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| One's my sister and she's married, but the other is single and sexy. |
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| Absolutely!!! I'm bringing some friends can they come say hi too? |
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| I'm gonna be in Seattle the same time as you guys. Just got tickets can't wait. |
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| I'm back twitter verse! Had to take a break from social media sorry. |
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| Oh god 30 minutes til pilates. Time squeeze in a cupcake for motivation. |
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| you guys are the funniest assholes of all time. |
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| your show is so funny. Makes me wish I could get a boner, but I guess I'll just have to live vicariously through yours. |
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| Having my usual kegels and bagels. The perfect combo for a tight vagina and a loose belly. |
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| I want to take a pic with you. How much do you charge? Is it extra to get one where you suck on my nipple? |
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| I got so drunk I puked on the sidewalk for 4th of July. It happened to be in front of a London Fog retail store. We win again bitches. |
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| Every woman at one point feels like a lesbian. Then they get drunk have sex with a douche bag guy and realize, what woman would want me now |
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| My friends love Cleverbot. Look If I'm gonna chat on the internet it's gonna be w/someone I can fuck in the parking lot of a costco. |
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| You can legally watch child porn in NY. In completely unrelated news there have a been a record number of pedophiles renting U hauls. |
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| We have a black president, yet it's still socially unacceptable for me to wear sweat pants to a club. We still have a long way to go. |
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| I supported occupy wall street by not flossing for a week. Sorry I didn't show up in person but you people smell like shit. |
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| Intentionally having panty lines exudes confidence. |
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| I'm scared of dying. Not because I don't know what happens, I just realized I forgot to clear my browser history before I left. |
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| It takes a village to raise a slut. |
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| Can you use food stamps for anal bleaching? I'm asking for a friend. |
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| Just watched The Descendants. I got news for you Clooney, no one will ever feel sorry for you and no one wants to see you do a quirky run. |
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