 | |
| My mind was blown when I realized "OK" is a sideways person. |
| |
| |
| I press all the "Try Me" buttons on the toys and then just walk away. |
| |
 | |
| Hangover III is leaked bitches! click link to watch movie in my last tweet! |
| |
| |
| 10 things you didn't know about Hangover Part 3 >> - sp |
| |
| |
| I don't know whats more awkward, answering Dora, or sitting in silence while she stares at you. |
| |
| |
| That awkward moment when Eminem ties you to a bed and sets the house on fire. |
| |
| |
| If cockroaches can survive a nuclear explosion... then WTF is inside Raid?! |
| |
| |
| I just broke my personal record of days without dying today. |
| |
| |
| Being the first to clap in an audience & then everybody joins you & thinking "Yeah, you are all my Bitches." |
| |
| |
| That FML moment when you hop into bed and get in the most comfortable position ever and then realize you forgot to turn off the light. |
| |
| |
| I love my relationship with my bed...no commitment..we just sleep together every night. |
| |
| |
| laundry teaches kids racism. There I said it |
| |
| |
| Whats the difference between a knife and a girls argument?... A knife has a point. |
| |
| |
| *mom walks in on me on the phone* Mom: Who are you talking to!? Me: Jake....Jake from state farm |
| |
| |
| Give it to me! she said, "I'm so fucking wet, give it to me now!" NO! This is my umbrella! |
| |
| |
| How I finish my presentations: so, um...yea.. |
| |
| |
| Whoever said "you can't fold a piece of paper in half 8 times" has clearly never seen me wipe my ass with the last sheet of toilet paper. |
| |
| |
| Weezy F Baby and the F is for Faggot. |
| |
| |
| Pointless Celeberties: Anyone famous for doing absolutely nothing... *COUGH* KARDASHIANS, JERSEYSHORE CAST *COUGH* |
| |
| |
| Some people just need a kiss...on the side of the head...with a metal bat. |
| |
