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| don't listen to Bufurd, I think fake accouns are *hawt* |
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| Today, I had a rude awakening after a traffic accident the day before |
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| the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus |
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| Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container? |
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| My dad nodded and didn't even look up from his book; my mom told me to go to the doctor if it starts to itch |
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| Do you think I can live for another fourty years? |
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| When do you know a woman is going to say something interesting ? |
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| I was holding the door for about 30 seconds before realizing I was holding the door for my own shadow |
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| His response? Why else would I be with you? Your looks? He was serious |
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| WARNING: Some of our short jokes may be considered highly offensive to sensitive readers |
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| What is the definition of the perfect woman? A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub |
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| Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues? |
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| Today, I overheard a conversation between a coworker and a new employee |
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| My mom let me pronounce Chanel ‘channel’ for like an entire year |
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| The doctor also said this medicine can stain your urine a beautiful, bright orange color |
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| it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me |
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| I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape |
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| We spent $200 to see the inside of our cabin's bathroom |
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| can we change the rule from no one is ugly after 2 am to 1130 so i can justify last night |
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| Being kind, I went to grab their mail, while their 4 year old ate lunch |
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