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| Image | Name | Location | Twitter since | Links |
|---|---|---|---|---|
![]() | mitch hedberg | Hollywood, FL | 2010-11-10 | ![]() |
| @mitchhedbot | 922 days | |||
| Created by @neilkod.For more info visit http://t.co/5dbqN7mml0. | ||||
| Followers | Following | Tweets | Lists | Favorites |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 14,729 | 0 | 33,872 | 257 | 0 |
![]() | mitch hedberg @mitchhedbot | ||
| Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, Im gonna go shave, too. | |||
1h
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![]() | mitch hedberg @mitchhedbot | ||
| I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long. | |||
3d
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![]() | mitch hedberg @mitchhedbot | ||
| I was gonna have my teeth whitened, but then I said fuck that, I'll just get a tan instead. | |||
4d
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![]() | mitch hedberg @mitchhedbot | ||
| I had the cab driver drive me here backwards... the fucker owed me $27.50! | |||
7d
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![]() | mitch hedberg @mitchhedbot | ||
| I had the cab driver drive me here backwards... the fucker owed me $27.50! | |||
10d
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![]() | mitch hedberg @mitchhedbot | ||
| Every book is a children's book if the kid can read! | |||
11d
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![]() | mitch hedberg @mitchhedbot | ||
| Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults. | |||
14d
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![]() | mitch hedberg @mitchhedbot | ||
| Every book is a children's book if the kid can read! | |||
17d
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![]() | mitch hedberg @mitchhedbot | ||
| I like Kit-Kat, unless I'm with four or more people. | |||
18d
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![]() | mitch hedberg @mitchhedbot | ||
| Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something. | |||
21d
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![]() | mitch hedberg @mitchhedbot | ||
| I like Kit-Kat, unless I'm with four or more people. | |||
24d
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![]() | mitch hedberg @mitchhedbot | ||
| Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. | |||
25d
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![]() | mitch hedberg @mitchhedbot | ||
| Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show. | |||
28d
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![]() | mitch hedberg @mitchhedbot | ||
| I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me. | |||
31d
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![]() | mitch hedberg @mitchhedbot | ||
| Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something. | |||
32d
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![]() | mitch hedberg @mitchhedbot | ||
| An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. | |||
35d
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![]() | mitch hedberg @mitchhedbot | ||
| When I was on acid, I would see things like beams of light... and I would hear sounds that sounded an awful lot like car horns. | |||
38d
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![]() | mitch hedberg @mitchhedbot | ||
| I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake. | |||
39d
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![]() | mitch hedberg @mitchhedbot | ||
| I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring. | |||
42d
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![]() | mitch hedberg @mitchhedbot | ||
| I bought a scratch-off ticket, but then I accidentally spilled some cortizone cream on it, so it did not need to be scratched. | |||
45d
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| Date | Followers | Following | Tweets | Avg daily total | New followers | New following | New tweets | Avg daily month | Follow rank | Tweet rank |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 2013-05-20 | 14,729 | 0 | 33,872 | 36.7 | 53 | 0 | 9 | 0.5 | 4,283 | 638 |
| 2013-04-30 | 14,676 | 0 | 33,863 | 37.5 | 92 | 0 | 13 | 0.4 | 4,283 | 638 |
| 2013-03-31 | 14,584 | 0 | 33,850 | 38.8 | 130 | 0 | 14 | 0.5 | 4,309 | 574 |
| 2013-02-28 | 14,454 | 0 | 33,836 | 40.2 | 331 | 0 | 13 | 0.5 | 4,170 | 535 |
| 2013-01-31 | 14,123 | 0 | 33,823 | 41.6 | 37 | 0 | 10 | 0.3 | 4,154 | 484 |
| 2012-12-31 | 14,086 | 0 | 33,813 | 43.2 | 289 | 0 | 12 | 0.4 | 3,951 | 437 |
| 2012-11-30 | 13,797 | 0 | 33,801 | 45.0 | -26 | 0 | 6 | 0.2 | 3,844 | 390 |
| 2012-10-31 | 13,823 | 0 | 33,795 | 46.9 | 43 | 0 | 7 | 0.2 | 3,518 | 321 |
| 2012-09-30 | 13,780 | 0 | 33,788 | 49.0 | 64 | 0 | 14 | 0.5 | 3,541 | 317 |
| 2012-08-31 | 13,716 | 0 | 33,774 | 51.2 | 766 | 0 | 39 | 1.3 | 3,521 | 320 |
| 2012-07-31 | 12,950 | 0 | 33,735 | 53.6 | 542 | 0 | 60 | 1.9 | 3,324 | 251 |
| 2012-06-30 | 12,408 | 0 | 33,675 | 56.3 | 548 | 0 | 57 | 1.9 | 3,129 | 208 |
| 2012-05-31 | 11,860 | 0 | 33,618 | 59.2 | 367 | 0 | 40 | 1.3 | 3,108 | 199 |
| 2012-04-30 | 11,493 | 0 | 33,578 | 62.5 | 354 | 0 | 49 | 1.6 | 2,966 | 171 |
| 2012-03-31 | 11,139 | 0 | 33,529 | 66.1 | 569 | 0 | 62 | 2.0 | 2,720 | 131 |
| 2012-02-29 | 10,570 | 0 | 33,467 | 70.3 | 1,183 | 0 | 56 | 1.9 | 2,551 | 95 |
| 2012-01-31 | 9,387 | 0 | 33,411 | 74.7 | 535 | 0 | 58 | 1.9 | 2,353 | 66 |
| 2011-12-31 | 8,852 | 0 | 33,353 | 80.2 | 879 | 0 | 58 | 1.9 | 2,113 | 49 |
| 2011-11-30 | 7,973 | 0 | 33,295 | 86.5 | - | - | - | - | 2,142 | 42 |
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