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| Cold meds and typos go together like peanut butter and chocolate. |
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Third day home sick. Building a fort out of used tissue boxes. Finally discovered a use for all my phlegm.
The moat is full. |
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| The worst part of being sick is all the phlegm. Seems a waste to throw it away. |
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Here's another important thing I learned from D&D:
Your most defining characteristics? Write them in pencil. |
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| The most important thing I learned from D&D is intelligence and wisdom are not the same thing. |
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| That's it. Jo to your room DAMMIT! |
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*walks into Twitter*
*looks around*
*eyes widen*
*backs out slowly* |
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| Remember that scene in "The Matrix" where Neo and Trinity were surrounded by infinite racks of weapons? I want that, but with snacks. |
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| Accidentally called my wide my girlfriend, which is weird, considering we've been married for WIFE! I MEAN WIFE! |
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| I don't know if we could be close friends, but I would love to party with one of those yelling goats. |
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| If TV networks were people, do you think Spike and Lifetime would hook up? |
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| Went socks shopping today, but I pronounced it "sox" so people knew I still had an edge. |
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| Our mayor supposedly smokes crack and everyone wants evidence, but my wife finds pee on the floor and I'm IMMEDIATELY guilty?? |
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Ate a salad for dinner. Then I told myself to go to my room and think about what I did.
I'm not mad. Just disappointed. |
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| My cat’s at the foot of the bed curled up to my wife’s feet and it’s really cute except that’s my spot. |
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| If this toilet paper could talk, it would probably say "OH GOD! OH GOD!!!!" |
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“What do you mean the Leafs blew a three-point lead?? TURN THIS CAPSULE AROUND!!”
Welcome home, . |
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| Now the Leafs are out of the playoffs, theatre and art gallery attendance is going to go through the *roof*. |
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| Calm down, Toronto. It’s not like this is new to us. |
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