I am academic male,&REF panels can trump anonymous peer review with named, non-specialist review. Easier to ensure right depts get the money
I am academic male, and you're paying for my pension. Very unlikely you'll get one at all of course, but never mind. Way of the world.
I am academic male &of course there are checks &balances on the REF panel to make sure we act professionally: I have my reputation at stake.
I am academic male & the promotions committee did take your maternity leave into account, but we felt you hadn't quite caught up since then.
I am academic male, so why hasn't my flight been upgraded?
I am academic male, and I wouldn't write 'gender' in a funding application. Far too ideological.
I am academic male, and no I won't discuss the mark I gave that essay. I am expert in that subject and I outrank you. Matter closed.
I am academic male and widening participation is all very well, but poor students are so time consuming.
I am academic male and has that REF thing gone in yet?
I am academic male & finally, a clear definition of proper research -none of that women's equality, X-factor trivia VIDEO
I am academic male &I don't read anything to prep for meetings. Just challenge what was decided last time-makes me look critical &in control
I am academic male, and I don't do 'process' or 'community'; it's all about the outputs.
I am academic male& sorry I decimated dept &made life hell in run up to REF.Can see flaws in process now but too late to change it. Oh well.
I am academic male &she clearly has the research profile &breadth of knowledge, but she's just too collegial for a Chair. We need a 'leader'
I am academic male & if we want to fire someone, we can. Worst they can do is sue, & we can just pay a few grand. Like Ford with that Pinto.
I am academic male and you work on gender? Oh well, I suppose that's fashionable.
I am academic male, & I know I'm retiring on a full pension, but it's outrageous to not let me keep my office. I might need it on occasion.
I am academic male and those that can't do, teach.
I am academic male & in these times of austerity must ensure funding goes to large grants for profs, rather than any of those pesky postdocs
I am academic male and I'm certainly not answering any emails in August. Almost as unlikely as me answering any in July.
I am academic male and I see you've made me head of a committee. Now, we both know i'm not going to do anything, don't we?
I am academic male& we're recruiting a Chair? Marvellous! I've a friend who fancies a move, will call him. Avoid that advertising nonsense.
I am academic male and I know my name comes up twice as often as anybody else's in the REF5 I wrote. What did you expect?
I am academic male & I like creating factions. Department civil war is the way to maintain power, &no I haven't written anything for decades
I am academic male and I don't know about all this equality &diversity. Why can't women just get on with it- that's what the men do.
I am academic male& we are an elite institution: no subjects ending in 'studies' & all the wp places go into nursing, social work &education
I am academic male and my H index is bigger than yours.
I am academic male and the only gender issue at this university is the lack of men in midwifery. Have you seen the stats? Shocking.
I am academic male and I choose my methods like a mercenary chooses his weapons... Only from behind my desk, in my study.
I did some fieldwork once. Out 'observing' all day. Didn't see much though - some women with prams, but nothing important.
I am academic male &although as discussant I'm meant to read your work &comment, I thought I'd do my own paper instead, about my own book.
I am academic male and teaching is about threatening students with failure. Put the fear of god into them, they'll soon work it out.
I am academic male and I'm too important to mark. I have to go windsurfing.
I am academic male and that's it: no ethical approval, no degree. I know it wasn't their fault but we must follow procedure.
I am academic male and I'm terribly sorry, we must have forgotten to copy you in on those emails. Nevermind, all decided now.
I am academic male and I have to read and rank the entire department's REF submission. No idea what half of them are on about.
I am academic male and while everyone should have input on the dept's REF 5 the VC's approved it now, so rather moot. Weren't you included?
I am academic male & I know REF 5 is meant to demonstrate a sense of community in the department, but I don't see how that helps my career.
I don't know, students these days.... They just want to study what's interesting to them. More like therapy than proper scholarship.
I am academic male and the modern way is to promote competition within departments. Pit them against each other, they'll get far more done.
I am academic male & I'm interviewing someone for the Chair. No idea who she is-I'll just look fierce & say her publications are a 'concern'
I am academic male and I'm getting all these emails about 'clearing'... Rings a bell... Is it important? Am in Tuscany- back September.
I am academic male and when we say 'distinction' we mean 'flexibilisation'. But don't worry; none of them have time to figure that out.
I am academic male and academics are easy to manage: just say "prestige" a lot.
I am academic male and if we're going to get rid of people for the REF best do it now. Leaving it until September would look suspiscious
I am academic male and you need to focus on targets and outputs rather than activities. And yes of course I've read Whitehead.
I am academic male & corporate experience in universities is a boon. Who knows more about politics &society than someone who has run an MNC?
I am academic male and I know she has three times more teaching than others, but you have to remember that comparisons are always difficult.
I am academic male & the world needs a retheorisation of social movements, which I will do once I'm across this picket line and in my office
I am academic male and I do know what feminist economics is: It's when economists work out how much cheaper it is to get women to do it.
I am academic male and this new inclusive departmental approach is all very well, but you are empowering the wrong people.
I am academic male & i'm alarmed that research on pop culture is considered acceptable. Celebrities, Buffy...didn't Weber cover all that?
I am academic male and the ethical review process is vitally important. I mean, without the appropriate paperwork, anything could happen.
I am academic male & there are plenty of senior women in academia, don't know why the rest complain. But they do tend to be ball-breakers...
I am academic male and obliging me to produce course handbooks in a standardised format is an infringement of my academic freedom.
I am academic male and it's outrageous that I have to learn about key decisions from the minutes. It's as if I'm expected to actually attend
I am academic male and I have published widely on commodification and consumerism, and I'm now in B&Q. Help.
I am academic male and I've been away and appear to have missed all marking and exam boards. Nevermind. Valuable experience for post-docs.
I am academic male and I'm sorry we allowed the managerial metricisation of the academy, but I'm retiring this year - nothing i can do now
I am academic male and education is about creating distinction. People should know what they're not capable of, and that's how I mark.
I am academic male & I accept that we have to teach students employability skills these days, but I can't help thinking it's...rather gauche
I am academic male and if we need people to do teaching we can just use the PhD students, & maybe some post-docs. Oh, they want to be paid?
I am academic male and I see you work on gender. Can you teach proper political science?
I am academic male &gender doesn't affect my life at all. No,not because I'm white, male &heterosexual-I've never thought of myself that way
I am academic male and I know she's a single parent with a heavy teaching load but basically she needs to work on her time management skills
I am academic male and you must have had all that spare time for research when you went part time after having children. No excuses now.
I am academic male and when I shout and swear in meetings I'm being blunt; when she does she's being unacceptably aggressive
I am academic male and cultural studies is all very well for a PhD, but now you have to ask yourself: 'what do I want to do when I grow up?'
I am academic male and what do you mean I don't put enough effort into my tutorials? Do I have tutorials?
I am academic male and my facial expressions range from 'studied indifference' to 'mild disdain'. It's how I maintain authority.
I am academic male and you can tell that my work is of global significance by the way I keep saying 'this work is of global significance'
I am academic male and I don't think I should be expected to do any service teaching at all. Isn't that what colleagues are for?
I am academic male and I do think research focusing on the pernicious combination of race/class/gender is in danger of ghettoising itself
I am academic male and I see no merit in wikipedia at all. Reliable sources are edited, complied and reviewed by experts, like me.
I am academic male and PhD supervision is a liminal area between teaching and research; which means I can use their data and be first author
I am academic male and my new book explores society, politics &economy from the beginning of time based on my own ruminations from my office
I am academic male and men are discriminated against.No Men's Studies, and those women only socs.Now, I must finish that article on hegemony
I am academic male and all 'post-'s are wrong: -structuralism, -modernism, all of them. Now you've been told. Just stop using them.
I am academic male and I know that 100s of people have come for my much awaited and publicised seminar but there's a problem. I'm in Paris.
I am academic male and I don't bother interviewing ordinary people. Heads of institutions have an expert overview & it's better networking.
I am academic male and yes I did tell you to target that journal, but now you've got in there I can't help thinking it's gone down hill
I am academic male and I wouldn't bother researching in Nepal, that's just a case study. Do somewhere theoretical, like Islington.
I am academic male and I have the flu, undoubtedly picked up from teaching all day on Monday. Teaching must give me flu.
I am academic male and to ensure AAB intake we should target independent schools. Social inclusion all very well but we have to be practical
I am academic male and I spend a maximum of 6 minutes reviewing papers. Doesn't take long to see what's good science.
I am academic male and although i do deign to teach it tarnishes my reputation
I am academic male and of course it's ok to organise meetings in your absence, and yes I can spell 'cabal'.
I am academic male and my research grant is bigger than yours. Tiny class size though.
I am academic male and yes definitely meet for lunch.And the other thing that day?Oh yes-the viva. Won't take long-make reservations for 1pm
I am academic male and widening participation is easy:go to those posh state schools where everyone gets As and skim off the cream. Job done
I am academic male and I know there are no women in senior positions but we can agree that gender is a dynamic, so that's all right then.
I am academic male and it's not a toy soldier collection it's an authentic battle scene and an expert from history helped paint the uniforms
I am academic male and I do not understand why all the women in my department are so defensive and paranoid.
I am academic male and I emphatically do not talk to my top button audibly throughout meetings and tutorials.
I am academic male and I'm not insecure that everyone else in my cohort got rich in banking.I can be just as competitive and agressive here.
I am academic male and we have a lovely young feminist in our department. Even got her to do my photocopying for me. A real team player.
I am academic male and I think I have PhD students. Best they learn to survive on their own; none of that mollycoddling 'feedback' nonsense
I am academic male and departments exist to facilitate my own career progression
I am academic male and you should be able to write that book in your spare time