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| Paul George just broke Lebrons ankles, then dunked on Birdman. My basketball fantasies aren't even that amazing |
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| I stood up and slow clapped that line. FYI--I'm in the lobby of The Peninsula in NYC. Old rich people are super confused |
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| "I wonder if it shows up 15 mins late every morning and steals french fries and bacon strips out of the window, too." Bravo |
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| if love to. Footballs my favorite game. I'm a big redskins fan. |
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| I didn't slam soccer. I only said soccer is a game invented by European women to pass the time while husbands cooked dinner |
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| I followed you? I thought I reported you for spam. |
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| Im afraid to ever tweet again. I got punked by a guy who took an hour to type three letters RT Smh |
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| Oh my god. Thats a real tweet. Mike, you've left me more speechless than Muhammad Ali RT Smh |
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| The account would be way better if every tweet was "smh" |
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| I misread the headlines that Tim Tebow came out as gay. Which makes perfect sense. Instead he's out of football. Which also makes sense. |
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| Come see the Broadway play based on my first book & I'll buy you a beer. For real: |
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| Boston, great job & super glad you're all safe. But I still hate all your sports teams and actively root against them, like all Americans |
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| Just saw a black midget, debating how much of a person he is. help me out, what's 1/2 times 3/5? |
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| The only Harlem Shake video I'll watch is Montel Williams trying to walk down stairs |
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| If you enjoy watching Harlem Shake videos, don't ever complain about "stupid people." You're one of them |
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| Someone just asked me to be in a Harlem Shake video. Whats the best way to hide a dead body? |
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| Any hot African-American girls around? Trying to knock out Valentines Day and Black History Month all at once. |
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| If this power outage really is Bane, this will be the best Superbowl ever |
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| I wonder if its awkward in the Ravens huddle when Ray Lewis screams, "Lets kill em!" |
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