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| I found an old photograph of us while cleaning out the attic. We looked so happy together then. It made me want to dig you up and apologize. |
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| The sleeping pills tasted bitter. I swallowed them. Wherever I woke up, I hoped it would be better than the hell of living without you. |
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| I asked Marjorie out. She handed me a pamphlet about the risks and side effects of dating her. Not much of a reader, I took too large a dose |
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| “When I'm old and weak, hold a pillow to my face to end my misery,” I said. “Lets’s practice to make sure I do it right,” said my wife. |
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| I worked all day on the puzzle you left me, determined to solve the mystery of your words “What do you want out of this relationship?” |
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| My bank slowly increased their fees day by day, siphoning off all my money. I didn’t notice until bank employees started living in my house. |
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| I was in orbit around Sandra. The pull of her bright smile and long legs drew me in. It was inevitable I would crash land on her surface. |
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| I hid my tail from my dates. It was a family trait on my father's side, but not all women were as understanding as my mother had been. |
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| I missed Earth. There were no trees, grass, or dirt in space, but it was still preferable to being stuck on the same planet with her. |
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| Laura pulled the chopsticks from her hair. She lived simply, owning what she could carry, eating what she found behind the restaurants. |
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| Being your lover was hard. Although it was physically pleasurable, your constant criticisms of my technique left me longing to be celibate. |
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“Hi, I’m Rick. I’m a writer.”
“Hi Rick,” everyone said.
“It’s been 3 days since I’ve written.”
Everyone clapped to celebrate my sobriety |
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| I wrote a love letter, in chalk, on the sidewalk by your house, but the rain washed it away just as you arrived home with your boyfriend. |
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| The wind pushed me off the cliff. For a moment, I felt like I was flying. My problems all floated away, until reality came crashing up. |
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| Disguised as the Devil, I tested you by tempting you with wealth, power, and fame before approving your application to marry me. |
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| ### I got trapped in another dimension for awhile - finally escaped. Time to write some stories. Send nouns to inspire me. Thanks! ### |
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| The garden gnomes waited for night then entered the house, posing the humans in funny ways, calling them "cute", before returning outside. |
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| Paul crunched all of the bags of potato chips on the store shelves. If he couldn't eat them on his diet, neither would anyone else. |
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| The parrot did me in when it said "Yes, Kate, right there!" in front of my wife, Ellie. |
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| "So, Mr. Stevens, are you ready to tell us what we want to know?" "Never!" "Very well, we have ways of making you talk. Send in the clowns!" |
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