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Dude, I am such a huge fan of Epic Meal Time, Sauce Boss is a work of genius. Keep it up, sir.
Also, any chance of a follow? |
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| Just seen someone use one of my old jokes is the comments of a youtube video. Really feel like I've made something of my life. |
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| Q: if there's no time like the present, then why do we get déjà vu? |
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People are stupid, if you see a midget, why would you stare???
Take a picture and you can laugh whenever you want. |
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Spent years trying to find the perfect punchline for this joke about domestic violence.
And then it hit me! |
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Me: how old are you?
Idiots: almost 19.
Me: so you're 18 then?
Idiots: I'll be 19 in June.
Me: so you're 18 then. |
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| My friend Mike Hunt has been arrested for sexual assault. If he keeps this up he'll give himself a bad name. |
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Love seeing people arguing on twitter say "stop wasting my time."
You have time to argue on twitter, your time is worth nothing to anyone. |
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Job interviewer: biggest flaw?
Me: my honesty
Job interviewer: that's not a flaw.
Me: I don't care what you think you fat cunt.
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| Top Tip: don't start a letter to you module tutor "dear cocksucker." it's too formal. "hey cocksucker" is fine. |
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| I dislike smurfs. Is that racist? It feels racist. |
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| Dear EVERY couple or selfie on instagram, if you were shooting for cute, you missed. |
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To all single people:
Nothing is better than Sex. Masturbation is better than Nothing. Therefore, Masturbation is better than Sex. maths FTW |
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People's desperate pleas for attention aside, twitter is a lot of fun.
BUT
I
HATE
ATTENTION
SEEKERS!😱😱😱😱😱😱
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| I wiped my arse. What?! Still the most useful piece of information on your feed. |
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That moment of BULLSHIT when someone updates their status to: "lost my phone, this is a nightmare."
...*via mobile*. |
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| Sometimes I watch YouTube videos and wonder: "DAFUQ did they use to film this? A cabbage?" |
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| I'm addicted to brake fluid. Don't worry though, I can stop at any time. |
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Would you rather have a face for radio, or a radio for a face?
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