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| "Today might be the day someone takes a picture worthy of becoming my new FB profile picture!" -Every teenage girl's 1st thought of the day. |
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| OMG! I'm in a panic! Cinco de Mayo is only a couple days away and I don't own a sombrero! |
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| Join the Must Have to receive fun, must-have picks curated for you by our editors. |
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| a good way to tell if your boston marathon joke is funny is that nobody who’s actually funny is making boston marathon jokes |
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| On behalf of black people, I'd like to apologize for Nicki Minaj |
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| I don't have anything astute to say. I just want everyone to know I'm still alive. |
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| It's 2012 & everyone has social media. Why haven't we all banned together to change milk & cookies to whiskey & cocktail weenies for Santa? |
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| 1st act... I named a star w the Int'l Star Registry in honor of ~"Sandy Hook's Angels"-framed & sent to school |
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| 26 Random Acts Of Kindness - |
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| Woe to you, Westboro vipers, for God is storing up wrath for you as you claim to speak for Christ while you hold him up to contempt. |
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| True purpose of Thanksgiving- a perfect opportunity to start a family quarrel before Christmas so you can stop talking & save money on gifts |
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| Instant Birth Control- spend 10 minutes in around the holidays. |
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| I think everyone in East Texas woke up this morning and said, "Hey, it's raining, I'm going to drive like an asshole!" |
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Last time damnit....if you can't wait for me to get outta jail to follow back don't fucking follow
There. Fixed it. |
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| I'm not proud of it, but I could probably feed a homeless person for a week with all the crumbs in my Jeep. |
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| The bonus fries in the bottom of the bag just always seem to taste better. |
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| Wonders- If Halloween is holiday that makes it socially acceptable for girls to dress like sluts, what do real sluts dress up as?? ? |
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