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| One last tweet - a rambling, semicoherent blog post explaining why this account was created, and why it had to die: |
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| OOC: Parody accounts get old quickly, and I’d rather stop while I still have ideas and before I actually turn into the Mail. Cheers! - |
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| So we’re going to quit while we’re ahead. Apparently there’s a place in Florida for rent next to Littlejohn’s pad. So long, broken Britain. |
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| Also - the barmy EU parody account directive is forcing many British accounts out of business in favour of cheap imports from Romania. |
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| The Guide has been pretty quiet recently, you’ll have noticed. It seems we’ve said more or less all we can say, so that’s it - we’re done. |
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| RELIGION: Wearing a cross in public is a basic right. A headscarf is FURY AS EUROPEAN HUMAN RIGHTS JUDGES FORCE RELIGION DOWN OUR THROATS. |
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| OFFENSIVENESS: Our readers: are right to find some things offensive. Everyone else: is just overreacting and making a fuss about nothing. |
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| Note to subs: All copy from Liz Jones to be screened until further notice for such claims as "How I advised Kate to steal Wills' sperm". |
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| NEEDED ASAP: "We share Kate's pain: Celebrity mums share their experiences of the hell of morning sickness and how NHS doctors ignored them" |
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| IGNORE LAST MESSAGE. Instead run announcement of "new Mail campaign for morning sickness to be taken seriously by callous NHS bureaucrats". |
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| To run later: "BARMY! Woman living on state handouts demands HOSPITALISATION for so-called MORNING SICKNESS. You couldn't make it up!" ..Oh. |
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| SAVILE/SMITH: Bear in mind this paper only became aware very recently that powerful men sometimes use that power to sexually exploit people. |
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| LEVESON: Our readers won't read the report. Keep pretending he called for (sorry, "demanded") strong government regulation of the press. |
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| BIAS: When a broadcaster or newspaper broadcasts or prints things which may challenge the pre-existing opinions or beliefs of its audience. |
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| Note: Our paper provides challenging reporting on the issues of the day. The Guardian prints leftie propaganda. The BBC is biased. |
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| RIGHTS: Things which our readers cling to so tightly that they're loathe to grant those rights to anyone who doesn't have them already. |
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| That's pretty much the highest compliment one can pay to a parody account. Thanks! |
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| BOB CRATCHIT: Employee of entrepreneur. Understands that high wages kill jobs, so won't ask for a rise despite his greedy family's nagging. |
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| OLIVER TWIST: Benefit scrounger who turned to crime when the state reasonably refused to acquiesce to his demands for increased benefits. |
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| It should be made clear that, say, a Toyota is foreign even if it's made in Derby (cf. BMW-owned Mini, made in Oxford) - h/t |
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