 | |
| Jesus stands by a lake of wine on his cellphone "Dad, Can you come pick me up? I already told them I was the Son of God, THEY'RE STILL MAD!" |
| |
| |
| My Grandparents generation's values are funny considering they were like "Im fine with racism & smoking around children. But Rock n Roll!??" |
| |
| |
| Before Frank died he told me "Steve, I can bench 250lbs". This may be a funeral but Id like to go on record that he definitly does NOT lift. |
| |
| |
| "First off" Trent says twisting his visor sideways "Pussy. Money. Weed." His bros nods in agreement "Secondly, all S's are now dollar signs" |
| |
| |
| "Youre under arrest, you have the right to ride on my handlebars, WITHOUT laughing. Anything you say can & will hurt my feelings" -Bike Cops |
| |
| |
| The major flaw with Inception is that they can create any dream, yet there is not one scene of them horseback riding with Jay-Z & Beyonce |
| |
| |
| I think the best gift a Daughter can give her Father is not dating a guy who says "she wants the D" like his dick is a cure for cancer |
| |
| |
| Please . He's a pretty swell guy who I've shared a taco with 'lady and the tramp' style more than once |
| |
 | |
| If by French girls you mean a cool looking snowman with sunglasses ya I can draw you. |
| |
| |
| Hi there, I'd like to trade-in all of these games for someone to touch me. |
| |
| |
| Dance like nobody's watching. Get jealous like your friend is stealing the spotlight from you. Make a scene like this night is all about you |
| |
| |
| . Sorry for Party Rocking? How about apologising for killing my uncle in that boating accident |
| |
| |
| Of all the ways you can litter confetti is definitely the most festive |
| |
| |
| If youre self-concious about your body wear full scuba gear to the pool. Suddenly youre the guy who 'probably knows a lot about the ocean' |
| |
| |
| My favorite Beatles song is 'Can't Buy Me Love (But if you're rich enough, women will find you attractive and that's a close second) |
| |
| |
| Getting really concerned over the fact my parents have never been Facebook Official. What kind of sham is this? |
| |
| |
| Get out of a speeding ticket by holding up a carton of melting ice cream, looking the cop in the eye and saying "There's not much time left" |
| |
| |
| Considering your Mom built you with her body, pushed you out THEN fed, raised and loved you, I guess she deserves pancakes like once a year. |
| |
| |
| Critics are raving over "Home-Movies 1993-97": "An instant classic!" -Dad "I stood up and cheered during 'Brothers Bath-Time'" -Mom |
| |
| |
| Tim said if you dont like the way I dance THEN SUE ME, and I said SEE YOU IN COURT. So no, I don't think Im "wasting your time" your honour |
| |
