 | |
My lady was SOOO not into my sex tape idea but she finally stopped complaining after I sealed her mouth shut with it
Whaaaa???? |
| |
| |
| Ahh watching a mommy trying to make her adorable daughter eat her veggies makes me smile, so happy I paid for all those abortions. |
| |
| |
| Just banged a dude from old fruit of the loom ads. Can't give away much, but let me just say yes, the carpet matches the grapes ;) |
| |
| |
| Love eating some chocolate on Easter. Lucky I have a black girlfriend! |
| |
| |
| Ash Wednesday today. Can't eat any meat. Of course, my boyfriend is furious. |
| |
| |
| Yes! My wife finally agreed to try anal!! But she's super nervous. i'm like relax babe, just put on this strap-on and ill guide you in. |
| |
| |
| Finally joined the mile high club! Just fucked my pillow in Denver. |
| |
| |
| If its true what they say, that loose lips sink ships, then I guess I can't take my girlfriend's vagina sailing :( |
| |
| |
| If it's true what they say, that silence is golden, then my uncle Jim just left me a very quiet toilet seat. Oy vey. |
| |
| |
| Look I can't say I married my girl for her money. But that's only because I have terrible laryngitis. Whaaaa??? |
| |
| |
| Oh baby do I love a nice black bra poppin from underneath a tight white tee. I seriously might rape this guy |
| |
| |
| Dolla dolla dills, y'all!!! -- black guy selling pickles |
| |
| |
| Ugh Ive been feeling fat ALL week! Never should've taken job as weight watchers masseuse. |
| |
| |
| DJ just asked me if I like Deep Purple. I said of course, of course. So he bent me over and shoved a 3 liter of grape soda up my ass. What? |
| |
| |
| TSA just nailed me for trying to bring too much liquid onto plane. Was so embarrassed taking diaper off. |
| |
| |
| Just bought some weed! Gonna cut a little hole in this apple, fuck the shit out if it and then go smoke! |
| |
| |
| Patreus got caught having an affair with his biographer, i feel for him, i do, I got caught having an affair with my autobiographer. What??? |
| |
| |
| Ever notice how white guys in wheelchairs don't walk like this...and black guys in wheelchairs don't walk like this? |
| |
| |
| Started going to gay church. When a prayer ends we all say 'Heyyyyyyymen!' |
| |
| |
| Just masturbated to 'women behind bars' on msnbc. Really turned me on. Yet still a tragedy so many girls are forced to make Martinis. What?? |
| |
