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| The Boy Scouts will also be adding a new badge today: Climbing-- onto an ass. |
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| Gay youths are now allowed to join the Boy Scouts but gay leaders are still banned. Then who the fuck are they supposed to have sex with? |
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| I'm afraid that some of the people I've lied to about looking good now actually think they're attractive. |
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| Why would I like your friend I don't even like you. |
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| I've never seen a white woman pushing a baby stroller in LA. |
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| Somebody told me that bald people have emotions too. There's no way that's true, right? |
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| It makes me so mad when people say ignorant things about lesbians. Like they can be pretty. |
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| I can't believe it's almost time to start complaining about being hot, I still have so much more complaining to do about being cold. |
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| I think SoulCycle is making you fatter. |
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| The winner of last week's "American Idol" is already a waitress. |
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| Do mothers realize they make their daughters feel like shit? |
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| I always get so emotional when a friend tells me they're pregnant. Because I know that's the day I stop talking to them. |
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| A fun thing for teenagers to get is a vintage T-shirt or pregnant. |
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| David Beckham hasn't retired from desperately wanting to be my best friend. |
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| Read all the Dalai Lama's tweets and didn't laugh once. |
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| Want to make a difference in the world but still be able to watch eight hours of TV a day. |
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| Just found out my favorite teacher is dying. I can finally tell her what a difference she made in my life. But I'm sooo tired. |
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| Was your plan to have a worse body this summer? Because it's working. |
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| Barbara Walters retired again today after forgetting she retired yesterday. |
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| Hey, college kids, just to give you a heads up you're never going to end up doing that stupid thing you're majoring in. |
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