress.” Me: You had me at stilettos! #sundressishottoo
1d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
2
Lexa.James @hotttasian
All of my crushes are girl crushes.
1d               
20
Lexa.James @hotttasian
My goodnight text to my doll @AimeeSorek who completes me. pic.twitter.com/eMdtdD6KlX
1d               
20
Ed Thompson @edrules
truth. RT @AllTheUglyTruth Never underestimate the power of stilettos and a sundress.
1d               
1
PERFECT GIRL @girl6_perfect
@AllTheUglyTruth FOLLOW :)
2d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Lorraine @heronimus_b
@AllTheUglyTruth oh, idk. Apples and oranges.
2d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Lexa.James @hotttasian
I don't have energy to go on a date with you. But I have just enough energy to take 35 photos of myself and text them to you.
2d               
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11
Kevin/Musician/Dj @kevinjdoughty
@AllTheUglyTruth I love pillow forts
2d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
ROYAL TWAT @HeyJennyLeone
This cocaine is so white that it only dances with the upper part of its body.
2d               
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29
Christopher Sherk @TheIronSherk
“OMG stop believin’? I can’t even!

- drunk white girls at karaoke night
2d               
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105
Slightly funny Jew @Dani_Feld
My soulmate is this biscuit I found under my bed.
2d               
48
17
Harbinger One @Harbinger_one
Love is in the air…

*Puts on military issued gas mask
2d               
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48
Horny Kinkster @24_7_Juan_Kerr
#FF > @MonicaBigTits @AllTheUglyTruth @TotalEgal3 @bvbrendavenus @mariapussy2 @OMGSlutty @XxxMature ow.ly/i/5hFjY
2d               
4
2
Terry F @daemonic3
Who here likes shoving huge objects up their ass? I'm taking a pole
2d               
185
87
Harbinger One @Harbinger_one
Hmmm... Denny's cheese fries or exchange oral sex with my bf

**Plays Jeopardy Theme**
2d               
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20
Joel Danger @joeldanger
You call it a beard and I call it an all day flavor savor for how your woman tastes in the morning.
3d               
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28
sara @SomthinBoutSara
You watch one documentary about the porn industry and the Netflix suggestions never let you live it down
3d               
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274
Steve H @trux2sell
@AllTheUglyTruth ....Just doing my part!
3d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Rickey Dickey @RickeyDickey888
@AllTheUglyTruth LMAO!
3d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Todd Torsrud @WeatherPhotog
@AllTheUglyTruth it's not that hard to do! ;)
3d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Swishergirl @Swishergirl24
Don't forget to thank the Easter bunny for dying for your sins tomorrow.
3d               
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229
Loco Eric @ericsshadow
Marriage is like talking to a mall cop. They always want to know why you're masturbating in the bathroom.
3d               
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142
Swishergirl @Swishergirl24
Whatever it is, no.
3d               
305
170
joe slimy @slimyjoe
@AllTheUglyTruth if that dress is see through and its sunny out.... id be the guy following ...every where
3d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Mr.E @YouMe24769
"@AllTheUglyTruth: If I get a good grip on your cock, you better get a good grip on my throat. Fair is fair." I'm all about equality
3d               
2
Joel Danger @joeldanger
I'm always a little envious of stupid peoples ability to cling to totally wrong information.
3d               
113
75
irish girl @irishgirl_conn
@McCoykeepit75 @AllTheUglyTruth just stiletto's work too. Hehe
3d in reply to McCoykeepit75               
2
Steve Suckington @SteveSuckington
Hangover: [hang-oh-ver]
noun

1. when you want to stab to death everyone around you but do so without opening your eyes or moving whatsoever
4d               
135
77
Joel Danger @joeldanger
Beards don't need to be filtered, they just need to be photographed. pic.twitter.com/ez1dGar6Mo
4d               
29
1
Animal's Bitch @Animalstrolmau5
@taybusty4u @echriqui @Princessforevv @AllTheUglyTruth @Goddess_Of_Sin @booty_honey @BiChrissy @kamkamluvsblk @ValerieS420 ❤️❤️❤️
4d in reply to taybusty4u               
1
Taylor Ross @taybusty4u
#wcw @echriqui @Princessforevv @AllTheUglyTruth @Goddess_Of_Sin @Animalstrolmau5 @booty_honey @BiChrissy @kamkamluvsblk @ValerieS420
4d               
5
1
Boobarella @BakedElle
You're totally dead on the inside.
We should start fucking.
4d               
111
34
forrest goop @goopstain
kids these days have it so easy, they have no idea how hard it is to take a photo of your butthole with a polaroid.
4d               
5
1
forrest goop @goopstain
i heard if you win twitter the grand prize is sex with a real person
4d               
7
2
Harbinger One @Harbinger_one
Every time the waiter at Olive Garden asks if I want my salad tossed, my panties get wet and I start to throat fuck 3 of those breadsticks
4d               
113
49
forrest goop @goopstain
all the single ladies, all the single ladies, all the single ladies are too batshit crazy to find a man.
4d               
7
2
Charlotte @char_randell
#wcw I know hard to believe she's single wow oh wow pic.twitter.com/NdNELhAbYq
4d               
1
Gonzo D. @gonzod73
#HumpDay S/O to: @msred1973 @BoobsOnABlonde @AllTheUglyTruth @SeekingSadie @SuMacDan @llvvzzz @AphroditeAfter5 @redhotirish75
4d               
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Joel Danger @joeldanger
Best thing about being single is never having to hear the words "we need to talk". Well that and all the random sex but that first part too.
4d               
90
42
Joel Danger @joeldanger
If you're at the bar and you're not drinking whiskey with me then I fully expect you to butt funnel that diet coke to keep up.
4d               
51
23
Daniel Plainview @10InchesPlus
Mind blowing sex then we build out from there.
4d               
55
27
Daniel Plainview @10InchesPlus
How is 'scroll to next nude' not a thing.
4d               
36
11
FistFullOfMcMuffins @Matt_The_1st
I really like your tweet. I'm just gonna go ahead and change two words so now it's my tweet
4d               
438
253
Harbinger One @Harbinger_one
It's bullshit that Darwin's Theory didn't include that pathetically fucked up look my boyfriend gets when he cums on my tits
5d               
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29
It's Stephanie @Snarfernini
One of my coworkers followed me yesterday.

I can't wait for the awkward convo when he asks me what choke fucking is.

Amateur.
5d               
473
171
Joel Danger @joeldanger
I group of tweet thieves is called "I hope no one Google searches our ideas".
5d               
57
23
Daniel Plainview @10InchesPlus
Are fetishes just for people who are bad at regular sex?
5d               
70
18
Raspberry Jam @Jenny4ashley
I hate when I orgasm because you told me to shut up.
5d               
342
120
Paul C @pmc2028
@AllTheUglyTruth ....understandable mistake
5d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Bella @Hello_Bella
Just knowing you crave me is a turn on.
6d               
692
380
Loco Eric @ericsshadow
*inspires the homeless to drink more
6d               
150
55
Tony @Chaste_cumslut
@AllTheUglyTruth still the most beautiful and entertaining woman here....
6d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
forrest goop @goopstain
if martin luther king jr could see us now, watching interracial porn and jerking off.
6d               
9
5
StuperDuper @TheGuruStu
@AllTheUglyTruth I mean come on....what's important here!?
6d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Paper Wash© @PaperWash
How come in the show Desperate Housewives none of them are just sitting on Twitter all day?
6d               
363
207
Emerald faith @faithnasejje
@AllTheUglyTruth gosh !
6d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Emerald faith @faithnasejje
@AllTheUglyTruth What hell happened ?
6d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Joel Danger @joeldanger
The worst part about solo road trips is the ridiculous lack of road head.
6d               
114
54
HuffPost Parents @HuffPostParents
Funny parenting tweets via @SuburbanSnaps @PaperWash @lyzl @LetMeStart @BPMbadassmama @RealDMK @MothaKim & more huff.to/1iOvsbZ
6d               
12
11
Rock @TheMichaelRock
Michael Phelps ending his retirement would probably be a bigger deal if he wasn't 22 years old.
6d               
133
56
SA horse racing tips @patheticfa
Check this chick out @AllTheUglyTruth. Wickedly funny.
6d               
1
nick pants @SocialExtortion
Fun prank: tell them exactly how you feel for once. No, seriously. Try it. It'll be a riot
6d               
86
43
Swishergirl @Swishergirl24
Me: I don't care who says that Capt. America is just a promo for The Avengers bc he's sexy as fuck.

Cashier: Ma'am just take your groceries
6d               
229
81
Taylor Ross @taybusty4u
@AllTheUglyTruth MMMMMMM! Don't even try bitches, don't even try.
6d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Jay @theshamingofjay
I wish this traffic would clear up so I can to get the place I hate most in the world as quick as possible.
6d               
317
156
nick pants @SocialExtortion
OH MY GOD I THINK I HEAR GUNSHOTS
[pulls blanket over head]
[beep beep beep]
OH HAHA NEVERMIND MY POPCORN IS READY
[skips into kitchen]
6d               
134
61
Raspberry Jam @Jenny4ashley
Twitter is like sex because we all do it different and some of you people don't get it.
6d               
631
426
forrest goop @goopstain
Hello Twitter! #myfirstTweet
7d               
4
1
Harbinger One @Harbinger_one
You'll know if I find you attractive by the amount of foam that builds up in the corners of my mouth during our conversation
7d               
138
61
Artemis @mawax80
@joeldanger @AllTheUglyTruth لا طيزي
7d in reply to joeldanger               
2
Al Jammtastic @clown4prince
@AllTheUglyTruth @PaperWash Steal this. I dare ya! I double dare ya..
7d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
2
Paper Wash© @PaperWash
Of course size matters. Nobody wants your huge vagina.
7d               
458
306
casey strong @DatTitansDude
@AllTheUglyTruth lets do it
7d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Tilly Lane @tilly_lane
@AllTheUglyTruth @canadasandra how quick did he cum?
7d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
FistFullOfMcMuffins @Matt_The_1st
Hello 911?
Yeah, my wife accidentally fell off a cruise ship 3 months ago
7d               
571
304
Sperm Sponge @RadioSweetie
Saturday Selfie Yo 😘 instagram.com/p/mts0Q5y2-y/
8d               
17
1
Swishergirl @Swishergirl24
Netflix just suggested that I get the fuck off the couch.
8d               
900
414
Loco Eric @ericsshadow
Her: Can I see your phone for a sec?

Me: Sure, just let me delete every conversation I've ever had on 6 apps.
8d               
595
320
IG @samalmightysam
Getting back with ur ex is like charging ur phone for 5 mins before going out; u think its gonna change, but in the end it's the same thing.
8d               
99
61
Paper Wash© @PaperWash
"Now reach into your pocket" David Blaine tells the white girl
*She pulls out a selfie of her reaching into her pocket
*The crowd cant even
8d               
644
389
Christopher Sherk @TheIronSherk
I'm on a hot date with this girl I met! I mean, she's out bar hopping with some dude but she's been texting me the whole time.
8d               
236
106
sara @SomthinBoutSara
My version of GTL is apparently Gym, Tan, Liquor
8d               
100
44
Harbinger One @Harbinger_one
I bet if my pussy played the ESPN theme music when i cum, I'd be able to find a guy that can give me multiple orgasms
8d               
288
149
Paul Taylor @LAsPaulTaylor
@AllTheUglyTruth Genius!
8d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Lexa.James @hotttasian
@AllTheUglyTruth ♥ always Xxx
8d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Emerald faith @faithnasejje
@AllTheUglyTruth Oooooops
8d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
2sneaks @Two_sneaks
Sorry single player video games, I don't even masturbate alone.
8d               
6
3
Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn
A hot girl in another car made eye contact with me while I ate animal crackers from my toddler’s bowl. I’m amazed she kept her panties on.
8d               
86
27
Steve Suckington @SteveSuckington
My sis is about to make the biggest mistake of her life by getting married

I'd try to talk her out of it but theres going to be an open bar
8d               
526
280
JP Parker @JPthehuntinfool
@PrettyInCamo11 @llvvzzz @Justmeeee2u @AllTheUglyTruth @CamoCandace @countryqueenx2 @AphroditeAfter5 thanks miss
8d in reply to PrettyInCamo11               
4
bucmachine @bucmachine
In Canada it’s 24.14 kilometers to the Love Shack baby.
9d               
12
2
bucmachine @bucmachine
That rash don’t scare me, let’s do this.
9d               
9
bucmachine @bucmachine
I was vacuuming her pussy and got her labia wrapped up in the beater bar.
9d               
12
bucmachine @bucmachine
Sorry, I’ve been busy vacuuming shit.
9d               
16
5
Travis LeBlanc @TravLeBlanc
#FF Glamour @JNez6 @Sultani_Sails @AllTheUglyTruth @Swishergirl24 @olligater @panTdropper @alizmay @Kush_ebooks @BakedElle @BittyTang
9d               
8
1
Loco Eric @ericsshadow
If this girl tells me to get out of her fucking face one more time I'm going to consider not asking for a 2nd date.
9d               
265
126
Jack McNamara @JACKCMCNAMARA
@shannenmcnamara: “@AllTheUglyTruth: I don't believe in sex before marriage. I believe in sex and no marriage.”🙌🙌🙌” dads going to see this
9d in reply to shannenmcnamara               
3
DeadBalls @SteveMcQueef_
the best thing about my mrs going to bed is that i dont have to look at her fucking face no more...its called love...
9d               
7
1
☮ Gypxx ॐ @__YoungFavorite
@_aSHly_BaBy_ it's @AllTheUglyTruth
9d in reply to _aSHly_BaBy_               
1
MRI Whisperer @Bigdaddymri
#FF @suckoff00 @D2_Barney_McG @CheryeDavis @Matt_The_1st @AllTheUglyTruth @dshack8 @heatherjs @OkieGirl405 @Dawn_M_ @JenniferVaz36
9d               
6
Liliana_XO @LilianaXO
#FF @suckoff00 @LFuckstick @D2_Barney_McG @CheryeDavis @titletown__ @Matt_The_1st @kellysoloduka @Ellequence @AllTheUglyTruth @dshack8
9d               
7
Paper Wash© @PaperWash
*Quietly opens a bag of chips during a job interview
9d               
805
470
Gonzo D. @gonzod73
#Friday & #Weekend S/O to: @msred1973 @BoobsOnABlonde @AllTheUglyTruth @SeekingSadie @SuMacDan @llvvzzz @AphroditeAfter5 @redhotirish75
9d               
3
Joel Danger @joeldanger
Top 5 reasons why you should care if other people do Twitter different than you:
1)
2)
3)
4)
5)
9d               
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StuperDuper @TheGuruStu
@AllTheUglyTruth. #Smart
9d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
BeckyLeigh @PrettyInCamo11
#FF Some of my most favs! 😘
@llvvzzz
@JPthehuntinfool
@Justmeeee2u
@AllTheUglyTruth
@CamoCandace
@countryqueenx2
@AphroditeAfter5
9d               
6
2
Jason Brown @jasonmbrown21
@AllTheUglyTruth @Jenny4ashley they make women like this??? I need to move where they are
9d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Play Your Game @PYGMusic
@AllTheUglyTruth we keep a hefty supply of all those on hand at all times...
9d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
bucmachine @bucmachine
I’ll get you naked if it kills you.
9d               
14
5
2sneaks @Two_sneaks
I'll pretend I'm sleeping on the couch until my wife gives up and goes to bed and then I get up and do the shit I've wanted to do all day.
9d               
8
4
Brian Yegge @yegge
#ff @lulubelle666 @envydatropic @Exhiled_Anghel @Xschnooki @CrystalYounique @AllTheUglyTruth @SouthrnPinUpMom @KalynByrne @allforandrea
9d               
5
1
Jay @theshamingofjay
Nice try good decisions but we both know this is going the other way
9d               
520
360
Swishergirl @Swishergirl24
People who learn from your mistakes, what's that like?
10d               
533
319
Christopher Sherk @TheIronSherk
I let a girl go through my phone recently, but then I threw her in my trunk.
10d               
176
79
StuperDuper @TheGuruStu
@AllTheUglyTruth You are always on the ball....
10d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Felix Felicis @LuckoftheDraw86
Put the Vicodin in my mouth and back away slowly.
10d               
86
30
PrincessCandyEmpire @llvvzz
I can't turn water into wine, but I'm excellent at turning small talk into sex.
10d               
640
280
Betty @SugarShweets
@AllTheUglyTruth: I don't love you. But I do love the way you shove your fingers in my mouth as you slide your dick in my ass.”😳
10d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Ree Count @ReeCount
@AllTheUglyTruth Why would they shower a baby at work? #strangepractices
10d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Varsity @JVarsityCaptain
I'm a jackass in the tweets but I'm also a jackass in the streets. Basically I'm just a jackass you guys.
11d               
552
293
Gonzo D. @gonzod73
#HumpDay S/O to: @msred1973 @BoobsOnABlonde @AllTheUglyTruth @SeekingSadie @SuMacDan @llvvzzz @AphroditeAfter5 @redhotirish75
11d               
4
GINA•B•GOOD @muddylove324
"@AllTheUglyTruth: It's like your mom never taught you how to take a good picture of your pussy."> Aha! Nope! I'm Self_taught ;)
11d               
1
Joel Danger @joeldanger
"Of all the gin joints in all the world she had to walk into mine"

*flicks ecig

[Casablanca 2014]
12d               
130
58
Harbinger One @Harbinger_one
You'd think that my hot pharmacist would get the hint that i'm DTF when I pay for my birth control pills & a bottle of wine at the same time
12d               
274
103
Mrs.Throbinson @mellimelle
You seem like someone who's confused by a 4-way stop sign. *BLOCKED*
12d               
59
25
Joel Danger @joeldanger
Its like girls who love beards don't realize the ridiculous amount of napkins it takes to maintain one.
12d               
156
64
Steve Suckington @SteveSuckington
I want whatever drugs Green Day had to sleep for the entire month of September
12d               
209
115
FistFullOfMcMuffins @Matt_The_1st
I wish I could stay up with all of you drinking, and whatnot. But someone has to pay for Obamacare
12d               
552
315
Steve Suckington @SteveSuckington
*goes out with Jeff & Carl

*Jeff gets hit by car

Jeff (dying): please, take care of my family

Me: CARL, JEFF NEEDS TO ASK YOU SOMETHING
12d               
240
128
Taylor Ross @taybusty4u
@AllTheUglyTruth LOL love you!
13d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Steve Suckington @SteveSuckington
This bag of kale says it's triple washed and ready to "enjoy" but I can't figure out where to put my penis.
13d               
166
59
Harbinger One @Harbinger_one
Dick be like nom
13d               
70
24
brett duval @bduval31
@AllTheUglyTruth youre a true informmmer, ya' no say dadda me Snow me I'll go blam
13d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
The Guy @TheGuyToWant
@AllTheUglyTruth must have a small dick
13d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Harbinger One @Harbinger_one
"Viagraivating" - When you want to fuck your bf for a 5th time and that shit is limp.
13d               
124
46
Mr Hand @SniffMyPickle
I think about beating hippies to death with their Birkenstocks when I masturbate.
13d               
70
25
Married Jew Bastard @Squizbot
@AllTheUglyTruth Life is doing that daily, in army boots. Oh, wait, you meant in a sexy way...
13d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Benn Tornado_Hobo @Ilovelamp1979
My only goal in life is to find a kangaroo large enough so that i can spend a day riding around in his pouch.
13d               
52
26
Benn Tornado_Hobo @Ilovelamp1979
It's like my grandfather used to always say, "get over here you ugly little faggot, this dick isnt going to suck itself."

LOL, im not ugly
13d               
73
24
Benn Tornado_Hobo @Ilovelamp1979
I see your tweet about "be nice to each other" & i'll raise you one about having a heart attack from a 6 hour MDMA fueled fuck session.
13d               
45
17
dominic carrafiello @DCarrafiello
@AllTheUglyTruth ........talent
13d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Gonzo D. @gonzod73
#Monday & #NewWeek S/O to: @msred1973 @BoobsOnABlonde @AllTheUglyTruth @SeekingSadie @SuMacDan @llvvzzz @AphroditeAfter5 @redhotirish75
13d               
5
Briitany Chi @BrittanyChixo
@AllTheUglyTruth That swag is ridiculous. Follow #erotania. Best erotic fiction blog around. erotania.com.
13d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Brent Gage @brentdgage
@AllTheUglyTruth crazy as it may sound, I want into that drawer now.
14d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Jerm Himselfish @JermHimselfish
My penis is pretty cool because it's like a railing for women to hold onto as they climb the staircase that leads to my heart.
14d               
311
109
Allen @BlackFlagAllen
@joeldanger @AllTheUglyTruth looks them in the eye, lift one leg and fart, while simultaneously flipping the finger and gagging yourself
14d in reply to joeldanger               
2
FistFullOfMcMuffins @Matt_The_1st
Remember that one sports movie where the good guys were losing until the last 5 minutes?
Yeah, that was awesome
14d               
270
169
Joel Danger @joeldanger
How do you say "I don't care" in every language?
14d               
427
303
Felix Felicis @LuckoftheDraw86
I can't tell you how many times I've eaten something disgusting & finished the whole thing, so yeah, you could say I'm ready to get married.
14d               
85
44
The Eh Factor @AngelaEhh
I don't even know how to twerk. It's cute that you expect me to know how to chive on.
15d               
356
146
Taylor Ross @taybusty4u
Get hook up advice from @AllTheUglyTruth !
15d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Taylor Ross @taybusty4u
@AllTheUglyTruth LOL
15d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Dirt McTurd @DirtMcTurd
To save time in the shower I only wash the last 7 inches of my cock
15d               
254
127
Swishergirl @Swishergirl24
This bartender doesn't know it yet but she's about to become an accomplice.
15d               
530
224
jackhandy @godsarefalse
@AllTheUglyTruth @FantastiKelly mission accomplished.
15d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
2
Kimakazee @Khimmykazee
"@AllTheUglyTruth: (whispering): Siri, whose bed am I in?" Ok now THAT'S hilarious!
15d               
1
Cheeky Lucky @CheekyLucky
#Lmfao
#LMAOOOOOOOO
"@AllTheUglyTruth: Guys: Whether you're driving or fucking, never pull out if someone is coming."
15d               
3
1
Fervent hands @FerventHands
@AllTheUglyTruth. Hysterical!
15d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Todster @Osocoya
@AllTheUglyTruth ok
15d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Todster @Osocoya
@AllTheUglyTruth @treydayway ok. Either way I'm in!
15d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Joel Danger @joeldanger
Never take a naked mirror selfie with a phone that is 8 times the size of your penis. Also, nice shower tiles Shaun.
15d               
118
44
Joel Danger @joeldanger
Its like my grandad always told me, anyone can have sex and make a baby but not everyone can be childless and vacation when they want.
15d               
522
390
dominic carrafiello @DCarrafiello
@SomthinBoutSara @AllTheUglyTruth .
...went for the 'Italian' one did'ya! ...
15d in reply to SomthinBoutSara               
1
Harbinger One @Harbinger_one
Was about to post a selfie on Instagram, but then I remembered my bf has a penis I could sit on
16d               
191
71
brett duval @bduval31
@AllTheUglyTruth what the hell happened to the Henderson file?Its like it was on the floor of a peepshow booth?!Someones getting fired4this!
16d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Mr. Castillo @DemetrioCastil2
@SomthinBoutSara @AllTheUglyTruth Caveat emptor tweet of the day
16d in reply to SomthinBoutSara               
1
Marcia Gay Hard-On @bmarked21
When I say I'm "smh," 99% of the time I mean "shaking my hips."
16d               
11
1
Christopher Sherk @TheIronSherk
I'm about to shimmy some shrimp and vegetables off of a stick and eat it.

This is my skewer-slide note
16d               
139
66
Whatevers Clever @wittybigtwittys
NOT NOW MOM IM CHASING WOMEN ON THE INTERNET
16d               
54
17
Daniel Plainview @10InchesPlus
I'm white, but not "banks compete for my business" white.
16d               
137
54
100 Pound Boner @osno13
im wearing breakaway sweat pants with jeans underneath just incase shit gets real tonight
16d               
56
18
Vanilla Cupcake @Vanilla_cupcak
Just realized I'm 4yrs older than James Franco which makes me 22 years too old for him to fuck
16d               
32
9
Vanilla Cupcake @Vanilla_cupcak
If you find a bra filled with candy wrappers lying in the street. Then you'll know I was raptured.
16d               
23
8
Paper Wash© @PaperWash
Had to use my girlfriend's deodorant today and now I can't even.
16d               
491
226
Bella @Hello_Bella
Sitting in your lap, drinking whiskey, wearing only your t-shirt.

That's how the weekend should begin.
16d               
292
152
Not Like Mike @not_like_mike
What the fuck ever, little kids named Kayden.
16d               
2
Gonzo D. @gonzod73
#Friday & #Weekend S/O to: @msred1973 @BoobsOnABlonde @AllTheUglyTruth @SeekingSadie @SuMacDan @llvvzzz @AphroditeAfter5 @redhotirish75
16d               
4
Super Girl @AphroditeAfter5
I'm already regretting unblocking you
16d               
391
175
Jenny @BadassBarbie11
Tell your boobs to both look at the camera, or stop taking pictures of them and posting them on the interweb.
16d               
138
59
Daniel Plainview @10InchesPlus
Don't get all relationshippy.
16d               
330
172
2homesick @2homesick
@AllTheUglyTruth @Jenny4ashley you already are
16d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Davho Pldal @SnarkOnTap
@AllTheUglyTruth That's gonna require some expert timing. *buys pineapple*
16d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Swishergirl @Swishergirl24
As soon I make plans with someone I immediately start thinking of ways I can get out of them.
16d               
690
358
Kristen King @kristen_k
@AllTheUglyTruth that's just gross...
16d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Harbinger One @Harbinger_one
Autocorrect changed- "Hey babe, let me know when ur on ur way home:)" to "I'm blowing ur best friend Matt so text me when ur 10 min away"
16d               
109
47
ROYAL TWAT @HeyJennyLeone
Did you know you're most likely to have a 3 way in Australia? Just another thing America is falling behind at.
16d               
69
27
ROYAL TWAT @HeyJennyLeone
My girl friend called off her wedding tomorrow. Shes throwing a huge party to celebrate. She's the smartest bitch I know.
16d               
74
15
dawn @Dawn_M_
My new boyfriend is taking ages to exist.
16d               
1,049
535
Harbinger One @Harbinger_one
Obviously your penis takes the short bus to school
16d               
105
47
Joel Danger @joeldanger
You get emotional when you drink? Come back to me when you're dead inside and then we can get drunk.
16d               
122
56
GerrieNelIsMyFather @LandrySubira
Lol RT @AllTheUglyTruth: Fuck off indecisive people.
Or don't. Whatever.
16d               
1
Horny Kinkster @24_7_Juan_Kerr
#FF > @sensualcouple1 @MrBigMissBusty @MonicaBigTits @AllTheUglyTruth @TotalEgal3 @bvbrendavenus @kinky_emma
ow.ly/i/4kU06
16d               
2
2
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