 | |
| Roses are red, violets are blue, faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't be mad, I'll be there too. Not in the cage but laughing at you. |
| |
 | |
| I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought, "That sounds like a fair trade" |
| |
 | |
| I'm good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know Y. |
| |
 | |
| A man goes to the psychiatrist wearing nothing but plastic wrap. The doctor takes one look and says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts." |
| |
 | |
| Procrastination: working tomorrow for a better today. |
| |
 | |
| Nobody drives in New York. Too much traffic. |
| |
 | |
| I could see you being married one day... two days tops. |
| |
 | |
| I have an inferiority complex, but it's not a very good one. |
| |
 | |
| "I wish I could buy you for what you're worth and sell you for what you think you're worth." |
| |
 | |
| I just wish once someone would call me "Sir" without adding, "You're making a scene." |
| |
 | |
| This steak is so rare, people are taking blurry photographs of it to prove it's existence. |
| |
 | |
Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar?
They each got six months. |
| |
 | |
| Two fish are in a tank, when one tuns to the other and says "How the hell do we drive this thing?" |
| |
 | |
| Whiteboards are remarkable. |
| |
 | |
| If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong. |
| |
 | |
| I shouldnt have driven home last night... Especially since i walked to the bar... |
| |
 | |
| "I'm sorry." and "I apologize." mean the same thing unless you're at a funeral. |
| |
 | |
| My grandfather has the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban at the Edinburgh Zoo. |
| |
 | |
| I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. |
| |
 | |
| Twitter...because our parents joined Facebook. |
| |