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ImageNameLocationTwitter sinceLinks
The Pretty Girl Swag2011-09-24
@AllTheUglyTruth1,093 days
Its a shit show, but someone's got to live it. Check out the 2014 Tweet Mates at http://t.co/BJ3wGLCGp6 Benefits The American Cancer Society
FollowersFollowingTweetsListsFavorites
26,2351,29017,56891836,173
We found 198 favorite tweets.
PieGuy @ilovepie84
A big thanks to @AllTheUglyTruth for the trophy! #ff
23h               
1
Robert McDonald @RobertMcDonald7
"@AllTheUglyTruth: I hate that part of the date right before sex where you have to go to dinner and talk." Agreed.
1d               
1
Illuminated Wonder @illuminatedwndr
it's kinda sad, but i'm willing to bet that someone's twitter crush just took my order at the McDonald's drive thru
1d               
11
5
Wiley E. Coyote @rrcoyote
@AllTheUglyTruth which is the rarest?
1d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
dominic carrafiello @DCarrafiello
@AllTheUglyTruth ....hey, it's as if I didn't give you more time off on your coffee break for 'good behavior ' !
1d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Illuminated Wonder @illuminatedwndr
If i were murdered, the majority of my chalk outline would be a giant fucking penis
2d               
31
19
Illuminated Wonder @illuminatedwndr
if u dont gyrate in the mirror while listening to Color me Bad's- I Wanna Sex You Up, then ur a pretentious monster

Tick-Tock ya don't stop
2d               
19
11
Harbinger One @Harbinger_one
You're a fucking albino. I would think asking you to shave your genitals is not an unreasonable request, thank you very much
2d               
38
22
Illuminated Wonder @illuminatedwndr
i don't mind if you're a catfish, just don't be a fat catfish
2d               
16
6
Kris Halley @jkrishalley7
@AllTheUglyTruth I literally laughed my ass off, we are searching for it now.
2d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Harbinger One @Harbinger_one
@AllTheUglyTruth YAAAAYYY THANK YOU FOR MY BEAUTIFUL NEW TROPHY!!:)) XXXXXXXOXXXXXXXXX #FF
2d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
2
Michèle @Boleyngirly
When your teenagers tell you that you've ruined their lives, reassure them you won't be done until you're dead. That should help.
3d               
112
48
Courtney Elizabeth @Courtn3yLove
@AllTheUglyTruth: Guess I missed the forecast that called for 100% stupidity with scattered incompetence throughout the day.” Seriously tho
3d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
PieGuy @ilovepie84
There's a third sex position?!?!?!?
3d               
30
10
Brother Rabbit @Danny_McH2O
No offense, but Roofies are expensive, and you're not very attractive.
3d               
24
14
Joel Danger @joeldanger
[sees you running towards the elevator]
You got it....a little faster!
*rapidly pushes Door Close*
4d               
60
32
Harbinger One @Harbinger_one
My fantasy football league is just you going out to watch the game with your friends so I can tongue fuck a plate of nachos and masturbate
4d               
96
50
Aristotle Georgeson @STOTLE
Using a random word generator to name our baby was the best choice we ever made, our daughter 'Myth Coffin' is truly going to thrive!
4d               
24
5
Squirrel Thug Gang @Mikecanrant
A GoFundMe page to help me pay for a four pack of Mach 3 razors....and a Snickers.
4d               
69
29
SandyEggoMonk @SandyEggoMonk
You know she's a whore if she asks you to snot rocket your tip before you throw it in her ass.
4d               
9
1
PieGuy @ilovepie84
"Anywhoo"

-me opening the door for you to leave right after sex.
4d               
49
22
ManJuggs @ManJuggs
A boner so hard it loosens teeth.
5d               
19
8
Harbinger One @Harbinger_one
This box of Twinkies should come with a complimentary pack of rolling papers
5d               
133
62
Steve Suckington @SteveSuckington
"Son, theres something I need to tell you"

-ok dad

"you're adopted"

*son starts crying*

"Lol! J/k I never would've adopted such a loser"
5d               
125
56
Harbinger One @Harbinger_one
Male co-worker: Hey, how was your weekend?

Me: great, now go get that last donut for me and I'll show you my cooter
5d               
77
35
ᒍᑌᒪI ᗷOᑎOGOᖴᔕKI @Barbieee_Juli
😘🙈 @TruePrettyGirls @AllTheUglyTruth @OregonGirls @chat_babes @SC_Babes @oregonfinestt @oregon_beauties @RogueBabes pic.twitter.com/4e68OcMuPY
5d               
1
Robert Cram @wildjhovall
@AllTheUglyTruth @iGreenMonk Ok open your mouth.... That was way easy! Just sayin...
6d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Christian @CLH_offTHEwall
"@AllTheUglyTruth: Fill me with your jizz in the most non-impregnating way possible." hahaah wtf are these tweets on my time line LMAO
6d               
1
Christian @CLH_offTHEwall
"@AllTheUglyTruth: The legal term is assault and battery but I just call it getting well fucked."
6d               
1
£orh€rP|€a$ur€* @thesupermuff
@AllTheUglyTruth @Harbinger_one agreed. Tulips over Oregon is the way to go honey.
6d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
goo @goonumbertwo
thank you @AllTheUglyTruth, but in all reality, spit or swallow, I'll just take the blowjob...
6d               
1
Thugslut Thundercunt @yourcatastrophy
baking a homemade apple crisp straight hand picked from the orchard. what's your bitch doing?
6d               
21
4
Robyn Vo @robyn_vo
It’d be nice if one of you assholes made yourself useful and shaved my god damn legs for me.
6d               
50
10
Morgan @super_morgasm
BREAKING: Jason Segel, my soulmate and love of my life, just told me he liked my style. Life made. Instagram.com/p/s8bg-ck94z/
6d               
10
Jay @theshamingofjay
I type hahaha an awful lot for someone who hasn't smiled for the past 15 years.
6d               
986
602
christopher. @fightforfood
Sorry I took a swing at your 8 year old, but he and I both know he doesn't have a 1st edition holographic charizard.
6d               
82
21
Joel Danger @joeldanger
[leans in and whispers]
It doesn't matter how many retweets or stars you get.
6d               
129
54
Joel Danger @joeldanger
[draws an imaginary line in the middle of the house]

[claims the side with the kitchen and the 72" tv]
6d               
79
32
Swishergirl @Swishergirl24
New puppers pic.twitter.com/E7SMI7Q3eE
6d               
153
11
ShittyShittyGangBang @ShittyComedian
Sex so good you get sentenced to 25 years to life in a state penitentiary.
6d               
51
15
mynameisJimmy @jimmy_sharpe
Me:.......
Her:.......
Me:.......
Her:.......
Me:.......

We were in a library. You had to be there really.
6d               
179
82
MR HAND @SniffMyPickle
It's almost time for church I'd like to crank one out to your big floppy tits first please hurry.
6d               
20
3
Taylor Ross @taybusty4u
@Harbinger_one @AllTheUglyTruth LOVE!
6d in reply to Harbinger_one               
2
Taylor Ross @taybusty4u
@AllTheUglyTruth MMMMMM when you know it's real!
6d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
goo @goonumbertwo
your jokes are cute, your vagina is not. it happens.
7d               
20
2
Mia Wallace @Grunge_Girl7
@ShittyComedian Which Crüe Album?
7d in reply to ShittyComedian               
1
ρяєѕтσи @Night_ER_Ninja
I am fairly certain that this dude that smeared fecal matter all over himself is on bath salts~
7d               
43
7
Carpe Diem @Viveelmomento72
Terence Trent D'Arby - Sign Your Name youtu.be/dluHzQhLcME
7d               
2
2
MR HAND @SniffMyPickle
I'd probably smoke weed if I didn't enjoy showering and having sex with women.
7d               
58
30
Lauren Reeves @laurenreeves
@laurenreeves it was much funnier when @capricecrane originally wrote it. Cc: @Sassafrantz pic.twitter.com/646D1Fc0ht
7d in reply to laurenreeves               
11
1
Lauren Reeves @laurenreeves
Bragging about the success of a tweet you stole is as dumb as robbing a house and smiling at the security camera. pic.twitter.com/igQiJHLtWF
7d               
20
1
Denise! @Stellacopter
Yes bc lacerations to a 4yo scrotum by a branch is so funny "RT@Sassafrantz : What was Adrian Peterson's favorite game as a kid? Stickball.”
7d in reply to Sassafrantz               
21
6
John @baldwiny
@AllTheUglyTruth you know you're getting old when after makeup sex you have to take a Aleve. #getting old
7d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
MR HAND @SniffMyPickle
He was like "hey you wanna go rollerblading?" And I was like "no thanks I'm not bald"
7d               
52
11
notyourjester @Loli_Sug
@sherkandshwebby Gross.

@PAT_E_ROCK @AllTheUglyTruth @SveldtSmelt @Harbingerr @NotJPo @DoucheMcBaggus @bmarked21 @Night_ER_Ninja
7d in reply to sherkandshwebby               
5
Sherk & Shwebby Show @sherkandshwebby
Juddy's top 10 tweeters

@PAT_E_ROCK
@AllTheUglyTruth
@Loli_Sug
@SveldtSmelt
@Harbingerr
@NotJPo
@DoucheMcBaggus
@bmarked21
@Night_ER_Ninja
7d               
8
2
DaddyJew @DaddyJew
Don't make me love you. You wouldn't like me when I love you.
7d               
474
273
JA @thatguyJA
@AllTheUglyTruth hey thanks for the pick girl! I'm never leaving this place.
7d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
ρяєѕтσи @Night_ER_Ninja
It is 100% perfectly acceptable to take an ambulance to the hospital instead of killing yourself~
7d               
116
29
ρяєѕтσи @Night_ER_Ninja
We have a pt that came in by ambulance with the CC:
I can't live at home anymore. My wife's a mess, the house is filthy & I can't take it.
😳
7d               
37
5
ρяєѕтσи @Night_ER_Ninja
There is a drunk guy here that is very lucky he isn't a pt.
Because he is to the B52 level of annoying~
8d               
30
Terry F @daemonic3
[1st date]

*don't let her know you're an Elf*

So what do you do?

"I work in trees"

Oh, Arborist or Lumberjack?

"I MAKE COOKIES OKAY?!"
8d               
163
68
Harbinger One @Harbinger_one
*PLAYS SPIN-THE-BOTTLE WITH CAT*
8d               
120
66
Enraged Asshole @maulingasshole
You may claim to not care but you’ll never care as little as @iAmJuddy
8d               
8
2
Juddy @iAmJuddy
It really brings out my good side, Cake. #SexyTime
8d               
25
2
Maggie Knows Best @BlackCatBettie
Can't think of anything to tweet, so here's a blurry picture of me and a margarita. pic.twitter.com/LaJ4oe2LXM
8d               
46
3
Jake Vig @Jake_Vig
Turn off autocorrect?

Challinje aceptid.
8d               
772
546
MR HAND @SniffMyPickle
Take the dick out of your mouth and tell me what it's like to be bald.
8d               
26
4
Trey @treydayway
Blame politicians all you want, so many don't want to hear the truth...of course they're going to lie. We're that spoiled kid that hates no
8d               
17
3
Marcia Gay Hard-On @bmarked21
Thank you for calling Verizon Wireless Customer Support. Please enter your account number and then bend over and grab your ankles.
8d               
15
4
Rock @TheMichaelRock
Today I'm getting a vasectomy and now you're thinking about my nutsack.

Pervert.
8d               
202
53
Noodles @Dawn_M_
The best sex toy a guy has used on me is a shovel.
8d               
274
129
Not Hank Moody @PORNOPINION
Fuck girls! I wanna see Housewives gone wild.
9d               
53
14
The Robfather™ @thatUPSdude
Sorry I couldn't play along with you, I was busy being an adult.
9d               
79
39
JLGentry, author @JerryLGentry
@AllTheUglyTruth I bet the line of volunteers is already forming
9d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Steve H @trux2sell
@AllTheUglyTruth .......uhhhmm.....hello!
9d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Jimmy @livingnBoston
@AllTheUglyTruth hey baby....
9d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Boston Girl @bahstangirl
Shut the fuck up and let me sit on your face already.
9d               
406
152
Maggie Knows Best @BlackCatBettie
I don't want to know a man more than he knows himself.

I just want to be hand fed Doritos and told I look pretty. How is this complicated?
9d               
152
63
M @Love_bug1016
Never fuck with a woman who can run in stilettos.
9d               
450
256
ShittyShittyGangBang @ShittyComedian
I'm just a simple man. A simple man sitting shirtless in a white IROC-Z28, blasting Crüe, and parked outside your daughter's high school.
9d               
102
25
Les @yourdadmaybe
@AllTheUglyTruth haha gotta hand to bitches that think that far ahead!
9d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Not Hank Moody @PORNOPINION
Left hooks are the new roofies
10d               
48
14
Joel Danger @joeldanger
Alcohol just removes the filter. If you're an asshole when you're drunk, you're just an asshole that hides it well sober.
10d               
207
135
Fuck Your Account @NotAtAllFunny
If your g-spot isn't in your throat I'm probably never gonna hit it.
10d               
88
39
Thugslut Thundercunt @yourcatastrophy
I hate you all.
10d               
66
13
Juddy @iAmJuddy
Just mooned the moon cuz fuck that thing.
10d               
104
28
TiaLayneXXX 18+ @TiaLayneXXX
#AssWednesday #beautytits #porn @Brazzers :) xxx pic.twitter.com/zFq2CF1cG0
10d               
133
51
Brother Rabbit @Danny_McH2O
The best way to find out if a chick is psycho is to call her one.
10d               
35
24
JA @thatguyJA
Sex so good you get married and have kids and never have sex so good again
10d               
11
5
Harbinger One @Harbinger_one
I got thrown off of every cheerleading team I joined because I kept turning to the crowd yelling -

GIMME THE "D"!!!!
10d               
130
55
JA @thatguyJA
Haha you guys are still here? What a bunch of losers
10d               
49
20
Country Kat @Katurdays
@AllTheUglyTruth
Hahaha, no problem:)
10d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
C_D @BoozeAndGuns
Watch your goddamn mouth or I'll fill it with cum
11d               
25
6
Saucy Kensington @Book_Krazy
As an adult, I think it's normal to hide our Scars from others. I keep mine in the closet, next to Mufasa, Simba, Timon and Pumbaa

#BT140
11d               
70
30
Jack Handy @HandyJack420
Would you rather:

Gouge out your eyes with a hot poker

Or..

Be dealt 4 Aces in a "Winner takes all" game of strip poker with Carrot Top?
11d               
34
20
Nikki Benz @nikkibenz
Headed to set! Excited to be photographed by @hollyrandall pic.twitter.com/yQDcyRTknf
11d               
394
77
MR HAND @SniffMyPickle
My only goal in life is to fuck a girl that fucked Kid Rock.
11d               
59
24
dominic carrafiello @DCarrafiello
@AllTheUglyTruth ...I do like when you have the band and ticker tape for my walk to the car ...
11d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Harbinger One @Harbinger_one
Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over, ma'am?

Me: Because I'm hot as fuck??
11d               
270
119
Harbinger One @Harbinger_one
Driving to work and I just noticed a cum stain on my skirt. Does this mean I can use the carpool lane?
11d               
150
60
Kat Deevers @katdeevers
A tug is a tug, right ? 💋

@theCHIVE @HotGirlsOfTwitt pic.twitter.com/WD2smwKYpO
11d               
409
35
Juddy @iAmJuddy
I don’t give a shit if you don’t wanna. You’re gonna.
11d               
87
24
Steve Suckington @SteveSuckington
"I wish I got as much pussy as the bass player"

-guy who plays the tambourine
12d               
89
36
Taylor Ross @taybusty4u
@AllTheUglyTruth BEST.MOMENT.OF.HIS.LIFE. Hehe.
12d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
goo @goonumbertwo
you're pretty, let's use each other til there's nothing left.
12d               
51
17
Juddy @iAmJuddy
I will subtweet your face off.
12d               
73
25
miss charades @ShockTartBionic
*logs into twitter* *does jack off motion*
12d               
58
22
Brother Rabbit @Danny_McH2O
I'm a simple man.

I drink.

I workout a lot.

I smoke.

I lie about working out a lot.
12d               
27
13
Wonder Kitten @Tw1tter_K1tten
At least Tony Romo doesn't hit girls. I mean he probably tried and missed but still....
12d               
679
483
goo @goonumbertwo
i don't care if you spit, so long as it's straight up in the air, to catch it again before swallowing.
12d               
32
13
TiaLayneXXX 18+ @TiaLayneXXX
Anyone want some ha topless chef ;) xxx pic.twitter.com/FWYMlG44Lp
12d               
187
64
Loco Eric @ericsshadow
[no internet signal] Honey, I think I don't want to live here anymore.
13d               
383
162
bucmachine @bucmachine
I’m gay for pussy.
13d               
14
2
Steve Suckington @SteveSuckington
Her: I just feel like I'm not being heard.

Me: Definitely. Sounds good babe.

Her: Are you even listening to me?

Me: Thats crazy!
13d               
279
145
Spe(n)cer @SpencerinSF
My signature move when talking to an attractive woman in her 30's is asking if she has a hotter sister in her 20's who's single.
13d               
11
MR HAND @SniffMyPickle
More filters please I can still see your face.
13d               
104
53
Mercy Hump @Ninja_Soup_
It's like none of you even care how popular I was in high school.
13d               
7
3
bucmachine @bucmachine
I just killed myself but I haven’t completely bled out yet.
13d               
5
ShittyShittyGangBang @ShittyComedian
I don't know why men frost the tips of their hair when they can just suck dick in a rest stop bathroom.
13d               
95
27
Maggie Knows Best @BlackCatBettie
I WILL eat Cheetos during sex and you WILL like it!!

Well, I will like it. End of argument.
13d               
67
20
Raspberry Jam @Jenny4ashley
I'm opening a candy shop called Get In My Van.
13d               
186
93
David Hughes @david8hughes
If you went back in time to kill Hitler as a baby, you better draw a little Hitler moustache on him so people don't get mad about it.
13d               
624
256
Noodles @Dawn_M_
Would be cool if when I was nice to a guy he didn't assume I wanted to have sex with him. Maybe I should put my dress back on.
13d               
324
152
Stephanie Michelle @JumpOnMyTutu
Stalker: Someone who is not hot enough to be seen with you.
13d               
89
37
sara @SomthinBoutSara
Want a woman to fall OUT of love with you?

Marry her.
14d               
185
84
sara @SomthinBoutSara
Even with Alzheimers a woman finds a way to remind her husband about the time he didn't call and slept with a whore

#ExplainAFilmPlotBadly
14d               
87
26
☆Bax☆ @BaxDoll
Sorry. I don't date cute firemen.
There can be only one whore in a relationship.
14d               
23
4
@sshole @Lisa_Laughs_
You're like the bonus track of people. No one likes you, but yet, there you are...
14d               
584
374
dominic carrafiello @DCarrafiello
@AllTheUglyTruth
...we really don't have any secrets from you girls
14d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Gonzo D. @gonzod73
#Weekend S/O to: @msred1973 @BoobsOnABlonde @AllTheUglyTruth @SeekingSadie @SuMacDan @llvvzzz @AphroditeAfter5
14d               
3
sexy cindy t @jessejane
Hot new pic with @crystalbaby22 @blumphotography #mua @MakeupbyMarlo hair @TumbleWeed15 💖 💜 pic.twitter.com/NgOYzTNiMK
14d               
90
18
PaperWash© @PaperWash
At the end of the movie Forrest doesn't even get the paternity test and everyone is like "oh he really was stupid"

#ExplainAFilmPlotBadly
14d               
63
20
Steve Suckington @SteveSuckington
Bartender: I think you've had enough.

Me: Bahahfgfbxcxask
15d               
264
148
PaperWash© @PaperWash
Her: "so then my boyfriend-"

Me: *stops listening*
15d               
202
116
Denise! @Stellacopter
Dear Diary: Today I stole someone's diary and ripped out all the boring shit she wrote and now it's mine.
15d               
95
15
Verifried Drunk™®© @VerifiedDrunk
Ironically, the percentage of my productivity on Friday afternoon is the same as my blood alcohol level on Friday night.
15d               
42
8
[No sé chiflar] @davidsincara
Sabes que es bien zorra si le escupe a los plátanos antes de comérselos #EsMiReporteJoaquín

Advertidos están :S pic.twitter.com/swvUCBmpt0
15d               
2
Gonzo D. @gonzod73
#CheesePizzaDay S/O to: @msred1973 @BoobsOnABlonde @AllTheUglyTruth @SeekingSadie @SuMacDan @llvvzzz @AphroditeAfter5
15d               
1
Jay @theshamingofjay
*signs divorce paperwork with Twitter handle*
15d               
595
274
Gonzo D. @gonzod73
#Friday S/O to: @msred1973 @BoobsOnABlonde @AllTheUglyTruth @SeekingSadie @SuMacDan @llvvzzz @AphroditeAfter5
15d               
1
Les @yourdadmaybe
m.imgur.com/gallery/UnwCb. @TheStreetFA @tweetgrubes @AllTheUglyTruth #legit #funny
15d               
1
Les @yourdadmaybe
@AllTheUglyTruth I'll pick from the different cheerleader squads
16d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
It's Stephanie @Snarfernini
I took that Facebook "What's Your Hippie Name" quiz and I got " Rainbow Stop Taking These You're 40 Sunflower. "

Groovy.
16d               
317
127
Eldge @Sickayduh
Haha Clinton Dix is the name of a photo album in Monica Lewinsky's phone
16d               
203
160
Willzzzz @FunkyFresh_79
I've got good hair, I shouldn't be opening my own beers.
16d               
37
13
Fonzie's Evil Twin @caperbc75
After 22 years and 746 viewings I've finally decided I will never know what the fuck Rosie Perez was saying in White Men Can't Jump.
16d               
85
37
JLGentry, author @JerryLGentry
@AllTheUglyTruth Reminds me that if I felt any better I’d be not eh list of federally controlled substances. You, my dear, are the best.
16d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Terry F @daemonic3
[pearly gates]

Joan Rivers: Can we talk?

St Peter: Of course

Joan Rivers: Just one question, do you accept plastic?
16d               
218
93
HollyLujah @Poppedaholly
trying to not be a fat bitch is hard
16d               
4
Jimmer Cork-Bottle @JimmerThatisAll
I can just tell you think there are three syllables in alleged.
16d               
234
123
Reverend Scott @Reverend_Scott
[Heaven]

God: I see Joan Rivers is finally here.

Jesus: I know. She's already making fun of us for wearing white after labor day.
16d               
1,319
882
Russell Fireside @RFireside
@AllTheUglyTruth @ZoeLightly you wish
16d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Terry F @daemonic3
Einstein: You see, objects shorten in length as they approach the speed of light

Wife: Again the "penis at the speed of light" excuse, Al?
17d               
88
32
JohnLovesUgly @johnnyfriday
@AllTheUglyTruth @speknyc Isn't date two anal?
17d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
DiaryOfElyssa @Elyssa_11363
I know you were wondering pic.twitter.com/Qn8niug9Na
17d               
11
sara @SomthinBoutSara
My seventeen subtle hints didn't tell you exactly what I want?
17d               
76
44
Jedi Gigi @JediGigi
I always wear a dress on 1st dates cuz I'm a lady. It has a Pearl and Swarovski encrusted lace sweetheart bust & veil. The dress's train bu
17d               
72
28
PaperWash© @PaperWash
[nudges Toys Я Us employee] where are all the "adult" toys, you know what I'm saying?

Nerf guns? Aisle 26

Thanks man!
17d               
837
490
Steve Suckington @SteveSuckington
How many points does Aaron Hernandez get me on my fantasy team for shivving someone?
17d in reply to SteveSuckington               
47
16
Terry F @daemonic3
"It depends upon what the meaning of the word ISIS"

- Bill Clinton on terrorist groups
17d               
94
37
Slash Rancid @slashrancid
It's to go with the sheriff and get your stuff back. RT @AllTheUglyTruth: I've never understood the purpose of the second date.z
17d               
1
Cruel Chloe @CruelChloeXXX
It's been a while since I've been in bed before midnight. Not sure how I feel about this. Hahaha. Good night y'all🌙⭐️ pic.twitter.com/wmZCPcUd5u
18d               
8
1
Terry F @daemonic3
"Girl, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put P on U"

- R Kelly not understanding the alphabet pickup line
18d               
190
82
Richard Head @Call_me_Shanzy
@girlsinyogapant I nominate @KennedyLeighxxx & @AllTheUglyTruth
18d in reply to girlsinyogapant               
1
scottydidntknow @scottydidntknow
@AllTheUglyTruth people who don't put out on the first
18d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
TheGuruStu @TheGuruStu
@AllTheUglyTruth Neither do I .........
18d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
J @junejuly12
If he calls you dude or buddy, you're not using your boobs wisely
18d               
296
143
Harbinger One @Harbinger_one
Apparently spitting on the spout of this chocolate fountain after swallowing 16 ounces is not 'ladylike' according to the wedding planner
18d               
97
37
PaperWash© @PaperWash
*leaves a trail of divorce paper petals toward the front door*
18d               
173
67
some light crying @somelightcrying
[Describing criminal to police sketch artist]
This is all wrong. First of all, he wasn’t a drawing.
18d               
578
264
Steve Suckington @SteveSuckington
"I know I fucked up, but how can I make him feel guilty"

-women
19d               
188
105
Denise! @Stellacopter
As soon as I'm done watching The Chipmunks with my kids I'm coming back here to start some shit.
19d               
108
14
TiaLayneXXX 18+ @TiaLayneXXX
Hello boys an girls :) xxx pic.twitter.com/CDR6CwWrdT
19d               
220
52
Gonzo D. @gonzod73
#September S/O to: @msred1973 @BoobsOnABlonde @AllTheUglyTruth @SeekingSadie @SuMacDan @llvvzzz @AphroditeAfter5
19d               
1
Gonzo D. @gonzod73
#LaborDay S/O to: @msred1973 @BoobsOnABlonde @AllTheUglyTruth @SeekingSadie @SuMacDan @llvvzzz @AphroditeAfter5
19d               
2
ROYAL TWAT @HeyJennyLeone
How to shave your beard like a man:

You don't.
19d               
136
68
TiaLayneXXX 18+ @TiaLayneXXX
#boobs ;) xxx pic.twitter.com/0ETj7r3dd1
20d               
187
52
Chris Young @CYComedy
The guy who leaked Jennifer Lawrence's nude photos should be the first person to die from getting too many high fives.
20d               
962
640
hoodrat @Two_sneaks
Don't forget the armpits! pic.twitter.com/bUzgXJrXDe
20d               
8
Denise! @Stellacopter
Stop leaking on nude people.
20d               
70
5
Harbinger One @Harbinger_one
It's not even Labor Day yet and I've swallowed enough baby batter already to populate a small moon
20d               
115
41
TiaLayneXXX 18+ @TiaLayneXXX
#bootyconversation #booty #spanking :) xxx pic.twitter.com/yAvHvEzJKY
20d               
135
42
jason @jwine1970
"@AllTheUglyTruth: If you can't make me cum I'm telling your mom." Girls are such tattletales....
20d               
1
Coin Cat Riches @CoinCatRiches
@AllTheUglyTruth lol
20d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Jason G. Speck @MrArchivist
@AllTheUglyTruth It sure as hell can't hurt.

Wait, we're still talking about shots, right?
21d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
brett duval @bduval31
@AllTheUglyTruth hey! I resemble that remark
21d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Jon Mill @Jemill13
@AllTheUglyTruth Any better now? I have this blindfold you could wear#justsaying
21d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Angry face of truth @HermPerdeArc
@AllTheUglyTruth Swag, we all know you are a may day kindda chick ;-)
21d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Harbinger One @Harbinger_one
Me: Why won't guys stay in a relationship with me?

Ouija board: I'M..... A...... OUIJA..... BOARD...... NOT..... A...... MAGICIAN.....
22d               
256
114
Joel Danger @joeldanger
I just want to be rich enough to hire someone to remove my cape when I arrive to the bar.
22d               
201
111
Notorious P.U.G. @LuvPug
Of course I put out on the first date because we're getting married, right?
22d               
490
228
Dirt McTurd @DirtMcTurd
My favorite letter of the alphabet is B, followed by J and a cigarette
22d               
182
79
Mark Paintt ™ @MarkPaintt
“.@TexasHickspanic: Exactly how many Stars is it gonna take for you to realize that i want to fuck you?”

Cc @AllTheUglyTruth
22d in reply to TexasHickspanic               
1
*Flower Power* @peaceofme_aman
@AllTheUglyTruth @BecauseIAmMe2 soulsex.
22d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
Favstar Of The Day @FavstarOfTheDay
Congrats @AllTheUglyTruth! @Katurdays picked your tweet as Tweet of the Day: favstar.fm/t/503551730022…
22d               
2
Victor @vfonzeca
@AllTheUglyTruth what ever happened to vag narcissist?
22d in reply to AllTheUglyTruth               
1
AudiO∇Owl @pheealzabub
@joeldanger @AllTheUglyTruth Bono and The Edge hear "The Streets Have No Name" ending and then the station IDs itself as Classic Rock.
22d in reply to joeldanger               
2
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