"Andre Drummond leads the league in offensive rebounds, but can he rebound from Jennette Mccurdy?"- If I was a Sportswriter
Watching Lebron play right now inspires me to try and eat the rest of this pizza
A really high end denim line for toddlers
Obligatory "If I won an Oscar everyone would have to respect me. My obituary would read Oscar-winner, instead of children's soccer heckler"
If there is a Lord of the Flies remake. I want in.
jk have no right to talk watched 3 eps of House today
This tweet is so basic I almost gagged
idk I've been watching a lot of
House/ subverting authority lately
They say you are what you eat but I don't remember eating a small child
They say you are what you eat but I don't remember eating a bag of Doritos, 9 chicken nuggets, and an Oreo sleeve
They say you are what you eat but I don't remember eating a sickly indian
I am in a very serious conversation about this popular(very popular) cracker
Do you eat/buy/love Triscuits?? When was the last time you had a triscuit? How did you eat it?
That was via . I've never felt so betrayed by TV before. This is probably how Job felt after God killed his children.
"House of Cards is really designed to be binge-watched, consumed so quickly there is no time to taste all the garbage we are guzzling down."
just waiting on some girl to dump me so I can angrily/drunkenly blog about her, resulting in me creating a billion dollar tech company
I seriously considered starting a fan tumblr dedicated to Hitchcock and Scully, but True Detective may be the GOAT
"Democracy is Overrated" - Frank "Closet Sociopath" Underwood (also season 2 is supposed to be even more ridic)
YOU'RE A LIAR IF YOU SAY YOU WATCHED K SPACEY GO DOWN ON KATE MARA WITH A STRAIGHT FACE
Case in point: the episode where they randomly allude to Frank Underwood being gay
If you ever watch a "House of Cards" ep more than once it becomes so earnest/ridiculous you have to laugh
Can't wait till I'm 50 and release a relevant remix of the one hit song I had 22 years ago VIDEO
Can't wait till I'm 40 and can write inane articles about why the next generation is the worst!
are you on this Tru Detective???
Penis Shaped Buildings of New York > HONY
Pigeons That Tind of Look Like President Garfield of New York > HONY
Humans of New York is ok but the humans are probably the lamest part of NY
Will never forgive the Winter Olympics for giving Apolo Ohno a national platform
Jay-Z: "Babe, please leave the part out where I come too fast on your dress in the limo. It's embarrassing." 'Yonce: "No."
Living With Termites: The Anurag Chinepalli Story
Most of my time is spent thinking of prospective autobiography titles
if he sees his shadow:drink. If he doesn't: drink. If comes out of his hole: drink. If he doesn't: drink.
This is exactly 30 years too late but I hate you Larry Bird
The next great challenge for Americans is figuring out how to turn Groundhog's Day into a drinking holiday
Mr.Owl, how much cocaine does it take for a movie exec to think a "Lego Movie" would be a good idea?
Maybe if Kanye or Jay Z or Kendrick or Drake sold their CDs at Starbucks they would have won the Grammy for best rap album.
Rappers either die while white people are still scared of them, or live long enough to host the Grammy's.
Missed the Woody Allen tribute - did they put the part where a woman publicly confirmed he molested her at age 7 before or after Annie Hall?
App Idea: What Would I Look Like As A 7-footer
WHO'S OUT THERE WATCHING SURVIVOR IN 2014!!??
IDK IF I JUST LOOK AWFUL OR IF THIS IS SOME NEXT LEVEL RACISM
SOME 16 YEAR OLD JUST WALKED INTO THE POST OFFICE, LOOKED AT ME AND THE INDIAN CLERK, AND ASKED ME "IF YOU GUYS HAD ANY TAPE"
Most basic thing ever said on the internet RT : U know what's better than sleep red bull and not sleep is
Where can I find a definitive ranking of Seal's albums???
My life's greatest accomplishment thus far has been never having a friend named "Hank"
Wildcat is easily the laziest animal name
Thought of the pun "Molly Cyrus" and cringed at how late into the game I came up with it
Pls make my dream of seeing Ty$ come true
This album is inexcusable, and just tell her I haven't been moisturizing
But it's okay bc is here to redeem us for our sins
"The 20/20 Experience Part 2" was so bad the government shut down
Excuse me United Airlines pilot but could u stop offering your poverty ass snacks, nobody wants them!!!
NWTS leaked...I need some red wine, a box of baby wipes and some aromatherapy candles, like ten minutes ago.
VOW TO NEVER SKIP ANOTHER CLASS AGAIN
NOOOOOOO YEEZY CAME TO COLUMBIA AND I WAS SLEEPING THROUGH MY 10:10 CLASS
Vineyard Vines is the biggest fuckboy brand
Don't talk to me if your dog isn't purebred
idk like emotional scarring? 11$ back into my pocket? etc. etc.
Of all the stupid things I did in high school, watching the movie "Push" in theaters will be my biggest regret by far
Quick reminder that good things still happen in this universe
"What Goes Around"="Cry Me a River" + douchey schadenfreude - nuance
More like classic JT pandering i.e his "thanks Grandma!" VMA speech ~The Justified Justin didn't need to sell-out
Wow clearly you're forgetting about "Losing My Way" (Another Song) All Over Again" and "Pose"
Lbr we all know the peak the was "Justified"
Remarkable foresight into how "uncool" I am RT ": Know I'm not cool anymore bc I don't know what a "MaHomie" is"
This JT performance is just a sad demonstration of how his career has been this low-key slide downhill
Walter White just pulling numerous big-dick moves
Know I'm not cool anymore bc I don't know what a "MaHomie" is
your new aesthetic as described by : "bloated salman khan rocking jort cutoffs"
Can only think of like 5 people I'd like to see play Batman less than Ben Affleck
Are we ready to talk about how JT's "(And she said) Take Me Now" sounds like it was taken out of a porno?
So sad to think of all those bright-eyed young Reaganites who had no idea they'd someday have to side with either the Russians or the gays.
"Rachael vs. Guy: Kids Cook-Off" is probably the most excited I've ever been for a TV show ever
Everyone seems very enthusiastic about my new supplements called Martha Stewart Essentials-six different formulas targeted at women. MTC
Accidentally watched 10 min of this documentary about the Himalayas before I realized it was "The Way Back" and not "The Way Way Back"
Basically "Drinking Game" lists are the today's worst thing
"Drinking Game" Drinking Game: Drink every time you hate yourself for thinking this "drinking game" would be different and actually funny
"Drinking Game" Drinking Game: Drink every time you feel your IQ being lowered by reading one of these uncreative, unfunny lists
Hov films videos in museums wit bougie art folk n dont fuck wit no former Roc artists n chills wit Gwyneth Paltrow now but he Never Change b
Highlight of this trip has been seeing a 4 year old burn Sonia Gandhi in effigy
also their glasses are sick so it's not even a question
Important thing to remember is that for all your pubic political ruminations you still don't understand the Scopes Monkey trial
Wow shocking you have to ask that question as an alleged true Kanye fan (Also Ye' killin' it in a kimono)
Though my homepage is now
Last two googles were "Non-essential body parts" and "How to sell a kidney" ~So yea still haven't acquired that noragi
The KANYE went down to the very KANYE street to buy a new KANYE for only $KANYE dollars. “KANYE?” he asked.
- Kanye West doing a Mad Lib
Not an exaggeration when I say I've spent the last 12-16 hours trying to buy a noragi
Like an owl without a graduation cap, this is h e a r t b r e a k i n g
wow don't think this validation will make me forget how unnecessarily mean the prior tweet was
Human emotions are complex; today, even though I hate pickles, I took a bite of one, spat it out and threw out the rest
Honestly will never get used to how cavalier Indian men are with their public urination