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@
ImageNameLocationTwitter sinceLinks
The Onion2008-03-04
@TheOnion2,402 days
America's Finest News Source. Subscribe on YouTube: http://t.co/5h833w1KO1
FollowersFollowingTweetsListsFavorites
6,292,6201331,66072,2031
The Onion @TheOnion
Man Hates Being Put In Position Where He Has To Think, Feel, Or Act onion.com/1pEH6bg
4h               
254
240
The Onion @TheOnion
Family Fears Grandmother Aware Of Her Surroundings onion.com/1vv2dU7
5h               
92
58
The Onion @TheOnion
“That figment of my imagination that I married is gone. Gone forever.” onion.com/1vveQh8 pic.twitter.com/Gbqlpy3aAw
7h               
360
258
The Onion @TheOnion
50 Years Of Climate Change, Habitat Loss Somehow Unable To Take Down Goddamned Parrotfish onion.com/1nHrZDR pic.twitter.com/8nqCwrzxcZ
8h               
312
291
The AV Club @TheAVClub
Jeopardy! tells women what they want, is completely wrong avc.lu/1DX4Qlu pic.twitter.com/Gqki08bodl
10h Retweeted by TheOnion               
150
172
The Onion @TheOnion
Report: Consumer Confidence In Amorphous, Indefinable Idea Of Economy Highest Since 2006 onion.com/1qT1rtT
9h               
55
67
The Onion @TheOnion
Man Always Taking Good Mood Out On Friends onion.com/1pECQso pic.twitter.com/FQ8ftaaFlJ
10h               
41
39
The Onion @TheOnion
PRO: Rebuilding America by avoiding needless tax benefits onion.com/1rDRYvl pic.twitter.com/t2MRl53c1A
11h               
92
82
Onion Labs @OnionLabs
In this week’s #ToughSeason, @BradMBlevins has a heart-to-heart with star receiver @ajgreen_18 onion.com/1vuRKal pic.twitter.com/6yv8eUUrWB
12h Retweeted by TheOnion               
17
11
ClickHole @ClickHole
7 Famous Dogs From The ’90s That Are Definitely Dead Now clickhole.com/r/1080tsd pic.twitter.com/q4aACliNxE
14h Retweeted by TheOnion               
511
629
The Onion @TheOnion
[American Voices] People Bending iPhones At Apple Stores onion.com/1CES6i0 #WhatDoYouThink? pic.twitter.com/gQbrqBA8Wi
12h               
84
77
The Onion @TheOnion
In Focus: Microsoft Ad Campaign Crashing Nation's Televisions onion.com/1poM3Wu
12h               
71
67
The Onion @TheOnion
Reader, you have just won The Onion’s #sponsored content sweepstakes! Click here to collect your prize: onion.com/1xy0Y8Q
13h               
20
17
The Onion @TheOnion
This Week Last Year: onion.com/1mMp5gc pic.twitter.com/s3KERqKWAR
13h               
315
231
The Onion @TheOnion
"I'm sick of it." onion.com/1ByWsF1 pic.twitter.com/lDkpPEXKxD
13h               
517
536
The Onion @TheOnion
Family Fears Grandmother Aware Of Her Surroundings onion.com/1vsm5p9 pic.twitter.com/XI9kpN7OWN
13h               
256
138
The Onion @TheOnion
In Focus | @MichaelPhelps Apologizes To Nation After Tasting Subway For First Time onion.com/1tecf7G pic.twitter.com/BCnSgoGtra
14h               
964
1,045
The Onion @TheOnion
50 Years Of Climate Change, Habitat Loss Somehow Unable To Take Down Goddamned Parrotfish onion.com/1DWfYiu pic.twitter.com/hp0LBnhpxB
14h               
313
271
The Onion @TheOnion
In Commentary | "That figment of my imagination that I married is gone. Gone forever." onion.com/1mM7PrD
14h               
48
25
The Onion @TheOnion
"Honestly, it’s almost as if you’re the exact same man I married." onion.com/1mM1Umh pic.twitter.com/qlc20cie1I
15h               
487
339
ClickHole @ClickHole
We Censored This Cat’s Penis To Prove A Point clickhole.com/r/1101tsd pic.twitter.com/yxvMiTIF2y
15h Retweeted by TheOnion               
114
76
The Onion @TheOnion
Report: Consumer Confidence In Amorphous, Indefinable Idea Of Economy Highest Since 2006 onion.com/1nFJuED pic.twitter.com/lEXJpsXAb5
15h               
122
110
The Onion @TheOnion
9% of poll respondents said spanking children was appropriate but only for kids who are going to grow up just fine onion.com/1CEeXdx
15h               
156
135
The Onion @TheOnion
POLL: Do You Believe Spanking Is An Appropriate Punishment For Children? onion.com/1vugDmC pic.twitter.com/I8pndKUh77
16h               
51
50
The Onion @TheOnion
Man Always Taking Good Mood Out On Friends onion.com/ZodKJh pic.twitter.com/T6HcpHZLmN
16h               
383
308
The Onion @TheOnion
[American Voices] Kim Jong-Un Suffering From Gout Caused By Eating Too Much Cheese onion.com/YHmFEz
16h               
76
44
The Onion @TheOnion
Your Horoscopes — Week Of September 30, 2014 onion.com/YHh4hE pic.twitter.com/irg26zBvhO
17h               
46
58
The Onion @TheOnion
From The Archives: Ugly Man With Huge Penis Unsure How To Get The Word Out onion.com/1rqa45a
18h               
335
207
The Onion @TheOnion
3.2 million displaced Darfur refugees sat on the groom’s side onion.com/1xuXJ2d pic.twitter.com/Xdzbjn08xy
1d               
258
243
The Onion @TheOnion
Did you know China has 3.5 million square miles of hard-to-find places? onion.com/1mHCAOo pic.twitter.com/4tRgdFWQUg
1d               
77
62
The Onion @TheOnion
Liberal Arts Graduate Realizes He’s Already Forgotten 90% Of Human Condition onion.com/1DSWcoc pic.twitter.com/POA7UonqHf
1d               
437
375
The Onion @TheOnion
Diabetic, Gout-Ridden Kim Jong-Un By Far Healthiest Person In North Korea onion.com/YIu0Uc pic.twitter.com/6a0OZCqCBN
1d               
601
639
The Onion @TheOnion
Study Finds Mass Extinction Could Free Up Billions Of Dollars In Conservation Funding By 2025 onion.com/1BxkK21
1d               
202
277
The Onion @TheOnion
[American Voices] “If Clooney can find someone, then there’s hope for all of us.” onion.com/1CBypaS
1d               
198
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Onion Sports Network @OnionSports
The Onion’s #FantasyFootball coverage offers guidance for your meaningless hobby. Read more onion.com/1DSAnoH pic.twitter.com/Hl9ah0TIVr
1d Retweeted by TheOnion               
34
38
ClickHole @ClickHole
I Never Understood My Father Until I Traveled Through Time And Became Him clickhole.com/r/1070tsd pic.twitter.com/nKsVPnvGeD
1d Retweeted by TheOnion               
337
244
The Onion @TheOnion
George Clooney's wedding featured a make-your-own-nachos bar onion.com/ZlfenD pic.twitter.com/gTSjbMcL56
1d               
171
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The Onion @TheOnion
Did you know China bankrolls the entire goddamn free world? onion.com/1mHCAOo pic.twitter.com/4NzpJGS5LE
1d               
77
77
The Onion @TheOnion
How China Stifles Dissent onion.com/1ryF0z1 pic.twitter.com/OmfCRPlbhb
1d               
50
68
The Onion @TheOnion
Liberal Arts Graduate Realizes He’s Already Forgotten 90% Of Human Condition onion.com/1mHqTY2 pic.twitter.com/2ZZiDdeZ4r
1d               
448
391
The Onion @TheOnion
Diabetic, Gout-Ridden Kim Jong-Un By Far Healthiest Person In North Korea onion.com/10eQYDQ pic.twitter.com/hMGHxrcrnP
1d               
629
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Onion Sports Network @OnionSports
New NFL Rule Protects Quarterbacks From Brutal Criticism onion.com/1vpSzjC pic.twitter.com/g8AWOBwaRq
1d Retweeted by TheOnion               
253
340
The Onion @TheOnion
10 Years Ago Today | Area Man Somehow Even Less Popular Than He Was In High School onion.com/1mHc5Zl
1d               
99
74
The Onion @TheOnion
New Pepsi Product Specifically Mentions Target Demographic In Name onion.com/1vr9N11 pic.twitter.com/8clsN419kh
1d               
362
268
The Onion @TheOnion
Editorial Cartoon: 'Unbereavable' onion.com/1vr6Hu2 pic.twitter.com/RLC6Md1653
1d               
45
36
The Onion @TheOnion
Study Finds Mass Extinction Could Free Up Billions Of Dollars In Conservation Funding By 2024 onion.com/1CAUJ4a pic.twitter.com/CbA0ltHWn6
1d               
352
532
ClickHole @ClickHole
We Get Some Kids Riled Up For Pizza And Then Leave clickhole.com/r/1091tsd pic.twitter.com/J5pOlIqOG2
1d Retweeted by TheOnion               
640
475
The Onion @TheOnion
The Week In Pictures – Week Of September 29, 2014 onion.com/1mGLLhW pic.twitter.com/qGgSGHjWOd
1d               
74
22
The Onion @TheOnion
[American Voices] Video Game ‘Swatting’ Hoax Costing Police Hundreds Of Thousands Of Dollars onion.com/1DRyNTX
1d               
36
16
The Onion @TheOnion
Song Deemed Good Enough To Put Girlfriend On Shoulders onion.com/1qOfoJt pic.twitter.com/yh1yhJkXHb
1d               
919
570
The Onion @TheOnion
In Focus | Sources: George Clooney Looking Good onion.com/1mGuwgK pic.twitter.com/zo3ehUxhac
1d               
160
146
The Onion @TheOnion
In Focus: Man With Dream To Open Liquor Store Achieves Dream onion.com/1vps51S
1d               
76
46
ClickHole @ClickHole
The Future Of Food Is Here clickhole.com/r/748tsd #HoverHam pic.twitter.com/jq5mc3emCv
2d Retweeted by TheOnion               
133
123
The Onion @TheOnion
Top Story: @NASA Administrator Resigns After Leak Of Offensive Anti-Moon Email onion.com/1vojfBt
2d               
105
119
The Onion @TheOnion
Senator To Try Submitting Rejected Bill To Canadian Parliament onion.com/1qJK8eA
2d               
75
97
The Onion @TheOnion
Mars MAVEN Begins Mission To Take Thousands Of High-Resolution Desktop Backgrounds onion.com/1pzzsz4
2d               
181
139
The Onion @TheOnion
"Michelle sleeps a lot more easily now that I’ve got this piece of lumber." – @BarackObama onion.com/YvGFtZ pic.twitter.com/oo7yI6QaGU
2d               
322
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The Onion @TheOnion
Man Has Pretty Good Idea Which Friend Going To Give Up On Dream First onion.com/1uTFGOe
2d               
110
84
ClickHole @ClickHole
Incredible! This Man Can Name All The Beatles clickhole.com/r/1055tsd
2d Retweeted by TheOnion               
111
113
The Onion @TheOnion
The 12 Top-Paying Jobs In The U.S. onion.com/1rtf1rn pic.twitter.com/iW6NaT2Gjc
2d               
97
76
The Onion @TheOnion
When asked if they’d use a male birth control pill, 9% of poll respondents said, "Sure thing, babe.” bit.ly/1pkVkif
2d               
304
251
The Onion @TheOnion
This Week Last Year: 7 Places You HAVE To Go After You Die onion.com/1vpv3UY
2d               
88
60
The Onion @TheOnion
In Lifestyle: Parents Considering Second Child So Daughter Can Have Someone To Grow Apart From onion.com/1mDnVDO pic.twitter.com/HMd5TgOS0w
2d               
264
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The Onion @TheOnion
In Sports | Sources: NFL Knew What Evil Lurking Within Heart Of Man onion.com/1CxAYdZ
2d               
61
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The Onion @TheOnion
In Local News: What Mom Would Have Wanted Evolving Over Course Of Funeral Planning onion.com/1u525u1 pic.twitter.com/oFAIDImY12
2d               
145
66
The Onion @TheOnion
Editorial Cartoon: 'All Things Embittered' onion.com/1ruWFaX pic.twitter.com/BJotpoksMP
2d               
113
82
ClickHole @ClickHole
This Internet Theory Suggests All Pixar Fans Live In The Same Universe clickhole.com/r/1015tsd pic.twitter.com/JhfKbpNn2C
3d Retweeted by TheOnion               
377
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The Onion @TheOnion
Woman Worried Student Loans Could Prevent Her From One Day Owning Entirely Different Kind Of Crippling Debt onion.com/YpHBQo
3d               
353
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The Onion @TheOnion
Man Stuck in Dead-End Body onion.com/1vnSnl9 pic.twitter.com/YU0jkfT53o
3d               
254
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The Onion @TheOnion
In Commentary | It’s Just My Luck To Lose Thousands At The Blackjack Tables Every Night For The Past Few Weeks onion.com/1vnSnkY
3d               
57
28
ClickHole @ClickHole
5 Ways ISIS Can Reduce Its Carbon Footprint clickhole.com/r/1053tsd pic.twitter.com/CuwX4JX9FN
3d Retweeted by TheOnion               
499
722
The Onion @TheOnion
In Finance | Report: You’re Actually Saving Money With Roller Rink Membership onion.com/1CvlBCN
3d               
45
30
The Onion @TheOnion
Top Story: Too Late Now To Switch From Checkout Line With Talkative Cashier onion.com/YqnKQS
3d               
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The Onion @TheOnion
This Week's Top Story: Police Satisfied After Drunk Man Assures Them There’s No Problem onion.com/1vosxyc pic.twitter.com/tVmbFruaT2
3d               
572
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The Onion @TheOnion
In Local News: Man Given 3 Months To Live Throws In One Or Two Non-Sexual Things To Do onion.com/1Cvl9nT
3d               
103
78
The Onion @TheOnion
TIP: Try to talk your college down from its original asking price onion.com/YpDPXm pic.twitter.com/aNjlWYuoQ9
3d               
305
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The Onion @TheOnion
This Week Last Year: You are a deranged human being for feeling this way. onion.com/1vnSoFB pic.twitter.com/HIFgVmcZ1a
3d               
183
124
The Onion @TheOnion
In Politics: U.S. Still Enjoying Small But Loyal Following onion.com/1BlhwPd pic.twitter.com/DHB3u7aLjh
3d               
225
144
The Onion @TheOnion
Tense Party Enters Third Hour Of Unplayed Acoustic Guitar Leaning Against Wall onion.com/ZZ9obw pic.twitter.com/gWnlsVwfw4
4d               
533
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The Onion @TheOnion
The Pros And Cons Of Never Getting Married onion.com/1rky2Pa
4d               
176
148
The Onion @TheOnion
Frozen Tundra Of Emptiness Stretching Out Forever And Ever Weighed Against Date With Mike4763 onion.com/1DDaaKQ pic.twitter.com/qTTYr87qxR
4d               
159
122
The Onion @TheOnion
[American Voices] New ‘Anti-Facebook’ Social Network Ello Boasts Lack Of Ads onion.com/1xq25rd #WhatDoYouThink?
4d               
48
57
The AV Club @TheAVClub
There’s some controversy surrounding The Daily Show’s Redskins segment avc.lu/1rkqvQt pic.twitter.com/nMPRI6W7rT
4d Retweeted by TheOnion               
322
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ClickHole @ClickHole
10 Snacks Mom Needs To Stop Packing In Our Lunch clickhole.com/r/1031tsd pic.twitter.com/ozc2cIUw03
4d Retweeted by TheOnion               
118
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Onion Sports Network @OnionSports
Fantasy Football Week 4: Start ’Em, Sit ’Em onion.com/1myYBPo pic.twitter.com/GrrmfwfwnM
4d Retweeted by TheOnion               
37
37
The Onion @TheOnion
Here are the arguments for attending each: onion.com/1vnQfuu pic.twitter.com/zM3fQ23GuM
4d               
147
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Onion Sports Network @OnionSports
Man Watches 4 Innings Of Game On Concession Stand’s TV Monitor onion.com/1BhPiEO pic.twitter.com/rAxLxM1R8E
4d Retweeted by TheOnion               
253
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The Onion @TheOnion
The Onion’s #FantasyFootball coverage offers guidance for your meaningless hobby. Read more onion.com/1xq0zFC pic.twitter.com/4gFeb9u84W
4d               
42
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The Onion @TheOnion
Nation’s Younger Cousins Announce Plans To Cry At Haunted Houses This Year onion.com/1okTbDd pic.twitter.com/7ZOr1GnUgL
4d               
227
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ClickHole @ClickHole
Are You A Big Jazz Boy Or A Little Jazz Boy? clickhole.com/r/1081tsd #quiz pic.twitter.com/AmadCfyIbI
4d Retweeted by TheOnion               
118
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The Onion @TheOnion
Tense Party Enters Third Hour Of Unplayed Acoustic Guitar Leaning Against Wall onion.com/1wNHsCi pic.twitter.com/nTpqRPHXNn
4d               
438
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The Onion @TheOnion
PRO: Get to have sex with a different attractive person every night for the rest of your life onion.com/1rkmxY2 pic.twitter.com/0iaWERpKYr
4d               
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TheOnionJobs @TheOnionJobs
The Onion is looking for a Product Manager. Learn more and apply at smrtr.co/YenFzK
4d Retweeted by TheOnion               
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19
The Onion @TheOnion
Here are some pros and cons of never getting married onion.com/1Bhu9KW pic.twitter.com/mPkvlDNAt8
4d               
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The Onion @TheOnion
Climate Self-Conscious About All The Changes That Are Happening To It Right Now onion.com/1t2BcCX pic.twitter.com/ovGU4O7MOr
4d               
360
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The AV Club @TheAVClub
Check out these illustrations of Simpsons locales as seen at night avc.lu/1u38Z3a pic.twitter.com/YJ2UZg1wGX
4d Retweeted by TheOnion               
314
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Onion Sports Network @OnionSports
BREAKING: This Is Section 208, We’re Supposed To Be In 209 onion.com/YjWVxG pic.twitter.com/ut0ujeO7h3
4d Retweeted by TheOnion               
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The Onion @TheOnion
This Week Last Year: Hell Now A Thriving Epicenter Of Gay Culture onion.com/1roRxnj pic.twitter.com/fXJzpGhmp9
4d               
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Onion Sports Network @OnionSports
Heineken Reminds NFL Executives They Would Be Pretty Forgiving Corporate Sponsor onion.com/1qCJgbE
4d Retweeted by TheOnion               
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The Onion @TheOnion
[American Voices] Report: Americans Throw Out More Food Than Plastic, Paper, Metal, Or Glass onion.com/1pwc7hx #WhatDoYouThink?
4d               
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