When you listen to classical music on public transport mundane actions begin to seem like abstract dance performances and fun happens.
Last night I had a dream about the restaurant in Napa Valley that I'm going to and then woke up and realised I have a problem.
As if Barry resigned over JUST a bottle of wine. If hookers aren't involved I'll eat my hat
Meanwhile here is a video on Vine of naked straight guys soaped up and sliding around a locker room. You're welcome.
Forgetting to take underwear to the gym and wearing skinny jeans home while free balling sans undergarments is no fun. Disrecommend
The memes are so so brilliant. RT : Best thing I've seen all day.
OMG 😍 RT : Our red panda cubs; introducing Sundar (male) and Kesari (female).
My bestie is about to be on 's show, which is a great opportunity to use @ tags, if nothing else. 🙌
Should I take a job at an international company (with potential to get an overseas posting) for a 15% pay cut Y/N?
The moment when you wear those shoes that you should've thrown out years ago and a recruiter calls you for an interview.
I'll be home in 2 minutes, though I'm always an advocate of the pants-optional lifestyle
So every episode of S4 is going to be me hoping that gay sex scene from episode 1 kicks off again
It's okay I won't judge you if you still use FileMaker
I think I lost followers after tweeting about Excel, maybe I should try something more Accessible.
Just saw a truck do a U-turn on George street
VLOOKUP(scott, A:A, "databar", false) RT : i have a huge data bar.
It was not. Is THAT a thing? I always thought that was called pornography.
He was quite attractive and gay and I totally maybe glanced at his butt
I think a guy in the gym locker room was just doing a phone interview while naked. Is that a thing? Am I doing it wrong?
If you're a design student surely you can design while in bed. Or, like, sleeping could be performance art.
5 days 'til America; 4 days of werk; 7500 miles to freedom.
Up to the 5th job application for the day. Cover letter has denigrated into the job requirements copied-and-pasted with "I have..." in front
'Stakeholder management skills' has nothing to do with your considerable fine-dining experience.
It was for an alcohol comms company ;)
Who defines what is and isn't a thing? Also things that aren't necessary are the worst kind of things
What even is 'Web 3.0'? Recruiters and jargon are bffs
So I know I'm reading the right job descriptions when the job has a salary + a 'wine allowance'
Was almost expecting that to be a photo of you and a horse
My new favourite bar in West Hollywood is the one with this:
Friday - GAMeBoi: Our Ever popular Gay Asian Video Dance Club 18+
For $500 I would hope other people chew for you.
Like a gold-plated abacus? How do I eat an abacus?
I'm imagining it to involve mountains of gold.
So if a restaurant has a "Tasting Menu offered at $225 and a Counter Menu at $500" what exactly would you expect on a "Counter Menu"?
Nope! It's happened twice!
Woohoo! I don't even know what corporate concierge is but it sounds pretty fun.
Do you think I can go for a job on Channel 7 because drag queens often say I should be on TV? Maybe they mean, like, on Embarrassing Bodies.
Happened to me too. We need to form a club and get jackets.
Simultaneously job hunting / planning a holiday in California next week is really draining.
I think it involved underwear and a vacuum cleaner?
Damn! You screwed up my unfunny joke
Did you count the screws? I always manage to lose count of the screws. I never lose any nuts, though.
You're doing it wrong Rob
You've entered the inner circle. Welcome. RT : your hair looks pretty. Did I pass?
A+ nerd joke RT : How many are affected by Heartbleed?
Yessss. Who is the keeper of the better things?
Twitter! I have resigned! I would appreciate a) monetary payment for your consumption of Me b) referrals c) compliments on my appearance
Orrrr you could've just said 2.5bn... RT : There are over 2 billion, 500 million heartbeats in a lifetime. What gets yours going?
One of my social mediums told my phone to tell me to wish you a happy birthday, so now I get to appear creepy. Mission accomplished.
Hm. Maybe it needs to be uncoined. I think after would suit me better :) So 28th on
“It doesn't matter to Blonde Cher, she's not having any of it, and she's like swiping to the left on him"
This is hilarious: a gay man's take on the new season premier of Game of Thrones.
R.I.P . You were a great man and a shoulder to lean on though tough times.
You will be missed man x
Holy shit I didn't even know. :(
At 's Dean's reception to as 's +1 and I think I'm basically here to laugh at her jokes
Oh sorry that's my alter ego
. said the chefs from a certain restaurant are hot and then the table next to us is a bunch of chefs from that restaurant
Why do all hot lawyers jog past me looking like a younger Will from The Good Wife? I am comforted by the fact they're probably douchebags.
Why is there a Viking making the coffee? And where is his helmet?
You also need one of these
"You'll have the opportunity to make a significant contribution to #'s successful history by applying your knowledge of." END SENTENCE FAIL
Love the comment: "what the actual fuck." RT : Julia Gillard reviews s04e01 of .
knows their audience. Almost gay sex on the first episode. Amazing.
<3 "Watch out for the dog shit, you're gonna step in the dog shit, and now look, it's printed on a fucking book"
Non-tech. Well, could be in gTech, maybe? Good w/ web. Science/analytics interest. Media/agency background.
Competing Interest: I proofread her thesis for no monetary recompense.
My work here is done *steps back*
Bitch yo' ain't given me shade for correct use of the word foreign. 'Foreigners' can mean more than you seem to think.
A kangaroo was just hopping along next to my train and this must be how foreigners think Australia happens.
Yeah, it's pretty! I visited a fortnight ago. Google's livin' in the past.
I DON'T KNOW WHY DOES GOOGLE THINK I'M THERE
A+ tweet RT : Julie Bishop is a fucking idiot.
I know, right? If it's location is off by about 300km then how can I trust the time 😭
Poof is like his favourite word.
Everything seems to align, which means it must be wrong.
Damn it. I've woken up on one of those ± 2 hours days.
This non-sexual bed party is beginning to sound sexual.
Careful. He'll hog the sheets and rob the down.
I think Sam just proposed to you.
Old ignorant white guy shaking hands with other old ignorant white guy in gross display of masculine aggression - every cover of Fin Review
Using 'digital brain' to describe your penchant for 1s and 0s actually makes me think you are a self-aware artificial intelligence system
You should make your new best friend
So this job at has possibly the best JD I've ever seen
I think I watched about 70% of an episode so I'm pretty proud
Watching Ru Paul for the first time and nothing has ever made me so uncomfortable
Ha! That was great. Have you seen Social Media Guru? He's probably applied for your community mgr gig VIDEO
High by Peking Duk is the best song of the moment and the one that reminds me the most of lasers.
Drinking w/ . He's looking for a Community Strategist at . It's unrelated to the drinking. (Promise.)
Just got home from work and took my pants off and I've decided I need a job where I don't need to wear pants. (One that isn't a stripper.)