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| I'm not saying I am batman. I'm just saying no one has ever seen me and batman in the same room. |
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| First world mobile problem: "Hold that pose. My camera is ringing." |
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| Homework kills trees. So don’t do homework! |
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| When Google lover your rankings, you have to spam about it! More spam = more links = you will get your ranking back! |
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| It’s against the law to have a pet dog in Iceland. |
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| I am bored todady. Anybody know good ? |
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| Why has the US stopped printing the Pamela Anderson Stamp? Because guys keep licking the wrong side. |
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Q: Why is Facebook a great site for loners?
A: Because it's the only place where they can talk to a wall and not be considered an loser! |
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Q: How bad was Facebook's IPO offering?
A: Dick Cheney wants to take Mark Zuckerberg hunting! |
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| I found a lipstick that helps you lose weight…..it’s called super glue. |
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| First turn your head to the right, and then turn it to the left. Repeat the exercise every time you are offered something to eat. |
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| A man in love is like a clipped coupon- it's time to cash in. |
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| Politicians and diapers have 1 thing in common; they should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason. |
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| I want to start a women's magazine called "Period". And some months I'll send it out late just to freak out my subscribers. |
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| I don't buy fat-free milk because I don't want to encourage cows with body image issues. |
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| Why are robots never afraid? – Because they have nerves of steel. |
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| Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever. |
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| The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. |
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| A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. |
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