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ImageNameLocationTwitter sinceLinks
missingblakes2008-06-16
@missingblakes1,829 days
Friend to people with nachos MANY STOPS DO NOT FOLLOW
FollowersFollowingTweetsListsFavorites
2,5412,4251,60730877,850
missingblakes is currently not listed in any of our charts.  

Plus500
missingblakes @missingblakes
I carry gluten with me for self-defense.
10h               
6
missingblakes @missingblakes
All those that are pig farmers, raise your hams.
10h               
9
missingblakes @missingblakes
I was a promising young writer. I promised I'd write some great novels. Never did.
1d               
4
missingblakes @missingblakes
Miss USA is a fraud. She is neither an expatriate nor homesick.
1d               
1
missingblakes @missingblakes
On the bright side, you can safely shout fire in an After Earth theater.
13d               
14
missingblakes @missingblakes
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Ceci n'est pas une pipe.
13d               
4
missingblakes @missingblakes
Tired of people with uppity respiratory infections. “Oh, look at me! My prognosis is sooo good.”
14d               
1
missingblakes @missingblakes
Skylights are nice but their prices are through the roof.
14d               
1
El Sobrante Sean @elsobs
The Little Difference Engine That Could But So What
14d Retweeted by missingblakes               
2
missingblakes @missingblakes
@FlyoverJoel I miss the lockout.
14d in reply to FlyoverJoel               
missingblakes @missingblakes
TFNGIM! (Thanks For Nothing, God, It’s Monday)
15d               
2
missingblakes @missingblakes
In Mortal Kombat: Vegetable Edition, you fight broccoli, give cauliflower ear to cauliflower and after you “FINISH HIM,” you get dessert.
15d               
3
missingblakes @missingblakes
If you send me recipes, I’ll send you some back. That’s reciprocity.
16d               
6
missingblakes @missingblakes
“Nurse, I need an X-ray STAT!”
“X-rays are expected to be a $4.82 billion market by 2018.”
16d               
3
missingblakes @missingblakes
Dear ConAgra, I got sick after eating an expired jar of your Peter Pan Peanut Butter. Shouldn't it never grow old?
17d               
3
missingblakes @missingblakes
“Genghis, I want you to separate your Mongols intro three piles: keep, throw away and donate.” – tonight’s episode of Horders
17d               
1
missingblakes @missingblakes
@tweetcomedian Yeah, the post office is only for mailing ricin these days. Their ricin d'etre, if you will.
17d in reply to tweetcomedian               
missingblakes @missingblakes
I've run 100 meters in 25 seconds so I could do a marathon in 2.5 hours. That’s just math.
18d               
1
missingblakes @missingblakes
It’s a comfort to know that the government can’t read the thoughts of Chipotle burritos.
18d               
missingblakes @missingblakes
I know I’ve had too much caffeine when I start beginning other people’s sentences for them.
20d               
18
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