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| called my mom a douchebaby & told my husband our toilet paper sounds like a British woman & my pillow said OW when laying on it. |
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well I did grub an ambien and wake up in my
Backyard buck naked with my back to a lemon tree singing k. Clarkson |
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| my ex thought there was a girl trapped in a fire hydrant. He was arrested for trying to pull the hydrant out of the ground. |
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| I woke up having texted someone a picture of my titts and couldn't find my laptop. |
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| Ok, gonna shut it down. Good night. Is this safe to have walking around on me ? |
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| Walked outside and urinated in the front yard as a neighbor was leaving for work. I recall nothing! We don't talk these days. |
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| once sleepwalked into my wardrobe...was trying to get to Narnia |
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| I thought the walls were breathing. Also didn't think I needed my legs. |
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| thanks Nelson. Ok, I will. |
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| One time I took an Ambien and dreamed I fought a dragon. I woke up naked in a field next to a slaughtered bull and an ax near me |
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| my mom likes to get in her car in the garage, put the top down, roll down the windows, then come inside. all asleep on ambien. |
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| my mom opened every cabinet&spooned peanut butter and ice cream into bowls for her long-dead dogs & threw lifesavers everywhere. |
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| woke up in a meeting. Got out of bed, dressed and drove to work while asleep. BTW I was running the meeting. |
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| My wife thought paper napkins were slices of bread and put them in the toaster once. |
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| “: Just randomly bumped into in a gym. No photos, but he was really nice. I was a yammering idiot.” You spot him? |
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| “: Time to introduce you to my friend, Mr. Ambien. He's wonderful.” Worst ambien experiences people. Let's hear em |
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| I have been doing luminosity and I am basically a hundred year old man. |
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| My new business partner. It is so hard to find a true soulmate. |
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| “: what're you watching these days?” The Wrong Guy starring Dave Foley. With Iris. Super funny. |
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