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@
ImageNameLocationTwitter sinceLinks
The Onion2008-03-04
@TheOnion2,425 days
America's Finest News Source. Subscribe on YouTube: http://t.co/5h833w1KO1
FollowersFollowingTweetsListsFavorites
6,404,3891332,21672,3531
The Onion @TheOnion
Everyone At 3:15 Screening Of ‘Birdman’ There Alone
23m               
124
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The Onion @TheOnion
Crowd Outside White House Hoping To Catch Glimpse Of President Naked onion.com/1z59ahI pic.twitter.com/6hbFUqHVAF
42m               
129
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The Onion @TheOnion
With 'Here Comes Honey Boo Boo' cancelled, TLC producers want a “borderline brain-dead” family onion.com/1xiBdG1 pic.twitter.com/kw7C9hY5Yt
1h               
269
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The Onion @TheOnion
TIP: Write “Boo!” on your wall onion.com/1xikQcx pic.twitter.com/Ti7GLDkhWE
1h               
70
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The Onion @TheOnion
Here are some tips for throwing the perfect Halloween bash onion.com/1xikanu pic.twitter.com/HQ1HAZtEst
1h               
41
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The Onion @TheOnion
"We encourage all New Yorkers to continue stepping over them as always." onion.com/1xifpKF pic.twitter.com/7iPnl28my3
1h               
289
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The Onion @TheOnion
Area Man Pretty Loud At Guitar onion.com/1xibwp2 pic.twitter.com/jMHLM4vBHJ
2h               
403
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The Onion @TheOnion
"Witnessing violent high-speed collisions with these awe-inspiring creatures is an experience like no other." onion.com/1xi9BAV
2h               
26
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The Onion @TheOnion
Boston Cruise Line Introduces New Whale Ramming Tour onion.com/1xi8zoL pic.twitter.com/D4tuMsk9wt
2h               
311
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ClickHole @ClickHole
What We’re Really Saying When We Make Fun Of Julia Roberts’ New Arm clickhole.com/r/1270tsd pic.twitter.com/oqsGL45tmH
3h Retweeted by TheOnion               
259
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The Onion @TheOnion
Fantasy Football Week 8: Start ’Em, Sit ’Em | Onion Sports’ expert analysis onion.com/1oCqx6e pic.twitter.com/uvPJY9OrjI
3h               
35
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The Onion @TheOnion
Wedding DJ Could Have Anyone Here onion.com/1oClcMc pic.twitter.com/A5U2xOkUgm
3h               
81
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ClickHole @ClickHole
World On Alert: Has The American #Ebola Outbreak Spread To Africa? clickhole.com/r/1266tsd pic.twitter.com/VEgy95q5g2
4h Retweeted by TheOnion               
621
762
The Onion @TheOnion
This Week Last Year | Flashback! 8 Mind-Blowing Photos Of Jessica Alba Before She Was Famous onion.com/1t8ICcj pic.twitter.com/ez02z9fV6v
4h               
57
43
Onion Sports Network @OnionSports
Local Man Almost Finished Collecting Fantasy Football Winnings From 2005 onion.com/1rt0sRE pic.twitter.com/Qe5fgAwcKk
4h Retweeted by TheOnion               
240
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The Onion @TheOnion
Elderly Parents Staying Active By Frequently Going To Friends’ Funerals onion.com/1rsZdC4 pic.twitter.com/6KoywfxDqb
5h               
428
369
The Onion @TheOnion
[American Voices] Dogs Catch White House Fence Jumper onion.com/1rsWYyv #WhatDoYouThink? pic.twitter.com/OrCjGq7dyl
5h               
30
22
Hammond Morris @OnionAdCzar
When I heard @officialDannyT start telling me my @pocketavatars #horrorscope I knew it must be true onion.com/1z4kTNI
5h Retweeted by TheOnion               
11
7
The Onion @TheOnion
Man Now Too Exhausted To Repress Both Anger And Sadness onion.com/1ycl4TO pic.twitter.com/vTgvbJee9z
6h               
298
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The Onion @TheOnion
From The Archives: Newly Unemployed Woman Enjoys Equal Pay For First Time In Career onion.com/1xhj5wd pic.twitter.com/6xEojJC6UT
6h               
621
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The Onion @TheOnion
Early registration times allow scholar-athletes to enroll in the most in-demand fluff courses onion.com/1tn1LqJ pic.twitter.com/H36jmKYv3g
16h               
136
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The Onion @TheOnion
Report: Slamming Boss Against Wall, Shouting ‘Cash! I Need More Cash!’ Still Leading Tactic For Securing Raise onion.com/1tn1Af3
17h               
294
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The Onion @TheOnion
Report: Advertisers Threatening To Pull Money Now The Only Remaining Way To Effect Any Change onion.com/1tn1ofL
18h               
146
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The Onion @TheOnion
Greyhound Now Offering Premium Upgrade To Slightly Less Disgusting Seats onion.com/1tn13K3 pic.twitter.com/xKG7K2QiY5
20h               
224
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The Onion @TheOnion
New National Park Caters To Business Travelers onion.com/1tn0PCE
21h               
32
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The Onion @TheOnion
New Hobby To Tide Retired Man Over Until Death onion.com/1tn0tfg pic.twitter.com/C8Pf0llq10
22h               
215
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The Onion @TheOnion
[American Voices] Report: UNC Inflated Grades, Created Fake Classes For Over 3,100 Students onion.com/1uMfQKT #WhatDoYouThink?
22h               
46
43
Onion Sports Network @OnionSports
On #ToughSeason, Brad finally gets knocked back to Earth by rising Cameron The Intern onion.com/10qPIxC #SPON pic.twitter.com/TDQUwyLcJs
1d Retweeted by TheOnion               
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The Onion @TheOnion
Post-epidemic tribes will refer to this site as “the darkness lands” | Track Ebola in the U.S. onion.com/1uMcdoh pic.twitter.com/zCQy7G2PSf
22h               
146
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The AV Club @TheAVClub
Child molestation leads to TLC finally being offended by Honey Boo Boo avc.lu/1se3x86
23h Retweeted by TheOnion               
102
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The Onion @TheOnion
In Focus: Brave Woman Enters Restaurant Without First Looking It Up Online onion.com/10qQwCL pic.twitter.com/jc3B1LM3HQ
23h               
542
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The Onion @TheOnion
Are you strong enough to resist the overpowering urge to buy our sponsor’s products after reading this content? onion.com/10qPqac #SPON
1d               
34
23
The Onion @TheOnion
[American Voices] Tinder Offering Premium Paid Service To Help Users Find Better Matches onion.com/1uLOi8l #WhatDoYouThink?
1d               
24
24
ClickHole @ClickHole
Soldier Returning From Afghanistan Surprises Total Stranger clickhole.com/r/1265tsd #inspirational pic.twitter.com/aDNaTLqf2h
1d Retweeted by TheOnion               
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The Onion @TheOnion
At Ohio State, athletes receive complimentary transportation to and from crime scenes onion.com/1uLHt6M pic.twitter.com/I3zhnCQ4Vh
1d               
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The Onion @TheOnion
Researchers also recommend slowly tightening one’s grip around their boss’s throat onion.com/1uLEz1V pic.twitter.com/JdVIFNVgxZ
1d               
331
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Onion Sports Network @OnionSports
Jets Amazed By Percy Harvin’s Willingness To Fight In Huddle onion.com/1wv52Ff pic.twitter.com/gVP2xDOTTf
1d Retweeted by TheOnion               
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The Onion @TheOnion
This content is brought to you by the wanton greed inherent in human nature onion.com/1wv4WO1 #SPON
1d               
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The Onion @TheOnion
Report: Advertisers Threatening To Pull Money Now The Only Remaining Way To Effect Any Change onion.com/1wv4rDm
1d               
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The Onion @TheOnion
Scientists Announce Today Best Time To Look Directly At Sun onion.com/1wv3E5C pic.twitter.com/pKmb9L83td
1d               
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The Onion @TheOnion
Greyhound Now Offering Premium Upgrade To Slightly Less Disgusting Seats onion.com/1wv2cA3 pic.twitter.com/m1xy1PlBwF
1d               
202
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Onion Sports Network @OnionSports
On Owner's Box, fantasy guru @PerryBigwell has a special Thursday Night Football preview onion.com/1wv0H4Y pic.twitter.com/gBrzdt6gYG
1d Retweeted by TheOnion               
259
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The Onion @TheOnion
New National Park Caters To Business Travelers onion.com/1wuYeYg pic.twitter.com/7WjZkQNbj4
1d               
140
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ClickHole @ClickHole
Amazing Colorized Versions Of Black-And-White Photos Make History Come Alive clickhole.com/r/1262tsd pic.twitter.com/KLRO7Thzz5
1d Retweeted by TheOnion               
164
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The Onion @TheOnion
This Week Last Year | Who Said It: Kanye West Or A Manual For The Cuisinart CRC-400 Electric Rice Cooker? onion.com/1ijzFrj
1d               
106
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Onion Sports Network @OnionSports
Football Hall Of Fame Acquires Peyton Manning's Record-Breaking Touchdown-Throwing Arm onion.com/1t6PJ4O pic.twitter.com/0ARnzxay1v
1d Retweeted by TheOnion               
472
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The Onion @TheOnion
New Hobby To Tide Retired Man Over Until Death onion.com/1t6Maf3 pic.twitter.com/xqqUogP7jW
1d               
242
139
The Onion @TheOnion
STATSHOT | What Are Strangers Putting In Our Halloween Candy? onion.com/1tfkGF3 pic.twitter.com/UELXR0OfIQ
1d               
43
43
The Onion @TheOnion
In Focus: Scientists Finally Pronounce Human Genome

‘It’s Gatcaatgaggtggacaccagaggc…’ onion.com/1tffLUF
1d               
180
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The Onion @TheOnion
From The Archives: Man Always Three Ingredients Away From Making Pancakes onion.com/1wuLrVz
1d               
113
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The Onion @TheOnion
Pueblo Indians Can’t Keep Pace With Area Mom’s Appetite For Earthenware onion.com/1xauUEw pic.twitter.com/E0gJqyOqWH
1d               
570
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The Onion @TheOnion
Area Man Released After Being Wrongfully Employed For 9 Years onion.com/1xauNca
1d               
214
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The Onion @TheOnion
New Census Study Finds That 40% Of U.S. Population Is Filler onion.com/1xauEFD pic.twitter.com/AFGZyAXFHe
1d               
455
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The Onion @TheOnion
Second-Grader Likes To Save Purple Pills For Last onion.com/1xauvlE
1d               
88
58
The Onion @TheOnion
Cake Left Out In Break Room With No Instructions onion.com/1xaqkWY pic.twitter.com/L8hK0IFG7Y
1d               
672
503
The Onion @TheOnion
Midterm Candidates Distancing Selves From United States onion.com/1xaqjlL
1d               
87
143
Hammond Morris @OnionAdCzar
I would compete in the Schick Xtreme Comfort Games but I think I’m already competing by laying down on my couch? onion.com/1xacYda
1d Retweeted by TheOnion               
23
10
The Onion @TheOnion
Man’s Whole Job Undoing Handiwork Of Self-Checkout Machine onion.com/1xaqdKU pic.twitter.com/LbN7TeQ3XS
1d               
287
216
ClickHole @ClickHole
7 Female CEOs Who Inspire Us All To Be Cogs In The Capitalist Machine clickhole.com/r/1242tsd pic.twitter.com/rAkgfrtHT8
2d Retweeted by TheOnion               
458
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The Onion @TheOnion
Here are some tips for finding the right doctor: onion.com/1xaiOv5 pic.twitter.com/rRB4Y6QdEO
1d               
65
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Hammond Morris @OnionAdCzar
What’s worse than rats? Singing rats. I don’t care if they are a Soprano. onion.com/1xacELx
1d Retweeted by TheOnion               
28
16
The Onion @TheOnion
[American Voices] Toys ‘R’ Us Pulls ‘Breaking Bad’ Action Figures From Shelves onion.com/1xadTKG #WhatDoYouThink?
1d               
67
59
The AV Club @TheAVClub
Goodfellas actor sues The Simpsons for allegedly stealing his likeness avc.lu/ZNUGUq pic.twitter.com/KsqYPsaKLR
2d Retweeted by TheOnion               
400
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The Onion @TheOnion
Pueblo Indians Can’t Keep Pace With Area Mom’s Appetite For Earthenware onion.com/1wkY9oW pic.twitter.com/H0TDx3p0aF
2d               
497
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The Onion @TheOnion
Area Man Released After Being Wrongfully Employed For 9 Years onion.com/1rqDeeW pic.twitter.com/sJyCUSoByq
2d               
336
279
Onion Sports Network @OnionSports
Curt Schilling’s Family Urges Him To Finally See Doctor About Bleeding Ankle onion.com/1rqBzpO pic.twitter.com/N8hVVz65VG
2d Retweeted by TheOnion               
313
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The Onion @TheOnion
New Census Study Finds That 40% Of U.S. Population Is Filler onion.com/1rqAXAl pic.twitter.com/hzh93LER5B
2d               
335
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ClickHole @ClickHole
We Put 700 Red Dots On A Map clickhole.com/r/947tsd
2d Retweeted by TheOnion               
129
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The Onion @TheOnion
If you never click this link to our sponsor’s content, you’ll never know if it’s shameful, embarrassing or both onion.com/ZNX4KH #SPON
2d               
41
34
The Onion @TheOnion
Second-Grader Likes To Save Purple Pills For Last onion.com/1zkM5J1 pic.twitter.com/0Es3NTKkiC
2d               
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The Onion @TheOnion
Reports indicate that the cake definitely isn’t big enough for the entire office onion.com/1zkKSBw pic.twitter.com/6nFE5HKXAg
2d               
304
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The Onion @TheOnion
Cake Left Out In Break Room With No Instructions onion.com/1zkKgMi
2d               
149
149
The Onion @TheOnion
Midterm Candidates Distancing Selves From United States onion.com/1CWolHB pic.twitter.com/QnANIIckWi
2d               
171
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The Onion @TheOnion
In Focus: Johnny Depp Now Completely Made Of Scarves And Bracelets onion.com/1CWg9ac pic.twitter.com/hwxXOFFjT5
2d               
2,287
1,729
The Onion @TheOnion
Man’s Whole Job Undoing Handiwork Of Self-Checkout Machine onion.com/1nz7CbJ pic.twitter.com/Vhf7LopBsc
2d               
297
205
ClickHole @ClickHole
Did we get this right? #GamerGate clickhole.com/r/1241tsd pic.twitter.com/GP1Q67V5Xx
2d Retweeted by TheOnion               
1,798
2,317
The Onion @TheOnion
[American Voices] Facebook To Test Jet-Sized Wi-Fi Drones By 2015 onion.com/1nz67tY #WhatDoYouThink?
2d               
41
41
The Onion @TheOnion
First, ask yourself what your goals are when you see a doctor. Do you want to live, or die? onion.com/1nz4Bbf pic.twitter.com/jLboW83iIb
2d               
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The Onion @TheOnion
In Focus: Man Appalled At Date Who Lied Slightly More Than Him On Online Dating Profile onion.com/1nyYKmg pic.twitter.com/UPRDXXTChy
2d               
309
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The Onion @TheOnion
Astronomers Celebrate 300th Anniversary Of Discovering Sky onion.com/ZFpwyc pic.twitter.com/CUWQjz1CUE
2d               
404
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The Onion @TheOnion
Flu Clinic Selling 2009 Version Of Vaccine For A Few Bucks Cheaper onion.com/ZFpeHq pic.twitter.com/Jhz6a5Lpa2
2d               
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The Onion @TheOnion
Moronic Mailroom Worker Worked Way Down From CEO onion.com/ZFparo pic.twitter.com/HALOTWUBTy
2d               
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The Onion @TheOnion
New Election Ruling Allows Candidates To Remain Completely Anonymous Throughout Campaign onion.com/ZFoW3h pic.twitter.com/DRpKjCGc11
2d               
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The Onion @TheOnion
Bud Selig Awoken From Cryosleep In Time For World Series onion.com/1t4d0o7 pic.twitter.com/g4dnpFSMh4
2d               
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The Onion @TheOnion
"You wouldn’t scare Abbott and Costello with these ham-fisted ostentations." onion.com/ZFoDW8 pic.twitter.com/Amxgw3qKXr
2d               
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The Onion @TheOnion
ONN Exclusive: One-On-One Interview With God onion.com/ZFooKV pic.twitter.com/eR2dTn2GrC
2d               
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The Onion @TheOnion
On the latest #ToughSeason, the fantasy football matchup of the year is here: onion.com/1t4fgvu #SPON pic.twitter.com/NU8rYPNgw4
2d               
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19
The Onion @TheOnion
Media Stumped On How To Handle Missing Mixed-Race Woman onion.com/1t4fa73 pic.twitter.com/f10IbQHtSk
2d               
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The Onion @TheOnion
[American Voices] Led Zeppelin Accused Of Plagiarizing ‘Stairway To Heaven’ onion.com/1t4c9nd #WhatDoYouThink?
2d               
75
64
ClickHole @ClickHole
WATCH: A Recap Of Last Night’s Episode Of ‘Spaderville’ clickhole.com/r/1246tsd #Spaderville pic.twitter.com/nGWjSM7EwP
3d Retweeted by TheOnion               
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The Onion @TheOnion
In Focus: "I'll be honest, I'm not 22 anymore. I got responsibilities." onion.com/1or6nfm pic.twitter.com/pQ8tij3lNU
3d               
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The Onion @TheOnion
Behold the terrific beast: part original content, part corporate bile, part reader shame. See the monster here! onion.com/1or4vn0 #SPON
3d               
31
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The AV Club @TheAVClub
Hannibal Buress called Bill Cosby a rapist on stage avc.lu/10j0S7P pic.twitter.com/SeW0WZFRZe
3d Retweeted by TheOnion               
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The Onion @TheOnion
Astronomers Celebrate 300th Anniversary Of Discovering Sky onion.com/1s3Y9o0 pic.twitter.com/x6ZpJtRXXi
3d               
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Onion Sports Network @OnionSports
In Focus: SI Investigation Reveals Oklahoma State An Awesome Place To Play Football onion.com/1s3Sdva
3d Retweeted by TheOnion               
41
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The Onion @TheOnion
Flu Clinic Selling 2009 Version Of Vaccine For A Few Bucks Cheaper onion.com/1s3SJcJ pic.twitter.com/IwLfhp9XPc
3d               
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Hammond Morris @OnionAdCzar
Did some searching online and found this promo video for @BLAHAirlines. My struggle is real flyblahairlines.com
3d Retweeted by TheOnion               
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The Onion @TheOnion
Moronic Mailroom Worker Worked Way Down From CEO onion.com/1s3MOnX pic.twitter.com/EG3FXBYZPA
3d               
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The Onion @TheOnion
New Election Ruling Allows Candidates To Remain Completely Anonymous Throughout Campaign onion.com/1s3FXuP pic.twitter.com/msHJ6Kj4C4
3d               
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ClickHole @ClickHole
It’s Time To Have A National Conversation That Doesn’t Include Input From Celebrities, Because Yikes clickhole.com/r/1206tsd
3d Retweeted by TheOnion               
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