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| When I get a call from an unknown number I answer by whispering: "It's done, but there's blood everywhere!" |
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| : A wee or two to accompany . Marvellous. |
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| Just took five attempts at making a cup of tea before I got it right. That could be a new record for me. |
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| Idiotic: playing with an iPad while driving. |
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| Get a fucking library card. |
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| The casual contempt dished out to me by the staff at my local B&Q is so rich, thick and unctuous you could creosote a fence with it. |
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| A date for your diary! Greyfriars Traditional Music Night Monday 20 May. |
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| Today coined two new expressions; eye-snagging and pepe-le-putrefecation. You're terribly welcome world |
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| Oh aaaand - less than three weeks 'til the beer fest... are you game? |
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| interview with Will in the skinny about THE MAKING OF LONGBIRD |
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| So it turns out my other half can write! |
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| 's is a clutch of infectious melodies constrained by a dense commercial shell. |
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| We want to hit 5000 followers. Today. For what is life but the pursuit of unattainable goals? |
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| Are you a wanker? Email the Guardian with a photo and a brief description of what a wanker you are. |
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| Digitally devouring the Great Gatsby soundtrack. If only there was a way to get it onto a '78. My gramophone is feeling rather dejected. |
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| Lovely: a tutor whose lecture on Dr Caligari 7 years ago inspired my trip to see it tonight was sitting in front of me |
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| oh no, there were loads of other people there. But I was the only solitary attendee. |
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| Was once more the only solitary person at the cinema. I swear, it's okay to go unfuckingchaperoned to see a film. In fact, it's great. |
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| I plan to STOP Send for my carrier parrot STOP |
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| I was referred to by another human being as a social media guru today. I feel suitably degraded. |
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