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| Fucking love peeing. Nobody even hacked my Twitter, that shit is just that great |
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| "You said we'd cross that bridge when we came to it/well we've come to it,/and it's on fire." What do y'all think, too Hawthorne Heights? |
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| Y'all know its the end of the semester when my ass starts tweeting |
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| BREAKING NEWS IN KOREA--Kim Jung-Un Drops Deuce |
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| I drink whiskey out of a Land Before Time glass. I try not to look Littlefoot in the eye |
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| someone got paid to write that? |
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| "Gretchen, STOP trying to make Benghazi happen, it's NOT going to happen." |
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| the world is laughing at you, and the rest of us by extension. Get it the fuck together, also fire all your speechwriters |
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| does ur wife know about ur love affair with the word 'dong' |
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| "Look at this--look at this goat y'all! Look at the fucking hair on this goat!" |
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| "...Cause it's Friday... You ain't got no job... And, you ain't got s*@t to do." --Smokey from Friday |
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| 'Sunday' from Sunday, @ "Forever" every time |
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| La Sagrada FamÃlia church: Gaudi has left the perfect architectural blueprint for a piece of music... |
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| today's edition of Can't Make This Shit Up: Jerry Sandusky's 2001 autobiography is called Touched |
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| Sondy lyric 4 ho; only does things once.Abbott gives her nun suit."Said to the abbott/i'll get in the habit/but not in the habit" |
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| "item/might am--" or "drank will/tranquil," which is more "damn-i-wish-i-wrote-that"? |
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| I have three rows of meticulously labeled mason jars filled with Pharrell's organs in my fridge. |
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| Spankin' it to Hey! Arnold reruns |
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