Due to the huge amount of tacky publicity generated by nude celebrity photo hacking, Kim Kardashian has changed her cloud password to 1234
Just dropping into a tweet because it's been a while!
They really need to introduce a "How not to drive like a couple twat" section into the driving test.
Reduced for quick sale
Baywatch DVD box set
At 99% battery power I feel unstoppable
It's only a trap if you're stupid!
So what about thoseJennifer Lawrence nude photos... Nobody seems to care that I've been uploading nude pics for years!
Anaconda is an analysis into why Nicki Minaj is the trashiest, most annoying performer on the planet
I retract my last tweet... I've just heard Anaconda by Nicki Minaj
All about the bass might be the most annoying song I've ever heard. Maybe she should worry less about the bass and more about her lyrics
I'm glad you Tweet your follow and unfollow stats every day... Here, let me give you a +1 to your unfollow stats for tomorrow...
Heee Yay he Yay. I said, hee Yay he Yay!
Well well well well well.
Yeah yeah yeah yeah.
- R&B Singers Arguing
Today I broke my personal record for time spent being alive
I have no idea what drivers are like in the rain coz I've been sitting in traffic jam for the past hour due to a crash!
My iPod is severely lacking Celine Dion power ballads
What do you call 18 men sitting around a TV watching the AFL finals together?
The Adelaide Crows.
if a pair of knickers ends up on your set tonight: guilty!
Keen to mix up some tunes open format styleeee at the tonight for the first time! Perfect weather so get there from 9
The hilarity of a Disney TV show is inversely proportional to amount of shitty laughter soundtrack
Best Family Guy moment ever!! VIDEO
The 3-step alcoholism program: Never be more than three steps away from alcohol.
You would be a lot cooler if you had a secret stash of gummy bears on you
I'm so cheap that when I have a kid I'm going to see how long I can get away with Birthmas
A new tv show called Constrithy Therwees starting Mike Tyson.
I complimented my cousin's moustache, and now she's mad at me. WTH??
I've had enough of my role as leader of the ladder appreciation society so I'm stepping down
I honestly just received an email from somebody asking if they can send me an email...
When my girlfriend is away I have to make out with my pillow... And she isn't even there to question why I'm making out with my pillow
do you know how they make Rooney look like he's talking in press conferences? They rub peanut butter inside of his mouth
GAMERS... add me on Network coz i need some new people to play against! My ID is dj_gex
I don't think so but I don't think u can get crabs from hugging a hooker either. Actually I guess it depends on the type of hug
Drinking decaffeinated coffee is like going to a hooker for a hug
Top 10 things that annoy DJs
Never mind palm oil... I just saw baby oil in the supermarket! I can't believe these disgusting corporate pigs make oil from innocent babies
Whenever you meet somebody called Trevor, Frank, Gertrude or Edith just remember that each one was once a baby with an old person name
I just used Shazam while watching porn because I really liked the background music.
I think Gwen Stefani has been following the Mickey Rourke anti ageing plan
I don't have an iPhone but I'm sure that Facetime has nothing to do with weird sexual things like sitting on someone's face? Actually...
I just met a girl who was kinda slutty and kinda cunty... I think I'll refer to her as a slunt
Don't be mean to fat people, they have feelings too... Mainly hunger...
The best thing about winter in Australia is that the giant hand sized spiders come inside to escape from the cold
I made you a mixtape... I'm sorry that I broke the blender in the process
I can't remember whether it's a thigh gap or a tooth gap that guys are supposed to be in to?
I'm sorry Mr freeloading douchebag, but I won't take your shitty "unpaid but you'll get heaps of exposure" gig.
Yep... So that's now 3 nominations ive received today!
Shops selling Christmas decorations and playing Christmas music in August...
And you wonder why I hate Christmas!
I might lay off Twitter for a bit... Its not me, it's you
Eating whilst using the treadmill... Its a neverending circle of
I just turned the heater on instead of the security alarm, then tried to leave the house wearing pyjama pants & business shirt.
I just took a selfie... Does that mean I can officially claim to be a model in my Twitter and Instagram bio now?
Being drunk and watching TV is like seeing things in 3D
I think the government got an 8 year old to make this logo in paint!
Apparently the CIA have nominated ISIS for the Ice Bucket Challenge... or waterboarding as they prefer to call it
Nah its not so bad... Shoes 8 sizes about your actual foot size are fantastic for squashing giant spiders!
that makes absolutely no sense... Try again!
but you live in London! Shit your spiders are baby's compared to ours!!
Just saw a spider as big as my hand hanging next to the back door. Where is Crocodile Dundee when you need him?
Looking at some of the shit that gets endlessly retweeted, I'm wondering if you have to fuck somebody at Twitter to get 50 retweets?
Tofu shaped like real meat is one of the reasons I have trust issues
Do the people who post on the wall outside nightclubs not realise that there are toilets inside? Fucking bogans
Girls who put their handbags on the floor in the middle of the dancefloor then get angry at people who step on them... What planet you on?!
Tinder party at the tonight... Come and get your swipe on
We're having a party tonight & I'm engaged so the only swiping I'll be doing is of the dance variety... Swipe dancing is cool right?
If I have water in my ears is it safe to listen to electronic music?
Scientists have finally discovered that illusive cure for serious diseases. Apparently it involves tipping a bucket of water over your head
Forget the I'd like to nominate Justin Bieber for the boiling bucket of water challenge
I watched The Notebook last night... Worst comedy ever
My pop tart prefers hip hop
My last tweet was sent because I'm currently looking at my phone trying not to make eye contact with any of the other weirdos in here
You haven't experienced awkward until you've stood in a takeaway with 20 other people all trying not to make eye contact whilst waiting
Shane Warne drives a Prius because I needs to save money for teeth whitening products
that's the trade off because everyone mocks them!
I got cut off by a Prius this morning but I didn't get angry coz I think driving a Prius for the rest of the day is enough of a punishment
Can fish get high off of seaweed?
When somebody says that you have 24 hours to complete the the correct response is to say "I don't give a shit"
Cold pizza is the breakfast, mid morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack and dinner of champions
Oh hi there... What is your catfish ID?
"The police shot somebody... That's so racist... Let's smash and loot this random innocent persons shop."
I used a self-serve checkout today and they made me employee of the month
if I'm honest I actually do both! I wash before and after.
I'm sure the number of air vents, spoilers & bits of plastic shit hanging off a Hyundai Excel are inversely proportional to its engine power
That's some chronic under-manboob rash he has got going on there . One of his boobs is bigger than my entire girlfriend!
Yep... I'm watching whilst eating chips. I wonder how many he must have eaten to get to 450 kilos?!
This quality level of tabloid journalism is what I miss about living in England! Day made!!
Did you know that Aquaman has to wait 30 minutes after eating before he can go back in the water...
Worst. Superhero. Ever.
Fishing is the perfect hobby for when you want to relax... but also murder something
They interviewed 90s band Hanson on TV this morning. In related news, my TV is broken... I think it's something to do with the brick I threw
The other week we had naked Hugh Jackman in the studio... This week somebody has replaced him with naked Mila Kunis
Making radio and definitely not drinking beer! Lock it on to the 927 or online !
Whenever my girlfriend says she doesn't want sex because she's too tired, I say "why don't you do what you normally do and just lay there"
Giving the old Playstation 3 a workout today just because
My peanut butter and vegimite sandwich just needs a name... Peanutmite? Veginut?
OMG I'VE JUST INVENTED SOMETHING!! Put peanut butter and vegimite together on a sandwich and you will not be disappointed. It's amazing!
Me, watching women's boxing