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| Women comics do not get enough credit. Bring home the troops! |
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| Do you smoke because you're a server or do you become a server because you smoke? |
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| Living in the Midwest, being 30+, and single, is like being born in to a ... I swear I had something for this. |
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| Haha! I don't know how I missed this. Yes, exactly. |
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| Elliptical machines are the Chinese food of exercises. You work hard then an hour later it's like you did nothing at all. |
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| In honor of Mother's Day, watch Jimmy read his favorite this week! |
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You know you’re getting older when you see a girl walking down the road in a short skirt and your first thought is..
‘She must be freezing' |
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| "I know it's crazy, but you sort of have to. Because, you know, it's a gift." -- Oedipus on Mother's Day |
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| Sometimes when I'm feeling nostalgic I watch Netflix on dial-up. |
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| I think Easy-E is at this club right now. |
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| Can't wear skinny jeans because my knots don't fit. (I learned how to tie knots at summer camp and I keep them in my pockets.) |
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| PROTIP: Breathing audibly, through the nose, lets people know you are incapable of self-awareness. |
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| Rachel Maddow seems like she'd be a blast to hang out with. |
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| Ladies, I stare because I care. |
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| Great interview! Can't wait for part 2. |
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| Haha it's called being hyperbolic. |
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| All the hot girls in KC look like 80s drug lord's girlfriends. |
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| The white men looked on with jealousy as the black men shook hands and made it look so easy and fun. |
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| "It doesn't taste very good BUT...it's cold." -- Coors |
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