Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to meeeee
Shit, I'm so old
So I survived my stag night. Yay for me!
How much stripper could a stripper strip if a stripper could strip stripper? Relax... There are no strippers here
I'm so drunk I can taste colours
Random guy on the train "Omg you're DJ Gex from the radio... Why are you dressed like a girl?"
Probably quite inappropriate... Me right now!
The bride to be... ...can't bowl at all! Sorry Bonnie, good thing he bowled you over!
Hey can I get a live news report for my stag day mr professional journalist man?
No tequila? This pub is the worst Mexican restaurant ever!
If the awesome people of Twitter want to get involved even though you can't be here, feel free to tweet using the hashtag :)
My beautiful dress got caught on the slide
I still haven't seen any wild animals. That's a stag joke
It begins... But I would make a pretty girl!
oh um I kinda need my eyebrows!
You know that feeling when you are about to be handcuffed to another person until you die? Yep.
It's my stag thingy today and I can't wait to see what wholesome family activities my idiot friends have planned for me.
Twitter is the place where people RT and star you not because your tweet is funny but coz you RT and starred them yesterday. It's bullshit.
what are the symptoms of being fergalicious
I wonder if dogs get tired of watching their owner masturbate?
Asking for a friend's dogs.
was cancelled because of who the mum was dating. I'm surprised anybody would date her... She looks like a thumb
The most surprising part about being cancelled is that nobody on the show can spell cancelled
You know you're drunk when you feel sophisticated even though you can't say it
My favorite part of the weekend is the bit where I get paid to play other people's music to people who are so drunk they won't remember it
Fitness? More like fitness whole cheesecake in my mouth.
If asked 20 minutes ago, everyone in this drug store would have said it's impossible to twerk to Adele.
NOT ANYMORE. YOU'RE WELCOME, CVS.
2 baked beans were travelling around Australia... They ended up in
I want to know what clown invented light beer?
Oh yeah it's the life of the party.
Get. In. The. Bin.
My bucks weekend starts now. I guess this whole wedding thing is real then!
OH OH OH GO AND SUBSCRIBE TO MY BRAND NEW YOUTUBE CHANNEL!!!! Its in capitals because i'm excited! VIDEO
My first ever YouTube video is now live. Just me discussing Ariana Grandes dodgy right cheek VIDEO
Whenever my girlfriend tells me I can't eat pizza for breakfast, I like to respond by proving that I actually can eat pizza for breakfast
Exaggerations made on Twitter are up a billion percent this year
Relax psycho. It's a biscuit! Gingerbread man is just a name, I'm sure they're already genderless. I've never seen a gingerbread penis!
I just read that they are trying to ban the gingerbread man and replace it with a 'genderless gingerbread figure' this is why I hate people
Dogs are stupid! Mine is terrified of feather dusters despite the fact that they are the softest thing in the house
How did you guess ? It's me dressed up as a cat!
I'm currently uploading my first ever video content to YouTube
When you look back at old photos of yourself and see how terrible you used to look
Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar... you'd think she would be better at show jumping
AND THE OSCAR GOES TO... jail
Pharell. I know you don't care but by the way... The lyrics to Happy don't make sense!
I can talk to animals... They don't talk back, but still...
Teenagers these days:
... That means follow me or i'll jump in front of this train
And in tonight's exclusive, we hear from the catering guy on the set of . GUESS WHAT... NOBODY CARES ANY MORE!!
In a positive spin on things can now dress up as her old self for Halloween
I wasn't really a fan of Renee Zellwegers old face either...
Fuck emojis, emojis are stupid.
Due to journalist logic that everyone starts work before 7am, today is just one of the times I have taken a work call nude after a shower!
Kim Jong Un on the phone. Says he's been out of view due to catching up on the last series of Downton Abbey on DVD. He's up to date now.
If you are down to the last piece of paper, put it in the copy machine and run off as many as you need.
"93% of quoted statistics you read on the Twitter are true"
Exercise and exorcise. There is a reason they sound so similar... Its because fitness is the devil!
And in sport, a football team has won all the games by kicking a ball through some posts.
There's something I don't understand about a woman's g spot... I can't quite put my finger on it though...
Kid Cuddly makes me think of a giant teddy bear wearing gold chains and rapping
if you google DJ Gex Soundcloud you'll find some of my stuff
"Can you play Day n Night by Kid Cuddly?"
I'll take that :) love our listeners!
RadiHoooooo! Live on Fresh 927 NOW!
Instead of candy I'll be giving each trick or treater an apple on Halloween. I'm not doing it for health reasons, its because I'm an asshole
Joel and Benji may perform together, but people always forget about the lesser known Madden brother John.
People who think the entire world is gonna get Ebola must have absolutely zero faith in the first world healthcare system
I'm getting married in exactly 3 weeks... I'm still not sure where I found a girl who actually likes me
Relax crazy people... Its obviously just a joke!
I got fined by the police for texting whilst driving... I'm not proud of it, but we've all done things we regret whilst drunk
No way me too! I'm glad I wear these yoga pants all the time because they make my ass POP!
My local bowling ally is having a bowl til you drop party on Saturday night... They are calling it Ebowla
Due to poor planning, the only aftershave I have to wear to the club tonight is my dad's. I smell... Um... Mature beyond my years!
It causes headaches, nausea, is difficult to get rid of, and it can kill you... No not Ebola, I'm talking about the free U2 album
Ed thinks that Twitter needs an auto block feature for people who write their bio in 3rd person
This is not the greatest Twitter account in the world. It's just a tribute.
I just saw my fat neighbor in her underwear.
She was pretty pissed that I was wearing it, but really, fuck her.
A collection of the best RKO Vines. These win the interwebz today!
Why are we sitting here when we could be getting down to
The only thing on my bucket list is to buy a bucket
I still haven't been to the MCG. Adelaide Oval is amazing though
Quick, somebody get the superglue.
My dog winked at me so I took off my pants and then she walked away. What's with all these GAMES!
I think I found this way too funny!
These Randy Orton Vines are the best thing on the internet right now
Do you think in 40 years time, Lil Jon will release a song called "Turn Down For The Sake of My Hearing"?
Do you think Lil Jon turns down for his neighbours who keep calling the cops because of the loud music?
Calling somebody a Diva is a nice way of saying "that celebrity is a complete asshole"
I really hate when smokers blow smoke all over me... They should put some kind of poisonous chemical in cigarettes or something to stop them
The doctor just told me I'm colourblind. It came as quite a surprise... the news hit me like a bolt out of the red.
My friends post photos and brag about their kids on Facebook and I'm just here like "look at my dog, she is cute and smart and stuff"
Day 37: Threw a dog toy to distract a crying baby... And that's just one of the many reasons I won't make a good parent.
Do girls go to the toilet in groups so that they can clean it more efficiently?
*Waits for abuse from people who don't understand jokes*
Forget Craigslist... You know you're old when you find yourself on Gurtrudeslist
I hate to break it to you, but if your dog has a bow in its hair it isn't a real dog
Police are looking for a man who stabbed 5 other men with a knitting needle... They believe he is following some kind of pattern