We found 47 favorite tweets.
..uncle kellys first ever cards against humanity experience
Barrie Uptown Theater with reclining leather seats + Melissa McCarthy
Siri, is Sir Mix-A-Lot black?
Sharknado has to be the most illogical and awful movie of all time
"Sarah are you quitting? Mom says you're not working for awhile"
Pizza, Hollywood game night and my bed. Cute date night by myself.
Don't argue that you put gel in your hair everyday... I know you don't, I am with you 5 days a week 12 hours a day and have been for 7months
"Good thing I don't sleep walk, I heard they glue you to the wall"
“: hve u seen fast five 6 yet” fast five 6
"Finn stop talking ill tell the story the right way" 😂👌
"I've got black blood all over me, but don't worry it's just from the Cherries!!"
Congrats White Hat Award winner Syd Banks. Best Ground Transportation Driver.
The world won't change until there's a tampon commercial where the girls are all curled up on couches and angrily drinking wine.
Skim milk is just water lying about being milk
"You can't do the crafts you brought for me without me. You need me to help, doesn't matter if I am mean."
(779): I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
he just walked up to the first Asian girl he saw and asked her what village she was from
Hikin in da Rockies @ Johnston Canyon
My mom just called my brother a faggot for calling my other brother a faggot..
"I can't be on the boys team, they're my predator. I have to run for my life"
Awkward moment at the grocery store when the cashier makes "mommy" comments. That would make me 14 when she was born.
Sorry but I don't care about your kale chips
"2 + sun = four... Kind of like 4 + sun = five. Why don't you get it?"
Marriage is basically listening to your husband swear and scream at scanners/printers from another room.
(859): We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
First day of big girl job and I'm spending my lunch at . Always feel at home here.
"What?! Sharks can eat us? I thought I was at the top of the food chain!"
"You're going to get fired if you make me eat all my food before I can have a cupcake"
Dear muscle Gods and Goddesses of the universe - please take these crocodiles off my calves
Nickelback fans at olive grove karaoke tonight.
butt chugging David's tea tonight!!!!!
All the davidstea girls have a man but me 😩 lonely gal right here
There's just something about a young couple staring longingly into their future...
I wish I had absorbed Nicole in the womb
Hockey fans. Must watch video. Little rascals. VIDEO
The mental debate you have when you have to pee really bad but getting up to go means that you have to leave your bed.
Just saw an old man in a wheelchair yell "FUCK YOU, GOOF!" to bird that flew by him. Don't really need to see anything else today.
You are looking at fresh pomegranate seeds at the bottom of my iced Pom Power! Yes it's amazing!!
I like hanging around in Best Buy because the straight to gay ratio is higher then anything else in Manhatten
the post office people just told me i have to move my tent.
Well riddle me that, look who's playing market collective
Most perfect picture of the True North
New passport came today...couldn't find a comb or a shower that day.